The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

@blondystrying I stopped on 4th Sept too!

Hi @Gracie70 definitely know hating yourself. I’m practicing (well trying…) self compassion at the moment. Join me in being kind to yourself

Thanks @Kindtomyself. Your username made me smile. That’s exactly what I/we need to do - you’re so right.

Rather late replies… Thanks for your kindness, @Nosilayak. I was a carer for DF and feel for you. I wouldn’t want to try to rebuild those friendships, @iamyourequal, but I get what you’re saying.

@Exitstrategist, your posts are helpful because you share your experiences which others are bound to identify with. There’s no need to be explicitly supportive of others when you are head down and powering through the early stages (or ever ). Sharing is helpful and valid in itself.

Welcome to newbies!

@Adm1010 if you managed two years before you can definitely do it! You don’t have any other choice. What were the signs that your liver was affected by the alcohol?
Wow another amazing night sleep last night. Also my days are longer! Usually would drink which would make me so tired that I would stumble into bed around 9.30. My DH says I’m bad company as go to bed too early or fall asleep watching Netflix. I was up until 11pm last night and slept through until 7am this morning and again felt rested. This is such a big deal for me as this has not happened for years upon years. Just that alone is enough to spur me on. Also I was sending off a form today with a passport photo taken a month ago. I honestly can barely recognise myself in it- look 10 years older, dead eyes, skin dehydrated and grey. I won’t be winning miss world anytime soon however my skin and eyes look a hell of a lot better now. On on folks

I'm so stupid I didn't associate my terrible lack of sleep to drink! I could get to sleep but couldn't stay asleep and never went more than 40 mins without waking up. I now sleep from 11 to 6 which for that reason alone makes me never want to drink again. Here's to everyone feeling the benefits of being AF - so many great reasons to be free from the shackles of booze

@Exitstrategist I had no real symptoms to be honest . After a large binge I had a dull ache right upper quadrant but that’s about it . Symptoms of liver disease don’t present generally until end stages . It’s a silent killer . Fibro scanning is now catching people at the asymptotic reversible stage which is great news

Evening all. Sorry I’ve been quiet I’ve been having a hard time. I am still solo parenting all week so super busy and dealing with A LOT of life sh1t to put it bluntly.

Honestly, the only reasons I haven’t drank are that I’m alone Mon-Fri so wouldn’t ever forgive myself if one of the babies needed A&E & I couldn’t drive and I’m co-sleeping with the baby trying to get her to sleep more than 2hrs at a time and wouldn’t put her at risk.

I would have definitely drank in the last 7 days if DH was home and the baby started sleeping. I was very very close to having a gin tonight but haven’t drank much water today and tonight I won’t want to be dehydrated and up drinking water and peeing all night on top of a crap sleeping baby.

Life really is challenging me at the moment.

I’ve had a quick read over all the missed posts and something @Sparklingwaterforme stood out. When you mentioned staying up to have another glass of wine just for the sake of it. Every bloody time. It’s like I couldn’t not finish the bottle. Convinced myself it’s too relax but what would have been more relaxing than just going to bed and going to sleep a bit earlier. Madness.

My Facebook memories showed a status about 7 years ago with me wondering how much of my life I have spent hungover. Too much.

Anyway, hope you’re all well. I feel like crap, look like crap, still not sleeping, still eating too much sugar and I’m glad I don’t have any wine in the house!

Hi everyone and a warm welcome to @Sparklingwaterforme and @Gracie70. I think you are in similar boat to me Gracie. I gave up all summer 2020 then tried to moderate and had it creep back up on me. It’s actually a blessed relief to be AF again isn’t it?!
@StoppedWineIng. It sounds like you really are having a trying week. The lack of sleep must be making all your issues so much worse. Do you have any support nearby who could help you get a rest? Will you get a catch up at weekend when DH is home?
I know it’s hard but just try and focus-when you get a craving - on how you would feel afterwards. Will it be worth it? I have a (possibility pretty silly rule) that I can have a drink if I really think it’s a good idea, but I must make the decision a day in advance. I know this works out the same as the AA ‘not today’ rule, but in my head it’s my rule and seems a better one. Also, when I take a right wobble I put all the action plan in place, including writing lists and letters to myself, looking at affirmations I’ve written before, reading sober articles. The most helpful thing I find is Annie Grace podcasts, as she puts the whole thing in such a positive light that it makes me want to stay part of it and helps me regain focus.

I can’t remember all your circumstances, but I think you changed from ‘stopping’ to ‘stopped’? You made a commitment to do this because you know you are capable of it. Stay strong , keep posting for support and give yourself another treat for doing so well.

@blondystrying, good to hear you are doing so well.

I’m having an ok week, all the better as I’ve been told to work from home tomorrow when I thought I’d be in the office. Went for a swim today and feel very positive for it. I cooked, visited my mum, ran errands and helped DC with homework. I didn’t have any cravings and , I know this is weird but when I was prepping dinner last night I had a craving for…..an AF beer, so had one. I enjoyed it as if it was a naughty treat. I think it’s taken on some kind of placebo effect.l I hope this strong spell lasts as I know it’s a fragile thing.

Take care everyone.

Morning everyone.
I feel so much better today. Really proud of my decision now. Thankfully I hadn’t gone back to the place where I was drinking daily - that was a bad dark place - but it could have happened.
My partner doesn’t drink at all, so I’ve told him that I’ve reached the point where I now believe that drinking serves me no purpose at all. He has my back.
So, today I’m feeling positive and upbeat.
Thank you for allowing me to join. Hope that I can start to contribute more soon.
Thanks for the inspiration too!

That’s fantastic, @Gracie70!

@iamyourequal thank you. I don’t get a break during the week, my 2yo goes to nursery 3 days a week but I don’t get a break from the baby. Also have a few other things going on with family illness and issues with pets that are meaning I literally don’t get a second to myself.

I can try and catch up when DH is home but baby is breastfed so I rarely get more than a couple of hours in bed. I can’t remember the last time I slept for more than 2 hours in a row.

Last night was awful, baby had a temp all night and was crying every half hour.

I do have friends I can vent to IRL which helps. Everyone that could help me works, is poorly or has their own babies/issues.

Just popping on the threat to give a massive thumbs up to @StopWineIng for not drinking in such challenging circumstances. Great job👍

I remember well the horrors of non sleeping babies, and never getting a break when you’re breastfeeding. Sometimes my partner would take over at about 7pm and do an evening feed (does your baby take a bottle of expressed milk or formula?), that way I could at least get about 5 hours sleep before the next feed. Even if your baby doesn’t take the bottle having your DH at home will help in other ways I’m sure. You’re doing an amazing job, just hang in there, it does get easier (my children are older now)

@iamyourequal an AF beer as a naughty treat😂😂😂 I am exactly the same😂😂😂 We do know how to party, don’t we?!!😂

Just checking in.

Welcome to all the newbies and the little snippets I've read ss I've been going about have been so great to see the support continuing.

I'm going to go back and catch up now on the thread.

Thanks for the Granny good wishes everyone. A wee bit early but home now and all doing well. It is THEE best feeling in the world.

@Breathmiller so very lovely to hear all are doing well

@BunniesBunniesBunnies. We do indeed, the partying spirit never leaves…lol
Great baby is home @Breathmiller.
I had a big post and lost it before I could post. I’m adamant it the black coloured adverts on the site. The box I’m writing in goes all black and unresponsive then I lose everything. I don’t have the will to retype on this silly wee phone so hello & goodbye all. And @StoppedWineIng I hope you all get a better sleep tonight. I remember the torture of constant night feeds.

Wow has this resonated with me tonight. Drinking has not been pleasurable for me if I’m honest for a long long time

Checking in - dry birthday done ✅
Saw ‘Respect’ the film about Aretha Franklin’s life and had no idea the impact alcohol had on her, her work and her family.

Stay strong

@Exitstrategist that resonates with me as well.

@AlloftheTime well done on the dry birthday! Hope it was fun.

I’m feeling really low all of the sudden.

I’ve had a crazy month with work and lots of other stuff going on so I guess I’m just exhausted. That’s okay, but I really struggle to regulate my mood. I’m like this: fine, fine, fine, EXPLODE😖😖😖🤯🤯🤯 It’s really hard work for me and my family😭

I should say it happens A LOT less since I don’t drink anymore (indeed I was surprised it happens, it rarely happens now) but I am so disappointed in myself when it happens. Why can’t I get a grip on my emotions, even now I’m sober😭😭😭 I’ve been trying to address this part of myself for years and I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere.

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to let it out in a safe place.

Keen to hear if anyone else experienced extreme mood swings and how they deal with them.

Bunnies sorry to hear your feeling low and experiencing that swing of emotions. I have been too. It's why I was quiet this last week. I put mine down to the menopause and a mirena coil that I am getting taken out soon.

It's horrible to be at the mercy of your emotions. I even had a crisis of faith in my yoga practice. But I am back to work now this week after being ill and I have reminded myself how powerful it is.

But also saw how so many people are living with difficult emotions at the moment. I think there is a collective stress as we come out of a very strange and difficult few years and still are going through it. And I think we have to cut ourselves some slack.

One thing I know (even though the question came up in the last week) I just wholeheartedly KNOW that alcohol would not make me feel better. It used to mask these feelings and I still feel that I have to find coping mechanisms, healthy coping mechanisms to get through them. Before I used to drink which seemed great at the time but it just built up more difficult emotions further down the line.

When I was teaching last night - a lovely quiet nourishing, nurturing practice (because that's all I've got energy for at the moment) a new student burst into tears. You could physically see the practice releasing something in her. And it reminded me that when we hold things tightly, when we cover over our feelings with whatever, alcohol or other things, when we do let go of that it can be messier. And like the text above from a PP we have to find other ways to help. But it's messy before it gets better. This student obviously has a lot going on and she came to yoga to do something to feel better. But once she started to let go of holding on to whatever it eas she was holding on to, it was messy crying and painful. But she said afterwards that she felt a total release and felt better, like she had just shed something.

So, all this warbling, i suppose I'm thinking that we held on to our emotions, or we pushed them down with alcohol before. And now we have stopped that it's like the floodgates have opened and sometimes we have to go through the messiness of the emotions before we can release them and move on.

I hope you feel better soon. My teacher advised me to cancel my classes and all my work this week but actually the opposite helped. Getting back in to doing what I love, although physically it has been exhausting it has filled up my energy again. I do think we need to do something, whether it's our job, or a hobby, running or reading or whatever, drawing, singing, we need to regularly do something that feeds our soul. And that's hard when you have a family and work and home. But, I've been reminded this week how doing what I love isn't an extra thing to fit in, it's the thing that feeds me and gives me energy to do all the other things. It's my lifebelt, and I need to make sure I have my lifebelt on before I can look after everyone else. It's not an after thought that I fit in around all the crap stuff. It IS the lifeblood that I need to do first. Without it I'm neither use nor ornament.

Thanks for your reply @Breathmiller, sorry you had a tough week and I’m glad you’re starting to feel better now. How special as well that one of your students felt comfortable enough to cry in your class, she must have needed that.

Not sure what’s going on with me, I don’t think it’s pandemic related or anything like that (my mental health has actually vastly improved during the last two years, partly due to giving up drinking!). I think it’s just sheer exhaustion from having had a really challenging month. I just wish I could process and express that like a normal person😭

At least I’m grateful that I didn’t feel the urge to drink, it’s just not something I crave anymore (well, very rarely). Like you say it would only make things worse. I was however dying for a cigarette but I didn’t do that neither (I haven’t for a long time) so I guess I can be proud of that. Not much else to be proud of at the moment but I guess that’s something.

Thanks again for your kind words and I hope you continue to feel better.