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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
Perriwinkles · 28/08/2021 17:35

BrewCakeFlowersHalo

AlloftheTime · 28/08/2021 17:47

@Perriwinkles

BrewCakeFlowersHalo
@ChampooPapi 👍
ChampooPapi · 28/08/2021 17:57

Thank you @AlloftheTime and @Perriwinkles 💜

Clouds78 · 28/08/2021 18:47

Hang in there @ChampooPapi and don’t have that drink. Anything else sweet and tasty or just relish that bath. Please don’t, you’ll be cross with yourself. It’s so so hard. As the other posters say, try and work out why the craving is so bad and what is the trigger for it? Writing it down or anything that helps just keep doing it. Even plan the next smart session or buy another quit lit on Amazon… thinking about you 🌷🙏

Clouds78 · 28/08/2021 18:49

Am having a rubbish day. DH just said can I pour you a drink… as he’s having a beer. I said no. It’s a mixture of bad PMS couples with being super low on spirits due to bad weekend, family events etc and just needing some me time away from all these little ones who need my constant attention and seem to be constantly in the wars 🤣😆🤦🏻‍♀️

ChampooPapi · 28/08/2021 19:55

@Clouds78 I'm in bed and safe from temptation, the cravings have subsided a lot now. Your doing so well yourself and I want to stay your wing woman too so don't fear I will stay strong and post if/when I'm tempted again. I am vising smart now , jumping into a session half way through but the mind needs it. Take care Clouds

ChampooPapi · 28/08/2021 19:56

🤦 there isn't one Saturday of course but I'm not going to cave. I have snuffed out the craving now

ChampooPapi · 28/08/2021 20:24

Night all, thank goodness it's Sunday tomorrow ! This weekend has been a tricky one

whatever47 · 28/08/2021 20:24

Well done @ChampooPapi 👏 I'm only on day 3 and had a wobble too (in the supermarket; think I'm going to get deliveries for a bit, it's just too tempting). Filled myself up with food and herbal tea so I think I'm past the worst.
Hope you're feeling better @Clouds78, sounds like you have lots going on.
Hugs to all of us having a lovely sober Saturday 😊

Clouds78 · 28/08/2021 20:37

Well done @ChampooPapi you’ve really nurtured yourself tonight and not allowed the poison to win! Am also keen to stay your wing woman and surpass the cravings. Thanks @whatever47 just trying to ride this wave, hard enough trying to do this and not having the support of DH. DS is just about to read to me so better pop off. Night everyone… day 3 is amazing keep going and it will be day 33 by the time you know it, promise. Pop on here anytime there’s so many amazing pple x

Perriwinkles · 28/08/2021 20:37

Here’s to sober Saturdays! Well done everyone. We can do this.

I had two slices of cake and a chocolate biscuit. I know it’s not sustainable to keep eating like that but hopefully in time, I’ll get it all more in control. I felt exhausted today. Maybe my body is accepting that the boost alcohol has been giving me is going! I’m convinced that, in time, I’ll feel much better.

Best wishes. Flowers

VivianK · 28/08/2021 22:01

Well done all. Have lost track of days of week which is quite good as no day of the week triggers. Sleeping better and hopefully will return from holiday rested not knackered as is normally the case

Am nearly at the two weeks mark. Wondering if I can keep it up when get home

deathbyprocrastination · 28/08/2021 23:57

Evening all, just checking in to read everyone’s update and celebrate being 28 days / 4 weeks sober today!! Feel I’m turning a bit of a corner.

Wishing you all happy Sunday mornings Smile

AlloftheTime · 29/08/2021 07:47

Well done @deathbyprocrastination that’s a good milestone to reach!
Well done to the wobblers who resisted and to all the little ways you found to work around temptation. Sorry to hear you don’t have DP’s support cloud78 which makes it even more impressive.
Wishing you all a good dry Sunday I’m off to work soon and looking forward to completing another week.

Perriwinkles · 29/08/2021 07:58

4 weeks is amazing @deathbyprocrastination
Great you feel you’re turning a corner.

I’m starting Day 8 now. I’m slowly getting my head around the idea that I’m not a drinker anymore.

Happy sober Sunday to you all. You’re inspiring. CakeBrew

Perriwinkles · 29/08/2021 07:59

@VivianK
Congratulations on staying sober on holiday! Brew

ChampooPapi · 29/08/2021 09:30

Checking in 🙌

whatever47 · 29/08/2021 09:46

Morning @ChampooPapi and everyone else!
I'm enjoying a lovely coffee in the garden instead of shuffling for the paracetamol and going back to bed, it's the BEST feeling 😄

Breathmiller · 29/08/2021 10:05

Well done everyone who made it through a Friday and a Saturday night. At the beginning these were always the hardest for me. Friday especially.

They don't bother me at all now. The odd moment now and again but the connection between it being Friday and drinking has pretty much gone.

A hangover (for want of a better word 🤣) from these days though seem to be that having a day off (ish) like today, means that the only way I can relax and let go the night before is by eating a whole load of crap.

I am fine during the week. But weekend evenings I can be found stuffing in crisps and sweets and ice cream and puddings and and and.... Drives me batty that I still 'celebrate' downtime like this.

I know that it's better than pouring bottles of wine down my throat but I really dislike that it's the same pattern. Why do I feel like I have to do this? I feel I need to address the reasons behind it.
What am I lacking somewhere?

It's not a biggie, I'm not too bothered by it, i just find it interesting. Why this need to do things I know are not good for me to relax? Drugs (in the past), alcohol and now sugar and food.

I used to think everyone did this, but I don't think they do.

What am I needing? Comfort? Rebelling? Letting go of 'control' maybe? And whether I figure that out or not , what can I do instead?

In the same way I used to wonder how on earth people let go and relaxed without alcohol, I wonder the same about sugary crap or 'treat' food. I feel like a lightbulb has gone off that not everyone uses or needs alcohol to wind down and it's like it's opened up a whole new world. I'd like to see the light about food as well.

If you used to use alcohol as your 'crutch' and don't now use food, what do you use? Or is that the crux of the matter? Some people don't need a crutch? Is this where our toolbox comes in?

I'm fascinated about why we do some behaviours and why some people do it one way and others another.

Is it in our nature? That feels a bit defeatist. Is it upbringing? Societal? Brain chemistry?

In short, I may have stopped using alcohol as my wind down but I have swapped it for another 'drug' of choice. I'd like to get my head around not needing anything to fall into. Live a more balanced life where I don't need to escape from.

Bit of a deep conversation for a Sunday morning but I'm procrastinating about doing some work. 🤣

whatever47 · 29/08/2021 10:29

Morning @Breathmiller,
I have no experience to share or advice to give relating to your questions as I'm just starting my sober journey so it's all about the alcohol. However I really understand why you are trying to unpick moving onto other "rewards" and why you feel you need them. Quitting addictive substances (junk food included) makes you rethink and analyse so much, I'm finding this experience needs so much headspace and it is emotionally draining too!
But thank God for this thread, it's helped immeasurably xx

Breathmiller · 29/08/2021 10:55

Thanks whatever . Sorry, i didn't mean to give you something else to think about. You are doing so well giving up the alcohol. It can be all consuming at the beginning.

I also found though that it gave me headspace. I had forgotten that for a moment. I didn't have to think "would I have a drink that day? would I have a couple? Get pissed? Had some last night so probably shouldn't
Should have a day off..." on and on and on. That was very freeing actually. The answer was always 'I'm not drinking today' and I could just let it go and move on.

But, I can see that in some ways it takes up headspace in other ways and interesting that at least for today I have filled it with other questions. Hmm...(healthy) food for thought.

I've just had an interesting discussion with my dh around upbringing. We both had very critical parents and last night an older woman I know through work, who is a very motherly figure, sent me the most wonderful message of how she thinks I don't realise sometimes how brilliant I am at what I do and that I have changed her life. It was quite remarkable how emotional it made me to get that validation as I don't tend to think like that. Tend towards imposter syndrome a bit. So the word 'reward' you used is interesting. I felt validated, seen, appreciated and I suppose rewarded by her words. Maybe having a lack of that cheerleading in life from parents means I have been rewarding myself in other ways.

It has made me think about the words I can use with my children and to make sure I realise the impact.

Perriwinkles · 29/08/2021 12:32

Hello everyone. I hope you’re all enjoying a Sunday afternoon sans hangover.

@Breathmiller
I’m only 8 days into my AF lifestyle but I gave it up for 30 days at a time in the past and when I was sick when I was much younger, I had to cut down significantly for quite some time. I have always substituted with other substances/indulgences. When I was younger, it was shopping and now it is sugar and treats. I convince myself I deserve it as I’m not drinking but I know it’s not sustainable.

I know others don’t need these rewards but everyone is different. I have used food as an emotional crutch since I was a child. Sometimes it’s recommended to observe the craving sensation instead of reaching for the crisps or chocolate but I ate a lot of junk yesterday and am already thinking of what I’ll eat today. Mindfulness seems to be the main ‘cure’ from all I've read but I’m an impulsive, high sensation-seeking type of person; so I know it’ll be a little harder than it would be for many others. Maybe you’re similar …

The reward-seeking behaviour makes sense too. One step at a time I suppose!

Nosilayak · 29/08/2021 14:09

I've really enjoyed reading this thread. I'm ashamed to say I'm only 8 days free of alcohol and it's really difficult. I haven't said anything to people in real life as no one was aware, as far as I, that I had a problem. I've been drinking heavily for about 30 years without a break. I've so many regrets about ruining what could have been nice nights out by being drunk. My family still joke about a party I went to about 10 years ago where I got really drunk and showed myself up. I cringe with embarrassment every time they bring it up but I have to pretend to find it funny. I'm a different person when drunk, full of confidence and loud whereas in real life I'm very quiet and shy. I've suffered from some health issues recently and am awaiting an ultrasound on my liver. I lied to the nurse about how much I drink and I'm dreading it showing that I've got alcohol liver damage. I'm determined never to drink again but it's so hard and reading your stories is very encouraging.

Perriwinkles · 29/08/2021 16:04

@Nosilayak

Welcome. I’m on Day 8 too & I feel proud of it. You should be too. It really is one day at a time. xx

Nosilayak · 29/08/2021 16:11

@Perriwinckles thank you. Yes, every day is a milestone at the moment isn't it? Stay strong x