Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

[Drybird2020]

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives.

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Hey everyone sounds like you are all doing brill.

I didn't really enjoy it either. I've got a massive list of pros and cons on my phone and there are about 20 cons and only 3 pros. So I keep reading those to myself if I get tempted.

Onto day 7 for me.. should be good for a few days now as back to what would have been none drinking days. 🤞

@BOOnanasAreTheSourceOfEvil that's funny about the cake, will they be able to get a replacement??

Good luck with your meal. Got husbands 40th next weekend, loads of people coming to stay. I think if I make it through that I'll be doing good!

Checking in. 1 week AF. Busy weekend with poorly kids. I’ve decided to stop counting/tracking AF days. It’s actually making me a bit miserable as I feel like I’ve been AF for about 6 months when in reality it has only been 1 week 🤣
DH is going AF til at least the end of the month so hoping it’ll make it easier for me.
Well done everyone. Will keep checking in just trying not to count the days!!

Hi everyone. Day 13 for me.

I’ve been camping for the weekend. I would normally look forward to a glass of wine around the fire and I struggled before I went thinking what I would want to drink and not really coming up with anything that seemed desirable! After the effort of packing the car up driving there, slogging everything to our pitch, putting the tent up, setting the beds up and sorting out food I was very much looking at my husbands beers as the most desirable drink. But I resisted, had an AF free one and the moment passed. I’m totally knackered this afternoon but remind myself how much worse I’d feel if I’d drunk those two nights.

I also let my eldest stay up really late, which I wouldn’t have done previously as I’d want to just pickle myself in the wine. We toasted marshmallows and played games and it was absolutely lovely. My parenting has got better the last few weeks, I’m not perfect, I was definitely grumpy yesterday with lack of sleep but hey ho! My kids are completely my motivation - I seem unable to make time or positive changes for myself, but if I frame it through my kids it makes all the difference!

I initially was sleeping much better after going AF but now I’m not. My head feels woolly all the time and i feel abit detached from things, almost like I cant focus my brain properly. Not sure if that’s a symptom of giving up or just me.

I’ve been really noticing alcohol a lot more, and how it’s absolutely everywhere and how there is such a push for it in our culture. I was looking to buy a gift online for someone and so many items have alcohol positive text on them, the campsite recycling was absolutely chock a block with alcohol bottles, it really is hard to escape from it all.

And well done everyone, weekends are the hardest! I love this thread, I genuinely feel really proud of you all!

Reading through all your comments and what I am also experiencing it seems like we all have to go through so many firsts of being AF. First weekend, first meal out, first night out, first party, first birthday, first wedding, first camping, first Christmas, first holiday etc etc. I think/hope that getting over those first hurdles will mean the next time we do the same thing it will be that bit easier because we can remind ourselves that we can do it.

@Kittenminion well done for enjoying an AF camping weekend! I also used to love a drink around the campfire so I know what you mean. (Though many nights I also fell asleep by said campfire due to too much wine and woke up groggy, so it wasn’t all roses…)

Anyway, your comment that the moment passes resonated with me. Whenever I still get a craving that moment does always pass and then I’m so grateful I didn’t drink. Now as a seasoned sober person I cling to that thought (“it will pass”) when I have a craving - the moment always does pass🙂

I’m so sorry to hear about the confirmation cake! Oh these things do happen.

Thanks so much for the lovely motivating messages yesterday. Honestly it felt so lovely to read them & to feel part of a community. It helped me stay SOBER last night! I’m so proud & happy. I still felt anxious going to bed last night, I still worried I had said the wrong thing but today it had gone. Had I been drinking I’d be much more anxious and sad today.

Last night was so interesting. One of my friends sipped on one small glass of wine all night long. 1 glass! That’s the difference between me & her. I would have been thinking of the next glass while drinking the current glass. I wouldn’t have been half as present as I felt last night either. Would wine have tasted better than the AF beer I drank all night ? Hell yeah! But I would have felt worse & worse physically & mentally. I feel ive really turned a corner.

And I can so relate to this @AlloftheTime

Every time I drunk, in recent weeks, I immediately felt like every drop of energy and happiness is leaving me. Like Dementors shock

I mean @AWonderfulNewName sorry.

@Perriwinckles Well done for staying AF last night, that's a brilliant achievement. I've been lucky (if you can call it lucky) not to have had to attend any social occasions since becoming AF. I really don't know if I'd be as strong as you at this stage and I can certainly relate to the feeling of thinking about my next drink whilst I'm drinking the current one! Well done to everyone who has got through this weekend AF, I enjoy reading all your posts and it makes me feel like I'm not alone.

Thanks @Nosilayak To be honest I think the company I was in had a lot to do with it & it was a very quiet pub too. Not one person questioned why I wasn’t drinking & only two people were drinking at a rate that almost would’ve reached my drinkin rate. I’ve cancelled the get together in the cocktail bar as I think that’d test me too much & I know the wedding will be such a huge test. But to be honest, I enjoyed the conversation & people’s company much much more last night & it reminded me of the old me who wasn’t obsessing in her head about where the next drink was coming from. It was like a little taste of freedom.

And congratulations @Nosilayak we reached Day 21! And now we’re onto Day 22! I hope your tests went okay on Friday and I hope you enjoyed your fish n chips. My eating continues to be out of hand but I’m getting used to the idea that I’ll really have to wise up soon!

@Perriwinckles thanks, that's so nice of you to remember about my tests and the fish and chips ha ha, they were delicious. I'll deal with the diet soon, foods about the only pleasure I have at the moment! I think you've made the right decision about the cocktail bar, you can't put yourself under too much pressure at this stage. Have a good week x

@Perriwinkles

I mean *@AWonderfulNewName* sorry.

I went back to see what I had posted!! Well done you and everyone who has had an AF weekend 😉

Feeling a bit down today. The kids have been a bit challenging this weekend but I think I've been a bit on edge / snappy because of the lack of wine! So feeling guilty about that now. But I guess it was never going to be plain sailing.

@Nosilayak
I so get you on the food front but I suppose it’s just one step at a time for us. Yeah I think a cocktail bar would throw me into ‘why not!’ thinking! I never ever thought I’d be giving up alcohol.

@AlloftheTime
Thanks. Well done you too. I can’t believe how much better it feels already. I’m not exhausted today which helps but it is a weekend.

@imamearcat
Yeah I think that’s the thing. It’s not plain sailing & we will be tested, as long as you go to bed every night knowing you didn’t drink then things can only get better.

Evening everyone and thanks again for sharing your updates.
I went to a country fair today, it was so warm and sunny - it seemed like everyone had a cider in their hand, it was so tempting. But I stuck with coffee and I've had such a productive evening. I'm heading in to Monday with the laundry done, dishwasher emptied, bags packed for work and nursery and a fridge full of yummy food. This is not a 'normal' Sunday feeling but it feels so good, I'm planning on making this my new normal

Morning, checking in at my seven weeks mark. Have been away for a family weekend and remained AF which was not as difficult as I feared it would be. I seem to have reached a plateau phase and be content with my decision to try AF lifestyle after much upheaval and upset in my life. I’m dealing better with the fallout from a house move and marriage breakdown as I’m thinking more clearly about life. I generally feel more energetic and having a clear head is a real boon when life is challenging you. I can walk down the drinks aisle in a supermarket now ( looking for Nozecco) and not feel tempted!
I wish moderation had worked for me but it didn’t so I’m glad I found you all instead! I honestly think I would have lapsed by now if I had not been checking in and most importantly reading about other peoples journey. I have events coming up which will be a challenge in terms of being AF and Christmas was mentioned a few days ago which I can’t think about right now. My eating is currently far from ideal but I’m considering how to address that in the next week or so. Someone mentioned how they noticed alcohol everywhere now, I agree it certainly is embedded in daily life and over indulging is considered ‘acceptable’ on so many levels.

A few weeks ago I had started listing things I wanted to work on and that were positive and self care in nature but didn’t really actually put things in place. This week I’m going to revive those and attempt to move my mindset to more positive directions.

I lurked here for a short while before engaging but it really was the best thing I could have done. Thank you to everyone who shares their story with all the ups and downs and lapses in the mix. There is a sense of support here which has been a real boost to me.
Sorry this turned out so long….. 🙄
Have a good day all and stay focused on the prize - putting yourself first is a very empowering action.

@AlloftheTime lovely positive post . Great idea about the list .

I’m still very up and down but I still feel generally less lethargic . I’m definitely getting less lazy . My priorities are shifting . Yesterday I drove to see my parents . It was an evening visit and we had some tea ( dinner ..I’m northern! ) together . I would not have contemplated doing that before as that would eat into my drinking time . My goal was always to have a drink in my hand by about four o’clock .
I’m chipping away at the drinking memories and how selfish I’ve been but I’m not ready to share those yet .
This thread is brilliant by the way
Have a good day everyone

Morning just popping in to say hi. Day 9 for me. This thread is really helping me. I’m also reading through all the previous ones which are really helping.

Have a good day and I’ll pop in again later

Weirdly really craving wine today. It’s raining here (sydney so quite unusual) and it reminds me of all the wet days I spent in the pub knocking back wine in London.

Craving a drink badly! I feel like I'm going to crack 😬😬

Monday should be easy!

@ChampooPapi try to distract . Remember why you are here . Anything particular that’s triggered you ?

@ChampooPapi you can resist! Find something to do - walk around the block/ hoover madly for 10 mins/ ring a friend/anything to distract. It will pass.

@Adm1010 frustrating and trying husband 🙄 very annoying , he is just annoying me SO much. Not actually doing anything wrong just being generally irritating by not hearing things I say, forgetting everything, generally being very slow at all tasks today, my patience is wearing thin!