Mindfulness, Moderating and Not Texting In The Kitchen !

[Amdone123]

Morning all..hope you're all ok. Well I had busy weekend. I didn't quite stick to my plans : I drank Friday evening ( didn't eat), and drank last night, too. I don't feel great today but I am looking forward to having a break. I know I want to get back to being af and all its benefits.
I was thinking that I am able to stay in and not drink. My next step will be going out and not going mad !

I don't think I'd have managed a single day without drinking if DH had wine in the house. The only reason I managed an evening without a beer last night was because there was none left. Onwards and upwards @Soberoct Aim for improvement rather than perfection.

I had a crap nights sleep last night. I've noticed that I sleep through the night when I don't drink or drink minimally but getting to sleep is a pain. I held off on drinking last night by thinking of how refreshed and alert I'd feel today. I got less than 4 hours sleep so I'm not feeling fresh at all.

Also tried to read some more of The Naked Mind but I'm just not getting on with it. The writing style is so convoluted it's difficult to follow. It feels like the author is trying to be eloquent and profound but really she's using 100 words to say something that can be said in 10 words. I had to keep rereading to make sense of what was being written. I downloaded a sample of The Unexpected Joy last night and it was completely different but much more engaging.

@onemoreforme yes I feel exactly the same with the naked.mind which is why I've had it for a few years and not read it! Even sometimes when she speaks to me on ome.of those pod cast things I don't resonate but unexpected joy and the sober diaries by clare.pooley was so good!!!
@brightspice thank you, this morning the seed isn't planted on I want a drink this evening so I'm hoping I will be ok and I have got a craft thing that's been sitting there which I will try to do instead of wasting the evening drinking. The reason behind it was busy day at work, kids, stress so drink to block out the stress feeling is the main thing.

How did you get on tonight @Soberoct?

I have swimming lessons on Thursday but they're so late I'm not home until 10.30. Usually I'd be on glass number 2 by now. Made myself a hot chocolate because it was chilly and it feels like a treat. DH said "not having some wine? That's not like you". I could only respond with "Mmmh, I could do a few days off the wine". I still haven't told him I'm struggling.

Hi @onemoreforme that is so good! Well done . Maybe your DH knows something is up but letting you deal with it? That is sweet of him to ask even! My DH does this thing that he says he will come home at a certain time and doesn't and I get stressed. I opened a bottle and had 2 glasses. But I would have had the whole bottle so instead I cleaned and ate my body weight in carbs. I consciously spent time with kids etc but I'm so annoyed he's not back yet and he's causing risks too and just so irresponsible it's making me madder and I have anxiety now!!! He will also disturb us when he comes in.

Morning, all. Just been reading your posts, you all sound like you're trying despite some challenges. I like @onemoreforme , stating, Aim for improvement not perfection. That is what I need to do. Thanks !
Well, I'm still on holiday. October was a very good month. November hasn't got off to the greatest start ( there I go again. I'll get that aforementioned statement tattooed on my forehead !). I drank Wednesday, probably 1.5 bottles. I was a bit homesick, well, missing the dog really. And it just seemed like the only thing to do. I know I know - plenty to do here (walking, swimming, reading, spa etc). Anyway, it's done. I've been reading and enjoying your posts @brightspice . I've been thinking about you saying to stop and think about how you're feeling before reaching for the wine, but I always know how I'm feeling. I still do it ? I knew I was missing the dog.....not sure about the next step ? Though, sometimes I can recognise the feelings and I am able to bat them away I guess.
Well, my 4th week and.....my dh is arriving today for my final week. I'm so excited. I enjoy being on my own and I've done a lot of thinking, but it will be so nice to chat to someone else.
Keep trying folks and @Soberoct , I hope you're ok ( ps, well done on just 2 glasses and not finishing the bottle ).

@Amdone123 So if you know how you're feeling but you still drink it's likely because you maybe don't want to get too close to that feeling. You're aware of it but it feels pretty rubbish so bat it away, as you say. The 'next step' is being able to fully process our emotions without having to say "aaargh don't like how this feels" and reaching for the wine. (OK that sounded a bit extreme, but you get the point!) So in your case, you were missing your dog because you're away. You're fond of your dog. So of course you miss your dog. And that's OK. It's totally and utterly understandable and appropriate. You probably wouldn't want to feel happy and excited to be away from your dog? Maybe feeling a little lonely is what's going on for you in this moment ... and that's OK. Because that's life sometimes. Life is lonely or boring or frustrating or worrisome sometimes.... and that's OK. The more we can live through these periods without having to dull ourselves from the emotion the more powerful you will feel because you know you can tackle ANY circumstance. (I had an AWFUL day yesterday. Really not fun. Everything seemed to be going wrong. But it was so wonderful to know that I was able to handle those emotions. It was a bad day and that was OK. It would pass. And to know that I wasn't going to make a bad day worse by adding a hangover into the mix was Wonder Woman level power - and it's available to all of us).

@brightspice , thanks for your post. It does make a lot of sense and ironically, these are the exact sentiments I write in my journal. I knew I'd miss him ( I missed him before I even left the house. I acknowledge I need help 🤣). And I know it's ok to feel that way. I hear you. I'm going to think about that 'next step'.
Hope you have a better day today.

Don't worry @Amdone123 you're not alone. I miss our cats way more than I should when we go on holiday. Last time I tried to convince DH that our big cat looked sad we were leaving. He didn't, he just looked like a cat.

@Soberoct Stoping after 2 glasses is great work. I find stopping harder than not starting at all which is saying a lot, given how much I'm struggling with not buying drinks in the way home. I'm determined to get to a point of drinking lightly or moderately. I don't want to give up that lovely feeling of a drink in a sunny pub garden but do want to give up the passing out on the couch at 10pm on a random Tuesday evening.

I'm at work and it's reached that stage of a Friday afternoon where I'm already thinking about a glass of wine when I get home. I keep thinking I've done so well this week it will be fine to have a night off but no, I'd like a hangover free weekend please. I can't even remember the last time I did. I had Covid for the last one so it doesn't really count as I was feeling crap anyway.

Hi all
Im joining because I’m beginning to worry that I rely on alcohol waaayyyyy too much
and I need some support to not turn into a full on alcoholic like my mother 😳

Morning @Whitecistus

I'm new to the club. Failed miserably last night, drank a bottle of wine and fell asleep by 11am. I'll have to aim for a hangover free Sunday instead

Still, at least I woke up at 7am on a weekend. I've been so tired lately that it's been a struggle to wake up before 10am. Feels like i've wasted half my weekends sleeping.

Well it's Saturday night, I'm sober and don't even fancy a drink. I think my annoyance with myself about last night has made for some progress.

I had a semi-nice day. Didn't get any of my house jobs done but I did make eggs Benedict for breakfast (haven't done that in years) then bought some new jeans and a couple of jumpers. Tomorrow I really need to tackle at least a couple of drawers in my wardrobe.... and the mountain of washing that's built up.

Well done @onemoreforme very impressed with you! I drank with DH and food. It's not good as I was thinking about it at 10am yesterday morning and it kinda took over my day if that makes sense. When will I /DH open the bottle etc. I really am aiming not to tonight . I have this anxiety of we never have anyone round our house coz it's a mess literally it'll take years to sort (not dirty just too many things but also I'm too hard on myself anyway about these things) but we have people coming Saturday first time in a long time so I'm going to have to get house in order before then in between work , doc appointments etc ! Your day sounds lovely I love a bit of retail shopping I'm really trying not to spend and trying to sell instead (esp things that don't fit me!) I need some new boots but I've got wierd feet! Lol when you get the thought you want to drink what makes you not if that makes sense do you start doing something physically with your hands ?

Sorry @Whitecistus how did your Saturday evening go?

@Soberoct I managed to stay AF.. we went to a firework display and the timing coincided with my usual “5pm trigger time” so it was actually quite easy. Hoping to stay AF today as well, it will be my first weekend with no booze in years.
Totally understand that feeling of thinking about it all day though, it takes over doesn’t it

It takes over my day too. I spent most of Friday switching between "don't drink, you'll be hangover free and get so much done" and "you've managed days without alcohol this week, why not have a bottle? it's Friday night".

I haven't figured out how to stop myself drinking really. Aside from last night, the only times I've managed have been when I haven't had any wine in the house. I'm going to start going for a quick walk after work to get past that twitchy feeling at the end of the day. As soon as I sit down I start thinking about getting a glass. Hopefully a walk followed by going straight to prepping dinner will help stop the automatic habits.

My clothes are all a bit too small and have been for a while so I desperately needed a few bits to wear for winter. I know that feeling of having too much stuff in the house. Our conservatory has become a dumping ground for random things so we don't use it anymore. We rarely have people over, it's only DH's best friend who comes to stay for a couple of nights every other month and he really doesn't care. Nobody else makes it past the living room.

@onemoreforme I’m exactly the same after work. It’s like as soon as I walk into the kitchen to prepare dinner I need a drink! I’ve found switching up my routine after work helps. And as you say, not having it in the house to begin with.
How has your Sunday been?

@Whitecistus , hi and welcome. Hope you're doing OK. @onemoreforme , when I read your posts, I begin to think we were separated at birth !! It's uncanny - and then thee eggs Benedict mention sealed it for me !!
Really, I think it's great that we do all feel the same. I totally understand that itchy feeling at a certain time and how bad days, etc, make you want to reach for it. But the feeling and superpower @brightspice when referred to, you feel when you have an af weekend or manage to do something else instead, is a better feeling.
My final week here and dh arrived safely. We've had a lovely time. I drank the 1st day and didn't feel to good yesterday but I drank water all day, so all good.
I won't drink today as I'm getting ready to come home ( Thursday) - physically as well as mentally. I don't need alcohol getting in the way.
Have a great day, folks, whatever you're doing. And keep believing! ( confidence is an interesting concept - you need it for most things, and I sometimes think I've lacked confidence in believing that I can be af. Hope that makes sense !)

Glad you're still on holiday @Amdone123 Its dreary here again so make the most of the sunshine!

I had a productive Sunday and got through most of my jobs. I had one glass of wine in the evening because DH poured it for me without asking (it was still in the fridge from Friday night) then I switched back to soft drinks and hid the wine glass under the coffee table so he wouldn't pick it up and refill it. He was just trying to be nice and to be fair, it had been open since Friday when I drank a bottle by myself and had to open the second one for my risotto

DH has wanted to move since the beginning of this year. He's indecisive at the best of times but the forecasted financial doom made his indecision worse so I gave up. Last night I found something that is close to his dream house (if only it weren't semi-detached). It's an old extended farm cottage in the middle of nowhere with a big garden. Lots of ground floor space. Only two bedrooms upstairs but there are no children on the horizon so we can live with that. Currently rented so inside is drab and needs lots of paint but nothing major. He was so excited by it, that he's gone to the office for the day so he can do a drive by in his lunch break. If he likes it, we might need to spend the next couple of weeks blitzing the house and getting ready to sell. It's just been reduced and I think would only appeal to a small number of people (the childless who like the country or a builder who'd turn it into a huge family home). I'm very excited. Even if we don't get it, I think this might be the push he needs to make a serious commitment to moving.

Hi all just wanted to jump on and say hi and you are all doing really well! I went a bit crazy over the weekend nothing bad but nothing good if that makes sense but somehow relations seem to be better between DH and I. That's such amazing news and fingers crossed about the new home @onemoreforme so exciting ! Hope you have a great next few days In the sun @Amdone123 and glad H also able to enjoy. @Whitecistus how's it going for you? Breaking up the routine is such a big thing for me too but because of the small demanding kids I just can't do what I want to do! At times anyway. I will keep preserving striving to be better not perfect x

@Soberoct must admit not so good again. I had a few last night. I didn’t even really want one but it’s so ingrained into my daily “ritual” that I just find myself having one. Ridiculous.

The problem is the ritual isn't it @Whitecistus the ongoing every day thing. I know we want to change ourselves but the fact that we are acknowledging a lot says a lot. How is your evening today ? I bought wine and drank half. I wanted more but also wanted to spend time with the kids so I did.

@Soberoct 100%
Good that you only drank half and had some quality time with your family… I also had a couple of glasses. Despite telling myself no on the way home 🙄 although drank less than I usually would so taking the positives!

It's all about the positives @Whitecistus !!! I'm going to try half tonight too even tho I have so much non alcoholic drink in my house!

I've decided that cutting down is a success in itself and I need to stop beating myself up about it. Ritual is the perfect word to describe my daily bottle of wine.

I finished Friday's open bottle on Monday. I think it was about 2/3 of a bottle. I didn't drink anything yesterday but DH appeared with a couple of bottles while I was cooking dinner. I managed to resist temptation because the twitchy hour had passed. I still found myself thinking a glass would be fine while sat on the couch at 9pm but remembered how hard it is to stop once i start . At the moment I'm still drinking more days than not, mostly a beer or two but I don't want to replace one bad habit with another slightly less bad habit.

Is anyone else struggling to get to sleep on alcohol free nights? I can't get to sleep until sometime between 1am and 2am. Once I'm asleep I sleep through so it's a slight improvement to waking up in the early hours and then drifting in and out. I've given up on expecting to wake up feeling fresh and full of energy though.

@onemoreforme YES! Celebrate cutting down. That is huge success! Well done. And yes to not beating yourself up. Really doesn't help.

Thinking about a glass while sitting on the couch is just your brain anticipating the pleasure of dopamine and trying to convince you that it's a good idea. That's all. It can feel very uncomfortable but is no cause for alarm and no need for action.

Sounds like you're on a good path. Well done.