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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
BunniesBunniesBunnies · 03/09/2021 20:34

Hello all, Just checking in as I’m back from my holidays. Haven’t caught up on the whole thread but wanted to quickly wave hello to @ColdWaterTherapy, I thought of you the other day and I’m so pleased to see you doing well. You have done amazingly staying sober with so much on your plate, and congrats on getting your work published!!!

I loved my holiday though I also found it tricky at times (difficult dynamics with some of my inlaws😬), and at the trickiest moments I found myself craving a drink which surprised and frustrated me. Still, I didn’t cave and I’m pleased about that. Looking forward to a bit of routine again now with the children going back to school.

I’ll catch up on the rest of the thread soon hopefully😊

AlloftheTime · 03/09/2021 22:14

@whatever47 well for resisting the Friday night thing which is my weak spot.
Glad you to hear from you Bunnies
39 days here ✅

Perriwinkles · 03/09/2021 22:46

Well done @whatever47

Day 13 ✔️ I’m enjoying my second sober Friday night. I think I’m starting to feel a little better physically and the benefits of not drinking are slowly kicking in.

Have a lovely weekend all BrewHalo

Perriwinkles · 03/09/2021 22:47

@AlloftheTime

39 days is amazing! I bet you can really feel the benefits.

StopWineIng · 04/09/2021 02:24

So I fell at the first hurdle. All the family celebrating my mums ‘all clear for now’ news. In my defence I got half way through a glass of wine and thought what am I doing. So embarrassingly back on day 1 tomorrow, feeling stupid and guilty but I hope that’s a good sign & I won’t let myself down. Have some time to do some reading tomorrow so hoping that’ll help 😞

AlloftheTime · 04/09/2021 06:15

@StopWineIng

So I fell at the first hurdle. All the family celebrating my mums ‘all clear for now’ news. In my defence I got half way through a glass of wine and thought what am I doing. So embarrassingly back on day 1 tomorrow, feeling stupid and guilty but I hope that’s a good sign & I won’t let myself down. Have some time to do some reading tomorrow so hoping that’ll help 😞
Hey there you stopped yourself finishing a drink, I don’t I’ve ever done that. You’re here and you have been honest about what happened so dust yourself down and press re-set. Wishing you a good weekend.
AlloftheTime · 04/09/2021 06:22

[quote Perriwinkles]@AlloftheTime

39 days is amazing! I bet you can really feel the benefits.[/quote]
Thank you! I’m a little amazed at myself, I do feel better as I have improved my sleep pattern which makes such a difference.

Well done on your two weeks of sobriety, I find Friday evenings a little easier now and waking up clearheaded for the weekend is still a real treat.
Take care everyone

StopWineIng · 04/09/2021 07:03

@AlloftheTime thank you, just feel so disappointed but you’re right I’d have usually just kept going. Going to go for a swim today, do some reading and have an early night 😢

ChampooPapi · 04/09/2021 07:16

Yes I find Fridays easier now too, it's Saturdays I seem to wobble so I'm going to have a couple of non alcoholic beers tonight and make something really good to eat this afternoon ready for the eve.

Lasagne town here I come

StayingVigilant · 04/09/2021 07:39

Great to know things are going well for you @ColdWaterTherapy Huge congratulations on your book! Blooming well done you! You’re amazing.

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 04/09/2021 07:40

Just lying in bed with a ☕️ catching up on the thread after my holidays. This thread is so inspirational. I love reading about everyone’s journey, it really reminds me of all the reasons I quit and it’s nice to reflect on how far we have all come. I also love seeing so many new names😊😊😊

I haven’t given much thought to my sobriety lately, and after a few tricky moments on holiday it’s nice to reflect on my WHY. All your messages help so much with that.

@SophieB100 I’m so sorry to hear about your lovely dad, that must be so hard. I hope you are holding up okay in these difficult times.

@Hepzibar great update, you are awesome🤩

@AlloftheTime @Perriwinkles @ChampooPapi massive well done on your progress💪💪💪

@StopWineIng @VivianK it was just one drink, don’t let it define you. Dust yourself off and keep going💪

StayingVigilant · 04/09/2021 07:48

@StopWineIng huge well done realising what you were doing mid glass and putting it down. That’s actually a big deal! It’s a very minor hiccup and just shows we do need to be vigilant, have AF drinks around etc. So pleased to hear your mum is ‘all clear for now’. Totally understand the need to celebrate.

Clouds78 · 04/09/2021 08:44

Morning all, just catching up on these fabulous posts. I have so many ‘yes this’ moments on here. Well done all the newbies, getting through the first few weeks is simply amazing. @StopWineIng that’s brilliant you stopped hall way, what an achievement to have questioned yourself mid drink and got rid of it. Lots of respect to you lovely.

@ColdWaterTherapy thank you for your post, I’ve actually saved it to come back to in the future. I do find that having such useful ‘comebacks’ or ‘set responses’ is the best tool for dealing with others responses. It does seem to spark others emotions (ie make them address their own drinking habits) when you go AF. I have it with family - like it’s an outrageous sin not to be drinking!!! So far I’ve said I just can’t deal with hangovers now I’m older, I’m up in the night so much with the toddler and so far they have worked first time. However, I like the one about just being better off without it… anyway, thank you for that.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies I do feel for you with your holiday and family dynamics - also have that same tricky situation abs usually a drink would get me through it so a massive well done for not letting it!

Everyone else - keep going at this, AF beer, nice food (lasagne yum!), early nights, baths, books, new hobbies, whatever it takes. Just not the horrible poison lol! Big hugs to all x

Clouds78 · 04/09/2021 08:45

Ps 6 weeks AF on Sunday yey! X

StopWineIng · 04/09/2021 10:21

Thanks everyone. I definitely need to be more alert. Hopefully as time goes on it’ll be more of a habit to not drink and I won’t think twice.

Out if interest, is there anyone that has been AF for a longer period of time that can now go weeks without thinking about having a drink? Or do you think that annoying little voice will be there regardless x

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 04/09/2021 10:46

@StopWineIng I think it varies so much from person to person how much they think about drinking.

I do think about “alcohol” quite frequently (though much less now than when I was newly sober!!!) but the type of thought varies a lot, and mostly they are positive (eg “I’m so glad I’m not drinking!”).

Occasionally when I’m having a very tricky time the thought of having a drink does pop into my head but it’s always quickly dismissed - what’s great that with time, drinking just becomes “not an option”, so I might think about it but that thought is quickly followed by “well that’s not an option”.

I’m very lucky in that most of my alcohol related thoughts are now things like

“I’m so glad I didn’t drink last night”
“I’m so glad I’m not hungover”
“Life is so much better sober”

Occasionally there are less pleasant thoughts like “I can’t believe how much I used to drink/how much it affected my life” and also “why can’t I drink in moderation like a normal person?” but on the whole as time has passed my thoughts about (no) booze are mostly pleasant, or at least neutral. It’s probably different for everyone but personally I cannot deny or escape the truth, which is that I am so much happier, calmer and nicer without alcohol.

I wonder what other (recently and not recently) sober people’s thoughts are when they think about alcohol. I guess it varies a lot!

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 04/09/2021 10:47

And well done @Clouds78🤩 6 weeks is awesome🤩

Clouds78 · 04/09/2021 11:08

Thanks @BunniesBunniesBunnies 🥰 I am trying now to think more in terms of weeks and this week it hasn’t bothered me about not drinking until last night, Friday, takeaway, tough week - drink! Nope - I also played it forward. I also had the exact thought - it’s not an option. So that’s that.

Tbh this weeks been really tough emotionally. I knew this would come and it will be different for everyone. But going AF has made me address the things I normally wouldn’t have (parents, life events and how I tackle challenges with the kids). I do basically all the housework/childcare as DH has a v demanding stressful job with long hours. This week I’ve felt really low and had to address why. Being sober helped as I know I’m low because my needs are not being met. E.g I need more help with childcare. So I’ve tackled that, spoken to DH and got a plan together for a nursery place and freeing up time. Also just addressing what’s going on now with child X etc and what they need (eg more attention) and making a plan on fitting that in so that all the kids needs are met. Boy do I feel better for doing this!!! (as opposed to ‘ah this is stressful, let’s have a little drink tonight’) - as it’s so much more positive and fulfilling than a flipping hangover!!!!

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 04/09/2021 11:17

Massive well done @Clouds78 for tackling the childcare stuff and being able to think clearly about the children’s needs.

Being able to better meet my children’s needs is one of my fave things about not drinking anymore. There still are plenty of times when it all goes tits up😂 but I’m able to cope with those moments sooo much better.

Hope you feel better soon😊

AlloftheTime · 04/09/2021 16:40

@Clouds78 thanks for posting earlier - that was a really honest assessment and a good example of what can be gained from being AF
I imagine many people will be able to relate to the story - certainly made me think.
Have a good evening 👍

Clouds78 · 04/09/2021 19:59

Thanks so much @BunniesBunniesBunnies and @AlloftheTime it really helps to know we are all in it together. Bunnies your post made me LOL as I definitely had a tits up week last week 🤣 - no other better way of describing it - but onwards and upwards and being sober on a Saturday is, well, refreshing!

Hope everyone’s doing ok. Happy AF Saturday… stay strong.

The tv is calling 🤣

whatever47 · 04/09/2021 20:27

Happy sober Saturday you lovely lot!
I had a posh tonic water with loads of ice and lemon slices in my posh gin glass and that squashed a particularly strong craving whilst I was cooking. Cooking = definitely a trigger for me.
@Clouds78 I agree, being sober on a Saturday evening is refreshing!
I'm treasuring the hangover free mornings too!

Perriwinkles · 05/09/2021 09:10

Happy Sober Sunday to you all. I’m on Day 15 now. It’s great to read all of your posts and see how this thread is such a support to us all.

@whatever47 Cooking is a major trigger for me too. I used to enjoy that first glass so much while cooking. Great that you found an alternative!

I think I might be eating too many treat foods to compensate as my stomach has been a bit upset.

Have a great sober Sunday x

Adm1010 · 05/09/2021 09:19

Morning . Hoping I can be brave and jump into the thread ?

I’m 47 and I’ve been drinking at high risk / dependency for over 20 years . Go through periods where I cut down but I always without fail escalate back up .

I drink daily . From 4 onwards . At present it’s both wine and gin . Last night was a bottle of wine and two triple gins ( 15 units ) the least I drink is a bottle of wine .

Feeling ashamed and desperate this morning .
I work full time . Have a family . So I’m functioning … just

My health is suffering though . I’m obese , unfit , tired , look bloated . My finances are suffering .

Hope this post is ok … just looking to share I think

Perriwinkles · 05/09/2021 09:21

@Adm1010
Welcome! You’re in the right place. I’m reading ‘The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober’ by Catherine Gray. It’s great! You might find it helpful too. Flowers