Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

[Drybird2020]

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives.

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Thankyou . Going by read back the full thread over the day I think . ( in between the usual Sunday family stuff! )

Jumping on too if that's OK. Drinking always creeps up in the summer holidays due to lack of routine, but quite frankly I'm fed up with how it makes me feel these days. Sleep terrible, acid reflux, cranky at the kids and anxious. I think giving up altogether is the only option as I can't moderate.. Tried many times. I'm not a daily drinker but probably 3 bottles of wine a week...and when I open a bottle I almost always drink the whole bottle.

Started 30 day alcohol experiment on 1st Sept and love reading the daily chapters, it's definitely keeping me motivated. I'm 38 and my drinking has definitely got worse since the first lock down, but I've been a binge drinker since I was about 17 tbh. Enough is enough.

Welcome @Adm1010 I’m officially on day 2 so we can start this journey together. It is such a great supportive thread x

Hey @KernowGirl181 you sound just like me. I had pregnancy to keep me sober through lockdown but dread to think what id have been like otherwise. Welcome & it’s nice to have some people to start this with as well as hearing all the great success stories ❤️

@KernowGirl181 you sound very similar to me, and @StopWineIng you are also my spirit animal as I was pregnant with my twins over lockdown so wasn't drinking at all for 9 months...wow I would have sunk a few bottles of wine a week if I wasn't though !

So good to see so many have made it through the weekend , we are all doing so well and this thread keeps me very much engaged. Still haven't managed a smart metering though, the 7pm starts are so tricky with bedtimes and dinner time. I will try this evening extra hard to make one and report back to you all.

Checking in day 43 🙌

*smart meeting

Thanks @ChampooPapi I’d be curious about the Smart Recovery meetings. Well done on 43 days. That’s honestly amazing!

Can I ask some of you wise people for some advice please? I have a lunch in the diary with friends & friends of friends in October. The place we’re eating lunch serves cocktails & we’re meeting in a city so I will be using public transport, not driving. I have always drunk cocktails with two of these friends and tbh I’m already very nervous about it. I’m afraid

1. My friends will think I’m a dry shite for not drinking.
2. I’ll be too tempted by the delicious looking cocktails and ‘break.’
3. If I don’t go, I’m cancelling a plan which I hate doing but right now it seems like the best idea. I haven’t seen these friends in a long time due to travel restrictions but I’m actually dreading it a little …

What do you think?

Welcome @Adm1010 and @KernowGirl181 you’re definitely in the right place. Stay on here, read all the opening posts and have faith. Im certain you’ll still be here in a few weeks. You can do this.

@ChampooPapi yes definitely let us know later how you get on x

@Perriwinkles

I had a similar engagement recently and the whole thing was bigged up around ‘the cocktails’. I opted for a virgin of what it was they were making. ‘Omg ahhh that looks delicious I’ll have mine as a virgin as I’m xxx’ (fill in the xxx) - have an excuse ready to roll off the tongue. Another PP above a few pages mentioned many tried and tested things to say. I used ‘as the toddler is nightmare at waking me in the night and I can’t function the next day’ . Sorry it’s a quick one… just wanted to post. Also if they know you’re going AF and they are nice people, they shouldn’t make a big thing about it. Otherwise a ready made excuse said in a confident happy tone always handy to have!!! Happy sober Sunday everyone!

Ps once you’ve got that virgin cocktail in your hand abs start having a laugh. they won’t even notice and will forget it’s AF

@Adm1010 hi, just to give you a bit of hope, because reading your post reminded me of myself. I'm only on day 15 but I feel so much better already. I was knocking back wine and gin too and was obese, bloated and tired and felt so depressed, but only 15 days later, I honestly feel like a different person. As other posters mentioned, weekends were hardest for me, especially the routine of opening a bottle of wine whilst cooking some elaborate meal. Last night I swapped the wine for Appletise in a wine glass with loads of ice and cooked something nice but quick and simple. I'm trying to get into new routines that don't involve alcohol. I've also noticed a big difference in my shopping bill and treated myself to a new nail varnish (something I haven't bothered with for ages) and a gorgeous orchid. It's not easy in the beginning but it's definitely worth it! @Perriwinckles congrats on day 15, that 21 day target is within reach. I, too, am dreading social "occasions" being my undoing, so I empathise. If you really think it's going to be a challenge and break your resolve in these "early" days then I'd be temped to cancel. Although, I suppose we have to find a way to live our normal lives but AF sooner or later x

Thanks for the advice @Clouds78 I should have mentioned I’m going to a wedding the weekend before that (which I obviously can’t cancel). That’ll test me to my very limit. So I’m not sure I can handle two weekends in a row but Virgin cocktails are a great idea, thanks.

Hi @Nosilayak it’s lovely to see you here. I was thinking about you. I’m so happy we’re on Day 15 together! I am starting to feel more ‘real.’ I think I felt actually calm yesterday for the first time in … I don’t know how long!

I am quite tempted to cancel even though I feel bad for my friends but I can arrange to see them in less triggering settings….it’s tricky!

Welcome @KernowGirl181

@Perriwinckles yes, so pleased we made it to Day 15 together! I completely understand about the wedding, of course you can't cancel. I suppose you'll just have to throw yourself into other enjoyable aspects of the day that don't include alcohol. I didn't start drinking till I was about 23 (I'm now 53) and I sometimes have to remind myself that for the first 23 sober years of my life, I still enjoyed myself, got excited about social events and had a good time, enjoyed weekends, was able to chill out etc yet none of it involved touching a single drop of alcohol. I just want to get back to those times, where a good time doesn't mean having to get drunk or very "mellow". I feel so much better already and, like you, calmer in myself. I want to eventually be able get more of a buzz from staying sober than I ever did from drinking. Good luck with whatever you decide to do about going for cocktails and know I'll be rooting for you x

Periwinkles personally at this early stage in the game I would 100% cancel and just focus on doing the wedding sober. It's too much pressure otherwise, but that's my own personal feeling obviously

Thanks a lot @Nosilayak
It’s great to have events in the calendar again but I think the fact I am dreading it means I probably shouldn’t go…I feel terrible cancelling but it’s probably for the best - which I know you understand! It involves a lot of travel too & if I’m completely honest with myself, I could well see myself giving in as the friend who’s going to be there = cocktails to me!

It’s interesting you started drinking at 23. I was about 14 but I didn’t start enjoying the taste of alcohol until my 20s. The dependence slowly slowly crept up.

@ChampooPapi
Thank you so much. Yeah ‘pressure’ is the word! It’s such a pity to miss out on seeing friends because of the drink but like you say, it’s the early stage & it won’t always be this hard.

@Perriwinkles a couple of things that have helped me with social situations, I look at the menu before hand and make a decision about what alcohol free drink I’m going to order. That way I don’t have to make the decision in the moment when I’m under pressure from the situation.

Sounds daft but I also rehearse saying no to alcohol, so I imagine myself in the situation and practice what I’m going to do or say if it’s offered. I’ve got a wedding coming up as well so I’ve been imagining myself walking past the drinks. It sounds silly but it does help me.

I’m 8 weeks in now. Can’t say my mood is great and I’m still having cravings, but sticking with it. I’ve lost weight and have energy to exercise that I didn’t have before.

@Perriwinckles yes, I was "late to the party" by only starting to drink at age 23 but I certainly made up for it! I met a man who drank heavily and, I can see now that at age 25, he was basically a functioning alcoholic, who introduced me to alcohol and encouraged me to drink too (probably to make himself feel better). We got engaged and all our social life revolved around alcohol. I eventually broke it off but had, by that time, begun liking the feeling of confidence alcohol gave me. After that, it just became a normal part of my life and I now find myself in the position where I am scared it has done serious damage to my health. I think I would find it hard to cope with a social occasion in a bar at the moment. I'd be tempted to cancel and rearrange to meet somewhere that doesn't serve alcohol. I think the wedding will be enough of a challenge for you at the moment and you will do amazingly well to get through it AF. Try not to put yourself under too much pressure, you are doing great!

Thankyou all for the welcome and kind words . Not sure how to tag people but thanks for sharing your story nosilayak and yeah let’s do this stopwineing I’ve just downloaded the unexpected joy of being sober and about to start it … maybe it will keep me distracted !

Hi all. I’m joining this thread on day 6. I didn’t want to join before now as I never usually get this far! I’m so proud that DH and I got through Friday and Saturday night AF, especially as we were at a party yesterday.
I’ve been struggling so much with anxiety for about a year, plus weight gain, hangovers and just not being able to moderate, that I am determined to knock it on the head now! I was drinking probably 4 to 5 bottles of wine a week over 4 or 5 days.
Yesterday’s party was actually very enjoyable, and there were a mix of people who were drinking and those who weren’t due to driving or young children, so it wasn’t too hard thank goodness!
Every time I go AF, after 3/4 days I get headaches, so in the mornings I’m feeling quite rough at the moment which is unfortunate, but hopefully that won’t last too much longer. Has anyone else had that?

@FieldGuide

That’s great you’re 8 weeks in. Good on you. Yeah I’m really wondering how I’ll get through a wedding sober…but I suppose I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Thanks for the tips on rehearsing what to say etc.

@Nosilayak
I agree. For me, right now, it would be pretty amazing to get through the wedding sober especially since I’m now separated so I won’t have someone else to hang on to…I only know one other person going to the wedding …

So yeah, I think I might cancel that weekend and try to organise a lunch or coffee some other time somewhere that doesn’t serve alcohol. I feel bad that I have to cancel but I just don’t see my resolve being strong enough.

@StarcourtMall

Welcome! I’m on day 15 so not much ahead of you. I did get some headaches in the first few days, yeah, but it’s been mostly fatigue. I have been consuming a serious amount of sugar which I know, soon enough, I will have to call a halt to but for now, it’s what’s getting me through (& AF beer!) I don’t feel great yet but I think once my diet improves I’ll feel the benefit more.

Thanks @Perriwinkles

Oh dear, I was hoping I’d feel amazing by day 15!
I’m working next weekend so it shouldn’t be too hard to stick to the plan then, but the following weekend will be harder so I hope it feels worth it by then! Oh well, one day at a time I guess.

@starcouttmall, delurking to say I had a constant headache for the first two weeks AF but it disappeared on day 14 exactly. You will start to feel great after that.
I’m on day 35 and I feel amazing. I’ve lost weight, started exercising again and can honestly say I don’t miss drinking at all. This thread is a lifesaver!

@StarcourtMall
I do have more mental clarity. I just think it’s going to take more time to really feel better. My diet definitely needs to improve too but that’s going to take time, I think. Hold strong. This does feel worth it. The relief of no longer waiting until it’s a reasonable enough hour to start drinking!