The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

Cross posted with you fellow bunny! Well done indeed
👍👍👍💐💐💐
nosilayak and all having a crap time, so sorry to hear it, and so impressed you are not drowning out stress. breathmiller you are right, it just makes things harder.
Night johnboy!

@Namebunny know just what you mean!
Night all you soberstars

Well my lovely cat is getting better and should hopefully be home with me tomorrow. I shall be breaking out the nosecco to celebrate him being home. I’m just so glad I didn’t drink on Monday night, yesterday was horrible as I thought I was going to have to have him put to sleep. Being clear headed helped get me through the day. Drinking would not have added anything other than making me feel even worse.

@Nosilayak you have such a lot on your plate at the moment. My husband has experienced psychosis in the past. It is so terrifying and bizarre to witness and be drawn in to the mental illness of someone you love. And I think particularly of psychosis, because it just seems so inexplicable. I know that when my husband was ill a lot of people said ‘you’ve got to look after yourself’ to me and I found it impossible to even think about me at the height of it, it was only later that I was able to, even then only slightly! Is your husband stabilised/medicated now or are you in the midst of it all still? Absolutely well done on resisting the drink at this point in time, that’s brilliant, even if that’s all you are able to do as looking after yourself, I would say that’s wonderful. Drinking would only make this so much harder. When my husband was ill i barely drank because I didn’t know what was coming next, when I would be woken up by him, the possibility of what may happen, it was all so unpredictable and scary. Probably that notion of the importance of being sober got me through it all. Obviously it didn’t last at that point in time, because once I was through the woods the relief was drowned in wine.

And I’m so sorry to hear about your dog, these lovely pets that live with us have such a big impact on our lives. I hope that you have some time with him.

Hi everyone!

So today is day 7 with no alcohol, and I know it's early days, but I also KNOW I'm not giving up giving up this time. In the past, I only quit drinking for a few days at a time - usually when I needed a break after a particularly bad hangover or a particularly big embarrassment. But this time something is different. It's like a switch has been flipped in my head. I feel different. And i'm being honest with myself tor the first time.

I feel good. I feel lighter, both mentally and physically! I know I can't have actually lost weight in a week, but I don't have that horrible bloated feeling I had most of the time after drinking. I don't feel groggy, and I don't feel sleepy, so I have been taking time to cook healthy food for myself instead of grabbing something easy. I'm finding ways to fill up my free time so I don't feel tempted to drink, so have been walking and cycling and playing sports for the first time in a long time. It's only been a week, but I feel immediately physically better!

Mentally, I don't feel anxious or depressed. I wake up excited for the day, looking forward to growing into the person I really am, rather than the person I become after alcohol, which I used as a mask/security blanket for so long that I stopped really knowing who I was without it.

I also think I feel lighter mentally because I I have nothing to hide without alcohol - it's literally like a weight has been lifted. No more trying to decide whether I can have a drink tonight, can I justify it? What excuse can I use? No more trying to ignore my conscience and convince myself it's okay. Just this aspect is like a huge weight has been lifted.

I really do feel a sense of freedom that I have never felt before! I feel excited. I don't know if any of you are at all religious (and if not you can ignore this part because I know MN isn't keen on religious things) but before this flip was switched for me, I prayed about it, a LOT. I was feeling guilty and ashamed, but also hostile and defensive at the same time about drinking. Like I KNEW it wasn't okay but another part of me was like "Isn't it? Everyone drinks! SO many people you know drink like this. You're just being dramatic even THINKING of quitting." I wanted a definite answer from God about whether this was okay, and normal, or whether I needed to quit. And I got one. I have a sense of clarity now that I haven't had before - I feel like I have seen my behaviour for the first time, and truly understood that it's a problem.

A part of me feels like I shouldn't be open about all this because it feels ridiculous to be so optimistic after only a week. I'm sure there are people on here who haven't drank for months or years! But on the other hand, I want to be open and honest about how positive I'm feeling about it because if I write it down, I can come back to read it later. The me of right now wants to make sure future me is as optimistic and positive as possible!

Anyway, it's nice to meet you all! I don't really have any friends who don't drink, ans have been really worried about the social aspect of it. I feel like chatting with you lot on this board might really helpful for me in the first few days of getting used to this. It is nice to be able to chat about it with people who understand. Going to go back to the start now and read through the other posts

@Namechangedforthethousandthtim welcome and what a lovely positive post. It was really great to read and congrats on day 7.

Morning, I over slept this morning so can't write much but will hopefully be back later

@Namechangedforthethousandthtim brilliant inspirational post. So much of what you say resonates with me, I'm amazed how much better I feel and can't believe I was being dragged down by the booze.

Back later

@kittenminion thanks so much for your kind words and I'm sorry to hear you have also experienced psychosis with your husband. My dh is with the local Early Intervention Team for Psychosis who are an absolute godsend. He is on anti psychotic meds and they have stabilised him, but it is like living with a different person and I'm now his full time carer. After he became ill he lost his job, which resulted in us losing our house. It's been a nightmare couple of years and yes, people keep telling me to make sure I look after myself. Until 22nd August, my way of coping and "looking after myself" was alcohol. I feel so much better being AF, more alert and able to cope with life. Alcohol helps at the time, that feeling of oblivion it provides for a couple of hours, then it wears off and all my problems are still there, plus I also feel groggy and have a hangover. I can't slip back into that cycle again. I'm pleased to hear your cat is getting better. My dog has started chemo and is responding well but I've been told he has a few months left at best. Losing him will hit me harder than anything but I'm trying to make his last few weeks as happy as possible for him.

@Namechangedforthethousandthtim fabulous post . Welcome . I find this thread very useful and inspiring . Keep posting

Back on day 1 for me.. wish me luck. Took a week to decide to try again after doing a month sober.

I’m so sorry about Harvey, @Nosilayak. That’s such a hard thing to go through. I hope he can be kept comfortable. x x

Welcome back, @Newmum29. Wishing you determination!

@SparklingLime thank you for mentioning Harvey. I've tried to put a photo of him on but it won't post. He's doing OK and main thing is keeping him comfortable and happy. He's had a few near misses in life (he's nearly 13) and he's always come through. It's a good job I've packed in the alcohol as the money I've saved goes towards vets bills!!

Checking in 🙌

Evening everyone.
@Namechangedforthethousandthtim that's exactly how I feel - like somethings clicked. 39 days for me and it's getting easier

Checking in. Keeping it short as have ice pick headaches so ate Calzone size of my head.

Evening all. Just got into bed. Nice to see you back @Newmum29

Busy day with the little ones tomorrow, hoping for a good nights sleep but unlikely with my very needy baby 🤣

I’m not feeling confident, for lunch with my new colleagues and meeting friends for drinks today and tomorrow.

It’s been so long (coming out of a hard lockdown after 4 months) and everyone, including me, wants to blow off steam.

What a lovely post, ‘name changed’ As admin1010 said, inspiring!
Nosilayak, Massive hug.

@Namebunny thanks so much x

@Newmum29 it’s going to be a challenge . What tools can you use to rise to the challenge? What will work best for you ?

@Nosilayak thinking of you today . Whatever the outcome you can face it . Best to know isn’t it .

Day 41 for me today . Not been counting closely but thought I’d have a little count today to see where I am . The voice is still there at times but I recognise it and deal with it with it starts . I’ve found last night alcohol can look so bloody glamorous on the telly . I was watching MAID on Netflix . It’s quite blatant in it . It was quite triggering to watch . The ritual of the fridge, the nice glass , the pouring , the sipping , as I watched it felt blatant somehow . Very purposefully done .

But I reminded myself I’m not glamorous , I don’t glide to the fridge and pour a small amount of wine in a pretty glass and sip it . I filled my glass . I gulped it down . I went back for more till the edges where blurred and I didn’t care quite so much . I looked at my children and husband through a fog and wanted more more more . They looked at me getting redder and more bleary eyed . Listened to me getting sweary and nasty and talking shit . It wasn’t glamorous in the slightest . It was ugly . And I pray my children don’t remember or think of me that way.

Day 40 for me. Finished work late last night and that's when I would reach for the wine not food. But although my DH had his glass of wine in front of me I knew I would not be tempted - even though for the first time I did want one. However I knew 💯 that I wouldn't. Cannot believe I am day 40. Thank you all so much for these threads that give me motivation rather than guilt. Good luck everyone and stay strong and positive xx

@Adm1010 well done for being so self aware and also accurately analysing that film. In one sense it won’t matter if your children do remember those alcohol fuelled occasions because they will have so many positive ones to overshadow them. Also allows them to see that adults don’t always get it right and that you can change for the better.

@Nosilayak hugs and strength to you whatever you have to deal with.
Happy Friday to you all, who are a source of advice and companionship for me on this unexpectedly successful journey.
Ive done 80 days and no longer feel tempted or preoccupied by the wine bottle which is a wonderful surprise!
I don’t feel complacent just confident and relieved.

I feel for all of you struggling with health, family and work problems but being AF has allowed me clarity and energy to face mine more honestly.

Stay strong and if you’re jumping back on hold tight!

Morning all. I can't write much because I overslept again! I've been enjoying 20 minutes to myself every morning at 6 to read the threads and have a cup of tea but managed to switch my alarm off the last couple of mornings .

I just wanted to say @nosilayak I hope it goes ok today and sorry that you're having such a challenging time. You are an inspiration. I'm holding your hand today .

@adm1010 41 days here too. You're my sober twin

@blondystrying well bloody done. You are killing this.

Hi to everyone else, hope you have great days and catch up later

I am currently sat in the hospital car park drinking as much water as I can before my scan at 9.30am and convincing myself I don't need the loo! I've just checked this thread and seen the wonderful messages you lovely people have sent me, wishing me well and saying you are thinking about me. You'll never know how much those words have meant to me, thank you all so very much xxxxx