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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
moofolk · 27/08/2021 17:03

I think inside I'm worried that I won't relax enough or be enough fun if I'm not drinking.

moofolk · 27/08/2021 17:06

@SophieB100 and @whatever47

Condolences and congratulations. Must be hard, you're clearly both very tough.

✊❤️✊❤️

StayingVigilant · 27/08/2021 17:13

I understand that and felt the same too first few times I went out. Honestly it IS fine! You know deep down that alcohol absolutely doesn’t relax you and make you funnier. The drinker may think it does but… It’s all about a mindset and getting into the mood / frame of mind. When you’re getting (and do ‘get ready’ even if it’s just a bit of lip gloss & a clean pair of jeans), play loud funky music, a posh glass of your apple cider vinegar concoction. Imagine your journey, greeting your mates, being seated, ordering drinks. Think about how giddy you’ll feel seeing them, catching up, having a good old chat. You’ll be grand! 😉

whatever47 · 27/08/2021 17:46

Thank you so much everyone, this place is so welcoming, @Drybird2020 I'm so grateful for this space, thanks for your comments.
First sober Friday! Looking forward to a bright, shiny Saturday Smile

ChampooPapi · 27/08/2021 18:50

@Periwinkles your doing amazing! Well done you! The time.just passes so fast doesn't it and to think back even over the last six days on this Friday and weekend about the times you COULD have caved and how crap you'd feel the next day (which would arrive in the blink of an eye).

I want to see how being sober actually feels when you reach a few months, like 'sober' is a drug itself that the more you do the more you get intoxicated by it. (If you see what I mean).

It is very corny when I write it down but I want to feel that feeling of purity and power one felt when a child or teenager and not poisoned regularly by this drug.

I'm resolute that this will be a good and productive weekend. And most importantly a sober one with NO hangover and shame.

ChampooPapi · 27/08/2021 18:52

@whatever47 no poison for you this weekend, luxuriate in some baths and clean sheeted bliss of a freshly changed bed on an early night

Peterrabbitcandoone · 27/08/2021 19:21

Hi All
It's my soberversary for 2 years in a couple of weeks. Not sure if anyones said but the book "Quit like a woman" by Holly whittaker Is amazing.
The kindest thing I've ever done for myself was quit and my anxiety is now under control. Good luck to anyone just starting out. Its true...life does get better and better xx

Breathmiller · 27/08/2021 19:39

Welcome whatever47 good to have you on board. Lots of great advice and a fab bunch of folk to boot.

2 years is amazing peterrabbit your post is so inspiring.

Perriwinkles · 27/08/2021 19:57

@Peterrabbitcandoone

This resonates with me:

The kindest thing I've ever done for myself was quit and my anxiety is now under control

Congrats on 2 years! Wow!
I have got more & more anxious over the years. My friend said earlier: ‘just have a glass of wine tonight. You’re too hard on yourself.’ But I’ll just feel guilty & horrible afterwards. I had a chipper takeaway tonight & i’ve a few AF beers & chocolate cooling in the fridge, so it’s not like I’m not having other treats!

Thanks @ChampooPapi I love the idea of reaching a purer state. I started drinking at 14 🙈 so I need to go fairly far back to remember it.

Let’s do this everyone! It’s so exciting & I love this thread. I hope you all Have a relaxing, sober, rejuvenating weekend. xxxx

whatever47 · 27/08/2021 21:05

Thank you @Breathmiller and @champoopapi!
I've made it past 9pm so that's day 2 done!
Here's to a great weekend everyone Flowers

ChampooPapi · 27/08/2021 21:07

Night you wonderful bunch, and thank you all for your support and inspirational stories and words. Your strength as well as vulnerability gives so much to do many of us, I feel very grateful to have found this thread, it's been a game changer

ChampooPapi · 27/08/2021 21:07

*to so many of us

ChampooPapi · 27/08/2021 21:08

peterrabbit your a legend and we salute you!

ChampooPapi · 27/08/2021 21:26

@whatever47 🙌

User987654124 · 27/08/2021 21:46

I’m joining you all. Ive cut my drinking down to 10-15 units a week but it doesn’t feel like I can take it or leave it and I’m so fed up of feeling anxious. I only drink 2 or (rarely) 3 drinks at a time but it’s still meaning I’m tired and more cranky 3 days a week. I just want it out of my life.

Usernameucreate · 27/08/2021 21:58

Hi Everyone,
1 month in. We went to our local pub for food tonight. The food was atrocious and the pub very noisy - but I didn't drink - so all good. Have a great sober bank holiday 😀

AlloftheTime · 27/08/2021 22:03

32 days! Another Friday evening happily sober…..
If you are just starting out then keep focused, I wasn’t sure about this but so happy I preserved.
Well done all - Whether you are a month or a year in it all starts with with first day & then week
Keep moving forward.

Clouds78 · 27/08/2021 22:38

Just checking in. 👋 been catching up on all the inspiring posts and smiling at how well everyone’s doing. It’s not easy and for those struggling, keep on going. It’s never too late to start. Had just over a week of stressful things, family issues, arguments, a party, A&E and broken bones with one of the boys. But I haven’t drank anything. I don’t want to feel the anxiety of everything worsen because I’ve succumbed to the bottle. It would have been sooo easy this week but no, it’s the end of week 5 on Sunday and I want to carry this on. Being on here is one of my rocks, thanks everyone!

Perriwinkles · 27/08/2021 23:15

@Clouds78
Good on your for not succumbing to the bottle. You're making new healthier habits and coping mechanicms.

@AlloftheTime
32 days is amazing! Well done. I'm only on Day 6 and I feel like I've achieved something! Grin

@Usernameucreate
Good for you not drinking in a pub. I think that must be one of the hardest settings not to drink in since they exist to serve drink; so go you! You can conquer anything.

@User987654124
I hear you and anxiety is a great reason to quit. I'm really hoping my anxiety will decrease too as my alcohol habit goes...

Perriwinkles · 27/08/2021 23:20

@moofolk

I was thinking of you earlier as I was listening to one of Annie Grace's podcasts. I know you had asked if anyone had tips for how to go out to pubs, meeting friends etc. and not drink. I didn't have any tips as I'm new to AF living but what Annie G had to say might help.

She said every craving is there because, on some level, we feel doing it would be of benefit to us. She said it's best to get very curious about why we feel it would be of benefit to us. For example, I'm meeting friends next month and it has been planned as a 'boozy lunch.' I feel the benefit of drinking is that I won't let my friends down and that they'll think I'm great fun and I'll be included. It sounds lame but it's the truth. People sometimes say 'ah you're no fun anymore' to people who don't drink much anymore and I think that's where that comes from. Yet, my real friends should simply accept it if I don't drink and I am well able (surely?) to socialise without drinking...

What do you think the benefit might be in your case?

StayingVigilant · 28/08/2021 00:56

I think it’s human nature to want to fit in. Unfortunately we live in a culture where booze isn’t just acceptable but encouraged and people who don’t partake are viewed as unusual. I think it’s perfectly natural to be concerned about that when we stop drinking. I was definitely concerned about this!
A neighbour has been t-total for years and I’ve always considered him odd because he never drank at the various social events. So I always assumed that’s what people will think of me when I quit. Odd. However, a friend from my old city quit a couple of years ago and I don’t find that or her odd at all. I think my reasons for quitting are similar to hers so there’s that resonance. Plus, she’s still a laugh. We can still have the same conversations (bonus is we remember them the next day). Plus when I have been out with friends (who all drink) they’ve treated me the same as always. Certainly not as an oddball. A couple have enquired about the why and how etc but aren’t judging me. We still have just as good times as always. I now consider that non-drinking neighbour and realise that it’s not him being sober that’s odd - it’s him as a whole.
What im trying to say is that we can attach meaning to something that isn’t true and start believing it. I think you have to trust that you’re a great person without the booze and that you’re friends will continue to love you regardless.

ChampooPapi · 28/08/2021 17:03

Arhhhh, I'm having a super craving day/afternoon, literally thinking about alcohol every 5 minutes! I need to white knuckle this don't I? About to have a bath and have a word with myself 😕

AlloftheTime · 28/08/2021 17:16

@ChampooPapi

Arhhhh, I'm having a super craving day/afternoon, literally thinking about alcohol every 5 minutes! I need to white knuckle this don't I? About to have a bath and have a word with myself 😕
@ChampooPapi hey there! Well done for posting not drinking. Enjoy your bath and yes have a word, a kind word with yourself. You’re just a few days in front of me and I have no wish to overtake you - I need you ahead to keep aiming higher x
Perriwinkles · 28/08/2021 17:17

@ChampooPapi Stay strong and breathe.

Maybe write down how you feel? Try to figure out why you’re craving a drink. Then imagine if you had just had it. How do you feel now? I often do that when I’m trying to give up anything. I imagine I’ve just given in & ask myself how I feel.

I’m on Day 7 & just enjoyed a non-alcoholic beer.

ChampooPapi · 28/08/2021 17:22

Thank you so much both for your responses, I needed to come back from the bath to find those! I won't cave tonight I promise 💪💪 had a serious wobble though