Mindfulness, Moderating and Not Texting In The Kitchen !

[Amdone123]

Morning all..hope you're all ok. Well I had busy weekend. I didn't quite stick to my plans : I drank Friday evening ( didn't eat), and drank last night, too. I don't feel great today but I am looking forward to having a break. I know I want to get back to being af and all its benefits.
I was thinking that I am able to stay in and not drink. My next step will be going out and not going mad !

Hi @Amdone123 well done for the walking and journalling sounds amazing. I haven't drunk yesterday and not planning to until Saturday and am proud of myself as have reduced it totally. Working and being tired does help actually because by the time I'm done it's too late to think about drinking!

@Soberoct well done, you're back on track. I agree - sometimes when you're busy, you don't really think about it.
None yesterday for me and today, 1 small glass with lunch. A win. Actually, like you, too tired to even think about drinking - 20, 000 steps today. Tomorrow I'm not moving!

Oh wow you have done so well with the walking jeez amazing ! @Amdone123 I messed up a little and had 2 beers yesterday not sure what triggered me I have to say. Better than wine but I woke up at 3am anxiety etc ...fuckkkkkk!!!

@Soberoct, awh, 2 beers isn't much and like you say, it's better than wine. I know what you mean regarding the anxiety of course ! I'm having a peaceful day today. I feel good, no hangover obviously yay.

Hi all!

I've had an ok week. Last week (Mon-sun) I drank two bottles of wine across the week and only had half a bottle maximum in an evening. I struggled to get to sleep because I'm so used to passing out and it was quite difficult to get past that initial craving when I finished work. I feel better for having done it but worried it felt so hard.

I went out to a party on Friday, had 3 half pints and 4 cocktails. I was tipsy but it was spread out from 6.30pm to 3am so didn't feel very drunk, just happy. I woke up feeling fresh as a daisy which I can't say for DH.

On Monday night I forgot about moderation and had a bottle of wine. Lesson learned. I passed out but woke up at 4am, struggled to get back to sleep and had a foggy head. I forgot that it had become my normal and realised I'd rather get to sleep late and stay asleep until my alarm goes off than pass out and spend the early hours tossing and turning. I think my main lesson is that I should probably avoid wine for a while. I get tipsy too quickly and finish the bottle out of habit. It was far easier to moderate my drinking when I was out.

@onemoreforme , hi, lovely to hear from you. I'm out at a dinner thingy at the moment. Will reply tomorrow morning x

@onemoreforme , ahhh, sounds like you've been trying. It's hard work though isn't it. I do fine til life gets in the way. I ended up cooking ( danger zone for me ), and had wine. Probably didn't help that I'd met people for evening nibbles / drinks.
I'll keep trying. I can't see me drinking for at least the next 3 days.

Hi @Amdone123 and @onemoreforme I hope you are both well I need to change my name though as although I've been better I'm hardly sober October so I will let you know when I name change lol I don't know it's difficult as there's me saying no drink until Saturday but then I had some wine last night not a whole bottle but still. I was so so stressed yesterday and had started smoking again and then have stopped again (I had smoked for about 20 years and had given up 2 3 years ago but started again meaning I bought a pack and not buying another ) but pp said to me throw them away as you remember how hard it was to give up! Anyway I really do relate to what you are saying @onemoreforme as do others I'd imagine . We aren't alone and all feel the same things there's 1000s of us. I have changed my mindset though and instead of beating myself up and thinking I'm weak etc I'm just going to keep trying my best every day. It's raining again here @Amdone123 so enjoy the sun!!!!

@Amdone123 cooking dinner was always a danger time for me. It became a distinct pattern within my habit of drinking. So one thing I did (and which one of my current clients is now having success with as she suffers from the drinking-while-making-dinner) is to simply delay when you have the first drink until you sit down to dinner.

This sounds so simple (it is) but is very powerful for a number of reasons: 1) Simply by shifting out the drinking you start to break the neural pathway of drinking while cooking. 2) It requires you to be conscious of the craving to drink (this one is no joke: I used to drink at that time before I even really realised what was going on). 3) It requires you to manage the feelings of the urges/cravings coming and going . 4) It starts to build evidence that it is possible for you to change this habit because if you can teach yourself to not drink when cooking then what else are you capable of?

@onemoreforme when you look back at Monday when you said you forgot about moderation and learned a lesson, what specifically did you learn? Is there one thing you realised that you can try out next time?

@Soberoct Bravo for choosing to not beat yourself up. Doesn't help. Start by believing it will be POSSIBLE to reach your goal, even if you don't quite see the path yet. Stay curious as to your behaviour, try to spot patterns, triggers and see what's going on. This again sounds so simple, but it's everything at the start. The other thing I would offer is for you to dig into why you were so stressed that other day. Sure the drink will dull it but not remove the stress. Stress will continue to come at different points throughout life - imagine how strong you will feel when you know you can face ANY of it irrespective of what's in your glass? How could that be true for you? How would that feel? What will it take to get there?

Good morning ! Hope you're all well. I'm having a lovely break. I've not been on my phone much which has been great - hard but great. I've been walking ( a lot !!), though I don't appear to have lost any weight.
Regarding drinking, I went a bit mad in the first week but since then, I've just moderated. So a glass of wine with my dinner then a beer then water. It's no good for my mood, sleep patterns etc. I looked at my diary and saw that in October I've had 24 af days, which is not too bad.
I'm making changes when I'm home !!

24 AF days is amazing @Amdone123 ! Glad you had a good break too. When I lost quite a lot of weight a few years ago I tended to plateau on the weeks I did the most exercise and then lose more than expected a week or two after. It was always a delayed reaction.

I finally caught covid the week before last and I couldn't have drank if I wanted to. Annoyingly it also melted my willpower so when I started to feel better I had two evenings with a bottle of wine each. After the first glass it's just too easy to keep going until I can't have any more. I was feeling rather sorry for myself.

I went supermarket shopping with DH yesterday and he asked if I wanted to pick some more wine up. I said no. I think it's easier to have no wine in the house than moderate. A couple of hours after getting home I wanted to pour a glass of wine so I'm glad there wasn't any there. I had a few evenings where I had a couple of glasses and stopped but it's doing nothing for my habit of getting to the end of the working day and craving a glass of wine.

The book This Naked Mind is free on Kindle for Amazon Prime members so I've downloaded it and plan to start it this evening with a cup of hot chocolate as a pick me up.

@onemoreforme , thanks, I am quite pleased with 24 days. Sorry to hear about the covid, hope you're on the mend now.
I agree about saying no in supermarkets, etc. I think it takes quite some doing so well done. I'm still on my holiday, got just under 2 weeks left. I've found not buying it in the supermarket here is working. If it's not in the fridge, I can't drink it. The very cheap supermarket here is at the bottom of a steep hill, it's so painful walking home with shopping so I'm keeping it to a minimum. I know what you mean though about when you got back, you wanted one. I'm sat on a rooftop terrace now, and would love a glass but water it is as I'm not going down ( and up) the hill again !
My dh is coming here for my final week. He doesn't drink and I think he'll be surprised that I'll be having thee odd glass with dinner then just water.
Enjoy your hot chocolate. I'm going to have a cup of tea and a siesta 😴

Oh a holiday of several weeks sounds like bliss! It's grey and miserable here. One of those dreary days that makes you feel half asleep. A sunny terrace with a glass of water would be a dream.

Strangely, I've never really been one to drink on holiday. Though maybe that's because I wasn't much of a drinker last time I went on holiday

Hi @Amdone123 and @onemoreforme ! Glad to hear you are all well. 24 days in October wow that's basically the whole month well done especially on holidays. I think I'm too addicted to Mumsnet and phone tbh to a point I check for a phantom phone when it's not with me so I think I might have to stay off it for a while too. For me I've been moderating I mean on holiday I could have not drunk at lunchtimes as well as dinners but we would be getting through about 2/3 bottles between my H and I daily but I was never overly tipsy etc and for instance Saturday night I was supposed to go out but didn't as I knew I'd end up drinking and possibly smoking. I also drove somewhere last night Halloween thing so had 1 and when someone offered me a top up I said no I'm driving. I am feeling very tired as getting up too early 5am and not going to sleep early enough! Looking forward to this month 1st of the month and will try and do at least 15 AF days or something. I find when I say no drink for a month or until this and that event it doesn't work so I like the idea of a number of days AF as its still a damn good achievement! Enjoy the sun a bit more @Amdone123 ! I am starting to worry about Xmas presents and what not cost of living and my work situation isn't exactly stable but let's see I don't want to drown the feelings! Have a good day! I downloaded naked mind I think 2 years ago and have never managed to get through it but the sober diaries and others seem to be good for me.

I like the idea of aiming for AF days in a month rather than long stints.

I resisted the urge to buy wine at the supermarket again. I'm now on my third day without any wine. I did have a beer while cooking today but had no interest in a second beer.

I've found a silly thing to distract myself. I've created an Instagram account and committed the mortal sin of posting pictures of my food . My cooking mojo has taken a dive this year. I used to love cooking but I've spent months procrastinating because I want to sit and drink or i'm already too drunk and tired to start. I have a big cookbook collection and have tried a new recipe for the third day in a row. DH is quite pleased, I even did the washing up yesterday (normally his job).

Well done @onemoreforme !!! That's so good you didn't go and buy wine. I didn't do so well unfortunately am not in a good state of mind (which of course the wine doesn't help!) But was so stressed I opened a white that DH had just got delivered yesterday (he got delivered about 3 cases) this is the problem it's just there so I have it. If it wasn't there I wouldn't have so many urges! So yeah not a good start and am feeling it and got to work etc . But I'm really going to try today not to. Can someone help me on here when I feel the urge around 5? I too also cooked but not like what you do it sounds wonderful well done! ( I half heartedly did the dishes as it is also normally DH who does them haha)

@Soberoct Don't avoid it, don't try to push the urge away. Move towards it. A great way of doing this is actually talking to the urge: "Hello urge, I see you're here again." (and yes I really mean say that out loud.)

Be willing to be appropriately uncomfortable. It may feel awful but it's not the end of the world, is it? Then ait for it to go. It will.

Remember that the urge is only coming at that time because you have created that pattern. It's therefore not coming out of nowhere. Part of that pattern is the ACTION of pouring liquid into a wine glass. Try pouring water into the wine glass instead too.
x

I'll be around from just after 5.30 @Soberoct (driving home from 5pm)

Thanks @brightspice but right now I'm about to head home and I want a glass of red. And thanks @onemoreforme you are very kind..anyway I'm not home just yet. So hopefully will be ok !

How are you holding up now? I have to admit, the temptation to stop at the shops and pick up a wine was high tonight. It's my first day driving home in the dark and it just feels like it would be nice to have a cosy winter evening on the couch with wine. Im trying to remind myself how nice it's been to wake up without a fuzzy head for the last few days.

@Soberoct Do your best to figure out why you wanted/want the glass of red? That is the reason driving this.

Not good as once the seed is planted it's there. I can try again tomorrow. That's the issue is finding the why @brightspice .

I'm still struggling with the why too. It's a habit and tastes good, maybe? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm surviving so far and the urge has died down a bit though it's not gone. DH is about to go out to play sports for an hour and we have a Mexican takeaway ordered for when he gets back. Think I might go for a soak in the bath to distract myself.

That is so amazing you did that @onemoreforme honestly I really respect you. I just wish there was a lock on the wine fridge DH has! Sleep was fitful. Today DH is out tonight so even worse as I'm on my own with the kids but I have a plan to distract me! I should have tried the water in the wine glass thing that @brightspice said argh I can only keep trying right? Raining cats and dogs here

@Soberoct yep - you just see what happened, decide to do something differently and go again. Just keep getting up.

Re: my asking why you want to drink, here's another way to phrase that: why do you want the wine? What situation are you wanting to create for yourself? What feeling do you want to avoid? So let's say your answer is 'I don't want to feel anxious' then ask what's beneath the anxiety - what's causing it? Do you know? Because the drinking is just a symptom. You will change your drinking when you change how you are thinking and feeling about yourself/your life/other people etc.

Tips like pouring water into a wine glass are designed to slow it down. Because when you drink from habit it's soooooooo fast (I remember I would be drinking before I was even aware that i'd gone to the fridge, grabbed a bottle, grabbed a glass from the cupboard, uncorked the wine, poured it, put the bottle back in the fridge....).

You can do it. What little thing are you going to do differently tonight?