The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

Congratulations, Breath! What a fabulous granny you are bound to be. Lucky kid.

@ChampooPapi 90 days is a massive milestone, well done. Its also a good time to be vigilant and keep your reasons for quitting close to hand. In AA the 3 month chip is red for warning, because a lot of people have a wobble or get cocky and think "just one won't hurt I've got this now.." not that I think you are at more risk than any body else! I just thought it was worth noting for anyone getting to the same point xx

@Kindtomyself morning! I’m doing ok . Having a busy week and I’m in work all weekend but luckily it’s not busy so far . Been thinking this week about an alcohol free Christmas and it’s been blowing my mind a little .

Morning all, 5 weeks sober for me.

Congrats Grannymiller!

@Kindtomyself I too have a huge work report to write and I am meant to be on leave next week but will end up working in the evenings. Feeling a bit flat tbh, but I know alcohol will not solve anything so won't be going there.

@Adm1010 in what way are the thoughts of a sober Christmas blowing your mind?

@Sunflowersinthewind bloody reports eh? No wonder you feel flat. I’m just having a break from writing/reading and wrote out some positive aspirations to motivate me, it did help actually.

@Kindtomyself me and my DH were discussing purchases to plan for Christmas and he mentioned baileys … only I ever drank baileys … so it got me thinking of no baileys … no Buck’s Fizz … no mulled wine . It blew my mind . I have always relapsed at Christmas . I don’t want to this time .

He never mentioned it on purpose btw but it became clear no one else drinks it bar me .

That's wonderful news @Breathmiller. I'm always amazed and in awe at the wisdom and empathy you have on these threads. You'll be a fantastic granny.

Congratulations to all the others here starting their sober journey. You'll never regret not waking up with a hangover again.

I held a sleepover for my daughters birthday last night, the 4 11 year old have just left. It's really got me thinking. They had the best time, screeching and laughing all night, eating junk, doing dance routines etc. The usual stuff.

I was 14 when I started drinking in the park with my friends. Why do we lose that excitement and fun of spending time with our friends, the fun of laughing and eating fun food and playing games and decide we need a mood enhancer? The girls woke up this morning as excited last night and ready for more fun, that doesn't happen with alcohol.

I'm 7 weeks AF today and the sleepover as got me thinking and wondering why I even started drinking in the first place.

I didn’t drink! Despite being in a beautiful hotel and watching DH have cocktails and wine pairings! Also had a good conversation with him about how my drinking was out of control. He is going to support and not bring wine into the house. Felt fantastic this morning with no hangover but goodness am I eating! I reckon I would easily have got through 2-3 glasses of wine at lunch yesterday, a cocktail and 3-4 glasses of wine with dinner so I am so pleased I didn’t give in. I also watched a Ted talk this morning about vulnerability and about how we are all numbing both negative feelings as well as joy- you can’t numb one without the other. It resonated with me. Alcohol has been the thief of joy in my life for too long. If anyone hasn’t seen it I will post the link

Question to more experienced on here- how do you deal with the friends in your life who also have a problem with alcohol and go into defensive mode if you say you aren’t drinking? I am meeting a friend tonight. Told her I was driving as I didn’t want to get into why I’m not drinking. She’s really trying to unpick me. Suggested coming to me so I wouldn’t have to drive, said how she would love to see me having a few drinks etc. Asked if I was pregnant or on a diet. Would you be honest with her or is it worth the effort?

Incredibly well done, @Exitstrategist. It’s so positive to get through that unscathed! Your friend sounds a danger tbh. I’m sure others will have better advice, but I would be wary of her at the moment. People will tend to prioritise their comfort around their own drinking above all else - even a friend’s well-being.

That’s adorable @SandandFog! 🥰

@Exitstrategist you don’t owe anyone an explanation . “ I’m driving tonight , did you see last nights gogglebox “ .

Seriously though I know it’s hard , my sister in law is the worst for it, at the last family party not long ago she told me I’m “ very guarded “ when it comes to talking about not drinking … because I didn’t expand on why . Yeah I’m guarded cause it’s not your feckin business you nosy cow

It’s going to be a difficult night- she is really not going to like this!!! I’m already getting the strong feeling from her that she feels like I’ve duped her into a different type of night than what she had in mind. We have been friends for nearly 30 years so I guess I would confide in her about most things. The funny thinks is she wouldn’t touch a drop during the week- wouldn’t even cross her mind. She doesn’t even like the taste- just drinks as much as she can to get drunk Friday and Saturday. I wonder who has the bigger problem? Someone who goes through 6 bottles of wine in two nights or over seven nights?

@Exitstrategist that’s tricky with your friend. Some of my friends are heavy drinkers. I haven’t lost any friendships due to my sobriety (instead I gained some fab ones!). When I worried about this I always told myself that if my sobriety would sour a friendship, the friendship really wasn’t worth much anyway.

@Adm1010 sober christmas is awesome! I REALLT dreaded a sober Christmas last year (it’s mostly a booze focussed event in my wider family😬) but it was brilliant. I was fully present for every moment, I could taste and enjoy every food and I always felt fresh waking up! Even if I do ever go back to drinking I think I’ll keep Christmas as a sober event😂😂😂 It’s just so much better that way

@BunniesBunniesBunnies that’s so positive Thankyou !

@Exitstrategist binge drinking 6 bottles over two nights is as dangerous if not more so in some cases to the liver … it’s a massive load all at once for the liver to try to process .
As ever though in terms of alcohol it’s the persons relationship with alcohol that’s important , if she drinks “ to get drunk “ and your worried about her reaction to you not drinking … there’s your answer!! Her relationship with alcohol is not healthy . And conversely this could be dangerous for your sobriety . Be careful and decide what’s right for YOU

Congratulations on your 90 days and 5 weeks and 7 weeks, @ChampooPapi and @Sunflowersinthewind & @SandandFog. Amazing! And well done @Exitstrategist on resisting cocktails whilst your DH didn’t. That’s a great experience to get under your best. Don’t let the unsympathetic friend pull you down after you’ve managed that!

How are you feeling @Kindtomyself? When you say your struggling with your feelings is it about a particular issue or generally? Or just struggling without the numb-them-with booze strategy?

I’ve resisted posting the past couple of days as I felt I was spamming the thread up a bit with my mid-week witterings. I sometimes think I post and then nobody posts after me for ages and I take it personally, but hopefully that’s just me being a dope thinking like that!
I’m actually shattered and can’t get back up from my afternoon nap. I have a GP appointment on Monday to get bloods taken. I eventually got a GP phone appointment and when she then said I’d get a further appointment to get bloods taken I burst into tears I was so relieved. I haven’t felt myself for past 12 months and can’t work our if long covid, peri menopause or I’m just very unfit. But I’ve had a sore chest with it the past few weeks which has totally put the fear up me. When I get the test results I can make a plan of action at least. To be honest, and perhaps others can relate here: I’m so happy to be AF (64 days) but thought I’d feel better. I still feel exhausted getting up in the mornings, have aches and pains and often short of breath. Any time I’ve gone AF before I’ve felt like dancing a jig! Anyway, I need to pop off now, have a good Saturday everyone.

Always post, @iamyourequal, I love your posts! I think the quiet patches are just random, although I’ve felt the same previously - that I’ve brought the thread to a halt!

So glad you’re getting some bloods done - it’s so hard what you don’t know why you feel awful. Hope you get some answers.

Oh god, @iamyourequal is back again, I’m off guys🤣🤣🤣

Just kidding @iamyourequal😂😂
The quiet patches are random! Either that or I’m regularly killing the thread too!!!

Sorry to hear you’ve been feeling exhausted! Are you taking HRT for the peri menopause?

Hope you get your rest results soon!

Thank you all 💜💜

And @Drybird2020 you read my mind! This is exactly what my brain had been thinking the last few days, 'well you made it to 90, why not celebrate reaching 100 with a night out and some drinks....'

But I know it wouldnt be 'some drinks' it would be loads and loads of drinks and staying up most of the night being a crazy monster and talking a load of crap.

I needed that message from you, I really did. Thank you! A reminder to stay vigilant, I also feel Halloween is a trigger for me so will stock up on af erdinger and make a plan for food, study time and activities ect over the weekend so there is a structure and I'm away from temptations.

Why does Halloween make you want to dress up and get wrecked?! It's about the children and staying sober is my priority for them, me and my future career as a nurse.

I can do this and I love doing this 💪💪

Hi all

@iamyourequal I love your posts please keep chatting, I noticed you weren’t around and missed you. I’ve felt the same too about my inane wittering! I often read the posts from people generally think about them, learn from them etc but don’t always respond because life gets in the way and I assumed others were the same.

In terms of my emotions I’m not great at dealing with them I give off an air of calm confidence but generally freaking out all over the place inside. I used to quash these feelings with alcohol…or should I say try because I would get slaughtered and then crash out, stagger about, slur and be a general hazard. So now I’m trying to deal with true emotions and I don’t like it . I’ve also been seeing a therapist and that has been very strange and brought up loads of crap!

Anyhow I’ve had a sleep this afternoon, then forced myself out for a 5k run and now drinking Kampucha, started to listen to Radical Compassion too. I’ve come over all zen .

Let us know the outcome of your blood tests. I’m starting to listen/read stuff about menopause and have the menopause manifesto on my wish list!

Well done on your run @Kindtomyself!!!

@Adm1010 ah yes I see what you mean about Xmas booze. I’m tending to get through each day and find it overwhelming thinking about the future. I would plan some lovely treat drinks and avoid the alcohol. When I think about alcohol and how I might fancy a drink I always remember it wouldn’t be just one because I don’t like just one - I like loads!! Then I wouldn’t be present and it would all become blurry. Positive stuff coming from @BunniesBunniesBunnies

@iamyourequal we all feel like thread killers at times I’m sure …. Keep posting , I recognise your name and I like your posts xx

@Kindtomyself I really am projecting … I’m glamourising again! I’m very guilty of it . So in my head I’m all curled up in the couch cosy and warm , sipping baileys and watching a heartwarming Christmas film … when in reality I would drink the best part of the bottle , look like a pig in a frock cause of the humongous calories ( cream!!! ) and be watching a film through one bleary eye whilst ignoring the fact I’ve got a creamy moustache .

@BunniesBunniesBunnies

Oh god, *@iamyourequal* is back again, I’m off guys🤣🤣🤣

This tickled me