The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

I'm like Bunnies. Drinking is just not part of ky life anymore. And for thr most part it doesn't even enter my head, I have no desire to drink. The thought of it right now makes me feel a bit sick actually. Claggy, horrible headache inducing poison. No thanks.

Admn1010 its good to get these thoughts out. And to see the full picture. When I was in earlier days I had a motto that I could have any drink I wanted, just not the first one. Because, I know that maybe I could do one classy sophisticated glass of claggy head inducing poison wine but that wouldn't last. Give it a week and i would be right back where I used to be.

An old friend jjust messaged me to let me know her alcoholic dh has died. We had lost touch but apparently he left her last year and then had a heart attack a few days ago. So very very sad. Now that's a sobering thought.

Lurking here as not currently able to admit to myself the obvious….. I’m hoping it will sink in soon as I don’t like myself at the moment. I’m on day 2. What do you more experienced people do at your “witching hour”’to take your mind off the inevitable? I feel if I can get past 8pm I should be home dry.

BTW Adm1010 that is exactly me 100%. The glamorisation of the first glass followed by the chugging down of a full bottle. Worry about drink driving my kids to school in the morning so go to bed ridiculously early. Wake up paranoid full of self loathing. And repeat.

Welcome @ Exitstrategist! Well done on day 2, it does get easier. My coping strategies for the witching hour have been:
Make alcohol as inaccessible as possible.
Have a nice selection of chilled soft & AF drinks & ice cubes at all time.

(I drink quite a lot of AF beer so always have this chilled.)
Drink a big soft drink whilst prepping dinner (if this is a task you do).
Don’t plan meals that involve wine etc as ingredient.
Don’t listen to music you associate with drinking.
Don’t plan meals that pair well with wine / beer until you have broken this association.
Eat as early as possible to conquer cravings.
Keep busy with other stuff, tidying, cleaning, books, puzzles, online shop etc. My top one at first was doing online yoga whilst my AF beer chilled in freezer. Now I prefer going for a walk listening to a sober-Inspiring podcast.
Remember that cravings do pass. Imagine how happy you will feel at the end of the day, falling asleep knowing you have racked up another sober-successful day.
Imagine how you will feel in the morning if you succumb and are back to day 1 again.

I hope this helps, I’m sure others will be along soon.

Me too exactly existstrategist
Welcome notafriggingain and sandandfrog. This is such an amazing place to be. Adm1010, yup. Exactly.

Here you go, this deglamorised it a bit for me…

ethanol, also called ethyl alcohol, grain alcohol, or alcohol, a member of a class of organic compounds that are given the general name alcohols; its molecular formula is C2H5OH. Ethanol is an important industrial chemical; it is used as a solvent, in the synthesis of other organic chemicals, and as an additive to automotive gasoline (forming a mixture known as a gasohol). Ethanol is also the intoxicating ingredient of many alcoholic beverages such as beer, wine, and distilled spirits.

Yikes! Wonder if I’d buy the sauv blanc if it was in the cleaners bit of the corner shop?

Good ideas iamyourequal mine is to get Dh to cook!

Welcome @notafriggingain and @SandandFog. What sad news about your friend @Breathmiller. A really sad outcome.
Nothing much to report here. Another boring day at my boring job, yoga and dinner. Poor DC1 in bed with a migraine. Heading off soon myself too, knackered. I’ve banned myself from eating pudding as it was getting out of hand. Gigantic bowl of apple crumble & ice cream last night which I justified as being ‘fruit’ . 2lb weight gain in a week.I hope everyone is ok? Little quiet today.

Absolutely brilliant tips. My issue is I’m a secret drinker. DP works away half the week and I get inebriated before I go to bed to maybe feel nothing when I go to bed alone . I look forward to him going away so I can do this- how sad is that. My drinking is taking a toll on my looks- I’m starting to look like a drinker and no amount of make up can cover it. My mental health is taking a beating too. I’m just about to start the job of my dreams and I’m so scared this will mess it up. I can’t afford to drink when doing this job as it is very intensive and tiring. The thought of not drinking this Friday freaks me out as we are staying at a beautiful hotel without the kids. Unfortunately my DP loves drinking and is an enabler. I feel so panicky

@Exitstrategist can you make an excuse to not drink this weekend while you find your feet a bit? Have you told your DH you want to stop? I didn’t tell mine first time round and ended up failing after a month. I’ve told him this time round and it is much easier.

Checking in at 18 days. I really feel like something has changed. As I’ve mentioned before I don’t drink during the week when DH is away as I worry I’ll need to take the kids somewhere if they get poorly in the night. I would usually think about drinking a lot even though I wouldn’t do it. Should I have just one glass, what about 2 then I’ll be ok to drive in the night?

I can’t even remember when I stopped thinking about it but I realised tonight, even after a bad day I don’t get that argument in my head about needing a drink/but you can’t what about the kids/just one/maybe two/no don’t drink you don’t need to/why can’t you just have one.

I would say my only ‘weak’ moments now are the Friday nights DH gets home where my whole body just needs to collapse and sleep for a week. Even on a Saturday and Sunday I think I won’t drink as don’t want to be tired and hungover for another week alone with the kids.

I hope this doesn’t change when he is back but it feels good.

Thank you all for the lovely welcome, it's so kind of you.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies thank you for your words around the the feelings of being sober. This is a good way to look at it, it's a fact, not disputable that my life is better without alcohol. I really like that, thank you.

We are going on holiday next week with friends to a big lodge. We did our online shop tonight and I've added some nice AF drinks. I've had complete conviction in going sober but I'm definitely hearing the wine witch whispering about the holiday. It feels strange to think of a holiday without booze, our friends have added lots of wine etc to the online shops which is no problem but I'm really hoping I can get through without succumbing. I am focusing on how great it's going to be to have a really relaxed time, lovely food, early morning walks, swimming, resting and that will all be so much better without booze.

Any tips on coping with AF holidays (especially with others) great fully received!

@Exitstrategist you are doing great, well done for speaking about all this so openly. That’s what the thread is for! My husband also works away for several days each week and I love him very much but I also look forward to these days😂😂😂 Even without booze it’s a great opportunity to get to bed early with some snacks and trashy Netflix he would never watch with me! So perhaps you can find a new way of enjoying your alone time without alcohol? Booze very much used to be a way of me coping with husband being away but parenting solo is sooo much more enjoyable and manageable without alcohol!

@SandandFog alcohol free holidays are the best! I dreaded the first one but now I have many and I love the hangover free early mornings, I swim and run and feel refreshed whilst everyone else is nursing a hangover🤪

@iamyourequal 2lb is not a weight gain surely, just the difference between weighing before or after a big 💩💩💩 ( sorry not sorry for lowering the tone🤣)

Morning all. I’m feeling crap, got a headache which started yesterday and is still here, not helped by my dd who slept with me last night and woke me up several times to tell me she couldn’t sleep

Welcome @Exitstrategist

I’ll be back later to respond to people

@Exitstrategist what you are describing is a pattern of drinking that your brain has come to expect . Your have laid deep trenches of this pattern in your brain and you can’t change that . Your brain will fight you constantly to get its comfort , it’s fix because don’t forget YOU showed it this is how comfort feels!! The voice people refer to as the “ wine witch “ is the voice you fight . It’s your reward centre in the brain telling you it needs its dopamine to feel better and it’s insistent . It will nag at you . It will tell you lies . You have to be aware of it . Expect it . Create a dialogue with it if you have to . You are in charge of that voice . You are NOT powerless … you are it’s boss and you can tell it no . Don’t be scared of it . Face it down . Get angry at it!!! As you feed it less it becomes less insistent as the weeks go by . But always be aware of it popping up !! Telling its lies. Throwing a tantrum!!

My voice starts every day without fail… chunnering in the background . Like background music. I accept it’s there . It doesn’t mean I have to listen to it!

Expect it. Face it . Tell it to fuck off .

I'm worrying about the weekend too I'm on day 3. It's SIL's birthday party and everyone else will be drinking. I'm hoping DH doesn't drink either but he enables me and can't stop drinking himself even though he's not a happy drunk.
I never know what to drink at parties or pubs when I'm not drinking alcohol the pressure is immense to just have one but I know that I can't just have one.

Are you going to a pub? Can you just get AF wine?

Hi, a previous poster told the wine witch to ‘jog on love’ which I thought was brilliant and somehow took away her strength by laughing at her.
ADm 1010, I really appreciate your posts.

You are right- 20 years plus of drinking a lot and I don’t know how else to relax or enjoy myself. Literally no hobbies except wine. I see pictures of myself as a kid and it makes me so upset. I was such a bookworm, loved dancing and sport. Had actual fun instead of pissed up nonsense. I am lucky in so far as I have managed to function well in terms of work. But it is majorly showing in my gut and face. I can’t enjoy my kids- want them to go to bed so I can drink. It’s such a waste. Day 3 today

Thank you for the image of the wine 🧙‍♀️ I think it might help this weekend!

@Sunflowersinthewind

Are you going to a pub? Can you just get AF wine?

Yes it is but I've never been there before so not sure what AF drinks are available I may just call them in advance to find out so im not stood at a bar in a dilemma

That’s a really good idea to have planned ahead!

Morning. Well @BunniesBunniesBunnies. I’m a pound lighter today (but no prune juice involved, honest ).
I like your strategy @Namebunny. I’m working on getting mine to cook, and after 25 years we’re up to soup & spag Bol (which is actually very nice!) , which he makes about once a month 😂.
I hope your sore head lifts @Kindtomyself.

@notafriggingain. I totally get your stress over being expected to drink and have been in similar situations. What has helped me is really thinking about what I am setting out to achieve here. Giving up alcohol is a positive thing I am doing for me and my future health. I now consider it such an important step that I’m not ever going to compromise on it to please other people.

If you go out to a party/pub/holiday and take a drink because other’s pressure you, it’s like admitting other peoples’ wishes are more important than yours. If you are determined you want to stay AF, practice the event. Think what you are going to say when offered a drink. You don’t need to say too much. I normally just say something like ‘I’ve stopped drinking as it really wasn’t agreeing with me anymore’ or something similar and leave it at that.

It really is true what others have said on this thread that every time you do something sober you normally did with alcohol, it’s easier for the next time. I’ve now managed meals out, my birthday, theatre trip, a concert. I’ve yet to go on a sober holiday (failed this last time). but am starting to feel I can manage to when the time comes. You can do this!!

Have a lovely day all. I’m AF50 days today, and determined to keep going this time.

@iamyourequal thank you that's very good advice! I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me.
I think you are right I do put other peoples feelings and opinions above my own a lot ( something I'm working on) and this could be a killing two birds with one stone scenario staying sober and putting my feelings first in one outing if you will and I hadn't seen it like that before your reply.
Thinking of my replies when asked why I'm not drinking before I'm asked is also really helpful so I shall definitely be doing that!
I'm pleased I joined this thread it's already giving me a confidence to stay AF for good and knowing I'm not alone is so comforting.

So I’ve had a pretty stressful day . Don’t want to go in to details but yeah… a crap stressful day . So obviously the voice started … apparently I should drink cause that will help and I can start again tomorrow!! No harm no foul ! It’s a bloody pain in the arse ! I’ve told it to “ jog on “ and I’ll sulkily eat my tea

That sounds hard, @Adm1010, and the last thing you need after a stressful day. Well done for not going down that path. Sounds like you have a pretty stressful job?

The only way to make a shitty day worse is to wake up with a raging hangover tomorrow full of remorse and self loathing. Well done for staying strong