The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

[quote BunniesBunniesBunnies]**@AlloftheTime* 100 days is amazing, congrats! @Breathmiller* I know what you mean about overheating, though fortunately this is an anonymous space so I always feel comfortable sharing things here that I wouldn’t share in real life, I hope you feel the same😊[/quote]
Yes absolutely. And thank you bunnies for the reminder how good this thread is for that.

I wasn't thinking of here so much, more a conversation I had last week with someone when I was stressed that I wish I had been a little more guarded. I think it's about striking a balance with the right people and I went further with this person, or opened up a bit too much for my comfort zone. It's not the biggest deal but it just lead me to think that keeping my own counsel now and again is okay. I don't need to share every thought I have with everyone. I can have my game face on sometimes. And let things sit with me for a bit while I work them out.

By nature I can be a little secretive or restrained about certain things so that combined with previous failed attempts at AF resulted in me keeping my own counsel to see how I got on if that makes sense i like this. I suppose it comes back to finding balance in these things. But, that's what I would like to harness a little more, the idea of keeping some things in my own sphere til I work it out for me.

And this is great...
Success does breed success in my experience so am hoping I can maintain momentum
You're right, every time we all do a day successfully, or a tricky point in the week, or a social situation or celebration it feel to me like a high five to my sobriety and the success of that spurs me on that I can do this. It also makes me think that if I can do this then I can do anything! My younger self who wanted to get a hold on drinking but couldn't get last 5 o'clock any day of the week would be soooo impressed with 51 yesr old me who is nearly at 15 months alcohol free.

allofthetime i also wanted to say how amazing you are for stopping drinking after such a difficult time with everything going on for you. What an achievement.

This week is the hardest. Trucking on people and checking in . Day five ....

@Breathmiller

allofthetime i also wanted to say how amazing you are for stopping drinking after such a difficult time with everything going on for you. What an achievement.

Thank you - it’s strange as in a way having got out of a relationship with a fairly unpleasant person, moving area and losing some lovely people means I took stock of the important stuff in life. I have had some sad and very stressful days but overall I have drawn strength from every positive decision and action I have undertaken recently. Your comment about nit getting past 5 o’clock sounded so familiar to me!! All the stress about is it time yet? What drink is in the house? Do I need an excuse to walk to the shop? I really struggled on a few occasions but also knew I really did want to achieve this NOW not some vague time in the future. Very grateful to be able to post here and feel part of something bigger than just me.

@ChampooPapi

This week is the hardest. Trucking on people and checking in . Day five ....

Please don’t weep for too long - five days under your belt and hopefully a renewed sense of purpose is how you are feeling. Take care and be kind to yourself.

Congratulations @AlloftheTime on 100 days. @Gracie70 for your week and bubble of happiness.

In response to the sharing comments that have been made, I find this an interesting topic because I used to avoid sharing anything and just try to push my thoughts and feelings down. I have realised however that it was causing me a lot more harm than good and have been attempting to share a bit more. More importantly I think is that I wasn’t acknowledging my own thoughts and feelings which I am now trying to do. @Breathmiller I think this is different for you as you seem to be acknowledging the thoughts and feelings, am I correct in my understanding?

Congratulations @AlloftheTime. 100days is amazing and especially given your challenging year. Well done!
@BunniesBunniesBunnies, are you feeling any better or still blue?

@Adm1010. I think it’s great you are going to apologise to your friend. I know these things are hard to do, so wishing you all the best. It will be a weight off your mind I’m sure. I think these acts of self-growth are exactly what we are all meant to get out of sobriety, so good on you.

@ Sparklingwaterforme. I haven’t lost weight yet. This is a little disappointing but my own fault. I’ve been eating too many sweet treats and baking puddings, which I never let myself do before going sober. I know I can reduce this once I get it out my system. just find this a hard time of year for it. I keep trying to make the perfect crumble and I reckon I’d be half a stone lighter if I just abandoned the project..

Hang in there @ChampooPapi. You can do this. Keep posting. Early night when it really sucks. Day by day.

Today first night I sat down with a cup of herbal tea without thinking about wine. As I was drinking the tea I realised I couldn’t think of anything worse than drinking wine in this moment alone. No appetite for it whatsoever- does this mean I’m breaking the habit? I hope so. 14 days AF

Exitstrategist it sounds very much like you are on the way to breaking the habit!
I think the more of those little moments of AF contentment you have behind you the easier it will become to carry on. Also don’t forget you are breaking one habit but establishing another one and like any ‘newborn’ they require attention and plenty of care. Look at all the steps you take along the way whether they are comforting cuppas, AF drinks or any act of self care as nurturing and habit forming.

@iamyourequal it’s done and it felt good . The friend is male and very easy going in general and he basically said “all good “ grin] then we sent each other dad joke memes and normal service is resumed

@iamyourequal well done 👍

@Exitstrategist that’s great and I’m not minimising such an achievement … but be aware the voice can side swipe . It tends to creep and shout BOO when you least expect it! Be ready .

adm101 that's great. Bet he appreciated it even though he made light of it. I wonder if it's one of these things that has played on your mind more than his?

exitstrategist that's so good. Yes, i get that too, I don't really ever fancy an alcoholic drink anymore, mostly it doesn't enter my head but I do really fancy a cup of tea. Or a cold glass of pepsi with ice and lime at the weekend.
I like what alloftime said about us not only stopping old habits but creating new ones. It feels quite a positive outlook.

Kindtomyself I've been mulling over what you asked. I suppose I do recognise how I'm feeling and want to figure out how to help it. I suppose it's a big part of my work. And I do believe that communication and honesty is important, being able to recognise feelings.
I suppose I just feel I could do with , sometimes, just sometimes sitting with something internally more. I tend to be a chatterbox anyway in life and sometimes I think, in the lightest way possible, I just need to STFU. 😁
It came from me being out of sorts last week and speaking to someone about a difficult situation. It ended up with a bit of a bleurghhh of anxious word vomit all over her and I regret it. I was probably having a bit of a rant and she was the wrong person to do that with. I should have held back and kept my anxious outpourings for dh who recognises that it was just a rant that I needed to get out, given a "there there" hug and move on. Whereas now this person wants to meet to talk about the difficult situation and fix it. (She's my tutor and mentor and the situation affects my course). And I would rather not go over it again. And I certainly don't need her to try to fix it as I think it will make it worse. So, yes, you're right it's not goid to bottle things up but there has to be a balance of keeping one's own counsel sometimes so things aren't made bigger than they are.

@AlloftheTime and @iamyourequal I'm certainly hanging! I estimate another week before I feel vaguely normal again, it takes so much out of me, of all of us. I just want to be at that sweet spot of 60+ days, I felt so god dam good then! Onwards and upwards.

Checking in 🙌

@Breathmiller it’s definitely played on my mind . I was so horrible . I literally had him in front of me and he was just gold fishing at me as I tore a shred off him , I can be a right cow! Then he cried . I don’t think I’ve ever made a man cry . The guilt was terrible .

champoopapi you're doing great. I think because you had such a long time AF before this little blip that it might take you so much less time to hit that sweet spot. You're not starting from scratch again. You have all these AF days behind you that are supporting you. I know it's great to count days and tick them off and I also restarted my count when I drank again before this period of abstinence (but I had a much longer and heavier fall from grace) but I think in time you'll be able to look at it as you started over 100 days ago or whatever that is in months and your blip will become smaller and smaller and more insignificant.

The 18 months I did a few years ago, I had a (planned) blip on Christmas day but I still see it as a good long period of being AF.

@ChampooPapi onwards and upwards indeed!
Hope you feel better by the end of the day 👍

[quote Adm1010]@Breathmiller it’s definitely played on my mind . I was so horrible . I literally had him in front of me and he was just gold fishing at me as I tore a shred off him , I can be a right cow! Then he cried . I don’t think I’ve ever made a man cry . The guilt was terrible .[/quote]
I'm glad it has been resolved. Does it feel a bit lighter now?

@Breathmiller it does . It was not one of my finest moments!

Not your finest moment @Adm1010 but if that’s the worst you’ve done drunk I think you’re okay😂 Sorry, I don’t mean to make light of the situation, but your friend has forgiven you and now it’s time for you to forgive yourself💪

I had a long list of apologies to make, but in terms of forgiveness the toughest nut to crack was forgiving myself. That took a while but I think I’ve managed it now. I still look back sometimes and think “oh dear…” but I don’t actively hate myself anymore for the things I did and said. I sort of had to accept I was not perfect and be okay with that. STAYING sober is a really important part of that I think, that way you can show yourself and others that your apologies are not just empty words, you’ve made a meaningful change to improve yourself. Big hug to you!

@iamyourequal so kind of you to ask after me, I’m still quite blue but now more of a baby blue rather than a navy blue. Slowly edging towards “duck egg” or whatever wanky name that super-light-blue-basically-white colour has😂

@BunniesBunniesBunnies I was sober but hungover badly and it was in work .

It’s just been tucked away in the brain fog that’s now lifted

And Thankyou . I’m working on the self forgiveness . You’re right that’s the hard one . I’ve not really touched on a lot of stuff yet