The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

@Breathmiller

champoopapi don't feel disappointed. Feel good that you did 100 days, that's amazing. And feel good that when you decided to drink again for whatever reason, it didn't take long for you to realise that it wasn't for you. It was another step in your long term sobriety. I know I don't speak just for myself but you're not the only one to do this.

I did a dry january or a dry November for a good few years. And always went back to drinking. I've done 18 months before. Then went back to drinking. Then the last time I was on a dry January thread on here that went on to February I went back to drinking. I could look at it as I failed or believe I can't do this long term but I now see what a great learning curve that was. It showed how much drinking is not for me. I think without these moments of drinking again I would have had a niggling thought that I may have been AF for years and years but somewhere deep down I would believe that meant I could moderate. Whereas, these moments just reiterated to me that not only am I shit at moderating, I dont enjoy drinking. These moments helped me be sober.

So, accept it, thank it for the lesson and move on in a way that you want to live your life.

And welcome back. 😊

What a gorgeous uplifting response 😊

@ChampooPapi posting as a handhold - others have framed it well and Breathmiller was spot on. We started out here at nearly the same time and I am conscious of how much you have going on in your life and hope you don’t judge yourself too harshly over this. Please take some deep breaths, gather yours thoughts and pull your big girl pants up!
Well done on posting here and being so honest x

@ChampooPapi. You are back here. Yah!
I know you feel so cross with yourself today, totally understandable. But maybe this was needed? It can be really hard when you have been sober weeks and weeks. You start to have wee niggles, little thoughts of ‘one night off’, ‘just once for fun’, ‘alcohol means so little to me now I can take it for this occasion only’. It sounds like have learned tonnes so far and even more from your slip up.

Now you know how it feels and you can use this experience to make informed decisions in the future when the circumstances next arise. Slip ups happen to most people when they quit. They really do help make us stronger. You have achieved so much so far and it’s only the start. I reckon you will be in a much stronger place to cope with the festive season now. You had a drink, you feel awful about it and you regret doing it. This will help you say no next time. Go easy and have a nice quiet night tonight.

Hi @SparklingLime. Just re-read today’s posts catching up. Do you mean you are day one too?

Yes @iamyourequal. My trigger is being miserable and lonely which leads to fuckit. I wasn’t having cravings at all.

Sorry sparklinglime I missed that.

Sorry to hear you are feeling sad and lonely. All that advocate everyone is giving to champoopapi is for you too. Or anyone on this thread.

Is there a particular time or day of the week you find hardest? Maybe some people have suggestions to help you get through these difficult points?
And of course, we are always here if you need to talk.

Advice- not advocate

Oh @SparklingLime. Thats rotten, I’m really sorry to hear you’re feeling so down. Please post on here if you feel like that and we can try to help. This is a bad time of year for you isn’t it? If I remember right from your previous posts. How are you feeling today?
The ‘f@ck-it’ feeling of self sabotage can come on pretty quickly, eh. I get that too. Are you getting any help or counseling?

Hugs for @SparklingLime xxx

Hello everyone!

Just wanted to check in. It's been 3 weeks now, but it feels like forever since I last had a drink. Does anyone else feel like this? How is is only 3 weeks?

I'm still feeling really strong and determind with it. I have dropped a dress size, my face just looks... Different. I feel healthier and stronger than I have for a long time. I've still been cycling and playing tennis and cooking healthy food to keep myself busy in free time when I would have drank, which has helped. It's made me realise how much alcohol actually cost me.

So, on the one hand, I feel great. But on the other hand, I'm starting to get this creeping anxiety and sense of feeling a little... Lost? When I imagine the rest of my life, and consider never having another drink, it makes me feel weirdly scared. I keep having anxiety dreams about going out with various groups of people that I know and then suddenly remembering that I don't drink anymore and everyone is pressuring me and I feel really anxious and tense and overwhelmed and wake up feeling stressed. (Although also weirdly proud of myself that even in my dreams I'm determined not to drink! )

I suppose I feel like I don't really have many friendships that don't involve alcohol - I literally have 1 fairly new friend who doesn't drink MUCH (although does occasionally, so it's not like we are in the same boat and have quit. She just was never a big drinker for cultural reasons) - and I feel like I'm losing

1. the activity I used to do with literally all my friends
2. the one tool that stopped me feeling shy or anxious and made me feel confident and
3. the thing that made most people like me in the first place? And
4. the part of my identity that I felt most confident with.

Does/did anyone else have similar anxieties? How did it work out? Did you manage to keep your pre-quitting friendships? Were new friends put off by your not drinking? Does it help to be honest about your reasons for quitting (a brief summary, as in "I have issues with alcohol so don't drink anymore")? Or is that TMI for a lot of people? I just don't know how to navigate this socially because I don't know anyone who doesn't drink!

I honestly still have no desire to drink again. But it's the social side that's worrying me I suppose. And the stress dreams are weird!

Thank you so much for your responses and support @AlloftheTime and @iamyourequal, I read them this morning because I went to bed with one of the worst hangovers of my life at 7pm. I know I'm not very active on the thread because of my day to day with uni and my four children but I read it e dry day and I know that I would not have reached 100 days without it. @blondystrying I agree about Breathmiller post , it was a chink of positivity that broke through in my terrible self loathing catastrophising state yesterday. I am determined to stay alcohol free over Christmas now when originally I was only going to do 150 days, after last night and the decisions I made and the terribleness of yesterday I just need to not drink period. I will still count the days but this is my new normal now.

Checking in for day 2 🙌

Good to hear @ChampooPapi!
Please be kind to yourself - I looked out for you checking in however briefly on my daily visits here. I greatly admire your determination and as I graduated the year I was 40 I have an idea of how busy your life is. This is just another step on the road to your goal and will probably provide insights about your triggers.

Everyone here is rooting for you so look at today only for now and tell us if there is anything we can do to support you.
👍

@ChampooPapi I hope the early night helped and you’re feeling a little better. We all make mistakes. Onwards and upwards!!! I had my first alcohol free Christmas last year, it was the best🤩 You can do it👍

Welcome namachamged .
I think everyone has fears about the bigger picture and I would say 3 weeks in is one of these danger points where you start to question lots of scenarios. Just remember it's your brain trying to trick you into drinking again.
When I have had these moments, mine used to be around how would I manage Christmas, or a big celebration or like you a particular group of friends, I just took it back to today. Don't project forward too much, it can feel too big and too scary. All you need to focus on is not drinking today. If not drinking today makes you feel much better about yourself in the here and now then you can guarantee it will in these future scenarios too. Any friend who only likes you because you drink or when you are drunk is no friend. And I'm sure it's not why they like you. Maybe, just maybe one or more of them will be inspired by you and be glad of an opportunity to meet uo away from the drinking culture. If you feel you can manage it then you can still meet up while they drink and you dont. Think of it as they are lucky to have your company and your friendship. Makes no difference what liquid is in your glass.

Well done on day 2 champoopapi

Hosted the dinner party last night and surprise surprise nobody gave a shiny shit that I wasn’t drinking! Clearly my own anxieties!! My DH is DYING this morning. I am SO pleased I’m not hungover today- literally no time in my life for it working 6 days a week with two little ones and a DH who is constantly travelling.

Congrats @ChampooPapi on day 2. I think you’re amazing for jumping straight back in. Your life sounds even more mental than mine so you just can’t afford the time for drinking and hangovers. Think about the huge sense of achievement when you get that degree x

exitstrategist well done on your AF party! It's such a great feeling when you get through these times that you feel will be tricky and turn out not be nearly as bad as you think. Massive congratulations.

Bloomin bottle of wine open after last nights dinner party. I was eyeing it up this evening- seriously considered it. Luckily DH said “there’s no open bottle of wine” and drank the remaining glass. If he had offered me some I think I would have had it. Just so much easier not to have it in the house- don’t know what Xmas will be like.

Well done for resisting @Exitstrategist! You’ll be stronger still at Christmas

Well done exitstrategist and good on MrExitstrategist on dealing with it the way he did.

If it happens again and he's not around throw it down the sink. I know it feels a waste but better 'wasted' down the sink than down your throat. I've done that with wine leftover from a party. It was like ripping off a plaster, saw it, for a moment thought I could drink it then just quickly picked it up and poured it away. Like with your dh there now was no leftover bottle of wine to tempted by.

Hello everyone, may I join? I've done TAE a few times but not stayed AF yet. The longest I've managed was just over 2 months. I'm sick of it and I'm going to do myself real damage if I don't stop.

Welcome Formel
2 months is great. What's TAE?

Ahhh...The Alcohol Experiment?

Yes, the Alcohol Experiment. I found it helpful but it took me 4 efforts to get to 30 days at all! The 2 months was over summer 2020, and then I tried to 'moderate' instead, and then everyone else on this thread can probably write the entirely predictable end result of that. I've been thinking about stopping again for the last couple of months and that always seems to make me want to drink more - like a kid clutching a teddy bear really hard in case it gets taken away. So there was no booze in this week's shop and I'm going for day 1 today.