Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

[Drybird2020]

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives.

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

@Breathmiller keep strong when that voice starts … I’m expecting it later as well . I’m ready … I think!

@Breathmiller when I am trying to avoid the junk I make an enormous pile of healthy snacks in advance so I have something to snack on. Today I made hummus and I will cut up a load of crudités. Would it work for you?

I will not drink tonight 🙏

Checking in 🙌

Checking in!

Got a rhubarb flavoured sparkling water and some ice set and waiting for a takeaway. Sober Friday here I come! Keep strong everyone!

@Nosilayak thank you, I felt better working today. Just a relief that my time is limited there, now Ive decided I can’t stay. Not sure how long it will take me to find a different job but in a small way I started feeling abit detached from it all.

Checking in too. Day 30. This thread is keeping me on the straight and narrow!
Happy sober weekend everyone

@Kittenminion where is the rhubarb flavoured water from please? That sounds lovely

Checking in while I am in the queue for fuel - off the road and engine off! I have very little fuel so not panic buying and need fuel to get to work (NHS) tomorrow so a bit frustrated. However, what a revelation to be driving on a Friday night when I'd usually be on the sofa with a glass of wine (or 3). Happy Friday everyone

@SoberSept21 it’s made by Dalstons. They come in a multipack of 4 cans, I got them from sainsburys. They also have a cherry and an apple flavour. They are lovely, not too sweet!

@Kittenminion thank you, I remember seeing the brand but hadn't clocked the rhubarb one - I'll give it a go

Evening everyone! I haven’t been on for a few weeks but just wanted to say that There’s some fabulous progress here. Blooming well done 👏🏻 Aren’t we amazing? 🥳
I’ve just come in from a lovely night out with 3 friends who all drank whilst I stuck to AF beer. I’ve only been out with them once before as a non-drinker (due to restrictions) but it’s the first time with friends that my not drinking is no longer a novelty. Not a talking point. It’s actually very very normal. So refreshing! I’ve just clocked 280 days - 9 months! So it has taken a while to get to this stage but then there’s not been much socialising and therefore opportunities to practice.
Have fabulous weekends everyone!

Minor wobble from me yesterday when hubby was enjoying a beer in the sunshine and talking about how great it was.

The little voice saying “well you’ve proven now you don’t need a drink so why don’t you enjoy a glass of bubbles”?

It’s always the treat yourself motivation I struggle with. Easier to say no to then the “I need a drink” because I don’t want to feel x negative emotion but also makes me feel like a miserable killjoy.

Proud to be almost 3 weeks sober though and know I can do it for the long haul. A friend said well done, that’s great when I told her I wasn’t drinking and it really gave me the boost I needed.

@Newmum29 the brain is incredibly powerful . It’s doing it’s job!! It sees sunshine and beer and off it goes! The reward centre in your brain KNOWS this combination of things make you feel PLEASURE so it fights for it . Your brain is screaming for it … it needs its dopamine … it’s reward … it’s fix … that’s why you have associations , your brain has a clear cut pathway … it’s done it before , it recognises it, the sun the beer the PLEASURE the REWARD . Your brain will try to win to get its reward . That’s why that voice is so bloody powerful and why we have to remember at that point when our brain is screaming , that yes, it will get its fix ( that first feeling when you swallow the bubbles ) but we KNOW what comes next ( drunk , feeling terrible , hangover , spiralling ) but our brain conveniently try’s to block out that part to get its FIX .
You can fight it when you know why it’s doing it x

@StayingVigilant what an achievement . Well done

@SoberSept21 driving in the evening surprises me as well ! Like I shouldn’t be there ! I’ve had years and years of my day being cut off at a certain time to “ start drinking “ that going out in the car at 7pm seems alien

Stayingvigilant 9 months is brilliant- pat on the back and thanks for sharing. I managed to be AF when out last night which another small victory.
Newmum well done you - that voice in your head can seem very persuasive. Waking up feeling clear headed is a great reward though, enjoy the weekend.
Checking in before a dry weekend.

Hi! Lurking on this thread. Question to a couple of posters - how do you know when you have got liver damage. The reason I ask is because I am now AF after a torrid lockdown but am afraid the damage may already have been done. How do you know?

Sorry @Heyelp I’m guessing you’d need your GP to do an LFT (liver function test) by taking a blood sample.
@Newmum29 and @Adm1010 that’s why it’s so important to set new associations and/or have AF replacements. Get yourself some AF beers newmum then you can enjoy sitting in the garden with your DH. I thought I’d never enjoy that but now I often have a 00 Heineken or a 0 Stella Artois or a becks blue. All bottles as I find drinking from the bottle more in keeping. A bit like having a special glass.

I feel you @Newmum29! and @Adm1010 those were exactly my thought processes last night as well. It shows how it is an addiction really because it's not a unique feeling at all, it does the same to all of us in one way or a other.

I was craving to which Is why I posted, got through with food and the thread 🙏

Treating myself tonight to an AF beer I think

Morning everyone, Saturday is the most challenging day for me and I've got my flu jab this morning, so feeling a bit low. With regards to the liver damage question, I had actually cut back on my drinking earlier this year but not gone totally AF. I started having strange symptoms a few months ago, aches and pains across my chest, abdominal discomfort, throbbing pain in my right hand side and aching in my right shoulder. Lighter coloured stools (sorry if tmi, but you did ask),a feeling of extreme fatigue and hot sweats. Frighteningly, some people have no symptoms at all until it is too late. I then had too high results on liver function tests ordered by the gp and liver ultrasound. I'm now waiting for more tests but things are moving slowly with the NHS in my area at the moment. I am absolutely terrified and it has certainly been the kick up the behind I needed to stop drinking completely.

@Heyelp I can’t go into to much detail but I had a fibro scan . I had no symptoms apart from a vague dull ache right upper abdo ( where the liver is )
The problem with the liver is that by the time actual real symptoms present ( jaundice lethargy pale stools abdominal swelling etc) the damage is too far gone and at that point is NOT reversible . Fibro scans can show early damage at the potentially reversible stage before symptoms present .
If you are drinking at risk levels ( for females over 30 units a week or over 6 units in a single session regularly I. E binging ) you could be referred for bloods and potentially a fibro scan .

Sounds like that's me done for then.

stayingvigilant 👏🎉🎊 well done on your 9 months!! That's amazing. So good to hear that you are doing so well. And that you are navigating nights out with ease.

newmum that is one of the hardest voices I think. And it comes to us all I think. But, for me, it's a voice that passes if I just notice and don't listen to it. I have listened to it in the past hence a few times at stopping. But now I know it's a lie. I had to listen to it a few times though to figure that out. It shows why stayingvigilant's name is so apt.

drybird thanks. Yes, having healthy snacks ready has helped me before so I will keep that in mind for my next Friday.

I failed at the not binge eating yesterday. I finished work earlier than usual and hadn't eaten yet. And I came home flopped on the sofa and ate and ate. Not all junk but definitely over ate. But something seemed different. I noticed that's what I was doing and at a point where I felt uncomfortable from being full I stopped! Usually I would just keep going. The same way I would have done with booze before. That kind of feeling of "well I've failed again at stopping/limiting- so I may as well keep going as a punishment" . Does anyone relate to that thought?

But, I didn't keep going. I stopped. And what's more I didn't eat again for the rest of the day. Not because I was punishing myself or feeling like I should never eat again feeling but I checked in and I trully wasn't hungry. So I didn't need food. I was thirsty though so had a glass or two of fizzy water which I enjoyed.

Something came up for me though and I remember feeling like that with alcohol too. I was tired! I had had a busy week and did 2 x 12 hour shifts on Wednesday and Thursday and my son was up through the night on Thursday so I was understandably tired. And what I really wanted to do was go for a nap. But, kids in the house and generally feeling I shouldn't be napping during the day meant I didn't feel I could go lie down and sleep. So, i 'relaxed' by eating and in the past by drinking. Which somewhere in my mind meant I was still 'present' for my responsibilities. But of course that's wrong thinking. What I really should have done was 'treat' myself to a nap. The world won't stop because I catch up on some sleep.

Anyway, once I noticed what was going on I stopped eating/binging and got my knitting out (blanket for my baby grandson) and put my earphones in and treated myself to being read a book. Now, that was a treat. And much better for me than 2 bottles of wine and/or crisps and chocolate.

Thank you adm101 for all the reward centre info. It helps me a lot to know how the brain is working and how I can work with it not against it.

Hope you all have a good weekend. My lovely plans I had have changed as we seem to have covid in the house so just waiting to get PCRs today. Older son not feeling well then tested positive last night on and LFT. All the fun of the fair.

@Nosilayak I’m so sorry I cross posted and that’s the danger on these forums I’ve read my post back and it sounds so final .

Liver damage is the later stages ( with symptoms isn’t generally reversible but the PROGRESS can be stopped by stopping drinking . You basically stop the clock !! And THEN if you start drinking again the journey towards liver failure starts again . So whilst you can’t reverse at certain stages you can prevent worsening .hope that makes sense XX

Morning all. Day 21. I feel dreadful massive head cold thing but could be worse I’d probably have forced some wine down my neck last night when I was still boozing and I’d have woken up feeling even worse.

I’m also putting on weight which I’m pissed off about and need to lose half a stone as a starter. I’m trying to be kind to myself but bloody hell I really want to feel well.

Sorry for the moan, I am reading all the messages but feel too poorly to respond