The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

@Breathmiller thank you yes that makes sense. I think I will try me just quietly being AF... because me 'nagging' him really isn't working. And I realise that no one could have convinced me to go AF. I used to think that people who didn't drink were weird and I was the normal one. Quite the opposite!

Thanks for getting back @Kindtomyself and @behindhereyes. I think I will now move on from sober self help books to relationships! Will let you both know if I pick up any great insights!

Thanks for your advice @Breathmiller. Can I swap my DH for your touchy feely one?…lol.
Welcome @yacketyyak. I understand your concerns on DH drinking. Mine continues to drink but I never comment on it. I think he is reducing his consumption since I went AF though, especially spirits as I pretty much do all the shopping and have stopped buying these. He seems to not drink mon-wed most weeks now. It was often me who would drag him down if I’d had a crap Monday etc. so this is good. Sometimes he even misses Thursday but I don’t like this as it means he seems to add these drinks into Friday and might end up towards drunk.
Keep us posted on how your strategy goes.

@Nosilayak that’s good your liver isn’t too badly damaged and you have the opportunity to totally turn this around. And you are so tall! 5’9’’ (thats v tall for a woman up here in Scotland). Think how fabulous you will look in new clothes once you get to your target!

I’ve felt weak tonight but have resisted. First time in a while I’ve really really felt I would like a drink. I’ve even managed to celebrate my birthday sober this month without issue, so this has caught me by surprise. I think it’s because I have anxiety at the thought of early rise and work tomorrow after a week off. I will soldier on. Have a good evening all.

Checking in. Loving all the posts, had a read through them while putting the baby to be for the 1st & 2nd time tonight. Have lots to say in response to all your great posts but not a tiny bit of energy left to write anymore. DH away again for another week, I’m shattered and baby was even worse last night so I’m not feeling positive about the night ahead. Still AF though, so there’s something 🥴

Ps do wine gums count as an AF alternative 🤔 DH just bought me some haha

Thanks for your advice @Breathmiller. Can I swap my DH for your touchy feely one?…lol.

Haha, he is a definite acquired taste. For instance he just came up to show me a meme about Sean Connery saying " you should be careful with underpants. For instance they should be shilk not shatin"
It's often like being married to a 47 year old Beavis and Butthead.

😂 @breathmiller that’s the type of thing my DH would show me

@Iamyourequal ha ha my problem is I'm not tall enough, my bmi would be a lot better if only I could grow a few more inches! It would save me having to diet! I keep telling myself it's not that I'm fat, I'm just not tall enough lol.

Checking in on day 29. Sleep well all.

Lol, that is a funny one @Breathmiller. I have to admit even my DH has a good sense of humour. I only come on to vent about his bad bits. I guess that’s the nature of forums.
Get stuck into the winegums @StoppedWineIng. I think we all have sugar consumption off the scale. We will be needing a thread for that too.
@Nosilayak. I might try growing taller too then. I actually think it might be more achievable for me, given I’ve been trying to shift the same 20lb for about 4 years now!
Night @SparklingLime. nice ‘30’ for you tomorrow.

Morning.

My mother in law said to me yesterday that I looked like I’d lost weight. I haven’t, I’ve actually put weight on since going AF which I’m trying to be ‘cool’ about but I do think my face looks slimmer but I’m assuming it’s just less bloated!

Hope you all have a good day

Breath I'm glad to hear you are feeling a bit better.

I hope everyone is feeling pleased with themselves after another AF weekend. Take your vitamins, eat sugar if you need to. I'm getting my SAD lamp out today, the season is demanding it.

Hello. I'm 6 weeks AF, only just found this board despite being an avid Mumsnet user. I didn't really mean to go AF! I got covid and while unwell and isolating I read Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whittaker, it felt like it transformed my thinking, all of a sudden I realised there were no benefits to alcohol.

I previously drank quite a bit but it's never negatively affected my life. I'd drink maybe 3 double G&T 4/5 times a week. Because it had no outward negative impact I would never have classed myself as an alcoholic.

However, since giving up its like a cloud has lifted, I feel happy, less stressed at work (and I thought I drank to relax after my stressful day at work. I feel energetic and I have more time for my children and don't rush through bedtime etc. I feel a so ashamed that my little children are so used to seeing me preparing an alcoholic drink they think it's normal behaviour and say things like "you should have a gin and tonic".

I don't want to drink ever again but I do feel nervous that the glow and great feeling I have now (is this the pink cloud?) will subside and when Christmas etc comes I'll forget all the amazing benefits.

@Kindtomyself I’ve had the same comments that I’ve lost weight and I haven’t either ( besides a couple of pounds but I’m very large ) I agree it’s probably facial bloating that’s gone down . Which is great isn’t it . I’ve also had comments off people that I look “ fresher “ and “ happier “ I’ll take that

Welcome, @SandandFog. That all sounds so positive!

Welcome SandAndFog
I love how you didn't mean to stop drinking but fell into it unconsciously.

I know that I have put on some weight since I stopped (although lost loads being ill this last 10 days) but I agree that my face isn't as puffy and bloated. I felt that was one of the first things to happen actually. It was a great incentive at the beginning. I know it was a couple of years ago now so I would look younger anyway but I found a photo of me the last time I was AF for 18 months. I was also training for a yoga trek in the Himalayas and had lost loads of weight. But I couldn't get over how fresh faced I looked. Rosy cheeks, fresh clear skin, bright eyes. Your lifestyle definitely shows up on your face.

Hi @sandandfog I’m 6 weeks AF too! There’s a number of people who post on here that have been sober for a lot longer than us and they seem very positive and glowing so I’m hoping that we will continue to feel great.

@Breathmiller yoga trek in the Himalayas? wowsers that sounds amazing.

I’m not sure I look much better because I am so full of angst that I think I probably look exhausted however I’m hoping that this will improve as I manage my emotions better- (instead of with alcohol )

Can I join? After a while of saying I don't want to drink anymore I finally decided last night that I'm going to stop permanently. It's going to be hard I don't drink every day but it does cause problems in my life. Just could do with some support

Hello @notafriggingain, welcome to the thread. I find it really helpful to post on here and hope you do too.

Welcome notafriggingain

@Kindtomyself

Hello *@notafriggingain*, welcome to the thread. I find it really helpful to post on here and hope you do too.

Thank you so much!

@Breathmiller

Welcome notafriggingain

Thank you for the warm welcome

Welcome @notafriggingain and @SandandFog!

@SandandFog, about whether the great feeling you have will subside… I think it’s different for everyone🙂 I personally didn’t really have this “pink cloud” and therefore it (the cloud) never really disappeared either!

However, every day I am aware how much better my life is now I’m sober. It’s not really a fleeting sensation or a feeling, it’s more like I am simply stating a fact by acknowledging it. To me “my life is better sober” is on a par with “the earth is round” - There is just no denying it!🤣

Maybe your pink cloud will disappear or maybe it won’t. But even if it does disappear, that doesn’t mean you will forget about the benefits of being sober🙂

Morning all !

The benefits of being sober are massive but that voice that tells me to “ have one “ is so insistent . It tells me I’ll stop at one , that I’ll feel great , that I need the “ one “ to relax . It makes me see it , it makes me imagine pouring it . It glamorises the shit out of the “ one “ drink . Sometimes I really really really want that “ one drink “ to feel that annnnnd relax feeling . That’s the drink I have to constantly fight …. Not the ones that inevitably come after it . The ones that make me tired and grouchy and sometimes nasty . The ones that make me shout and swear and become a different person . Because as sure as eggs are eggs I would NEVER have “ just the one “ I wish I could … I really do .