Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Alcohol support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

999 replies

Breathmiller · 02/10/2021 18:47

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

OP posts:
SevenZebrasDancing · 25/10/2021 05:52

Morning all! Day 3 here and I have been re-reading the thread for inspiration. Which i have found in spades!

heading off on half term break. DH is working so just me and the Dcs. I usually find travel of any sort a trigger (and anything relating to daily life a trigger!). I have packed some AF beer for the arrival.

I hope everyone is well and fine and that @Nosilayak you manage to get a GP appointment.

greta4563 · 25/10/2021 06:46

Thank you for the lovely welcome.
I'm also off on holiday today, with AF beer and cider.
Did anyone read the thread about the alcoholic husband? the posts from children of alcoholics made me think.

Adm1010 · 25/10/2021 06:48

@SevenZebrasDancing identifying the triggers and expecting the voice is how to fight it . Imagine you are a Bond villain . When the voice starts … spin slowly on your chair , stroke your cat ( fnar Grin) and say “ ahhh witch , I’ve been expecting you “

SevenZebrasDancing · 25/10/2021 06:55

Grin @Adm1010 love it!

have a good trip @greta4563 and thanks for the headsup on the thread, I will look at it.

Kindtomyself · 25/10/2021 09:07

@Adm1010 I love the Bond villain. It’s perfect I’m going to use that one!

@SevenZebrasDancing & @greta4563 enjoy your breaks. Travelling & AF is my trigger too (one of them anyway Hmm) That’s a great plan to have AF drinks available. I haven’t seen the other thread but will have a look.

@blondystrying thanks for the uplifting post Grin

SandandFog · 25/10/2021 17:17

@Adm1010 thanks so much for the Bond villain image! That's helped me so much.

Just checked into a beautiful big lodge with friends and kids for half term. They mucked up our booking so gave us a big hamper thing. In it is 20 (!) cans of local G&T. I'm going to ask my husband to stick them somewhere. I've just made myself a lovely big coffee with the nice coffee they left and hope that fills the wine witch!

Exitstrategist · 25/10/2021 20:25

You are all such a lovely bunch here!
I’ve also been inspired to look for a therapist. I have a lot of stuff from my childhood to deal with- can anyone recommend a good one online? Obviously would help enormously if they were experts in addiction. I have looked at the “stately homes” thread and it was another wake up call.
I’ve just passed my witching hour which means I definitely won’t drink now. I was really triggered after I put kids to bed as it’s such a habit I was thinking about what wine I have in. Then I suddenly remembered “I’m not drinking”. For a few moments I was a bit morose and started making excuses but then remembered the “wine witch”. I then bought a wine costume on Amazon as a private joke and I am going to wear it to my kids school Halloween party. I may be the only parent in costume and probably the only one not drinking! Haha

SevenZebrasDancing · 26/10/2021 06:55

Morning!
@SandandFog that must have been a heck of a muckup with the booking! Good for you for redistributing the G&T.
@Exitstrategist I hope you find a therapist you like.
We are in a really lovely little B&B with the most comfortable beds ever. Today we have some museum trips planned and a visit to a park. It's taken me years longer than it ought to realise that my older DS can only cope with a morning of activities and then needs to chill right out and zone out for the afternoon. (He has ASD). So we arrived yesterday, settled in then went to lunch and Costa coffee for the wifi. I'm doing fine at the moment although had some wobbles at lunch. I amused myself by adding up what I would have spent on booze and offsetting it against what i spent on soft drinks. It was well over £25 taking pizza restauarant wine prices into account! I have a dedicated savings account where I squirrel money away for days out and holidays so at the end of our week I plan to transfer any savings over that for enjoying another day!

Kindtomyself · 26/10/2021 07:02

Morning. A wine costume sounds interesting @Exitstrategist I’d like to see thatGrin. Keep us posted on the school hallowe’en party…sounds like something from Motherland.(recommend watching if you’ve not seen it..v funny I thought particularly series 1, not too sure about series 3).
A friend recommended a good online therapist but I’ve not used them- I’ll find out info for you. R.A.I.N by Tara Brach is a great meditation practice as recommended by @Breathmiller. Have a look at her website www.Tara brach.com. I don’t know your childhood history but I found the book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker incredibly helpful to understand why I was reacting in certain ways.

Kindtomyself · 26/10/2021 07:10

@SevenZebrasDancing have a lovely time today. Great idea to work out what you have saved. I keep buying myself things so actually spending more than I’m saving Blush. I think I’m just more interested in looking and feeling nice now (that’s my excuse Hmm). It’s interesting that you say it’s taken a while to realise that your eldest DS needs chill out time. I’m slowly starting to notice how important it is for everyone to relax. I’m always packing loads of stuff in and feeling crap if anyone appears unhappy/bored but have realised that it’s important to have down time for lots of reasons.

@SandandFog enjoy your posh lodge and coffee. Well done for sorting out the wine witch!

Adm1010 · 26/10/2021 10:00

Morning!! Day off today but busy . My youngest has got his first driving lesson today … excited for him . Then he’s at a party tonight so I’ll be nail biting all night … but … I’ll be sober to drive if god forbid I’m needed !

ChampooPapi · 26/10/2021 14:40

Checking in 🙌

Sparklingwaterforme · 26/10/2021 20:24

Day 3 here, ok so far but struggling to fall sleep at night 🙄 hopefully as I'm so tired that will help tonight!! Feel like I've got more done this week already work wise but not sure if I have! Do have a headache though think I'm missing the sugar! Hope other newbies and everyone else are doing well!

Exitstrategist · 26/10/2021 20:47

Hey @Sparklingwaterforme just to let you know I am 9 days in and last night for the first time in years I had a deep sleep without any wake ups. 11pm- 7am it was amazing to actually feel rested and refreshed. So hang in there!

Sparklingwaterforme · 26/10/2021 21:13

@Exitstrategist

Hey *@Sparklingwaterforme* just to let you know I am 9 days in and last night for the first time in years I had a deep sleep without any wake ups. 11pm- 7am it was amazing to actually feel rested and refreshed. So hang in there!
Well that gives me hope thank you!! There is sleep in sight!
Kindtomyself · 27/10/2021 06:46

Morning all. Busy day today…I had a small moment yesterday, I’d been out with a great friend in the day and the kids, really enjoyed it then coming back I felt tired and fancied a drink when I got home to take the edge off, help me unwind…I managed to have a nice bath and a relax and felt much better Smile. It’s all new learning, not reaching for that crutch which I’ve been doing for years.

@Adm1010 how was your son’s driving lesson/party?

@Sparklingwaterforme sleeping gets much better, I am definitely sleeping much deeper. Your body is just adjusting

Adm1010 · 27/10/2021 08:35

@Kindtomyself he loved his lesson! Bless him . Party was fine thank god . He text a couple of times to say he was fine and let me know he was safe back at his mates house. I’ve picked him up this morning and he’s safe back at home now sleeping it off Grin

I’m now at work shattered before I start!

Kindtomyself · 27/10/2021 08:46

@adm1010 phew! That all sounds good. Glad it all went well, sorry to hear that you’re shattered….any consolation that I am too? I just can’t shake off an exhausted feeling, at least no headache although I do feel like it’s hanging around in the background ready to pounce…

Adm1010 · 27/10/2021 09:06

Misery loves company Grin but seriously sorry you are exhausted as well . Like wading through mud isn’t it !

The voice is side swiping me today … think my brain knows I am tired so I’m vulnerable!! It’s telling me I’m ok, I’ve proved I can stop and one won’t hurt . God will it ever end!!!

Exitstrategist · 27/10/2021 09:07

How long are you AF 1010? You seem like an old hand!

Adm1010 · 27/10/2021 09:23

@Exitstrategist I’m an old hand for sure as I’ve had periods of abstinence but relapsed . Longest period was 2 years abstinence . I’ve been dependant for twenty plus years . I have stage 2 liver fibrosis so I’m in the last chance saloon ! This period of abstinence is hopefully now long term and my last drink was 4th September .

blondystrying · 27/10/2021 10:22

[quote Adm1010]@Exitstrategist I’m an old hand for sure as I’ve had periods of abstinence but relapsed . Longest period was 2 years abstinence . I’ve been dependant for twenty plus years . I have stage 2 liver fibrosis so I’m in the last chance saloon ! This period of abstinence is hopefully now long term and my last drink was 4th September .[/quote]
My last drink was 4th September too - let's stay strong together xx

Gracie70 · 27/10/2021 10:27

Hi everyone. I want and need to join in. I went alcohol free at the start of the year - 4 months, but then started drinking again.
It’s not every day, but it’s ramping up and I keep having binges. It’s ridiculous.
I am so full of self hate it’s untrue.
So, I’m back on it. I don’t ever want to drink again. My partner doesn’t drink at all, so it’s should be easy? But it isn’t.
I have an amazing life and so much still to do. How sad is it, that I’m writing this aged 51.
But I am. I commit to joining you all (if you’ll have me?) and I so desperately want to be back at the same place that I was at the start of the year.

Adm1010 · 27/10/2021 10:37

@Gracie70 don’t hate yourself! Welcome and keep posting . X

Gracie70 · 27/10/2021 10:39

Thank you @adm1010