The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

Quick check in ! Busy but nice day today . Finished some Christmas shopping . Had lunch out . Saw my eldest son and FaceTimed my middle son . Feet up now with the promise of cheese on toast if I get hungry later!

Alcohol has popped in my brain a few times as I associate alcohol with good days as well as bad but I’ve told the voice to jog on a few times

Welcome @Formel! Going alcohol free was such a relief for me after many failed attempts at moderation. Moderation does nothing for me but take up headspace and make me feel like a big fat failure.

Sounds like a lovely day @Adm1010 (I want cheese on toast now!)

My brain is still being a massive d*%ck and I’m feeling still very low. I have a nice day at work planned tomorrow so I hope that will cheer me up. It won’t fix my issues but it will be nice taking my mind off personal matters for a bit.

@Formel welcome! I get what you mean about drinking more when you think about giving up, well done on a booze free shop and here's to being AF

I am just over 6 weeks now. I have had back to back colds but never mind. Got super into yoga and healthy eating as the drink isn't sucking away all my time and energy

Recently had some awful dreams though. Had a lot more dreamy sleep anyway since giving up but had nightmares that I am drinking (notably though I got halfway through my glass in the dream and poured it away) and then one last night about my dad, who was also an alcoholic who passed away a few years ago. It was a really upsetting dream

That sounds horrible Sunflowers, hope you get some good rest tonight.

I'm cooking while DP does bedtime, which is when I usually start on the wine. Having been cheerful and positive about the prospect of being AF I now REALLY want one but it's just habit so I'm making some tea instead. And posting on here.

Hi @Formel good decision and good place to get support.
Take care all

Evening @ChampooPapi how did your day go?

Sorry your still feeling low bunnies I hope tomorrow helps to shift it a bit.

I feel much better, like a switch has been flicked. One of the situations that was causing me grief, I made a conscious decision to not let it get to me. I have thought of it similarly to the drinking conversation. "Shall I have a drink or not tonight?" " you don't drink!" " oh yeah, neither I do" and move on.
"Oh here's this challenging person coming into your thoughts " " but you dont let that bother you now remember?" " oh yeah, neither I do" and move on. It's made me laugh at myself thinking it could work. But it is working. Strangest thing ever.

sunflowers drinking dreams are weird, I haven't had one for a while but in my earlier months I had a dream I was drinking and I stopped halfway through because I would have had to come on here and say I had been drinking. I liked that you were all there even in my dreams stopping me from drinking.

The one about your dad must have been unsettling, I'm sorry you had that. My beloved grandad (who partly brought me up, more like my dad than my absent dad), was an alcoholic and I often wonder what he would make of me not drinking. But I choose to believe that wherever he is he is proud of me for actively trying not to go down the same path. Realistically I know that he would probably be perplexed and think it was unnecessary and not understand but I have decided that somewhere deep down he would be pleased I wasn't filling myself with the same poison that he did.

Evening all, checking in here after having a completely AF October and determined to carry on. I'll spend some time reading past posts and sit quietly for now if you don't mind x

Littlemiss well done! Make as much noise ( or not) as you like here, whatever works for you ✅

Fantastic litlemiss well done on doing October AF. Welcome to the thread. All welcome whether you post daily, hourly weekly or not at all.
It's one of the things I love is not only seeing the changes in us all as we support each other but knowing that for everyone who posts there are more that must be reading and either quietly getting on with being AF in their lives or at least reading and a seed has been set that starts a chain of thought.

I was a serial lurker on mumsnet for about 10 years before I started posting. I got so much out if it then and now.

Hi all hope everyone's doing ok.. just a quick question! I have cut out the wine and all of those calories, am drinking sparkling water green tea etc and snacking less. My weight has stayed the same!! How unfair 😭🤣 has anyone found this and then it started dropping off!?

Sparklingwaterforme I feel your pain as I also was expecting a significant weight loss when I went AF but 2 months down the line I'm still waiting. However I've lost a bit through dieting and I suppose I'm better at sticking to it now I'm not drunk scoffing and hungover comfort eating. Stick with it I'm sure it will start to shift. I was also hoping for a lower blood pressure reading since I've not been drinking but that also has stayed the same!! Im not complaining though as I feel great not drinking and reading everyone's love and support on here makes all the difference to wanting to stay AF.

Yep no significant weight loss here either

Slept badly last night and can’t blame booze , just one of those things really . Anyway I came to a decision whilst tossing and turning , I have a lot of guilt around a particular friend , over the way I’ve treated them . I was a terrible person and then made it out to be there fault . Our relationship is very complicated and my feelings towards them are complex. I’m going to apologise today , and explain my behaviour . It’s not easy but it needs doing

Morning all. @adm1010 that’s really brave of you, good luck.

Definitely no weight loss here- eating a lot more especially in the evening. Hectic new job started. Baby awake from 1 to 3am. I am exhausted but thankfully not hungover.

Good luck @Adm1010, I had a lot of apologies to make when I quit drinking. It’s a cathartic thing to do. Hope your friend accepts the apology (mine did)

@Kindtomyself the guilt is terrible . I really kicked them when they were down . They suffer from lack of confidence and low self esteem to the point they are now receiving therapy …. And at a low point earlier in the year when I perceived a slight from them and I was hungover , I attacked them verbally and was really vicious. I made them cry . Then I minimised it and never really apologised . Instead I made it out they had upset me ! Awful!! And with the clarity of being sober I can see my behaviour for what it was

Thankyou @BunniesBunniesBunnies I’m glad you’re friend did x

@Adm1010 don’t forget to practice self compassion though

Today is my 100 day mark which means my last drink was at the end of July. I’m quite chuffed about it as I didn’t find it easy in the early weeks. Waking up clearheaded every morning is an ongoing pleasure which I try to acknowledge to myself as I am keen to avoid complacency.
I have not yet properly addressed my eating habits which have veered to sweet things and to snacks far too often recently. I am supporting a close family member through a breakup & house move which keeps me busy but means a lack of routine in mealtimes etc. I’m focussing on getting as many AF days behind me and making small adjustments to my sugar consumption. As I live alone and have not confided to anyone irl about being AF you are all my sounding board and support mechanism rolled into one!
I’ve done a few family occasions (designated driver) and a birthday AF and feel stronger every time I manage it.
Having tried several times to kick this demon and not succeeded beyond a dry January or two I now realise my mindset plus this thread is working for me.

Thank you everyone for posting your stories and all the ups and downs of your journey, it makes such a difference- I shall have a glass of zerocecco later 👍

Hi all. So sorry for not being active on here. But just wanted to say that it’s more than a week since I had a drink. Your kind words really have stuck with me - especially the part about self care.
Anyway, I have a little bubble of happiness and I’m going to protect that feeling with everything that I’ve got.

allofthetime that's amazing!! Congratulations on your 100 days!! 🎉🌟
Great post as well. You're right about the mornings, I have been tired recently and a bit resistant to getting up early (post covid, menopause, over worked, blah blah blah) and I was thinking that it seemed unfair as I don't drink so surely I should be waking up bright eyed and bushy tailed every morning. But your post made me remember exactly what it was like to wake up with that underlying hangover all the time and then the humdingers of a hangover when I'd really over done it. And it made me realise I'm not nearly as bad in the mornings as I was when I drank.

Just out of interest (and no need to answer) do you think you will tell people at some point? Or just let it become a habit that they realise down the line that you don't drink?

I ask because I'm a bit guilty of wearing my heart on my sleeve and I have made a decision last week not to be so over sharing. Some things are okay to keep to myself. My thoughts being that if I talk about something that's causing me difficulties too much it gives it oxygen. I am impressed that you have just quietly got on with a challenge such as this without the need to discuss it outside this thread.

I'd quite like to have that strength about a situation I am dealing with. Just quietly getting on with it in my head. Keep my own counsel a bit and not over share all my fears about it.

@AlloftheTime 100 days is amazing, congrats! @Breathmiller I know what you mean about overheating, though fortunately this is an anonymous space so I always feel comfortable sharing things here that I wouldn’t share in real life, I hope you feel the same😊

Thank you for your response breathmiller it’s very heartening to read your words. By nature I can be a little secretive or restrained about certain things so that combined with previous failed attempts at AF resulted in me keeping my own counsel to see how I got on if that makes sense. Having had a rnarriage breakdown, moved area and several close bereavements in the last year or so I have been emotionally drained and a drink was my ‘comfort’ or ‘reward’ for coping with life. Of course it was no friend at all and I determined to myself if I could cope with everything else thrown at me in my sixties I could do it AF even better. I also wanted to feel healthier and increase my energy levels as when you see people die before time it reinforces how precious active life is.

I have not made a definite decision about telling people yet - COVID has meant that many usual events and celebrations have been curtailed or cancelled which means I have not had to explain myself really!
Christmas will be free he time it becomes obvious so I am thinking about how to deal with that. Success does breed success in my experience so am hoping I can maintain momentum.