The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

stoppedwineing hope your baby sleeps soon. It is torture.

kittenminion so pleased that puss is home again. I am sorry that you went through such a difficult time with your husband. I had a very short period of post natal psychosis when I had an infection after my 4th. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm aware how scary it was for my dh.

namechanged what an amazing post. Your positivity shines through and will inspire everyone else on the thread as well as future you. Thank you for being open and honest. It's wonderful to hear your faith is supporting you.

nosilayak what a truly awful time you have had. I am so sorry to hear about your dog. If you can manage it then it would be lovely to see a photo of him. I'll be thinking of you today. Fingers crossed it's a positive result.

Newmum good to have you back. You've shown you can do a month so you can do today. Are you in Oz?

Adm101 well done on day 41. Your posts are always so knowledgeable and helpful and relatable. I feel I've been lied to. I was watching a film yesterday and one of the characters had a glass of wine and it was interesting to see the reality of it down the line rather than the perfect picture that is given to us a lot of the time. It wasn't the main thing but she definitely fell apart more and more the further down the bottle she went. It was neither sophisticated or fun, it was weepy and messy.

sobersept fantastic to get to day 39! blondystring day 40. 🥳 well done all, on your milestones.

hangingover hope the headache goes soon.

I am still not feeling fantastic. That's a week with covid and it's been a long haul, but I do feel a bit better today. I feel so sick is one of the problems which may be covid related or medicine related or diet related. Who knows ? All I know is I am sooo over being ill.

Wishing everyone a happy Friday.

@Nosilayak you’ve got this . Remember knowledge is power x

@AlloftheTime Thankyou . I know deep down I’m a good mum . I have an excellent relationship with my boys . But they must have memories of me drunk . And that hurts me , but I can’t change it now . But yeah I guess they see I’m human . And that I’m trying to change .

@Kindtomyself I love having a sober twin

@Breathmiller I really hope I stay relatable . I’ve said it before but I think I’ve bought the T-shirt in terms of alcohol and all the issues it brings and if I can help people I want to .

Hi everyone, I've had the ultrasound on my liver etc and they decided to also do a vaginal scan at the same time. They said the full results will be at my GPS in seven days but that it showed I have a fatty liver. Also, most importantly for me due to my mum's death from bile duct cancer, my bile ducts are not blocked at all, so my liver is obviously still working OK. I know having a fatty liver isn't great, but I think it was @Adm1010 who said that it could be the start of liver problems IF you don't do something about it. I am taking that good advice and am more determined than ever to remain AF. I have also been told that I have an enlarged womb filled with fibroids which has been a bit of a shock and I'm not quite sure what will happen about that. The main thing is, I now know my liver is still repairable which is such a relief. Thank you so much to everyone for all your support and good wishes on this thread. I am very much alone sometimes in real life due to my husband's I'll health and seeing the messages from you all this morning whilst I was waiting to go in meant the absolute world to me xx

@Nosilayak I’m so pleased that you are at a reversible stage . You know what to do now x

That is reassuring news re your liver, @Nosilayak. We’ve both had a wake up call that we can put to good use. Am very relieved for you.

@Nosilayak I’m so pleased to hear your news, you must feel relieved . Please message on here as much as you want to as it is a really good place to write down your thoughts and concerns. I definitely care and want to support you and others, I will also continue with my messaging because I am finding chatting with my online friends so helpful on my journey.

Thanks again for the invaluable support all of you x

@Nosilayak just to add my wishes to those that have posted, huge relief for you and so pleased you sound so determined to remain AF.

Take care and enjoy something good this weekend and keep us up to speed.

X

nosilayak I am glad that your fears have been relieved about you potentially having your mum's condition. Good that you have this knowledge now. All power to you for getting this investigated. I hope the other issues are resolved easily.

And I am so glad that you felt supported by this group. I'm always amazed at how 'held' I feel by this thread.

@Breathmiller

nosilayak I am glad that your fears have been relieved about you potentially having your mum's condition. Good that you have this knowledge now. All power to you for getting this investigated. I hope the other issues are resolved easily.

And I am so glad that you felt supported by this group. I'm always amazed at how 'held' I feel by this thread.

It really is wonderful Breathmiller- I feel so fortunate to have found you all!

Thank you so much. The support I've had from you all is marvellous and I am so determined to stay AF. I cannot put myself through this worry again. No drink is worth the stress I've experienced and I can't believe my poor liver is still OK after 30 years of heavy drinking.

@Nosilayak so happy for you. I hope you are able to relax a bit now.

Checking in 14 days.. 2 weeks AF. Walked to Sainsburys earlier, spent the whole walk arguing with myself that I could just buy one bottle. I reminded myself that even if I could just have a few, this sleep thief child I have been blessed with ALWAYS ends up in my bed and I need to not drink anything so she is safe. Ended up spending £20 on ingredients to make my sister a birthday cake instead 🤣

Cake baked, just putting the baby to bed and we are having a takeaway tonight.

Can I ask if you think the fatty liver is due solely to alcohol, @Nosilayak? For me it’s pretty obviously also due to eating crap, and being overweight and sedentary. So I need to address all these. I lost three stone last year and put it all back on.

Well done stoppedwineing a cake,a takeaway and 🤞🤞🤞🤞 a sleeping baby sounds a perfect start to the weekend.

@SparklingLime I think the fatty liver is also due to a rubbish diet rather than just alcohol. I've spent years eating fatty and sugary foods to soak up the alcohol from the night before. Also, any diets were hard to stick to because as soon as I had a drink all my resolve to eat healthily went out of the window. It was a viscous circle. Since going AF I have lost weight and I want to lose even more to give my liver the best chance. The nurse is ringing me tomorrow morning with my full results (I was told they'd take 7 days to get to the gp but I've had a text today to say they are already in) I suppose I'll find out tomorrow more about my fatty liver and the causes. I wonder if its possible to tell whether a fatty liver is caused by alcohol or bad diet?

@Nosilayak glad to hear about your results. It must be a relief and steels your resolve to be AF.

@StopWineIng baking a cake sounds great, well done on walking on past that wine.

This time 4 weeks ago, I took my last sip of alcohol!

FFS. I’ve now written a massive post here twice and twice it’s vanished when an ad updated on the screen. I surrender. I’ve read all the updates, I am with you guys in all trials and tribulations and sticking with you. Over and out before it happens again….

@Nosilayak From an ordinary ultrasound they will see a “ fatty liver “ whether that’s alcohol or diet etc is purely subjective dependant on your clinical history . Given your history it’s likely a combination of both . A fibro scan is better in that it stages damage and the results are more targeted ( stages vary depending on cause ie alcohol fatty liver versus non alcohol fatty liver etc )
It might be worth asking given your history if a fibro scan is indicated .
Either way … you are at a reversible stage so that’s the positive here xx

Just checking in, I haven't posted on here in a few days. A few of you asked how my daughters appointment went. It went ok in that the staples are out and the surgeon said no chemo or radiation is needed, as the surgery got all the tumor. It went terrible in that he said it will most likely come back again. I just can't face that or think about that right now, I just can't bear it.
I haven't felt an extra need to drink is the good news, I still feel it's very important to stay clear minded and sober so I can cope, I feel like drinking will make it worse.
I have over the years alternated between fairly long periods of staying AF and then months of daily drinking again. One thing which always drags me back into drinking again is that I really can't seem to have sex with my husband sober. I haven't seen anyone else post such things on here so I'm sorry if this is the wrong board or inappropriate here. Our marriage is not great, we don't have sex a lot, and I'm just so irritable and not relaxed with him anymore that the idea of sober sex seems very out of reach. It's only when I've had a few drinks and can relax that Im in the mood. So other periods of staying AF have ended as I've felt pressure to have a few drinks and have sex and it feels very unfair to him to not give in, and so the drinking cycle starts again. I feel trapped that I will have to drink again soon so that I can be a good wife. This sounds terrible reading it back, he's a good man who isn't pressuring me, it's more I feel that I need to be a good wife and I know my problems of being too uptight or irritable with him are my fault. I don't know if I'm making sense but any advice is appreciated.

Morning 6 weeks today for me and my sober twin @Adm1010

Yesterday I didn’t feel too good, I was dealing with lots of stuff from my therapy on Thursday and I just felt very anxious, I’m also premenstrual. I couldn’t shift the feeling and struggled which would normally have me reaching for a drink. However, I went to yoga instead and felt loads better afterwards. I then went to see a friend and we were up talking until 2.30am it was brilliant, far better than it would have been normally. I’m amazed by this. I can’t believe how much better I feel - just lighter.

@behindhereyes I’m glad it went ok for your DD and no chemo was necessary but sorry about the other news, that must be so difficult for you and it’s so great that you are remaining clear minded to support her.

Re: your other question about sex and I’m definitely know expert in relationships. I’m also having problems in this area but not sure I am totally clear on it all. However my first thoughts are that you shouldn’t have sex unless you want to. Would it be worth trying to work out why you don’t want to? Maybe you don’t feel noticed by him generally?
I think for me I don’t feel connected to my DH emotionally and therefore just don’t want to be close to him. I have no idea when we last had sex and this is something I need to think about too. I really welcome this conversation actually.
Sorry I need to nip off but will be back later.

@behindhereyes sorry to hear they’ve said it will come back. It’s such a conflict of feelings when you get good then bad news as the bad starts to overshadow the good. You’re amazing though and so strong.

I completely lost my sex drive after my first baby, breastfeeding played a big part then I was pregnant and breastfeeding now I’m breastfeeding again. I feel the same as you, my husband is a good man, I’m happy with him but no desire to do it at all and in the past it has only really happened after a few drinks. He understands, I think my issue is I am majorly ‘touched out’ with a young baby and young toddler. Also, as I’m on my own a lot with them as he works away I find myself getting easily annoyed and frustrated with him and then the last thing I want to do is have sex with him. We don’t even sleep in the same bed at the moment when he is around as the baby is up so much and ends up in with me.

I think as women in this situation we have to remember to put our feelings first. You are going through so much emotionally at the moment, no wonder you don’t want to. Don’t put pressure on yourself. There are more important issues in your life at the moment and I am sure he respects that but it would be worth trying to pin point the underlying issue and talking to him about it. I’ve told my DH how I feel and he will occasionally make the odd comment which I think is testing the water to see if I’ve changed my mind.

@Kindtomyself glad you’re feeling a bit better.

I was even happier with my decision to not buy any wine when my baby had a poonami at 1.30am which went through her clothes, sleeping bag and sheet. She was up feeding every 2 hours too and I was very happy I didn’t feel even worse during all of those wake ups!!

@Kindtomyself a little sober jiggle is in order I think

So late last night I got a call from my eldest sons girlfriend … he’s asthmatic and she was worried about him ( he’s ok now btw ) anyway …. It was the first time since I’ve been abstinent that I potentially might have had to get in my car at night and go to one of my boys …. I felt so proud that if I needed to I could have . Hope that makes sense

@StoppedWineIng my baby had a poonami at 1.30am 😂 I’ve never heard that before!

@behindhereyes. I’m so sorry to hear your daughter’s condition may return, I know it’s not news you will have wanted to hear. I hope they keep on top of this to get her back to full health.
@Behindhereyes @Kindtomyself . Thanks for sharing your posts on this issue. I don’t have any wisdom on this, but it’s a great comfort to hear about others experiencing marital issues too (sorry that sounds bad but I hope you know what I mean). Hopefully we can all support each other a bit. There is seldom any intimacy between my DH and me. I don’t know why and I know he won’t even discuss if I ask. He never discusses anything intimate or personal in any kind of constructive way. I often feel like we are more like (bickering) brother and sister than husband & wife. I don’t even know how things got to this stage, but it’s certainly a lonely place to be.