The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

Awe, thanks you guys! You are a lovely bunch indeed. I feel a lot better in myself just reading your kind posts.
@BunniesBunniesBunnies. I am not on any meds as I haven’t seen a GP about possible peri menopause before but I’ve been reading up on it and have tonnes of the symptoms. I’m going to try any drugs they will give me…lol.

@Kindtomyself. The feeling keep coming eh? I often get the impression seeing a therapist is good long term, but difficult in the short term. Let us all know how you get on.

@Adm1010. Think of everything you have already achieved. You don’t want to be in AF day 1 on Boxing Day with a hangover, nor do any of us. We all joined this thread because we saw with clarity that being AF forever is absolutely the best thing for us. You are right we can all romanticize. I can imagine sitting by the tree sipping a small peach schnapps and lemonade, but I know know from previous moderation attempts what will happen. By second week of January I’d probably be knocking back a stiff vodka on the fly in the kitchen on a Tuesday teatime, because the commute home had been a little stressful!

We can all do this and we have plenty time to get a solid plan in place by then. I’ve given away a nice bottle of champagne I had, before the little demon voices have a chance to start the Christmas chat on that one! Bye all. (And you don’t need to jump in now and post honest…lol)

@BunniesBunniesBunnies is funny indeed

@adm1010 that’s it get real. I think it’s easy to glamorise. I often think I’m in Sex and the City or Mad Men….then remember I’m not. Don’t go in an Oliver Bonas shop that sets me off with the glam glasses, actually I might buy myself a glam glass for my AF drinks…

@Exitstrategist I wrote a long message to you and then it just disappeared! In summary- bloody well done for last night. My response to big drinking buddy’s so far is ‘I’m really stressed and have been using alcohol to self medicate’

@Iamyourequal I've been a bit quieter this week and tried not to post as much as I felt like I'd gone on and on about my health worries and situation at home the other week and people must be sick of me. At the end of the day this thread is all about us supporting each other and we have to post stuff to be able to do that. I hope you get sorted with your bloods. I still don't feel well, I have terrible backache and I watched a programme on pancreatic cancer the other week and have now convinced myself that's what I've got. I never worried about my health before, drank and ate whatever I wanted but since going AF I'm getting obsessed, maybe I've woken up to things. Anyway, wishing everyone a nice Saturday night, I know Saturdays can be a real challenge when you are AF, so good luck to you all x

I believe they look at your pancreas when they scan your liver, @Nosilayak. So it will just have been peered at, which is hopefully reassuring for you.

A bit pressed for time but just wanted to say no one should every feel hesitant to post! Even if it’s not directly sobriety related.

I think we’ve all gone through phases of needing to post more or less. For quite a while in the early days I was posting every day about my woes😂😂😂😭😭😭 I am still forever grateful for that support. So please keep posting🙂

@Adm1010 I just re-read my post to you and realised ‘get real’ may come across as me having a go at you. It wasn’t intended in that way, it was more of a solidarity thing cos I also over glamorise too but apologies if that didn’t come across . Not sure I’m too great at this posting malarkey sometimes

@Nosilayak I’m sorry you’re still not feeling too well. Have you got another appointment arranged? Sorry if you have already said this but my memory isn’t what it was . You’ve had a health scare so I guess it’s only natural to now think about your health and yes going AF does bring up emotions (as I am finding).

Please all keep posting, I missed you all in the last week. We’re here to support each other

Hi @Nosilayak. I was also going to ask if you have another GP appointment booked. Please don’t be worrying about your health (easier said than done I know). You have recently had blood tests and a scan, so I’d be confident these would pick up if there were other concerns. I wonder could the fibroids be causing your back pain? Also, have you been reading up on menopause as the fluctuating hormones can cause dozens of weird symptoms. I hope you see doctor and have your mind put at rest soon.

Evening all, I wrote out a long post that was then swallowed. Oh well.

I was tempted by a glass of wine this afternoon…I could have just one right?

Had a stern talking to myself & the moment has passed. That’s it really isn’t it, just getting over the moments.

Thanks so much for the replies. I have to have more blood tests in December to see if the levels relating to my liver have dropped. Apart from that I don't have any more gp appointments booked. I've just been told to stay AF and eat a more plant based diet, take up yoga to strengthen core muscles etc. I'm about to tuck into a large slice of chocolate log, so don't think that's quite what they meant. However, it's the chocolate log or a bottle of merlot, so I think it's probably the lesser of two evils. They did look at my pancreas on the ultrasound and said it looked fine but when I watched that programme about pancreatic cancer it said the only way to diagnose it in the early stages is a CT scan. I just can't see the gp sending me for a CT scan on my say so, it's been like getting blood out of a stone getting the ultrasound and blood tests. I have terrible back ache in my upper left hand section of my back and did wonder if it could be the fibroids. Also, I am very emotional at the moment, I sobbed my heart out last night watching Homeland when Brody's character reached a dramatic point in the storyline (don't want to give out any spoilers if anyone's watching it) and I didn't even like him that much! Maybe it's my age, hormones etc!

I have 3 pages to catch up on but just wanted to say hello. I’m still here just very busy and tired ❤️

@WineAway it is definitely just getting over those moments . Not having that “ one “ glass that we all know for sure won’t be ONE glass as much as we wish it could be !

It totally flabbergasts me that people can stop at one glass …. Like what is the actual point of one glass??? ( I know this is screwed up thinking and because I’m dependant btw )

@Kindtomyself it’s fine I knew what you meant

@iamyourequal Thankyou . I’ll just take baby steps I think throughout December . I know from past experience I relapse at Christmas so I may need a lot of support !!! I’ll try not to overthink it

Morning.

I'd very much like to join if I may? I was on one of the very early threads under a different name I can't recall now and fell off spectacularly.

i was always a big drinker, and lockdown and a shitty shitty job exacerbated that. But now I really want to change my life and get real on the drinking thing. I'm nearly 4 stone overweight, I am bloated, I can't sleep and I have so many people really relying on me.

I am on Day 2. My aim for today's trigger time is to take the DCs to a really nice cafe that is a 10 minute drive away for cake and hot chocolate. One of my issues is that I decide to not drink forever, then the forever part seems too big and scary and I fail. Today i just want to concentrate on today.

I have lurked on these threads and am ready to join in. :)

I'd like to join this support group. Day 14 for me, I was drinking a bottle of red most nights. It was really affecting my health, mood, sleep and quality of life.
Detox was very unpleasant and i'm still sweating a vinegar smell 🤮 I am sleeping better, but still waking at 4am. I'm still exhausted.
I feel much better overall, but goodness it was hard.
I also can't stop at one and that first drink was getting earlier and earlier. The bottle would disappear very quickly.
last year I managed 70 days before a very stressful day when I realised i'd not completed my sons school application by the deadline! (it wasn't a problem in the end) but it set me back on the drinking.

I'm here to make sure I never drink again. I have saved £70 so far, that's a lot over a year.

Hi @greta4563 !

Oh the money saved...... it's scary sometimes. My DH gave up drinking a few years ago and so all alcohol spends is down to me. Before lockdown last year I added it up one month including nights out and the pub and it was terrifying. I am on accrued annual leave for the next week then am giving in my notice and frankly it will help to not be literally pissing money down the toilet after that!

@adm1010 yes, I was discussing this a couple of says ago with my DP about people who drink just one glass. I cant understand the point of one glass, rhee are better tasting drinks out there and it wouldn't get you even tipsy. I think that says volumes though about my relationship with alcohol and hence, why I can never ever moderate

There, not rhee!

[quote Adm1010]@WineAway it is definitely just getting over those moments . Not having that “ one “ glass that we all know for sure won’t be ONE glass as much as we wish it could be !

It totally flabbergasts me that people can stop at one glass …. Like what is the actual point of one glass??? ( I know this is screwed up thinking and because I’m dependant btw )[/quote]
Oh this post so resonates with me! DH was always a one glas then stop person. Baffling.

I am too scared to have blood tests and liver function tests so i admire those of you who have done so.

Hello,
I know its a complete waste of money isn't it. Actually I just updated my chalkboard ( old skool here, no app or anything😂) and it's £91.

That's conservative really as I'm not including drinks out. Plus if I had more than one bottle in the house I may have opened the second😳

If I work on £6.50 a bottle over 365 days £2400. I want to do some house improvements with that cash, not flush it down the Loo.

@SevenZebrasDancing I totally agree that there was no point in ever just having one drink for me too. I drank to get drunk, to get that chilled out, relaxed feeling. The trouble is the more I drank, the more I had to drink before I got the feeling. There was nothing brave about me having blood tests and liver function tests. I was forced to after being unwell for months and finally plucking up the courage to go to the GP. The fear of knowing I was having those tests forced me to go AF. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and the results were better than I expected. I had some fantastic support on this group and if you decide to get tested then we'll help you through it x

[quote Nosilayak]@SevenZebrasDancing I totally agree that there was no point in ever just having one drink for me too. I drank to get drunk, to get that chilled out, relaxed feeling. The trouble is the more I drank, the more I had to drink before I got the feeling. There was nothing brave about me having blood tests and liver function tests. I was forced to after being unwell for months and finally plucking up the courage to go to the GP. The fear of knowing I was having those tests forced me to go AF. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and the results were better than I expected. I had some fantastic support on this group and if you decide to get tested then we'll help you through it x[/quote]
Thanks so much @Nosilayak I cannot tell you much I appreciate that.

Morning all. Day 50 for me. I’ve still got a dreadful headache but I think it’s stress related…it could be so much worse with a hangover though.

Hi @SevenZebrasDancing (like your name ) and @greta4563 yes the money certainly adds up!

Yes drinking one glass - absolutely no point

@Nosilayak I think you need to contact your GP tomorrow and arrange an appointment. You have pain and you need some help with it. You have every right to want to feel better, don’t let them fob you off. Love from Auntie Kindtomyself