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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
whatever47 · 30/08/2021 11:36

Hi @Day1noboozing! 👋
I'm on day 5 so a newbie but this thread is a game changer - so much amazing advice and understanding. Good luck Smile

Day1noboozing · 30/08/2021 13:29

@whatever47 well done at getting to 5 days, especially over a bank holiday 👏

Does anyone know if there are any app’s that keep count of days/weeks for you to refer to when you need a reminder/kick up the bum?

Nosilayak · 30/08/2021 14:32

Day 9 for me and wow its been hard this weekend but this is the first Monday morning in ages when I haven't been hung over and I feel so much better. I'm trying to pretend it's a normal Monday instead of a Bank Holiday as usually I'd have drunk today to as an extension of the weekend. Good luck to everyone else too x

Perriwinkles · 30/08/2021 17:46

@Clouds78 & @AlloftheTime
Congratulations on reaching the 5 week mark! That’s absolutely amazing to me!

I’m on Day 9 & delighted to be. I told a friend & drinking buddy today that I won’t be drinking at our next get-together in September & he barely reacted. I thought he’d be all disappointed & at times I reasoned that I could drink just for that one night Shockbut it turns out I had built a lot of that up in my head & it makes no difference to him if I drink or not. X

Perriwinkles · 30/08/2021 17:57

Welcome @Day1noboozing and @Kittenminion I feel funny welcoming people since I’m only on Day 9 and new to the thread 😜 Grin

It’s so true what ye say @Breathmiller &
@Day1noboozing — there really is always an excuse to delay quitting with all the events that come up.

Day 21 is going to be a big day for me (& @Nosilayak Smile) because that’s the amount of days it takes to form a new habit and that’s the day I meet some friends for what would usually be a boozefest.

Kittenminion · 30/08/2021 19:22

Thanks everyone!

I’m going to read through the thread and write down some books/ podcasts etc to help me keep focussed.

@AlloftheTime I’m definitely going for an early night tonight, cup of herbal tea and read in bed. That sounds like a good way of abstaining from alcohol especially as my kids wake me early everyday. I like the way you feel important putting yourself first, I’m going to ponder that. I find I’m very much bottom of my pile of obligations!

@StayingVigilant i talked with my husband earlier and he recognised he could be more supportive and this time I said directly what it would be helpful to do when I am wavering. But you are right that I need to just be relying on myself, this is about me and for me.

@Breathmiller your post is very interesting and much resonates. I have recently had some counselling sessions which unpacked my emotionally unavailable parents and other childhood memories I have found really difficult. Unfortunately the counselling sessions have now ended and I feel I’ve been left with a can of worms that I don’t know what to do with! It’s certainly been pushing me heavily towards drinking recently, but I know that drinking is not going to resolve anything and will just make me feel worse. I like the Buddhist saying about holding on to anger, something else to ponder on!

Breathmiller · 30/08/2021 19:32

Interestingly I just looked up to see where that saying originated as I had only seen it as attributed to the Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn. But it appears that it might actually come from AA and the 12 step programme. Hmmm...

StayingVigilant · 30/08/2021 19:38

The Buddhist saying about anger is brilliant. Works for a lot of those unhelpful emotions.
Welcome newbies!
The app I use is (goes off to look) ‘I am sober’ it literally sits on my phone and I occasionally think ‘ooh I wonder how many days’ and surprised! It also adds up the money you’d have didn’t. Initially I looked every day but now it just rumbles along in the background.

Freedom!  An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.
StayingVigilant · 30/08/2021 19:39

255 days!! Flip! 😱🤯🥳

whatever47 · 30/08/2021 20:02

Wow @StayingVigilant that is amazing! It gives me hope (day 5 here).
Is it just me or did anyone else feel so tired they could die at the start?

AlloftheTime · 30/08/2021 20:28

@whatever47 - yes I felt tired at the outset and put it down to all the emotional energy I expended. All the thinking, planning and apprehension in my head was a draining experience and that’s another reason I headed for bed early most nights.

My energy levels have improved greatly now so hang on in there.

AlloftheTime · 30/08/2021 20:30

@Kittenminion sleep tight and remember that’s another sober day done, well done

AlloftheTime · 30/08/2021 20:33

@Perriwinkles admire you being proactive with your friend
Thank you five weeks seems good to me too but a month ago I would not have put money on it!

ChampooPapi · 30/08/2021 21:05

@StayingVigilant this is epic! You have done an unbelievable amount of hard work day in and day out to reach this point, and to reach the easy breezy phase of it ticking along too, you put those foundations in and you should be very very proud. Your such an inspiration.

Reach for the stars. Night all 💜

Perriwinkles · 30/08/2021 21:13

@whatever47

Is it just me or did anyone else feel so tired they could die at the start?
I’m on Day 9 & I’m very very tired … I’m sure there’s a scientific reason for it but I attribute it to my body recalibrating and realising it’s not getting its daily dose. I also have a headache today and yeah, shattered! I almost like it in a weird way as it feels like I’m
working off ‘real’ energy now if that makes sense…

Day 9 ✔️

Well done everyone on another sober day. Two of the sober-lit books I ordered arrived today. Can’t wait to get stuck in.

whatever47 · 30/08/2021 21:38

Thanks @Perriwinkles and @AlloftheTime it helps to know I'm not alone!
Night night, here's to a lovely sober sleep to all on this amazing thread Smile

StayingVigilant · 30/08/2021 22:10

I still don’t feel that it’s easy breezy. Every now and then an urge sneaks in but it is quickly squashed. The longer I go the more Thoughts of ‘ooh wonder if moderation would work?’ also rear their ugly heads so I’m very much my username… staying vigilant! BUT compared to those early days it’s so much easier. I too was exhausted and certainly didn’t feel any better from abstaining until several weeks down the line. I now sleep like a baby (better than a baby, they’re pretty rubbish; waking every 3 hours).

AlloftheTime · 30/08/2021 22:54

@StayingVigilant

255 days!! Flip! 😱🤯🥳
That is awesome and you have such useful insights to share, well done
Clouds78 · 30/08/2021 23:20

Welcome newbies, keep strong!

I’ve read many inspiring posts on here this eve, each and everyone of us are trying so hard.

@Perriwinkles I was shattered at first too. Then some intermittent energy and positivity but then some more emotions which of course, can be exhausting! I attributed my mind activity (maybe things that had been surprised before) to the tiredness in the early days.

@Breathmiller thanks for making me feel less on my own about this - regarding parents - I’ve also found your posts really inspiring and interesting too, thank you. The parental one is useful to explore in all of this I think. Also had counselling for similar and it really helped me to understand how much of my parents behaviours were wrong/damaging. I read something recently about forgiveness and it said that’s it ok to forgive someone yet deny them access to you and don’t lose the best years of your life being loyal to toxic people. I went NC many years ago with a parent and it’s certainly set me free in some way. I do also now feel able to be the observer of behaviours as opposed to allowing them to make me feel sad.

I did watch something the other day about depression and a researcher who had written a book on his findings with regards to people bringing themselves out of depression. He talked about community and togetherness being key (eg what we are al doing on here to help each other) and also rather than trying to just ‘be ourselves’ and enjoy life and be the ‘true us’. Do the opposite - don’t be yourself. I thought - wait what! But he then went on to say, don’t be yourself, start ‘being the person you want to be’. Not sure if this is helping but I’d really like to be the person who can moderate sugar atm lol!

Night folks x

StayingVigilant · 30/08/2021 23:39

Ahh clouds LOVE that... be the person you want to be.
What I love about this thread is that everyone has something to offer regardless of where they are in their journey or why. It does feel like a community. I’d love to know people in real life like you lovely lot! x

whatever47 · 31/08/2021 10:27

Morning!
Just thought I'd share. The recycling has just been taken away. As usual my empty bottles were overflowing the plastic tub. I actually cried as I watched the recycling lorry drive off; it was as though the burden of the alcohol had gone.
Have a great day everyone, day 6 here - almost a week I wouldn't have believed it!

whatever47 · 31/08/2021 10:32

@StayingVigilant - yes, totally agree! I'm so glad for this thread, after a year or so of lurking and trying and failing at moderation you lovely lot have given me the confidence to go for it. This is only day 6 but I believe I can do it now!

Day1noboozing · 31/08/2021 10:53

@StayingVigilant wow that’s an amazing streak! I’ll definitely download the app today 😍

Nosilayak · 31/08/2021 10:54

@Perriwinckles Congratulations we are in double figures now! That 21 target is getting closer, stay strong x

Perriwinkles · 31/08/2021 10:56

@Nosilayak
Yay! Day 10 AF here we come! Hold on x