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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
Day1noboozing · 31/08/2021 10:56

@whatever47 I have cut out mid week drinking at home for a few weeks and it feels so good to have a much lighter glass box…

Perriwinkles · 31/08/2021 10:57

@whatever47
I'm so with you on the recycling! I used to be embarrassed by the amount of empty bottles!

Perriwinkles · 31/08/2021 17:00

I’m interested in how a few of you have written about emotionally unavailable parents. I wonder is it a common theme among those of us who get dependent on alcohol and/or struggle to moderate…

I’m feeling happier with my decision every day. My mind wavers every so often; so I’m glad there’s no ‘night out’ for another two weeks.

Happy Sober Monday to you all. StarHalo

Nosilayak · 31/08/2021 18:12

@Perriwinckles my mind "wavers" too. Its not easy is it? I've worries in my life at the moment and normally I'd sink a few drinks to help me cope. To make me forget for a few hours, to block it all out. But, I am so anxious about my health I know if I give in, the worries will still be there in the morning, probably even worse and I will overeat to soak up the alcohol and feel terrible for breaking my soberness. The thought of going right back to the beginning, having to start at day 1 again, when it's been so hard to get to day 10, is spurring me on. I feel so much better after only a few days, that I think I'm actually getting addicted to the feeling of being AF. Good luck to everyone on this journey, whatever stage you are at.

Clouds78 · 31/08/2021 18:56

Stay strong - fizzy drinks were my crutch in the first few weeks - terrible but totally necessary! Oh gosh the recycling eek. My DH just doesn’t care - but that’s pretty much what’s he’s like, not caring about what others think - unapologetic and happy with himself lol Hmm

@Kittenminion how are you getting along? I’m sorry I meant to reply to your post about counselling, parents and the can of worms it’s opened. Maybe you could allow yourself some more sessions and also look into some of the amazing literature on the subject. Not sure exactly on your specific situation but for eg a friend recommended a book about narcissistic mothers/parents and that helped so so much. If you can address where something ‘wasn’t right’ and see why it invariably made you feel bad/created damage, then that’s the first step to healing from it. Drinking is such escapism from thinking of these things and allows the uncomfortable feelings associated with childhood fizzle away - only to find they are still there in the morning. Keep strong - a clear, confident head is just round the corner. Oh so I keep telling myself!!

Thanks for the encouragement everyone hope you’re all having a good evening AF?

Perriwinkles · 31/08/2021 19:30

@Nosilayak

But, I am so anxious about my health I know if I give in, the worries will still be there in the morning, probably even worse and I will overeat to soak up the alcohol and feel terrible for breaking my soberness
I hear you. I’ve been self-medicating with alcohol & food for years and it’s been supposedly getting me through a rough time but really it’s just been delaying the healing. Alcohol is just a quick fix and we all love a quick fix but like you say, the next day we’ll feel even worse. Plus, we’re both on the same day so if it helps you, you can think that I’m doing it too & we’re both staying strong throughout.

I’m extraordinarily tired … I have been reading about it and fatigue is a common symptom after giving up alcohol.

Day 10 ✔️

Perriwinkles · 31/08/2021 19:33

@Clouds78

Thanks re fizzy drinks. I agree. I’ve been drinking all kinds of nice drinks to substitute for alcohol. I’m surprised it’s come to this. I never thought I’d end up needing to quit alcohol but it just got more & more frequent over time …. (& now I admit it was too much!)

Those of you who are sober for quite some time, do you still crave the taste or does that go? I crave the taste of booze but I’m keeping it at bay … be nice to think it’d go down in time though.

whatever47 · 31/08/2021 20:14

Hiya everybody! Day 6 done (almost!)
I'm going to get an early night with a cup of herbal tea.
I'm excited to think I've almost done a week! Got a grocery delivery this evening so I don't have to dodge the dreaded wine aisle Grin

Hepzibar · 31/08/2021 20:25

Thread just popped up so I thought id check-in. 8 months sober, 243 days (still have the app). Stopped on 1st January 2021. Clung onto these threads for dear life. Thanks to @Drybird2020 especially. Good to see @Breathmiller and @StayingVigilant too. I read every post, identified with many, asked questions and got lots of support.

If never tried to stop before because I didn't think I could but would have never admitted that to anyone. Towards the end I was just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, fed up with the constant battle in my head about drinking. I blurted the words out on 1st January that I was doing dry January, I don't actually think I believed it myself. I found the DJ thread on here (thanks again @Drybird2020 ) and joined the club!

I've lost 3 stone (gone from size 18 to 12), sleep well (eventually), skin better, given a fab promotion, can remember what I've read the night before, can run after my grandson on his bike, I could go on and on.

I feel and look like a different person. I'm just sorry I left it so long and let alcohol control me.

Perriwinkles · 31/08/2021 20:33

@whatever47
Good idea about the online shop! Congrats on 6 days AF.

@Hepzibar
Thanks for posting. It’s so motivating. Congratulations on having a much better life now. I understand your regret but you know what - the most interesting people made mistakes and have regrets. It makes you wise! X

whatever47 · 31/08/2021 20:41

Wow @Hepzibar, your story is amazing! Really inspiring, just what I needed to read.
Thanks @Perriwinkles, I'm holding on to the thought I might not be so very tired in the near future...

Clouds78 · 31/08/2021 20:41

@Hepzibar that’s massively inspiring, thank you so much for posting! Interested to know how you and others gradually managed adding healthy eating and weight loss into the equation…You’ve made a fantastic achievement going AF and all the benefits it brought you - bloody well done!

Day1noboozing · 31/08/2021 20:59

@Hepzibar thank you for sharing.

Day 2 here. My skin is awful. Too much indulgence in food and wine over the weekend. I’m shattered. Birthday in a few days so will be a test but hoping by then I feel a bit better in myself so will keep it up…

AlloftheTime · 31/08/2021 21:27

@Hepzibar - wow! Great to hear about your journey, thank you for
posting. So interesting to hear real life stories and use them to spur yourself on.
36 days here and still counting 😊

StayingVigilant · 01/09/2021 00:08

@Hepzibar great to hear your update. We started just a few weeks apart. So pleased you’re doing so brilliantly!

ChampooPapi · 01/09/2021 06:17

Checking in all 🙌

Kittenminion · 01/09/2021 08:41

Good morning all.

Yesterday (day 2) was successful. Mid morning I found myself thinking ‘but I don’t have to quit completely, I can just moderate’. Which I know I can’t because I’ve tried before. The mind is a powerful thing. I’m happy that I recognised it, reminded myself all the reasons I’m doing this and moved on with my day. I signed up to the I am sober app and have ordered some AF lit to help me when I waver.

This morning I woke up and felt awful, and my immediate thought was that I’d over done it the day before. Then I remembered I hadn’t and it was just that I had slept so deeply. After a while and a cup of coffee I feel good.

One of my main reasons for giving up is for my children. My dad drank all the time when I was a kid, I don’t want them to inherit an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I don’t want to be tired and slightly hungover all the time. Last night I had a lovely bedtime routine with my eldest, I often shorten it because my evening with a glass in my hand is calling me. So that was a real win. Writing this down helps crystallise it and hopefully remember it when the wine is calling.

@Clouds78 thank you. I have been considering further counselling and I think it’s probably something that I will need to do. There was a bit of a revelation in my last session that I feel I need to think about a bit independently before I go back to it. I found a week gap between sessions wasn’t long enough to mull things over just as I’m so busy all the time. I think also not drinking will help me think about myself more rather than just being deadened to my thoughts because of drinking.

@Hepzibar wow, that is awesome. Good to hear all the benefits you have noticed, very motivating! I hate the constant battle in my head about drinking, did you find it gradually reduced over time?

@Day1noboozing just a wave as we started at the same time! We can do this!

Happy Wednesday everyone! Smile

Breathmiller · 01/09/2021 09:00

Morning all

It is so great to see so many new people on here and all doing so well. Congratulations on all your milestones. Every day you get through is a hurrah. Each hour you are changing your mind patterns, for the better.

Stopping drinking and starting yoga are the 2 best things I ever did for my health. Physical and mental.

I liked the PP who said upthread that we can be the person we want to be. I also think we need to be kind to ourselves and notice and accept where we are at the moment and see what small steps we can take to move towards that person. No effort is wasted. I read that in a yoga text this morning and it reminded me that every little step (every day, every hour not drinking) is all going towards making me the better version of myself. Even all these days I did in the past and then slipped up after. Each one strengthened my resolve and made it easier next time.

So every day you do, makes you stronger. I like that in yoga and meditation we call it a practice. We don't perfect it, we don't achieve it. Life is a continued practice. And i choose to practice the things that are better for me. It's becoming a bit of a mantra at the moment (around food) that I can make better choices. And , even if sometimes I make a different choice, ALL the times I do make better choices don't go to waste. They are making new healthy habits and thought patterns and strengthening my resolve.

💪💪💪 all power to your (sober) elbows today. I'm off to a long day at work armed with a juice and soup.

AlloftheTime · 01/09/2021 09:43

Checking in too ✅
Interesting posts already this morning.

It’s now September and I started at the end of July which helps me think very positively. I do feel differently about this attempt and in part that is down to this thread, thank you all for sharing.

Keep focused everyone- as breathmiller says every hour every decision & choice matters
👏

Breathmiller · 01/09/2021 09:51

I'm off to a long day at work armed with a juice and soup

It helps if you actually pick it up off the table and bring it with you to work. Doh!!

Nosilayak · 01/09/2021 10:53

Happy 1st September everyone! I'm only on day 11 but I feel so much clearer headed and am so glad I've made this decision and that I've found this lovely group. Due to stomach problems (probably caused by years of drinking and overeating rubbish to soak up the alcohol), I can't turn to my other crutches of copious amounts of strong coffee and coke (the cola variety). I'm on a very bland diet so am trying to treat myself in other ways. I've ordered a couple of new books on my kindle, one that was recommended on here and I've bought some crafting stuff. The days actually seem longer now and these are things I never had time or energy for before (probably too hungover). Like other posters, I do feel tired yet clearer headed. I have never tried to give up alcohol once before in 30 years of drinking. Even after such a short time of being AF I can't believe the amount I've drunk and am disgusted at what I've done to myself. I always had an excuse why I needed to drink. To cheer myself up, to celebrate something, a night out, a night in. Basically, for any reason I could think of. I am so determined and you lovely people are keeping me going. @Perriwinckles Congrats on day 11, I'm rooting for you x

Day1noboozing · 01/09/2021 11:00

@Kittenminion I could have written that myself! I’m also giving up for my children. They’re both young and I find I’m much more irritable when I’ve been drinking/the day after as it’s my ‘relaxing’ time. More like it just makes me want to sit there and do nothing!

Day 3. Woke up feeling worse than I do when I’ve drank a bottle of wine the night before! I know it’ll pass, baby waking up god knows how many times in the night didn’t help!

We can do this ❤️

Perriwinkles · 01/09/2021 19:30

@Nosilayak
I’m Rooting for you too! Enjoy the quit-lit book and the crafting: they sound great. X

Perriwinkles · 01/09/2021 19:33

Day 11 ✔️

It’s lovely to read your posts and to hear how everyone is doing at different points in their sober journeys. I agree that it’s a practice and it takes time. I ate healthy meals today but unhealthy snacks and a lot of caffeine but I’m cutting myself some slack. I’m off out for a walk soon and am looking forward to breathing in the fresh air and moving my body. I’ll have a nice herbal tea or AF beer later.

Have a lovely evening & keep flying that sober flag everyone! ❤️

VivianK · 01/09/2021 19:40

Evening all. My sober holiday went very well until right at the end when I gave in to the voice in my head saying - you've done so well, just a glass won't hurt. Hmm

So back to day 1 here but certainly was beginning to feel the benefits and am determined to stick with it.

My biggest enemy is boredom and also feeling lonely. I have been working from home for months now and really miss the office chit chat. I used to fill my evenings with DC related stuff but DCs don't need me much now. But I haven't found anything to fill the hours between the end of work and bedtime and then I also find it very difficult to sleep.