Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

[Drybird2020]

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives.

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

It's been a couple of days since I last checked in. Day 17 for me and it's okay - the wine witch is certainly getting more quiet.
Have a good nights sleep everyone x

Sorry you are feeling a bit flat breathmiller.

Morning . Checking in.

I popped on the scales this morning and I’ve lost 5 pound which I’m happy with . I think it’s probably a combination of no alcohol and less takeaways . I’ve eaten what I want and not thought about “ dieting “ but I’ve definitely become less lazy ( lethargic ) so I’m not calling out for food as much and making more effort to cook . Hopefully the scales will keep going down . I have a lot of weight to lose

Did anyone read Zoe Williams' article in the Guardian yesterday, about Generation X drinkers? I'm an X and recognised a lot in the descriptions of 90s drinking culture. It's also interesting that alcohol consumption has peaked and younger generations drink much less than we did.

Morning everyone, @Adm1010 Congratulations on your weight loss, that's a great achievement. It doesn't matter how much you've got to lose, it's what you've lost already that counts. Also, going AF and trying to lose weight at the same time is so hard. I've got over 3 stone to lose and I'm hoping being AF will help with the weight loss but I've got terrible sugar cravings at the moment. None of this is easy, but it's worth it.

I’m about to finish work and I’ve been given tomorrow off . Time owing .

But the voices have started . The I deserve a drink one . I may need support tonight please

Hi @Adm1010
Relative newbie here (day 29) so I don't have many words of wisdom except to say you've done so well, don't succumb to the wine witch! Play the evening forward; how will you feel in the morning if you give in? Is it worth it? Definitely not.
Be strong

Thankyou . I’m sat in the dark sulking . My husbands out at a work thing so it was just me for tea . I made bacon and egg on buttery toast and scoffed the lot . Followed by a mini roll . But I’m drinking water …

I’m feeling angry . Angry I can’t be “ normal “ the voice has gone into “ you’re overreacting mode “ so bloody predictable …

But I’m not overreacting . I have liver damage . Caused by alcohol … but my brain is telling me I’m overreacting? How screwed up is this ?

@Adm1010
I get you. It’s so hard, isn’t it? Could you try a nice non-alcoholic drink? I’m drinking a cordial with fizzy water and before that I had crisps and chocolates (while waiting on my tea to cook!). I know it’s not the best but it certainly helps me avoid boozing! Stay strong

You can do this @Adm1010. It’s a trying time but you can manage. Just get through tonight and don’t think any further than that. I’m off for a long weekend from work and of course everyone is going out or having a drink in tonight to celebrate being off tomorrow. I’m going to resist because I know how happy I feel getting up in the morning, and clocking up another AF day under my belt. I bet you do too?

@Perriwinkles I don’t really drink soft drinks other than water or vimto . I’m a coffee drinker but not in the evening .

I think it’s peaked now , it seems to be easing off and I’m thrilled I didn’t listen

I appreciate the support

@iamyourequal sorry xposted I’m off for the long weekend as well … we can get FOMO and sulk together … then be smug that we have no hangover

I’m actually really looking forward to a long lie without feeling at all hungover. I’m tempting fate, I will probably wake up riddled with a stinking cold tomorrow now.

Sod’s law ! but yeah now I’m over the blip I’m looking forward to a restful sleep and a hangover free day tomorrow . I have lots to do as one of my sons goes back to uni this weekend so I’ll be helping him get sorted

@Adm1010 hope the feeling has now passed and you can relax and enjoy your time off. Its so difficult isn't it? I know you've mentioned previously about your liver problems, I'm in the same position and it's so frightening. Hopefully, we are both still at the stage where we can reverse some of the damage, that's what keeps me AF. The fear of dying young because of something I've caused entirely by myself. I really wish I could turn back the clock, as I'm sure you do too, but sadly we can't. It's how we go forward from here that's going to make a difference. My son is a similar age to one of your boys and I want to watch him grow up, get married, grandchildren etc No drink is worth missing out on all that, I just wish I'd gone AF sooner but better late than never. Stay strong x

@Nosilayak it’s absolutely about us moving forward that’s the way we have to look at it . Regrets will get us nowhere

I believe from the information I’ve been given that the damage I’ve done is reversible at this stage . Thank God it’s been found early as I was largely symptom free . I can’t scupper this chance to undo what I’ve done

@Adm1010 and @Nosilayak I’m so sorry to hear about how your health has been affected, that must be very hard to bear, but you are doing the right thing by going AF and reversing the damage. Please don’t be too hard on yourself when thinking about the what ifs and regrets. We can only change the now and what comes after and you are both doing brilliantly at something that is very hard.

Thanks to everyone who followed on with thoughts about weight. I think the consensus is definitely don’t add that to the challenge right now! I think I agree and was getting a bit ahead of myself. If you have too many plates spinning they are going to fall. That said I think I’m still going to join the gym. I would like something to get me away from the sofa in the evenings, and the habit and temptation of drinking on said sofa. But I think a focus on activity/general health with no big aim or pressure is the way forward.

And if I happen to lose weight like you @Hepzibar then what an absolute lovely bonus.

I had a rubbish day at work today, I’ve had issues at work for over a year and have been treated really quite awfully. It’s created a huge amount of stress, anger and humiliation for me that has just been a toxic combination combined with the impacts of Covid/homeschooling/sick parents etc. There has been a lot of numbing/consolation/angry wine drinking because of it, it’s been a huge trigger for me.

I was humiliated today at work, and it’s made me feel awful, just useless and crap. I avoided the wine this evening, but it was hard. But today has made me realise that I need to leave. I don’t think it’s ever going to get better, I need a fresh start. I need to be in a job that isn’t so toxic. I’m quite optimistic usually, and I’ve been telling myself it will get better/I should try not to be affected by it/make excuses for people. But today has shown me that it won’t, I can’t escape the fact I’ve been treated appallingly and I don’t think I can move on from it unless I leave. My mental health will just get worse and worse - can’t sleep tonight because of it all.

I realise that the voice in my head will always find a different excuse of why a should have a glass, even if I manage to sort this aspect of my life/excuse to drink out. However I think if I leave it will help me regain lost confidence, some job satisfaction, improved mental health, reduced stress then these will all help a little with my AF-ness. I’m abit scared, my confidence has been battered, but I think I really need a change.

I dont think I’ve been able to think clearly about how my job has been making me feel. That mind numbing quality of drinking kind of disallows that, a quick fix solution without it being a solution at all. Both the drinking and hangovers stop you engaging fully with things. I have found that I have generally been able to deal with stress a bit better (without the day after tiredness/grumpiness/lack of dopamine), which Is good, but this will also allow me to start a new job (which I always find super stressful for the first few months)

Sorry rambling a bit here, and slightly off topic but connected!

Morning all
Kittenminion- don’t think it’s off topic at all and well done for coping with so much pressure. Sounds like being AF has allowed you the clarity to reassess your work situation and come up with a very reasonable solution. Your description of being numbed by alcohol is ringing bells for me!
Thanks for posting it helped me seeing in words some of the thoughts that fill my head.
Have a good Friday all - my day 60

@Kittenminion workplace stress is dreadful but will only be worse with the fog of an hangover . I really hope you manage to get a way out of this situation and we’ll done on staying sober .
I too understand the “ numbed “ feeling .
In these last ( nearly) three weeks dealing with things with clarity is a bit of an eye opener . But it feels HONEST and dare I say without sounding wanky … it feels authentic .

And thanks again for the support last night , it definitely helped me stay sober .

Well done adm101 and iamyourequal at getting through last night. Big pat on the back. I read something recently about it's fine to be happy getting through when things are going with ease, but when you are in that challenging phase and still get through them that's when the real work gets done.

I am going to try to get through my junk food cravings that will inevitably come tonight when I am tired and in weekend mode. It's all linked and all your thoughts over the week are so useful. I will try to see it's ky reward centre wanting it, not me. 🙂.

kittenminion I am so sorry you hear that you are having such a hard time at work. It seems like going AF is giving you the clarity you need to see what needs to be done. Hard decision to make but it sounds like the right one and when you find something else it will be such a relief that you got out if that toxic environment. Good luck with it all.

I have a similar toxic relationship going on, that I can't avoid at times and it's what caused my flatness last week. I am in an intense two year training course with someone I was friend's with and who I and many others believe is a narcissist. She is making life very difficult for me and I know I'm not getting as much out of the training as I could be. But I won't be pushed out as I have waited years to be able to do this and I know it is right for my career. It's a massive step up. I am doing the grey rock thing with her which works to an extent but she is full on and quite aggressive in her manner and I find myself retreating at the time. I'm quite a gregarious,chatty, generally cheery person at these things but I definitely keep quiet as she pushes herself into centre stage to show me her anger at the situation. It's fine in many ways, i just steel myself for the contact days (and they're aren't so many of them in the grand scheme of things) and then accept I will have a fallout week afterwards where I feel shit. I hate confrontation especially when it's so aggressive. Any tips from anyone who has had to do similar to someone would be great. I need to stay strong in the grey rock method as I know it is the way forward. It is just making her soooo mad and her behaviour is atrocious to me. Of course while being charming on the surface to everyone else, including the tutors who I have known for years. It's all just so unnecessary and draining.

I do think not drinking gave me the clarity to step away from the friendship as I realised not only did I not like how badly she treated everyone around her but I actually didn't like her! How awful to have been friends with her for so long. I don't know what I was doing. She really isn't a pleasant person. I have wanted out for a long time now, probably longer than I actully enjoyed the friendship but it was almost impossible to get out. I knew it would not be pretty as I've seen how she treats others when they have inevitably walked away as her behaviour is appalling. I think in some ways I was scared of her reaction.

I feel like I've come out of a fog in many ways the last year. And I do think not drinking does that. Just like drinking permeates your whole life when it's an issue, not drinking seeps in and affects your life for the better in all directions. It makes us braver to do the things we need to do.

Good luck with the weekend everyone.

@kittenminion thanks for your kind words about my health issues. I'm sorry to hear about your work problems, that must be awful for you. I've been in a similar position and I numbed those feelings every night with alcohol and when it got to the stage where I drank vodka in the toilets in the morning to get me through a stressful day, I knew I had to leave. I simply walked out one day and never went back. It caused me lots of problems, financially etc but I knew if I stayed it would eventually kill me. I am definitely not suggesting you take such an extreme measure like I did, but I totally agree that you need to find a new job and get yourself out of that horrible environment. Just remember how strong you are, battling to stay AF whilst holding down a stressful job, running a home etc and be proud of yourself. People who have to humiliate other people are sad, and are probably not half as strong as you are and we should pity them. Stay strong x