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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
SoberSept21 · 08/09/2021 20:16

Hi @imamearcat I'm on day 3 too and a huge motivation is so my toddler doesn't grow up associating me with a glass of wine and thinking it's 'normal'
I've done a few 30 day stints and then my pregnancy but I'm too keen to understand how I'll sustain my current mindset.

StarcourtMall · 08/09/2021 20:45

@Perriwinkles Maybe I’m kidding myself that changes can happen that quick? Maybe I’m just being a bit more mindful about how I approach things? Either way I’m taking it as a win and am just going to try and build on the positivity.

ChampooPapi · 08/09/2021 20:52

Still poorly house here, but a very sober house too.

Night all 🙏

imamearcat · 08/09/2021 20:59

Thanks for the welcome. Sounds like you guys are all doing an awesome job!

It will be the weekend when it gets tough for me, then it's my husbands 40th next weekend!

I'm feeling much more focused than I ever have before though, like I'm just not interested anymore and seeing it in a different light. I think because I've now connected drinking to being a bad parent it's hit home a bit more.

AlloftheTime · 08/09/2021 21:38

Just checking in before another early night. Hi to all newbies, well done to everyone for being here and being upfront about how it’s going.
If you’re not feeling well or still headachey keep going cos a glass of wine is not going to make it any better, but you already know that don’t you 👍
Night all

Clouds78 · 08/09/2021 21:59

Just checking in.

@imamearcat well done for coming on here and read some of the posts from the start of the thread - that should help. It’s sounds like you really want to do that and that’s the first step to changing old habits/mindset

@Perriwinkles I love the quote, ‘this too shall pass’ it’s one of my life saviours. Thank you for reminding me xx

Must go as a child is calling me.
Night everyone

Perriwinkles · 08/09/2021 22:32

@StarcourtMall
Who knows, changes could happen quickly because of all the free headspace and the feeling of renewal.

Welcome @imamearcat I’m not sure how I keep going but I think it had got out of hand. I drank myself into being almost repulsed…almost….! Still working on it on Day 18.

@Clouds78
Flowers

Night night everyone xx

Kindtomyself · 09/09/2021 06:57

Hello. I’d like to join the thread please. I’m on Day 5. I had a dreadful drunken incident on Saturday which involved me passing out and being brought home. I’m so ashamed. I can’t live like that anymore. There were loads of people I knew who witnessed it Sad. I’m just taking a day at a time.

I’m really struggling with leaving the house, terrified if I bump into anyone. I also think everyone is talking about me, it’s just so awful.

I’m actually a really lovely person who struggles with very strong deep emotions.

God I hope I start to feel positive about stuff soon

imamearcat · 09/09/2021 09:04

Don't worry @Kindtomyself people will have forgotten about it in a week. But alcohol just makes you feel so shit like that doesn't it!!

Im feeling really positive still but I know the weekend is going to be hard! Organised lots of activities with the kids to keep me busy. Going to buy myself some new running shoes this afternoon, give me something else to focus on!

Nosilayak · 09/09/2021 09:04

@Kindtomyself Welcome to the group. I'm sorry to read that you are feeling so bad at the moment. I know exactly what that feels like, the shame etc I've made a right idiot of myself when drunk many times in the past. Usually, other people haven't been as bothered as I've thought they were, most actually just find it funny or will have forgotten about it by now, so please stop beating yourself up. Other people really don't think about us as much as we think we do. I'm glad you've made the decision to go AF and congrats for being on day 5.

imamearcat · 09/09/2021 09:05

@Perriwinkles how is it feeling @ day 18? Easier or desperate for a drink?

StopWineIng · 09/09/2021 09:32

@Kindtomyself welcome & I have felt like that a few times. It’s completely awful. As @Nosilayak has said, people generally forget about these things quicker than we do and find it funny. So unless you’re 100% sure you’ve really hurt/offended or damaged a relationship it’s unlikely anyone else will even be thinking about this. Easy for me to say try to forget about it I know but you’ll definitely feel better in a few days. I see an instant change in my anxiety levels when just AF for a few days. I do wonder to myself why I ever go back to it.

I’m feeling EXHAUSTED! In bed at 9 every night, feel like I could sleep for a year but the baby doesn’t feel the same.

Had a lunch out booked today with some family but I’ve changed it to breakfast as I know I would have been questioned and encouraged to drink just one glass of wine.

The weekend will be fun. Full of ‘why are aren’t you drinking?’ I have decided at this stage I’m going to use weight loss as the reason. Then as I get further down the line I can really sell the benefits of not drinking again once I come out of this headache/tired phase.

Kindtomyself · 09/09/2021 12:38

@imamearcat @Nosilayak @StopWineIng thanks all for responding. It’s good to know that people are reading and care enough to respond. I’m not yet in a state of mind to be writing lots but will come back in time.

I’m just feeling so sorry for myself at the moment. I thought I was getting somewhere in life and now this has happened I just feel a wreck. Hopefully this will change over the next few days. I’m just trying to be kind to myself

SoberSept21 · 09/09/2021 13:06

It's my birthday today and family have already encouraged me to drink, 'just the one on your birthday' and been given wine as a gift. I have had a lovely bath with OJ in a champagne flute, a nice lunch with AF drink and going to have a nap with my toddler soon before a meal out. I'm going to treat myself to a nicer main meal than usual as I won't be drinking. Have a good day

Nosilayak · 09/09/2021 13:40

@SoberSept21 Happy birthday! Well done for choosing AF options, I can't imagine that was easy. Have a great day and a lovely meal tonight x

Usernameucreate · 09/09/2021 15:48

@SoberSept21
Happy Birthday! My mum's Birthday too. 😀

Clouds78 · 09/09/2021 16:33

Happy birthday @SoberSept21 your day sounds lovely, enjoy!

Keep going everyone!

Perriwinkles · 09/09/2021 17:24

Happy Birthday @SoberSept21 Enjoy the sober celebrations Grin

@Kindtomyself
I can relate to you & I promise you people aren’t thinking badly of you. Only recently a friend of mine who rarely drinks had a similar incident and people just thought ‘she mustn’t drink very often as she can’t hold it.’ If you do see anyone you could always play it that way. Just say, ‘I don’t drink much anymore so it really went to my head. Anyway, enough about me: So how’s your mother’s hip/son’s rash/husband’s gout?’ I promise you it’s not as bad as it feels right now. Flowers

@imamearcat
how is it feeling @ day 18? Easier or desperate for a drink
To be honest it’s okay but I have very much substituted alcohol with sugar and non-alcoholic drinks. I am constantly thinking of my next snack & eating like a mad woman. I know it’s not the best approach but I need it for now and in ways it makes me more determined as I don’t want to have eaten all this junk for nothing. I’m giving myself until Day 30 & then I’m going to cut way back on the sugar and embrace a more longterm AF lifestyle.

I do have a night out this weekend which worries me … I really wanted to drive but my pregnant friend insisted on driving even though I kept insisting. she kept saying ‘but you might change your mind and have a drink.’ So, I’ll need to be strong for that as I can be impulsive.

imamearcat · 09/09/2021 19:21

Happy birthday @SoberSept21! Hope you have a great night!

What worries me, I had a small craving tonight on the way home from swimming lessons and as soon as I feel it I think 'oh maybe I don't have the bother with this not drinking anymore thing' then I catch myself but it frightens me how flippant I can be. Is it my mind playing tricks on me?

Adm1010 · 09/09/2021 19:34

@imamearcat I have the same fleeting voice . I had it today when my husband suggested pizza for tea . Like … oh we are having pizza? Think I’ll have wine with that … a night off and back on it tomorrow .
It passed but I felt angry and sulky for a bit though
The pizza was nice and I drank a pint of water

imamearcat · 09/09/2021 20:36

How much did you all used to drink beforehand?

StarcourtMall · 09/09/2021 21:15

Probably 4/5 bottles a week over 4/5 days. Sometimes more sometimes less. Day 10 done, I can hardly believe it.

StopWineIng · 09/09/2021 21:25

@imamearcat 3 bottles of wine a week over 3 days. On the odd occasion I was out and having drinks bought for me maybe a bottle and a half on a weekend night.

imamearcat · 09/09/2021 21:29

Well not anymore ladies!

Congratulations on your progress so far.

SoberSept21 · 09/09/2021 21:30

4/5 bottles over a week for me. Often 1.5 bottles on a Sat night or Sunday when I might start at lunch time