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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
whatever47 · 13/09/2021 18:50

@champoopapi don't do it! You've done so well so far. Play it forward, how will you feel if you have a drink?
Checking in day 19. Still feeling v tired and now have a cold, but still haven't had a drink. It's a world record for me outside of being pregnant.
All thanks to this thread, you are all amazing 👏

ChampooPapi · 13/09/2021 18:51

Thanks for the advise @Kittenminion , it does really help because now I'm going to do one of those things. I will not drink. I will not crack. It will pass and I will eat cake I stead when I get back from the walk 💪💪

Kittenminion · 13/09/2021 18:51

@Adm1010 it’s hard thinking about drinking memories, the selfishness/embarrassment/relentlessness of it all. I’m finding that I am reflecting on it all a whole lot more than I ever have done - part of while this time feels different.

It’s so important to be kind to yourself. I think we are harder on ourselves then we would ever be with a friend who was telling us the things we are thinking! The main thing is that we are now dealing with it and that is an absolute positive. Can’t change the past, can only change the present.

ChampooPapi · 13/09/2021 18:52

@whatever47 would so not be worth it if I play it forward, would be such a crap day tomorrow. I'm not going to let an annoying man compromise my sobriety , I can do this , deep breaths

whatever47 · 13/09/2021 18:55

@champoopapi awesome, amazing effort, it's not easy x

Perriwinkles · 13/09/2021 19:19

@ChampooPapi

Good on you for holding strong. That stink would so not be worth it.

Perriwinkles · 13/09/2021 19:22

Ha ha - I meant drink, not stink but stink works - strangely.

I’m On Day 23. ✔️I spent the whole journey home from work thinking about the jellies in the cupboard at home and I devoured them when I got in. I also snacked on chocolate. I really feel I swapped one addiction for another. Not really 100% sure how I’ll tackle this without feeling deprived.

Adm1010 · 13/09/2021 19:26

@Kittenminion yeah with a clear head comes clear memories and clear feelings . It’s difficult

@ChampooPapi you will be so glad tomorrow . Keep strong

whatever47 · 13/09/2021 19:31

@Perriwinkles I feel the same, day 19 here but I'm eating everything in sight, the sweeter the better 🙄
BUT it has to be better than drinking. Need to get on top of it though. Maybe non food treats? Hmmmm...

AlloftheTime · 13/09/2021 19:54

@ChampooPapi well done for posting and then for resisting the urge. You will be thankful in the morning won’t you?

ChampooPapi · 13/09/2021 20:04

Thanks @Perriwinkles, that stinking drink is not worth it. And don't worry about the sweet stuff , it's early days and it so much better then booze. Really you need that treat sensation right now, it's no crime!

@AlloftheTime I'm in bed now and will be so so grateful in the morning I didn't cave. I would have felt so rotten and such a failure, I'm over 50 days and I want to keep going not go back to square one again!

Perriwinkles · 13/09/2021 20:04

@whatever47
Yeah I guess it’s better than drinking. I was planning on giving up a lot of the sweet stuff next week but I’m not sure if that’s possible yet.

ChampooPapi · 13/09/2021 20:05

This thread is such a support 💜

Perriwinkles · 13/09/2021 20:09

It feels like a relief to be out of alcohol’s clutches but there’s also a voice inside saying, ‘why not just take a break instead of giving up? You can go back on it and only drink at certain times or with certain people.’
That voice is very very loud.

I’m embarrassed by all the glasses of wine I had alone. I was too embarrassed to tell one friend when she asked that I’d drink a couple of glasses of wine on my own as she only ever drinks socially. I’m also glad to be taking a break from all the jokes about how much I love my wine. It’s a bit worrying when lots of people are making the same jokes about me. I’m still tired but it’s definitely improving & I think I feel more real - even the tiredness feels more real than being artificially knocked out by wine.

Perriwinkles · 13/09/2021 20:12

@ChampooPapi
Taking an early night is a great idea. It certainly cuts out the urge. Thanks regarding the sweet stuff. My sweet tooth is in overdrive - crazy what taking alcohol out of the equation does!

I’m reading The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober and it’s really helping.

imamearcat · 13/09/2021 20:19

Hey everyone, well done on not caving in @ChampooPapi!! You got this!!

Day 8 for me, feeling more cheerful than yesterday. Been really busy at work but then got a few cravings on the way home and those sneaky 'maybe you don't have to give up after all' thoughts.

It's really helped me to think 'it will pass', as soon as I've eaten I'm fine again but it just seems to be 4pm to 6pm is my danger zone!

AlloftheTime · 13/09/2021 20:27

@ChampooPapi

Thanks *@Perriwinkles*, that stinking drink is not worth it. And don't worry about the sweet stuff , it's early days and it so much better then booze. Really you need that treat sensation right now, it's no crime!

@AlloftheTime I'm in bed now and will be so so grateful in the morning I didn't cave. I would have felt so rotten and such a failure, I'm over 50 days and I want to keep going not go back to square one again!

Look at it this way Champoo you are a couple of days ahead of me so keep hogging that outside lane or I will be overtaking you! Periwinkles your ‘feeling real’ comment strikes a chord with me I very much understand that, well done and don’t dwell on the sweet stuff this can be dealt with - all in good time.
Night all
SoberSept21 · 13/09/2021 21:00

@ChampooPapi I hope you get some good sleep. One thing I know is that you won't wake up referring having not had a drink.
@Perriwinkles just go with it, plenty of time to sort the sugar consumption out in a few weeks time.

I wanted to post this so I can look back and remind myself of the good stuff. Today was the first working day where I have been alcohol free for a decent period and it was a revelation. I stopped drinking last weekend but was on leave last week so going in to work today with a clear head was amazing. I felt in control, productive and my stress levels were low despite some high pressure moments. I was stupidly proud when I was drinking that I was continuing to function at a high level so all was alright. I had a moment today of wondering what 'might have been' if I'd been able to have this much clarity over the last few months.
Then when I got home, because I wasn't distracted by slurping wine while cooking our tea (so away from family view), we had dinner, tidy house, laundry done before toddler bath time so now I have the evening to relax with a cup of tea instead of sling housework in a half sozzled state.
Sorry for the long post, I'm sure I will be here soon saying how tough I'm finding it so I'm trying to record the good moments while I can.
Have a nice evening everyone.

Nosilayak · 13/09/2021 21:15

Just checking in, well done to everyone on here who is managing to stay AF, the struggle will be worth it. You are all my inspiration. Night everyone x

Drybird2020 · 13/09/2021 23:04

👏👏👏 for all the check ins, it's a great habit to be in. Keep going. 🍵🍰☕

OP posts:
Kindtomyself · 14/09/2021 06:34

Morning. Day 10. I’ve put on weight since stopping (I’m obsessed with my weight- another disorder that I have). I’m trying hard to go with the weight gain for now

imamearcat · 14/09/2021 07:09

Totally @SoberSept21 I just think we make (made!) life so hard for ourselves before, as if there isn't enough going on in life without having to have time to drink / be hungover!

I suffer terribly with anxiety at work (when hungover) so since I've had the kids I haven't had a drink when I go in the office the next day.. but of course not really been going into the office recently so the wine has snuck back in.

So nice to feel clear headed every day!

What sweet treats have you all been having? Or what stuff have you bought as a material treat?

Nosilayak · 14/09/2021 09:05

@imamearcat I've noticed that I've saved a fair bit of money on my weekly shop going AF, so I have treated myself to a few things. I'm on a restricted diet due to health problems, mainly liver problems which has been the massive wake up call I needed to completely cut out alcohol. I've always "treated" myself with alcohol in the past, used it as a reward for something good, or as a treat if I've been upset to cheer me up etc (basically for anything and everything). I was also using food as a reward (and still do, but I'm working on it). So, recently, I've treated myself to books on my kindle, indulged in anything I want to watch on Netflix and Prime to save off the boredom in the evenings, which was my worst time for drinking. I've also bought a couple of beautiful orchids and I'm currently looking for some nice chair covers for my dining chairs. Anything but alcohol really!

Kittenminion · 14/09/2021 09:46

@ChampooPapi well done for resisting yesterday! Brilliant you!

@imamearcat I’m treating myself quite a lot at present. I can see the savings stacking up via the I am sober app and I don’t spend very much on myself generally so I’m splashing out a bit to keep my mood and spirits up! I’ve swapped my gin subscription for a hotel chocolat (the sugar cravings are strong!) subscription. Probably ditch these after a while but they are good for now!

I’ve also bought some nice skincare items, some complicated board games to keep me busy in the evenings and lots of nice AF drinks (I stand in the shop for a while wondering if I should buy them as they seem expensive until it dawns on me how much a bottle of wine is in comparison!). I’m also mulling over a gym membership, some new clothes and some sort of craft kit to help me keep busy.

Spending a fortune really, but it feels positive and I know I’ll get bored of buying things soon and will go back to my normal spending. Then I want to put my savings in a different account and save up for a holiday of a lifetime - I would love to take my family somewhere special.

Nosilayak · 14/09/2021 10:44

@kittenminion that's just made me laugh. I, also, stood in front of the Fever tree drinks in Tesco and was shocked at how expensive they were, then it suddenly dawned on me how much more I would usually be spending on a bottle of wine!