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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
ChampooPapi · 25/08/2021 13:35

Thanks @Perriwinkles , I've got to stay vigilant though on that one because I regularly do months off. I just have terrible impulse control when I do drink and go at it with a thirst! I know I have a problem with alcohol, it doesn't matter how long I don't drink for I will never be able to be certain I'll be able to control my drinking once I start. Never.

My starting goal is 4 months no alcohol. I hope it extends to the rest of my life. But i know for certain if I decide to drink again it will never be something i have in the house or use at home again

Perriwinkles · 25/08/2021 19:32

@ChampooPapi

Yeah some vigilance is key … I had a stressful experience tonight & was tempted by wine but reached for a non-alcoholic beer instead. I need to prove to myself that I can cope with stress, have fun & enjoy life without alcohol. I think we all can.

AlloftheTime · 25/08/2021 21:18

@Clouds78 just wondering how you are doing?
Another quiet day for me and plenty of thinking and list making going on.
Hope you’ve all had a good day

VivianK · 25/08/2021 21:55

Fab day by the seaside. Lots of triggers but think I've made it through. Just about to have bedtime cup of tea

Perriwinkles · 25/08/2021 22:31

Tea tastes even better when off the booze.

Day 4 ✔️

Good night all.

SophieB100 · 25/08/2021 22:47

Hi
Posted on the old thread, and haven't checked in for a couple of weeks.
Still sober. Just.

My world fell apart when my lovely dad, who was my rock died suddenly just over a week ago.

Am doing my best to hold it all together for my kids who adored their grandpa. Am supporting my mum as best I can (but we have always had a difficult relationship). It's hard, but I'm trying to make him proud.

I can't catch up with all the messages, but I will do when things settle a bit.

Take care everyone.
Soph

StayingVigilant · 25/08/2021 23:57

Oh no Soph! I was thinking about you yesterday and today and wondering how you were getting along. So so sorry to hear about your dad. Just awful. Incredibly difficult in so many ways. Huge well done in staying off the booze! Plus holding it together for your kids and mum but remember some self care! Sending love and strength xx

AlloftheTime · 26/08/2021 08:09

Sop - be kind to yourself right now and stay strong, however difficult it seems you can get through this time.

Hugs

Drybird2020 · 26/08/2021 09:09

I'm so sorry, soph.

Very well done staying sober. It must be even more difficult with such a loss to process. Booze wouldn't help. Take care of yourself in between taking care of your family.

OP posts:
deathbyprocrastination · 26/08/2021 10:46

@SophieB100 so sorry about your Dad. You must be having a very difficult time and it's amazing that you are staying sober through it. It will undoubtedly enable you to handle it all better, though I can totally imagine how tempting it must be to drink. Thinking of you.

Day 26 for me today. Feeling resolute!

ChampooPapi · 26/08/2021 11:37

@SophieB100 very sorry about your father. Your being so strong

Perriwinkles · 26/08/2021 12:11

@SophieB100

My condolences to you & your family. Flowers

Breathmiller · 26/08/2021 12:37

Oh sophieB I am so sorry to hear about your dad.
And well done at not drinking. I was thinking how you need to take extra care of yourself right now and alcohol wouldn't really do that.
Lots of love and hugs to you.

SophieB100 · 26/08/2021 14:39

Thank you so much for your kind words everyone. I know we are all just strangers on the internet, but your words really help.
I'll keep checking in and willing you all on as and when I can.
I'm taking this sad time like I take staying sober - one day at a time.
Love to all
Soph

Breathmiller · 26/08/2021 17:09

Flowers sophie

VivianK · 26/08/2021 23:14

@SophieB100 so sorry to hear your sad news. Do take care.

Still sober here. Starting to enjoy some sober alternatives. Strawberry ice cream cone anyone Smile

whatever47 · 27/08/2021 11:22

Hi everyone, I would love to join the thread please. I'm a long term lurker...but have been plucking up the courage to jump in. Reading @SophieB100ophieb's post was a turning point. It is amazing how you have stayed sober recently, you are an inspiration.
My brother died in a motorbike accident a year ago and I have been self medicating very heavily since which has led to all kinds of issues too long to list right now.
Yesterday was my day 1 which wasn't too bad since I had the most horrendous hangover after yet another evening of drinking 2 bottles of red.
Just wanted to send virtual hugs to SophieB100 and all of you fabulous people.
It's so true, one day at a time. Only this time I am so determined after so many failed attempts at moderating. It just doesn't work for me.

whatever47 · 27/08/2021 11:23

Sorry mucked up @SophieB100's user name, such a newbie!

ChampooPapi · 27/08/2021 13:32

@whatever47 welcome 🙌

Checking in for day 34

whatever47 · 27/08/2021 13:42

Hi @ChampooPapi!
Day 34...I can only dream! Well done xx

moofolk · 27/08/2021 14:20

Hi!

I'm only a few weeks in and surprised by how little the idea of drinking appeals to me.

However, I haven't really done anything or seen anyone in the evenings and it's now the bank holiday weekend ... I think I'll find it hard to go 'out', but am meeting friends and socialising, which i do want to do.

Any tips or motivational advice for not drinking ... at a pub / bar / party ....?

Drybird2020 · 27/08/2021 14:21

Welcome @whatever47. I am so sorry about your brother. Grief can be a massive trigger for substance abuse, as you so rightly say. I did it too after a similarly sudden loss of a sibling. It didn't help.

In 33 days you will be on 34, like @ChampooPapi! Hold on to that.

OP posts:
Perriwinkles · 27/08/2021 14:43

Welcome @whatever47 I'm a newbie too. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. One day at a time. Flowers

Self-medicating is common for drinkers, I'd say. I have treated alcohol as the solution to all kinds of problems and I'm eventually at the stage where I realise I can't go on like that. I just hope the abstinence lasts.

Checking in on Day 6 AF.

StayingVigilant · 27/08/2021 15:44

@ChampooPapi day 34!!! Check you out! 👏🏻
Welcome @whatever47 so sorry for your loss! As you already know, alcohol doesn’t actually help but it’s not an easy first step to take so huge well done to you!
@moofolk have a plan. Friends over to yours then make sure you have some nice AF alternatives for you to have if you’re serving alcohol to others. Going to a BBQ, dinner at someone else’s then take things with you. Never rely on them having something you fancy. I’ve taken nosecco, AF G&Ts, and AF beers to friends’ houses a few times now. No one ever cares! I’ve yet to go to a bar, pub or restaurant where they don’t serve a non-alcoholic alternative. There’s usually AF beer available or mocktails if you don’t fancy a softie. But have a think beforehand about what kind of drink you’d like to order. I enjoy just a tonic with ice and lemon. Doesn’t have to an AF version. Have a few ideas before you go then you won’t be too stumped. But most of all enjoy! And remember no one actually cares!!

moofolk · 27/08/2021 17:03

Thanks @StayingVigilant that's all good advice. Particularly the reminder that nobody else cares!

I like a lime and soda as it has that little kick that I crave.

At home I like (hear me out) sparkling water with a little apple cider vinegar and honey in. Gives that back of the throat hit, and is way nicer than it sounds!

Have a good weekend everyone.