Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Alcohol support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
StopWineIng · 09/09/2021 21:34

@imamearcat I feel good to know I’ve survived a Thursday as think they can be just as hard as the weekend sometimes. Well done to you too lovely ❤️

Adm1010 · 09/09/2021 22:31

A bottle of wine nightly at least . Usually a couple of gins as well . The gins started increasing

Drybird2020 · 09/09/2021 22:34

It was roughly a bottle of wine a night for me, sometimes more, sometimes less. Towards the end I needed more to get the same effect. It scares me to think about the damage I was doing to myself.

Well done @Adm1010, and all.of you noticing the voice of booze calling and dealing with it. Keep going.

OP posts:
Perriwinkles · 09/09/2021 23:01

@Drybird2020I like the idea of ‘the voice of booze.’ That’s so true. It does tend to speak & tempt the worst.

Day 19 ✔️

Night all & well done on sticking with it. Star

Newmum29 · 10/09/2021 01:36

Facing my first weekend.. nervous. Already hear the voice saying I deserve a treat. Asked hubby to pick up tonic water for me and he said gin too? I said no but it did about me. Wish he’d go alcohol free . Feel like a spoilsport.

Newmum29 · 10/09/2021 01:37

Bother me *

Hepzibar · 10/09/2021 06:58

A bottle of wine a night, preceded by the battle in my head on way home from work about buying some. And then the promise to myself that I'd only drink half and save the rest (never happened). And then feeling shit in the morning and saying I'm not drinking today. Repeat first sentence again. The dreadful merry-go-round of drinking-thankful that I managed to get off.

freesolo · 10/09/2021 07:18

@Hepzibar

A bottle of wine a night, preceded by the battle in my head on way home from work about buying some. And then the promise to myself that I'd only drink half and save the rest (never happened). And then feeling shit in the morning and saying I'm not drinking today. Repeat first sentence again. The dreadful merry-go-round of drinking-thankful that I managed to get off.
I could have written this exactly word for word! I'm somewhere around week 8 now ( not counting) and it does get easier. I still think about alcohol a lot, not in an "I need a drink" way(although I do still get those irritating urges that pop up every now and again) but I think the habit of it has gone now. I don't post much but I need to read these threads a few times a week to remind myself why I don't drink anymore and I always feel relief. My life is so much easier, happier and calmer without alcohol.
imamearcat · 10/09/2021 07:22

Notice you all drink wine. I think it's such a 'bad' drink because it's so sociably acceptable, even a bit posh!? But so bloody strong!? Nearly everyone I know who drinks too much drinks white wine. It's the work of the devil!

My drinking quite variable would drink 2 or 3 bottles of wine a week plus quite a lot of cider/beers, maybe a few Gins or cocktails. Seems like in lockdown it was an excuse because there was nothing to do, then out of lockdown excuse was there were things to do! Always an excuse.

imamearcat · 10/09/2021 07:24

@freesolo such an inspiration. Well done!!

AlloftheTime · 10/09/2021 07:44

First real test tonight at a restaurant with family members I usually happily drink with. I’m going to to be AF but I think it might be uncomfortable at some point. The discomfort is partly me thinking of all the past over drinking on similar occasions.

Have a good day all - I will check at bedtime as a way of helping me be accountable.

Kindtomyself · 10/09/2021 07:55

Morning. I’m on Day 6 today. I’m a binge drinker though so could go a week without drinking previously but would then drink until I fall asleep/pass out. It was a ‘reward’ that I had got through x amount of days. I have such dreadful anxiety that every day would be like climbing a mountain- exhausting.

Reading this thread and listening to the Clare Pooley audio book makes me feel like I didn’t even manage to do alcohol abuse properly. How messed up is that? What I keep thinking is why couldn’t I have given the impression that I was under control and then stop. People would be none the wiser and even surprised.

With me I get the impression that people avoid me because they have no idea how drunk I will be and they’re picking up the pieces.

imamearcat · 10/09/2021 09:08

@Kindtomyself it's got to be a good thing if you weren't doing alcohol abuse properly! It's different for everyone though.

My friend who has triggered my T Total was always loads more controlled than me. She has apparently been drinking really really heavily for years and I didn't have a clue! But I go out, get pissed and make a tit of myself. It's my friend who has become completely out of control though in the end.

Adm1010 · 10/09/2021 17:24

Day 6 and not really sure how I feel today . I’ve had a day off and kept busy . But one thing is standing out .

One of my sons is at a funeral quite a few miles away . I’ve arranged to pick him up at 8pm as an Uber is 40 pound ish and bus links are rubbish / non existent . I KNOW for a FACT this time last week I’d have scraped the 40 pound together for his Uber so I could start my drinking at my usual time .
So tonight I’ve saved my booze money and the 40 pound I’d have given him for a taxi . He will appreciate the lift as well after a difficult day ( his friend commited suicide )

Sorry for the ramble but the above is a little lightbulb moment

Nosilayak · 10/09/2021 17:31

@Adm1010 So sorry to hear about your son's poor friend, how tragic. Its really good that you are picking your son up and I'm sure he'll appreciate it, as he must have had a terrible day and the fact that you are sober and can be there for him is fantastic. It just shows how being AF can improve all areas of our lives. Treat yourself to something nice with the money you've saved, you deserve it!

Adm1010 · 10/09/2021 17:37

Thankyou . He will definitely appreciate it but last week I am ashamed to say my priority would have been settling down for my drink .
A terrible day for sure ( his friend was just 20 ) they had been friends through school .

Nosilayak · 10/09/2021 18:04

@Adm1010 that's so sad. My son lost his friend last year aged 20. He was found dead in his room at university. Your son will need plenty of support and it's great that he's got you x

Adm1010 · 10/09/2021 18:14

@Nosilayak I’m so sorry to read that . What a strange sad coincidence

ChampooPapi · 10/09/2021 18:34

Checking in 🙌

Really stupidly stressful day trying to sort some final evidence for my nursing degree, It.was.a.nightmare

One of those bureaucratic nightmares though so I am all good. I have perspective but I would normally treat myself to a few drinks this evening after such a head f#ck and so many phone calls and back and fourths with the university and exam board.

Anyway, going to drink the af erdinger and eat cheese and feel great tomorrow instead.

Then smash next week 💪

Power to the sober!

ChampooPapi · 10/09/2021 18:35

Also I'm 34 btw, but I'm dealing with my stupid teenage self destroying my GCSE certificates in 2003 🤦

ChampooPapi · 10/09/2021 18:35

/loosing them

ChampooPapi · 10/09/2021 18:35

Or even smoking them 🙄

ChampooPapi · 10/09/2021 18:36

Whatever happened to them they are long gone

imamearcat · 10/09/2021 20:36

Hi everyone. Day 5 for me, no cravings really today which I thought there would be on a Friday! Been really busy with work, was supposed to be half day but on and off my emails all afternoon. Managed to do a 12k run so that should knacker me out! I bought some new running shoes as a little 'treat' they were £135 and I don't think they are right.. so that's annoying!

Looking forward to a hangover free weekend!

Kindtomyself · 10/09/2021 22:21

@ChampooPapi that made me laugh. Glad you got sorted and didn’t ‘celebrate’ with alcohol.

12k is impressive @imamearcat.

I’m staying with family who I’ve told I’m not drinking because I need a break from alcohol. Other family and a neighbour popped round earlier and they were all happily glugging wine while I sat there with a lemonade. That’s a first! I’m so glad I didn’t crack.