Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

[Drybird2020]

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives.

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Thanks @Clouds78 💜

Checking in 🙏

Well done @AlloftheTime - 8 weeks is a great achievement. How are you feeling? Any benefits?

@Breathmiller that’s really good of you to post the reality of it all and that even though everything doesn’t magically become perfect when we stop drinking that you still think being sober far outweighs alcohol. (At least that’s what I understand from your post).

I’m feeling a little better now but I always really struggle with what others think and I’m really pissed off that people think it’s appropriate to gossip. Horrible. I’m off for an early night.

Checking in on Day 30. I’ve read all of your posts and I’m sorry some of you had to put up with comments that have been upsetting. My exH laughed out loud when I told him I was quitting but tbh he probably just didn’t believe I’d do it.

Thanks for your honesty @Breathmiller I know what you mean about alcohol not helping. A big red flag for me was that all I ever looked forward to was drink. Whatever the occasion - it was the wine I was looking forward to. I’m still nowhere near over that but I know I want more from life.

Good night you sober superstars.

Checking in…. Sober on my wedding anniversary

It’s really interesting hearing how others are affected by how their drinking is perceived. I think it party reflects how shallow a lot of our interactions and relationships are sometimes, even with friends and extended family.
Sadly sometimes the only time we see each other in my family is at parties and big get togethers. We don’t really get to know each other very deeply in these situations, and alcohol really doesn’t help. People get to know so little about you that they latch on to what they see at parties. So they come out with ‘she loves her wine’ etc just to foster some kind of familiarity because they really know so little more about us. I keep reading relationships really improve in the sober life so I’m really looking forward to this change.
Hope you are doing ok @Breathmiller. I’m glad you can come on and be honest. It would be absolutely awful for anyone who has managed AF long term to not feel able to have a bad day and talk about it right here. We know you are an inspiration but not a saint and would hate to be putting that kind of pressure on you. 🍰 💐

Morning all

I’m working incredibly hard at the minute and feel blessed I’m doing this without an hangover . Day 17 today I think but I’m wondering if I should stop counting days?? I’m saving my 5 pound a day . I transfer it in the evening and I know it’s a relatively small amount but it’s beginning to mount up! I do feel that our finances are feeling slightly healthier and that can only get better I suppose!

Anyway another hangover free day at work

Have lovely sober days everybody

Morning all. @Adm1010 I’m Day 17 today and intend to keep counting- I’m scared of becoming complacent but obviously everyone’s different. Sorry that you are working so much but yes it must be better hangover free. Hope you manage to rest too.

@iamyourequal your message is so true about relationships and this is something that kind of got me into drinking in the first place. Lots of people seem shallow and I used to struggle with that so drinking made me kick back and have fun removing my natural sensitive nature (or so I thought, yes there was fun sometimes but generally alcohol made me a different person and therefore not true to myself). I’m also looking forward to more meaningful relationships and adventures.

I’m really taken aback by people talking about me as I have convinced myself they’re properly gossiping rather than looking out for me in a supportive sense. That feels really toxic- I’ve always felt uncomfortable around a couple of these people anyway and couldn’t work out why because they are both hugely popular always out and about with different ‘friends’. I truly believe that I have also been attempting to dull my ‘spidey sense’ with alcohol instead of listening to my real intuition. That’s definitely covered in The Naked Mind and so true.

Btw I hope people don’t mind me writing loads on this thread - it’s like therapy for me. Feel free to skip past some of it

@Kindtomyself don't mind about sharing your thoughts on here, I do it all the time then worry I've said too much! I read your posts and understand how you feel. I think deep down there's a reason each of us drinks too much, it's not just because we like the taste of alcohol. It's usually to feel more confident, relax, chill out, forget our problems etc and now we are AF we have to find other ways of doing it, which isn't always easy. I also think, when we are AF we see things more clearly.

@Nosilayak and @Kindtomyself Yeah I’ve worried I share too much on here too!

Thanks Iamyourequal I do still feel supported.

perriwinkles NoSilayak and kindtomyself
Never feel bad about sharing lots on here. I was on here every day at the beginning and joining in and sharing my thoughts and worries definitely made it all so much easier and I felt supported. It's like the more I joined in and engaged the more I got out of it.

Keep going, everyone is doing so well

Today I am thinking about the link between alcohol consumption and putting on weight. I have been fascinated by how many calories I have been saving on the I am sober app and wondering in a slightly horrified fashion how much of my over weight ness is to do with drinking.

I have had two horrible wake up calls in the last week. I very much hold weight on my stomach and I’ve read in a few places that this can be to do with alcohol, maybe a wine belly. Someone asked me if I was pregnant, when I said no her response was ‘are you sure’ , well yes I am sure thank you (talk about continuing to digging your own grave!). Then today Ive had a well-being MOT with the fancy scales that tell you all sorts of things you should know but also kind of don’t want to. My metabolic age is 10 years over what I actually am, I am heading towards obesity.

Being AF is sure to help me lose some weight, I am now going to cancel my hotel chocolat subscription I set up after cancelling my gin subscription! I am visiting a gym later to think about joining.. I’m really wary of trying to change too much too soon too fast as I wonder how sustainable it will be. I see the priority as being AF because I feel without that none of the rest will follow - if I drink I’m more likely to eat rubbish, while drinking and the day after. I’m going to prioritise drinking in the evening rather than perhaps going for a swim. Etc.

So a bit of a low day, but I was very glad and proud during the well-being mot to say that I was AF. At least I’ve made a start!

@Kindtomyself write away! I am enjoying reading everyone’s thoughts, a lot resonates and it’s helping me to think about myself and drinking in a way I never have before!

@Kittenminion
I agree with you about one step at a time. I haven't lost weight since going AF (30 days in) and it's because sugar has become my new vice...but people on this thread have highlighted that it's ok for now. I know it's not ok long-term though. It's hard but you're doing a great thing by going AF and it's not easy so hold strong.

Checking in 🙌

@Kittenminion I absolutely attribute my weight to alcohol . I need to lose 6 stone When I was abstinent from alcohol for 2 years I lost 6 stone . I was healthy and going running and to the gym 4 times a week . Then I started drinking again … I regained 6 stone , stopped running and stopped going to the gym and I’m morbidly obese again .
Depressing but true
At the moment I’m concentrating on not drinking . I will look at my food intake and excercise in due course
One thing at a time

I hate to say but this time round I have piled the weight on. The last time I did 18 months I did lose weight but that was partly due to actively dieting and starting up a new business that took every bit of my time.
I am trying to limit the gain again but it seems to go one step down and 2 steps up. Makes me feel rubbish.

But, i do remind myself I am not drinking so that's a thing to be proud of.

Definitely, one thing at a time. But what is so fab
is that the next thing and the thing after that start looking more achievable with a few weeks of sober living under your belt.
I started to lose weight after about 6 weeks. And at about 12 weeks I took up running (thanks to bunnies and others on these threads!) Then I took up 5:2 fasting and the weight really started to come off. I've had a few fluctuations, but overall I've lost over 2 stone and I'm just getting around to making a final assault on the last few pounds. This has coincided with a big reduction in the amount of sugar I eat. I couldn't even contemplate that a few months ago, it was my crutch for keeping off the booze. But now I find I don't need it so much.
So the benefits come in their own time. And for me that's better than taking it all at a frantic pace. Learning to slow down is something I needed to do, and I think realising that has been another benefit of going alcohol free.
BUT, I was a weeping, spotty, flabby mess for the first bit, crying into my bag of haribo and complaining on here. Lots of hot baths and hot chocolate helped. Books on kindle and shite on the telly. These things are freely available and will help. 😉
Keep going!!!

Evening everyone. @Kindtomyself, so true about drinking to make social interaction easier. I only started drinking in my 3rd year of uni when I was desperate to make new friends but felt very awkward out with groups of other girls. Dumbest decision!!
@Kittenminion, and others. I’m with you on wanting to lose excess weight but I am proceeding with caution. I went AF last summer and lost very little weight. It made me disheartened. I see now I was expecting too much too soon. I often replaced the drink with chocolate and pudding and comfort carbs. Especially things I loved as a kid and teenager. It was clearly nostalgia-comfort eating. I’m doing it again but trying to keep a check on it. It’s just too much doing it all at once, a recipe for failure for me anyway so I’m taking it slowly. Sept I give up drink, oct I start doing regular exercise and Nov much healthier eating (but no diets!).

@Adm1010, if you lost 6st before you can do it again I’m sure. You don’t seem one for doing things by halves!

Thanks for your encouraging post @Drybird2020. 2stone is amazing! Glad you are still going strong.

@Breathmiller I've just caught up with the thread properly and whilst not ignoring the importance and wisdom of what you wrote, can I just emit a massive SQUEEEE of joy at your impending grannyhood!!!!

@iamyourequal it's good to see you back x

I’m frustrated as think if I’d have stayed off the wine after my pregnancy I would be back to pre baby weight by now. I have done 2m alcohol free before (extended go sober for October) and didn’t lose weight then though as I was eating any saved calories!

I’m definitely less bloated even if I haven’t lost weight yet x

[quote Drybird2020]@Breathmiller I've just caught up with the thread properly and whilst not ignoring the importance and wisdom of what you wrote, can I just emit a massive SQUEEEE of joy at your impending grannyhood!!!![/quote]
Haha. Thanks drybird it is indeed a thing of much squeeee-ness!! I am knitting badly and trying not to buy EVERY cute baby outfit that exists. I am like a kid waiting on Christmas!! I CANNOT WAIT!!

And thank you for your honest post about how this has been for you. It helps

It’s great to read all of your posts. I know food is an issue for a lot of us too but as Drybird pointed out, I suppose it gets easier with time. Here’s hoping!

My motivation is wavering a lot. I’m on Day 31 & I thought I’d be out of the habit but instead the long hangover seems to have lifted and now I’m coming up with excuses to drink. I’ve been down this road before and I went back drinking more & more frequently. Any advice much appreciated.

Good Night you sober superstars