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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
AlloftheTime · 21/09/2021 22:32

Perriwinkles you have worked hard to get to this point so stick at it. ‘One day at a time’ as a mantra if that helps you remain on course.
👍

Perriwinkles · 21/09/2021 22:50

Thanks very much @AlloftheTime Best not to let hard work go to waste I suppose …

StopWineIng · 22/09/2021 03:39

@Perriwinkles if it has taken 31 days to shift that feeling, is one drink/one night of drinking really worth another 31 days of trying to shift that feeling again as it’s very very likely you will regret it once you’ve done it and start all over again.

I’ve not been well since the beginning of the weekend and it has been so nice to feel so against drinking. Like the thought of it makes me feel sick. It reminds me of a really bad hangover where you literally can’t face it. It’s actually a nice feeling whereas before deciding to go AF I’d have probably been annoyed I wasn’t well enough to drink over the weekend or even forced a glass of wine down to see how I felt. I hope this feeling stays minus the illness! It’s one of the first times I’ve really felt in control recently x

Adm1010 · 22/09/2021 05:54

@Perriwinkles that voice is the worst! The one that tells us that we weren’t THAT bad , that we’ve overreacted! Go on … one won’t hurt ! …. It’s insistent isn’t it. But we can fight it . It’s our brain playing tricks . We HAVEN’T overreacted , we WERE that bad and one definitely WILL hurt !

Get that voice told!

Adm1010 · 22/09/2021 06:41

Day 18 today , supposed to be my day off but I’ve got to go in later for a meeting . However I’ll get the hours back on Friday to get an early finish then I have a long weekend off ( sat sun mon) ….. this a few weeks ago would have heralded a good old binge! Three days off together would be the excuse I needed to drink more than ever! I would have anticipated it . Planned what I was going to have . Counted down the minutes till I could drink in encumbered.

I’m going to need to watch that the voice doesn’t start on Friday night …. You know the voice telling me what I “ deserve” that I’ve “ earned it”

I know it’s coming …..

Kindtomyself · 22/09/2021 06:42

Morning all. Day 18. @Perriwinkles that’s the Wine Witch talking! I’m trying to prepare for this happening to me, I can imagine just thinking I’ll have one drink it will be fine and before I know it I’m drinking more, suffering with anxiety, tired, irritable, puffy faced etc. I’ve been reading Quit Lit a lot and I think I may have to continue to revisit it over the coming months to remind myself about drinking and why I stopped.

Hope everyone has a good day

Hepzibar · 22/09/2021 07:06

@Kittenminion weight and health were my reasons for going AF. I liked drinking and didn't think it was a problem- until I stopped! I have said before on here that until I stopped I didn't really realise the effect it was having on me mentally. Now, I honestly wake up with a spring in my step ready for the day. Before I was sluggish, slow took ages to come round - about mid afternoon and then my thoughts turned to the bottle of wine I was/wasn't going to buy on way home. God knows how I blagged my way through my job - I am much more productive now and had a promotion!

Weight started to drop off straight away which motivated me to give it serious attention. I've lost over 3 stone since 1st January!

I would never have believed I could do this or would feel like this 9 months on, despite me devouring every post on these threads. Please don't give up/give in. I promise it is so worth it to get your life and sanity back.

Breathmiller · 22/09/2021 07:57

hepzibar what a wonderful inspiring post.

Lots of things ring true about what you are all saying. That voice of "go on- you deserve it" i feel I use that voice even more now with food because I'm not drinking. Like, because I am doing this great thing of not drinking that I deserve to let go and binge on food when it's the weekend. And of course, I know that even though I used to think that I would only drink at weekends that it didnt just happen then. It crept into the odd cheeky Monday night. And why not a Thursday night because it's nearly the weekend. Then I had a bad Wednesday so "just this week I'll drink on Wednesday ". I do the same with food. Then find I can't go one day being healthy and the voice is there all day. "Will i eat well today? Will I over eat? Do I deserve it?" The same voice about alcohol. And it's exhausting.

hepzibar can I ask what you do now if you haven't just replaced alcohol with junk food? What's your let go and release feeling at the weekend? How do you get that feeling of "I've had a long week and deserve some down time"?

I've said this before that it's the feeling or need to binge on something I need to get rid of, not just changing the thing I'm binging on. Are you able to describe what has changed for you?

I'm still feeling down at the moment. A bit flat. Just can't quite shift it. It may be a hormonal thing (im having a few menopausal issues) or life, it's quite busy and chaotic, or the last year and a half maybe catching up with me. I had a couple of big things happen on top of the whole pandemic and I do wonder if I am still processing some of it on some level. I'm just so tired.

ChampooPapi · 22/09/2021 08:41

Humble brag

Freedom!  An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.
ChampooPapi · 22/09/2021 08:41

In getting excited about the coming months 😊

Adm1010 · 22/09/2021 08:42

@Breathmiller in simplistic terms we can blame the “ reward centre “ in our brain . The alcohol has screwed our brains ability to regulate dopamine ( the pleasure chemical ) our reward centre is constantly looking for it’s “ fix “ . With years of alcohol abuse our addicted brains need more and more to recreate that “ first pleasure “ we will constantly feel like we need to seek it out.

That’s why you are looking for the “ and relax “ feeling …. And why the “ I deserve it “ voice is so powerful .

But we can fight it . If we know why we are feeling it

Adm1010 · 22/09/2021 08:49

Well done @ChampooPapi that’s really inspiring , you are right to be proud and excited

ChampooPapi · 22/09/2021 08:52

Thanks @Adm1010, it's going to be a good day today 🙌

Breathmiller · 22/09/2021 09:02

admn101 thank you! That makes sense. And, yes, it does help immensely when we know why it is happening. I kind of realise that it's the same as alcohol, sometimes I'm on it and totally in the zone of "lets do this" (like today) then other times I have tools that can help that particular 'need'. But there's always these times when we need to just plough through as best we can.
I will think on what you've said when I next feel the need to binge. Its not me, it's the reward centre of the brain and I have some level of control over that if I think like that.
Thank you.

Adm1010 · 22/09/2021 09:05

@Breathmiller you’re welcome … glad it made sense to you Star

Breathmiller · 22/09/2021 09:21

Champoopapi

Well done!! That's amazing! I love seeing the days weeks and months adding up for those that join.

ChampooPapi · 22/09/2021 10:54

@Breathmiller yes it really highlights how time also passes and that we should waste as little as possible or make the most of as much as possible! And you can't do either of those things on a hangover or wasted can you? Hope you have a good day too Breathmiller this past month has been a challenge for you as well, I can see that, and I think you've been very very pragmatic and strong, you deserve a pat on the back for all the hard work you put into sobriety because it ain't no walk in the park sometimes!

Perriwinkles · 22/09/2021 14:54

@StopWineIng
Thanks for your response and you're right. I hope you feel better soon and it's great to hear you're feeling in control.
@Kindtomyself
Thanks for the response. My wine witch is being cruel lately all rights. She's convincing me to have a big blow-out with a good friend (who I always drink wine with). It's worrying! The quit-lit is great all right.
@ChampooPapi
Congratulations. 60 days is unbelievable.
@Hepzibar
Congratulations on the weight loss and sticking with it. I'd love to wake up not feeling exhausted. Sounds great!

Usernameucreate · 22/09/2021 16:21

Keep going everyone. 😀
Well done Champoo on 60 days.
I'm on holiday for a few days with nice dinners out. It's very difficult to not drink wine. My friend encouraged me to abstain from drinking yesterday so that was good. I've just sent him a copy of ' This Naked Mind '

Clouds78 · 22/09/2021 19:03

Well done everyone - so much positivity on here. @ChampooPapi I think we’re at about the same stage into this - v impressed to be on here with you still. It’s almost like I can’t let the side down now!!

Thanks for all the inspo on feelings etc - everyone - helps to know others are feeling the same. Had a health scare these past few weeks but had the all clear yesterday and it’s really made me more determined to be AF and not let the liquid poison into my life. Going to keep ignoring that wine witch - damn her!

AlloftheTime · 22/09/2021 19:55

Clouds that’s great news on the all clear
as you say AF is the way to go
58 days here so I’m chasing you & Champoo!

iamyourequal · 22/09/2021 20:52

Hi Everyone on a wet windy dark evening 😭. So many posts since last night! Congratulations @ChampooPapi. 60 is fabulous! @Breathmiller, I forgot to congratulate you on your news you are to become a gran. That’s just lovely and even better that you can knit too. Sorry you are feeling low. Possibly days getting darker and hormones? I feel for you, I hope you are getting out each day in the fresh air, I think it really helps clear the mind of woes.

@Perriwinkles. Has tonight been any easier? It’s so difficult contemplating trying to only drink occasionally. I’ve failed at trying that myself in the last year and i found it soo difficult to get back to the stage of giving up again. Keep posting if you ever feel weak and we will help!
@Hepzibar, what a great success story, well done to you, the weight loss too is amazing.
It’s my day off today so I’ve had usual medley of housework, running errands, visiting parents, baking, cooking, ironing and pet care. Managed to fit in a nap and bought a couple of bargain cook books to read in bed later (whilst eating the baked cake 😊) so happy with that. Still feeling substantial cravings 6pm every night, but I know they pass once I’ve eaten and that I am then flooded with relief that I didn’t succumb, so all going well. Day 22. (If this is 22nd Sept, but ditzy but I know I had my last drink 31st August!)

Perriwinkles · 22/09/2021 21:36

@iamyourequal
Thanks. I love reading cookbooks in bed too! Tonight is easier I think. I basically have a ‘what will I eat next?’ thought going over & over in my mind!

I have a lovely friend who wants to meet up & we usually drink a lot of wine together, so I keep thinking ‘oh I’ll just drink when I’m with her’ (& with X and with Y and before I know it, I’ll be back to drinking alone!). It’s an interesting journey this sober one, that’s for sure. On the plus side, coffee has never tasted so good.Brew

Goodnight all. Star

Clouds78 · 22/09/2021 22:04

Night everyone 😊

Nosilayak · 22/09/2021 22:19

Night everyone, I'm enjoying reading all your posts and they are certainly helping me stay focused x