Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

[Drybird2020]

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives.

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Oh no. Poor you kindtomyself
Never a more apt time to practise your username. Hope you feel better soon. Imagine if you had a hangover on top?

Exactly @Breathmiller would be even worse and yes trying to live up to my name 😊

@Adm1010 Please don't worry, there's no need to apologise, you didn't say anything I don't already know myself. I've already been through the same thing with my mum and she hardly ever drank but developed liver problems and passed away very soon after. Unfortunately, I have all the same symptoms as her and I've also drunk heavily for over 30 years. I have no one but myself to blame and I'm praying that by going AF now I can stop the clock. Trouble is, when I feel really low, like today, the only thing that comforts me is alcohol. I'm just off for my flu jab and it's in my head to call into asda on the way home and buy some alcohol so I've something to look forward to tonight. The only thing that is stopping me is that I have more tests next week and I haven't drunk for weeks and I'll feel like it was all a waste of effort if I go and ruin it now.

@Nosilayak you can fight that voice . Just remember why it’s doing it … you can fight it .

@Adm1010 thank you x

nosilyak you can do this. Don't make things harder for yourself, don't go in to Asda at all. I know I did that at the beginning. If I knew the temptation was to buy something I just wouldn't go to the shops. I once got a drive thru mcdonalds for lunch rather than risk going to the shop for some lunch as I knew I was tempted and would have put something in my basket without even thinking about it.

@Nosilayak you can do this. Sorry you’re feeling low but I’m sure you can stop the clock.

I’ve just been to the shop for a loaf of bread and realised how absolutely paranoid I am. I spend my time looking out for people I know and dodging them, I think I’ve got a reputation for being a piss head (according to my ‘d’ h) and I’m now just so ashamed of how I’ve been in the past. Omg 😳. The thing is I’ve tried to be someone I’m not by drinking. Trying to be party, social kindtomyself when actually I’m not like that and possibly never have been. I’m actually quite quiet and introverted and like reading and gardening. Catherine Gray’s book probably resonates with me the most.

kindtomyself its all too easy to start getting paranoid about other people's thoughts. I know I feel much more at ease about it now I have done something and am still doing something about it.

But I also realised from some people's reactions that they didn't think it was such a big issue for me at all. I presumed everyone and their dog thought that I was a total pisspot. But in truth they probably weren't giving it as much thought as I imagined.

Hold your head high. You feel there is an issue in your life and you are taking steps to sort it out. You should be very proud of yourself.

I definitely find it easier now to be open that I have decided not to drink and why. No big deal- I smile and say "I wasn't great at stopping at one or two so I feel better just not drinking at all"

But I felt paranoid at the beginning that everyone must think I'm a raging alcoholic. It has taken time to be more at ease about it all. I hope it eases soon for you too.

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. I'm back home now, had the flu jab and drove straight past ASDA, so it looks like the only thing I'll be knocking back tonight is Appletise on the rocks but I know I'll thank myself in the morning!

Saturday night and I’m day off tomorrow so obviously the voice has started … one won’t hurt etc . It’s just so bloody strong the urge . It’s maddening!!!

Anyway the plan is to eat exactly what I want so that will be a takeaway chicken wrap, chips and onion rings and watch something good on telly!

And tomorrow when I wake early and have a three hour drive to do I’ll be thankful I’m sober and hangover free .

Happy sober Saturday everybody

Evening. I’ve read all posts with interest since my last and you are all doing great holding it together! Sorry I’m not name checking properly , I’m in bath with tiny phone and going back and forth on the thread tres tricky and when I try I end up losing my post every time! I can remember enough to say poster with miserable job, I hope you get another better one really quickly. And Breathmiller, I’m pretty confident we ALL eat junk at the weekend. That is fine, you have done so well in stressful times you need to go easy on yourself. I have a lifetime of screwed up eating, and we are always our toughest critics.
I Just wanted to say stay strong @Nosilayakand @Adm1010. Saturday night is surely the absolute toughest shift on the sobriety rota. I’m in bath now with an AF beer after prepping dinner in kitchen listening to music and pouring DH a G&T. I could 😢 I want a Prosecco so badly, but I know we can all do this together. X

@Breathmiller. I’ve read back my post and I don’t mean you have a lifetime of screwed up eating. I mean I have a history and so I hope I can empathize with that feeling of trying and thinking you are failing to eat healthily all the time. Sorry!

Tried Nosecco this evening. Was nice. Not sure it tasted like wine particularly. Thought of my sober-sisters on this thread. Watched Strictly Come Dancing ( recorded, sped-up version. )

Morning !!

Up and sober . Ready to take my son back to uni today . Lovely to be doing it without an hangover .

Hope everyone is feeling fresh and positive

Morning. Day 22. Still poorly with head cold/temperature etc but I’VE NOT HAD A DRINK FOR 21 DAYS so I’m still winning.

It will be another day of relaxing for me and hopefully I will feel loads better tomorrow. I would normally be trying to cope with a hangover (I would have managed to have alcohol last night despite feeling rough ‘it would take the edge off’).

Hope your DS settles back in fine at Uni @Adm1010 and great you can take him feeling fresh as a daisy.

@iamyourequal I also have a lifetime of screwed up eating- I’m not a massive junk fooder (although have my moments) but practically starved myself in my teens and early twenties. Since then my weight has fluctuated but mostly slim - ish BUT I always feel guilty eating I’m also convinced my metabolism is buggered cos I put on weight so easily. Anyhow enough about me . Hope you all have fabulous days

No need to apologise iamyourequal I understood what you meant. 😊
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

I do have disordered eating and I had an eating disorder when I was a teenager, but I had quite a chaotic home life generally and it was seen by psychologists as a reaction to that.

I've definitely also mucked up my metabolism over the years. Chris moyles once summed up his body issues as "my weight goes up and down more often than a bride's nightie". That's me! I'm always amazed at people who stay roughly the same weight in life. It's more than likely that my mum has had an eating disorder her whole life, in fact my step dad admitted recently that he believes she has been anorexic at times.

I do agree that the weekend should be a little less rigid and a bit more treat/junk food is okay. It's so similar to my drinking habits though. It's the amount that makes it an issue. In the same way some people can be alcohol free during the week then have a couple of drinks at the weekend, there are also people who can eat healthily during the week then relax a bit at the weekend. I seem to find striking that healthy balance difficult regardless of whether it's alcohol/drugs(in the past) and food. In some ways the alcohol is easier because I can make the decision to just not have any. But food is harder of course.

But sometimes I think that I do drink, i drink water, and juice and AF drinks. I have just cut out drinks that have alcohol in them. So maybe I need to think the same with food. Cut out completely the food with things in it I know are bad for me. But then that tips back into the whole feast or famine idea. And I know that's not good for me.

I do seem to be an all or nothing kind of person. And I know that the binge eating and the issue i have with drinking and the issue I have with eating are linked to the same root. I suppose now that I'm (mainly) out of the fog of alcohol I can try to address other things. And maybe even get to the root cause.

But, another weekend of not drinking so I keep that in mind. If I can do this I do feel that I must be able to get the same freedom from food issues. In the same way that the constant conversations in my head about whether I would drink or not that day was exhausting, so too is the food chatter.

Anyway, have a good Sunday all. My son has covid but the rest of us have tested negative so a quieter week ahead for us I think.

Morning all. Checking in at day 22.

Went to a party last night, stayed AF, drove there and back. Feel so much better for it today and even managed to have a sober dance and a good laugh with friends I haven’t seen for ages.

Tried AF cider. It’s not for me. In fact, I haven’t ever enjoyed an AF alcohol substitute. I’ll stick to water I think.

Still very tired as it was a late night and the little one woke me up a couple of times but wow if I feel this tired and headachy now, how bad would I have felt with all the wine on board!!

Keep going everyone x

@Breathmiller yep all or nothing here too and I know it’s to do with childhood stuff- emotionally neglected/abuse. I just don’t really know how to make it better. My brain has been wired to think I’m not good enough and that I won’t amount to much blah blah and I’m trying hard to rewire but it’s really hard. How I think is ‘normal’ to me but ideally I’d like to think like someone else .

Hope you’re son is feeling ok and that you enjoy the quiet time.

Glad you enjoyed the party sober @StopWineIng it’s great that you danced, laughed and had fun. Alcohol has definitely been lying to us

Hi everyone, hope it’s ok if I join this group!

I have been a problem drinker for about 20 years, always drinking too much at home, can’t stop after a couple etc. It hasn’t affected my job or anything but i did used to go out and get into a state, have trouble getting home and things, get lost on routes I had done many times before. I used to think I would get older and it would stop, I would naturally grow out of it but it didn’t happen.

So I read Allan Carrs book last year and i quit for about 3 months, then decided I would try and cut down, I couldn’t imagine life without a drink, not really. Christmas, dinner out etc. But soon I was back to drinking almost every night, and I found myself looking at the clock earlier and earlier, hoping it was time.

3 weeks ago I made the decision to quit fully, if I can’t moderate I would rather not drink at all. I’ve lost half a stone already and feel amazing. I honestly don’t feel deprived, my DH drinks and I don’t feel any temptation. I am looking forward to the rest of my life being healthy, exercising, being present for my child.

I really recommend the Allan Carr book, I also read Alcohol Lied To Me and the combination has given me really helpful ways to think about drinking. This turned into a long post, I even had ‘wine’ in my user name so had to change it first 😂 This seems like a great thread for support and solidarity, thank you!

Checking in, another AF weekend almost done! I had friends to stay, made abit easier as friend is pregnant so was also not drinking. Had a bit of a wobble when looking at the beers my husband/hers were drinking but stuck with the becks blue.

I was bought wine as a gift so now it’s stuck in the fridge. I’m going to put it somewhere else but I’m not really happy having it in the house! I think I need to gift it to someone quick, or tell my husband to hide it really well until Christmas when I can offer it to guests!

Well done everyone for resisting over the weekend.

Welcome @Goldshelfie you’ve come to a good place for support and understanding. Well done on the 3 weeks. I have given up for the same reason s as have many of us health and children. I will be AF 4 weeks tomorrow and I think I am a much better parent because of it. I have so much more patience, am giving them so much more time and more of myself because I am not prioritising alcohol over them. Bedtimes are just lovely as I’m not rushing off to open a bottle. I am less tired/grumpy. Just so much the better option. I haven’t read the Allen Carr but am working my way for some other AF books, several at a time so I can choose which one depending on my mood. I find they are really helping me reconsider my relationship with alcohol and strengthening my resolve.

Hi all, I'm returning.

I was hanging out here in June/July time, but a family BBQ and family holiday foiled me.

At the end of august I started the 30 day experiment, I'm on day 28 now and don't miss alcohol a bit.

I listened Unexpected Joy of Being Sober again and picked up some more points that I'd forgotten the first time, and repeated some tips in my mind which has helped immeasurably.
So alcohol now barely enters my brain.

In fact, September had our anniversary, DH birthday and my birthday and I still didn't have the urge to drink.

However, the experiment is coming to an end, the little group I'm in will be ending. As it is, there's only me and one other left.

I'm not sure what happens once the 30 days is up though.

Abstinence of course, but just on your own?

Hi everyone and welcome to the new members. I've been reading through your posts and you are all doing so well staying AF. It really gives me staying power and encouragement when I think of how strong you are all being. We can do this together.

@Goldshelfie moderating is rock hard if you have an alcohol dependence . I go so far as to say impossible

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou post on here you won’t be going it alone .

I’m having a very dull evening . Feel like the hours are stretching ahead of me .

Checking in 🙌

@Adm1010 you did so well to push past the cravings, you did it! You and you alone, you are amazing 😊

@ChampooPapi Thankyou x