The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

Yay new people! Welcome!

@Adm1010 I also can’t see the point in one glass… which says it all really…

So I survived last night although 2am by the time I got home 😭 Fantastic not to be hungover today as prepping a big family lunch and two little kids running about. My friend was highly suspicious. I watched her drink 7 glasses of wine. She honestly wasn’t even that drunk after it!!! She admits she drinks 6-7 bottles wine at the weekend and then spends the rest of the week recovering. She has a busy job and lots of kids and quite a serious medical condition which means she’s on a hell of a lot of medication and will be for the rest of her life. She has put on 4 stone in two years. She is a Peter Pan character- still thinks it isn’t a good night out unless you get completely Trollied and vomit for a day after. By the end of the night I think she was seriously questioning how much she’s drinking and why. In fact I think me not drinking whilst it infuriated her at first gave her a bit of a wake up call. If not for her health she would do it to lose weight. Just made me think how much we are medicating ourselves as a first world country into basically just feeling numb. The fucking lies we are constantly being fed by mummy bloggers and tv shows that normalise and glamourise problem drinking. It’s making my blood boil. The pressure on people to drink to excess to have a good time and to basically fit in to what everyone else is doing and how defensive others get when you try to break the mould. I am looking forward to the numbness going away and actually starting to feel real feelings again like actual joy. When was the last time I felt pure joy?????? Day 7 for me today. Next week will be another challenge as DH working away snd this is what I used to love-
My secret drinking without any judgement (other than my own self loathing in the morning) My posts are horrible and I look back at them in dread. They are all me, me, me. I am so sorry right now I don’t have the energy to support any of the rest of you- forgive me for that and I will pay back. Nature of an addiction I guess- pure self centred ness

@Kindtomyself thanks Auntie! I'll pluck up the courage to ring them soon, I absolutely hate anything medical but even I realise the worry is often worse than actually getting the damn thing sorted out and facing up to it. I just hope they don't fob me off because the blood tests and ultrasound were OK. To the poster who said all their posts are "me me me" I think we all feel like that sometimes but everyone on here understands so carry on and put what you want. One day soon you'll feel in a position to support others I'm sure, but for now you have to look after yourself.

@Exitstrategist well done for another night AF - did you have a good time? What reason did you give Peter Pan for not drinking? I wonder whether this will be a wake up call for her…I have most definitely been self medicating with alcohol to feel numb but I ended up doing lots of crazy stuff and generally being a bit of a hopeless case and yes to try to fit the mould and be part of something. I am now dealing with my feelings and I can’t lie it’s hard work but you’ve just reminded me that I’m having positive ones too. I’m starting to find myself and enjoy the simple things such as hanging out with my kids, watching tv with them, listening to them . Your posts help me even though you may not think they do, It helps me to understand that others are going through similar processes and thoughts and I’m not alone so keep posting!

@Nosilayak glad you’re listening to your Auntie and that you are thinking of arranging another appointment (I’d like you to arrange it tomorrow but I am quite bossy and ultimately it’s up to you). I just want you to realise though that you have every right to see a GP, you’re in pain - it could be something completely different and not related to alcohol. Not saying that it’s anything bad but if you are in pain you deserve to feel better. It’s about self compassion and we should all practice that. It’s a lesson for all of us

Happy Sunday everyone! I’ve only had time to skim read the pages of this thread that have appeared since I was last here, but it sounds like everyone’s doing great.

@Breathmiller congratulations on becoming a grandma!

@Exitstrategist I feel the same about the glamorisation and normalisation of alcohol, it’s everywhere you look, and has suddenly becoming so obvious in everyday life. I’m dreading the run up to Christmas because all the adverts, tv programmes, bloggers, everything will be drenched in so much alcohol and that just makes being AF so much harder!

Day 54 for me. I wobbled on Friday night, could almost taste the wine thinking the usual of ‘you’ve proved you can quit when you want, so why not just one?’ Yawn. Had a nice big thirst quenching glass of cherry water with ice instead.

I finally joined the gym yesterday and want to start exercising early morning before the kids are up. Totally possible, and another brilliant reason for not drinking the night before. That and the money saved from not drinking covers the membership! I have visions of myself sloping off for an early morning swim on weekends and then sitting down for a nice coffee before heading home for the day with the kids…. Now I’ve just got to do it!

@Kindtomyself Noted thanks I need the straight talking

@Exitstrategist well done to you! How good you must feel today . The glamorisation is a big bug bear of mine . You don’t see people glamorously shooting heroin and smoking crack pipes on tv do you ?? It’s bollocks ang genuinely angers me that alcohol is shown in such a way.

Just on my lunch at work . Having an up and down weekend . Stressful in a way yesterday . But today someone has thanked me for “ saving there life “ I can’t divulge what I do but wanted to share that . It meant a lot to me .

@Adm1010 that's amazing to be told that. Whatever it is you do, keep doing it as you are obviously making a difference x

@Adm1010 wow you clearly have a very tough job but I hope being told that makes it worthwhile

@Kittenminion congratulations on Day 54 and for bashing the wine witch on Friday. Good on you too for joining the gym, keep us informed on your progression. I went to look round a gym recently and decided it was too loud . I think I need to stick to my yoga and running on the street for now although do fancy a swim in a nice pool.

I joined the work gym with good intentions . Did day 1 of couch to 5k and put my bloody back out!! Ah well . One thing at a time

Thanks for the welcome everyone. :)

I took the DCs swimming and am about to tackle the ironing. We are going away tomorrow and I am nervous as I need to swap my thoughts of 'Holidays- let's drink' to 'Holidays- let;s do coffee and cake!'.

@Adm1010 you are so so right about heroin not being glamorised as alcohol is. Your analogy made me think.

@Nosilayak I hope everything goes well.

I’m just going to have a moan. I’ve got a ‘big’ birthday in a few days, the week coincides with the first anniversary of my dad’s death, I’m estranged from my sister and lost a few friendships during the pandemic. So I’ve ended up almost entirely alone. I can’t comfort myself with cake/chocolate as I am four stone overweight and need to lose it due to liver issues. There’s more but it gets a bit outing. Not sure what the point of posting this is, but I have no one to tell irl.

@SparklingLime it’s better out than in . Keep posting x

@sparklinglime that sounds really tough. Can you treat yourself to something non-alcohol or food related? Go somewhere nice or buy something you wanted? But you are not alone, we are all here to celebrate with you

Sparkling moan away! That all sounds quite challenging.

Can we help to plan a fabulous day or evening for you? Your post got me thinking and I think I could have a rather lovely birthday by myself if I planned it right🙂 (Feel free to tell me to piss off, I realise not everyone would enjoy a solitary birthday).

And moan away if you need to, we are here to listen.

Thank you, comrades! I’m fine with skipping over a birthday, it’s just everything coming together. I’ve not worked for a while due to depression/anxiety and it’s just hit me in recent months how tiny my world is. I was doing voluntary work but that came to a natural end and I haven’t found anything else I can manage yet.

@SparklingLime

@SparklingLime you are never alone whilst you have us on here. I'm sorry to hear about you losing your dad and the anniversary that's so close to your special birthday. My world is pretty small too, I've not worked outside the home since becoming my husband's carer, so I understand how lonely life can feel.

Welcome @SevenZebrasDancing & @greta4563. Lovely to have you join us!

@Nosilayak. you must get a GP appointment if you are in pain. Log back on tomorrow to let us know you’ve booked it!
@SparklingLime. Are the ‘lost’ friendships from lock-down something you want to change, or is it for the best? I only ask as given all this time sober I’ve had to reflect on past, lost friendships, I’m wondering if it’s worth trying to rebuild on sometimes. And I think you are definitely deserving of cake on your birthday! You can focus on the healthy eating any other day, but not that one!

@Exitstrategist. Don’t be a dafty! Come on here and say whatever you need or want to say. This is the place to do it. I really appreciate everything everyone posts. It’s people coming on and being totally honest about stuff that helps the rest of us, especially those of us who don’t discuss all this with anyone in RL. Keep posting!

@Kittenminion, good on you joining the gym.I’ve been going to mine for very lazy yoga and gentle cycling. Once I get ok from the GP that my heart isn’t about to explode (yes, a little dramatic!) I will start something to get fit at it too.

Quiet day here, weekly shop, housework, taxi-ing kids, visiting elderly parents (who were considerate enough to tell me how dull and unsociable tee-totallers are!), telly & nice bath.

Oh, I was pleased with myself last night. We had a late dinner- a take away, and I was able to drive to get it at 10pm on a Saturday night. Felt VERY virtuous 👼. I might end up as one of those people doing their Tesco shop at midnight at this rate. Enjoy the rest of the weekend all.

Checking in 🙌

Can I join please!? I have read most of the thread and have spotted myself in the posts. I would say lockdown increased the drinking but honestly I think I’d been drinking more even before that. I like the idea of stopping completely, not sure how realistic it is so for now I’m just doing a day at a time and aiming for none this week.. I’m heading to bed soon with a green tea and a book rather than staying up for the sake of it so I can have more wine that I don’t need! Fingers crossed 🤞

@Sparklingwaterforme welcome!

@SparklingLime I totally agree with @iamyourequal btw, I think you should have a piece of cake on your birthday! You’ve got 364 days to say no to cake, but when it’s your birthday you should have what you like I think😀

Checking in day 90
Hello newbies good to hear you are onboard. Hi to everyone & sorry to hear about health issues for some of you.
Your stories and posts make me wince, smile and roll my eyes in equal measure!!
Would not have made it this far without you x

Hi everyone I don't post much but I do love to read all of the posts and it helps enormously with motivation. I'm 50 days AF tomorrow and I never thought in a million years I could get to this point. I was scared to tell my friends I was even thinking about doing it and now I feel so strong and just think - I'm not drinking anymore deal with it. So to all the newbies who are just starting their AF journey and are a bit scared and unsure just go for it!! I feel so strong now and brave and I'm not ashamed or worried what people think. I feel confident and sure of myself in that I've definitely made the right decision after being a heavy drinker for over 30 years. Sorry if I've gone on a bit much and sound a bit heavy I just basically wanted to say stuck with it as you'll never regret making the change xx