Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

[Drybird2020]

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives.

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

[quote Nosilayak]@kittenminion that's just made me laugh. I, also, stood in front of the Fever tree drinks in Tesco and was shocked at how expensive they were, then it suddenly dawned on me how much more I would usually be spending on a bottle of wine! [/quote]
Thank goodness it’s not just me then! 🙄

Checking in. Feeling better now I’m not counting every day, hoping as time goes on and I lose track of how long I’ve been without wine I will feel better. Finding weekdays easy, weekends not so much.

Will be solo parenting as DH will be working away weekdays for months on end from next week so that’ll definitely keep me on track during the week just hope it doesn’t drive me to a bottle of wine on a weekend!

@Stopwineing I know exactly how you feel, weekends are worse for me AF. I can handle going without during the week, but weekends were always marked as different, purely because I cooked a fancy meal and drank a bottle of wine and a couple of g & ts to feel "chilled out". I used to be gagging for my first drink after a busy Saturday. I never thought I'd be able to go a weekend without getting drunk. I really wish I'd tried to do this years ago. I honestly feel like a different person and I certainly don't miss the Sunday and Monday morning hangovers.

@Nosilayak me neither. Although I never used to think I suffered with hangovers unless I ‘overdid it’ but waking up without a night of wine on board shows me I was.

I am curious about those that moderate/claim to moderate though and how much alcohol and how often each person considers ‘moderation’… I definitely don’t think I can. I probably could for a few weeks say only drink on a weekend/one night a weekend but would probably go OTT on those days. For example would a bottle of wine over 3 days be moderation but a bottle of wine once a week in one sitting not be? Just something I’ve been thinking about. Can anyone really moderate as the best thing for everyone health wise would be to abstain completely.

@StopWineIng in my mind moderation is harder than abstinence . Im alcohol dependant do one drink doesn’t cut it for me . I’d rather have none than one . In my screwed up brain I just wonder … what’s the point of one???

@Adm1010 I also cannot have just one drink. My mind says what's the point as its not enough to give me that relaxed, chilled out feeling. I'd rather have none at all than just one yet lots of people seem happy to just have one, I drink to get drunk and that's why I have to stop completely.

@Adm1010 I’m exactly the same. Never just have one, because like you say what is the point? The problem is I never really know what the point of 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6 is either 🤷🏻‍♀️

I find it bizarre to stop at one . Sadly! Which is why abstinence is the only way for me .

Hello just checking in - yesterday marked 7 weeks done. Not drinking is becoming more a way of life (was only ever the evenings) but there are still cravings and triggers all around and I’m still ODing on the sweet treats, crisps, biscuits etc etc (embarrassingly anything I can get hold of eek). So that will have to be addressed.

I’m sorry @AlloftheTime it sounds like you have had an awful time over the past year. But I thought wow that’s amazing to tackle this too! We are at about the same stage in this journey 👍

@ChampooPapi well done for resisting again. Keep going - you’re amazing.

As a PP said, there are going to be lost of challenges ahead. More social events cropping up, a wedding, Xmas - so I think being on here is going to be hugely beneficial to me to get through all that. Really grateful for all of your posts and inspirational stories.

I guess moderation would be different for everyone but I think for me it would end up increasing over time and then would just be drinking the same amount again.

But like you've all said drinking in moderation is just harder and what's the point? I'd rather not bother. But that's probably why we all have a problem.

@imamearcat I tried moderation after a two year abstinence . I was an idiot . I thought I could do it. It was bloody exhausting It took about 2 weeks for me to be on a bottle of wine a night again , plus extras .

I now know abstinence is challenging but moderation is ( virtually ) impossible if you are alcohol dependant

How long until you stopped again @Adm1010?

After relapsing ? Nearly five years

In those five years I’ve had periods of days where I’ve stopped but no significant abstinence

Well done for getting back on the wagon!

Checking in. Day 24 ✔️ Counting the days is imperative for me right now as I need the structure. I’m hoping to get to 100 & then I might be able to lay off actually counting but I’ll save the day I started in the diary and celebrate extravagantly every year!

It’s great to read all your posts and to relate. Looking at non-alcoholic gin in the supermarket I thought - £20! What a waste! Crazy thinking - as though getting drunk/tipsy is the only reason to drink.

Treats-wise: creamy cakes, chocolate, biscuits, scones, muffins, lattes, non alcoholic drinks of every kind & clothes & make-up shopping.

I’ve been listening to Jennifer Hart’s ‘Take a Break From Drinking’ podcast. She had an episode about how you don’t have to decide it’s forever unless that helps you. I feel some relief at knowing I don’t have to make the forever decision right now. I’m going to try for 100 days & then hopefully expand it to a year maybe.

As in, move forward in small increments instead of saying forever. Underneath it all I hope to be sober forever. I’ll never forget the last night I drank. On my knees puking up expensive cocktails feeling so low. God it was wretched & that’s often all I need to think of to stay on track these days.

Good night all & well done. This thread is such a lifesaver.

@Perriwinckles Congrats we made it to day 24! I think the 100 day target is a great idea and I'll do that too. I'm now craving cream cakes after you mentioned them ha ha x

I was listening to a podcast the other day that was talking about the 'off switch'. The example was that the host has an off switch for bananas - they might eat one, or even two a day. They might eat those every day for a week or so and then not have a banana for a few weeks because they have an off switch for bananas. It blows my mind that some people have the same relationship with alcohol - take it or leave it, have one and then not even think about alcohol for weeks. I definitely do not have an off switch for booze - 1 soon becomes 2,3,4 and even if I do stop at 1, the frequency with which I have that 1 increases until I'm back to a bottle most nights. I genuinely don't think that I can develop an off switch so am now think that abstinence is the only way.

Checking in 🙌

👋 at @Clouds78, your doing so well too!

It seems Monday nights are my trigger 🤦

But to be fair I have had many a Monday or Tuesday night bender in my time so weekends are not the obvious green light for drinking personally

I was so close to picking up wine yesterday. My 5 month old is going through a really cranky phase and I just ended the day in tears. Managed to resist but the cravings were so strong. Well done to everyone else who’s going strong.

Well done @Newmum29!

Day 16 here.

Interesting thoughts about moderation, I also have no off switch. @SoberSept21 the banana explanation is brilliant, and like you I can not imagine being able to have just the one and not thing about another or just go days or weeks without thinking about drinking. It makes me wonder why we don’t have an off switch and others do, I wonder if it may be genetics or epigenetics.

@Newmum29 well done for not picking up the wine yesterday. Parenting can be so relentless and hard sometimes. Is there something you can substitute as a treat/reward for getting through those hard days?

I’m going out to lunch today. I went to the same restaurant when I was pregnant so I know they have a really good AF selection to choose from. Normally on a lunch like this I would have a glass of wine and then it would end up being two. Then I would be tipsy and looking after the kids later. What on earth was I thinking.

It will be nice for my kids to grow up with a healthier relationship to alcohol than I did. I think not seeing it constantly in the house, or a glass of wine in my hand is going to help massively with that. Certainly my dads drinking - everyday, a lot until he fell asleep, probably normalised drinking excessively. I don’t want that for my kids.

Have a good Wednesday everyone!