Mindfulness, Moderating and Not Texting In The Kitchen !

[Amdone123]

Morning all..hope you're all ok. Well I had busy weekend. I didn't quite stick to my plans : I drank Friday evening ( didn't eat), and drank last night, too. I don't feel great today but I am looking forward to having a break. I know I want to get back to being af and all its benefits.
I was thinking that I am able to stay in and not drink. My next step will be going out and not going mad !

@Soberoct , well done on the 8 weeks, that took some doing !! Do you mind me asking why you go back to drinking ? I ask because I wonder this myself and I know others do, from other forums I've been on.
I can stay off it for a period of time, feel great, then go back to the thing that makes me feel rubbish!
Regarding moderating, I can do it but it takes a lot of brain power. I enjoy it though - going out and having 2 drinks, then being able to find my way home, is a great feeling. In fact, I moderated on my recent holiday, came home and bam !!! Back to square one 😒

@Amdone123 it's bizarre why we do go back to drinking after abstaining/moderating? I even done 9 months before few years back and felt my best but I went on holiday and thought F it. Then it carried on and escalated as you say. Then again after 8 weeks I had a big party to attend and I had actually thought about how I would drink for a good week before and knew I would. I got overly drunk at that party and regretted and felt ashamed etc. But then I went on holiday and drank the whole time so it's a constant excuse...there's a party I'll be ok, there's a holiday I'll be ok etc. I know everything in my life is generally better without drink. I did moderate the other day and felt good about it for once. I'm on an uneven path tbh and it's hard going to know am I doing the right thing or not. Abstain or moderate. Am I really that bad etc what about you why do you go back to it? X

@Soberoct , thanks for your reply. I think I go back to it for a few reasons : boredom ( my life isn't really boring, it's very fulfilled, so this one puzzles me, but it's true!). If, like you said, there's an event, I'd return to drinking, and, like you said, then feel bad ( awful feeling!), and sometimes I just miss it. I like the taste I guess. I don't have a sweet tooth or eat junk food but I enjoy a glass of wine.
At the moment, I'm positive about the next 10 days ( day 3) ; it's not proving difficult because my head is in the right place.
I also think I can do sober October. I weighed myself the other day - I'm not that 'into' weight as such but I do need to lose 10lbs, just because I feel fitter / healthier.
I'm the same as you, wondering am I really that bad. My friends say I'm 'normal', but I think I do have an unhealthy relationship with it and that's what I want to sort.

That hit the nail on the head, we can appear 'normal' and we are! However, it is our individual relationship with alcohol thats the ongoing issue! The last couple of times I have managed to share a bottle with H so that itself is a work in progress! Am able to put the cork back in as I had read somewhere on these boards. I agree about boredom too same, I could do plenty of things but I used to decide it was just wine instead of the 100s of other fun stuff I can do instead! I have a sweet tooth junk food and wine go figure...well done for day 3 and being positive that is the key too! I just realised I am away end of the month on hols, so wondering when you said you moderated on holiday what did you do? Thanks!

End of october I mean

@Soberoct , well, on holiday, I changed my mindset before I went. ( I'd also been in hospital previous so had 10 days af before I went). I started to think about how I wanted my holiday to 'look' , how I wanted to feel. I knew if I overdid it ( I'm a daytime drinker), I'd feel awful the next day and it would stop me walking, sight seeing, boat tripping and even sunbathing so I began to turn my thinking around. I did drink, but I had no hangovers. I also ate more, smoked less ( I had just 3 cigarettes over 5 days), and I also stocked up on lots of sparkling water and made a point of guzzling 3 litres a day ! Lots of moisturiser day n night had me glowing.
I can start a fresh thread on here for sober October btw.

Hi, just had an AF eve, first in Sept. Need a good night's sleep without the dry mouth and 2am tossing and turning. Fingers crossed I get it!

Big hello to all again too! Back to muse/ ponder with/support etc those of us who want to put the effort into a balanced and moderate lifestyle even when it can be harder than not drinking at all!

Back with my update soon...and well done @Hohofortherobbers , enjoy your sleep!

Just going to put down in writing how good it feels to have a great AF night's sleep. It is worth so much more than a couple of hours feeling squiffy on the sofa. I need this here to re read in coming weeks. Have a good day all of you.

Glad you had a great night's sleep @Hohofortherobbers I didn't unfortunately!!! Argh and you are right @Buntyforgirls it's harder moderating . I moderate for 2 occasions and then back to the binge ..FFS! Anyone tried hypnotherapy?

Morning all ! Nice to 'see' you again @Hohofortherobbers @Buntyforgirls. A good night's sleep is one of the best things about being af. I'm on day 4 of my mini 10 day target and not only have I slept as well as my menopausal body will allow me, I'm up and just cleaned the house, etc. Going to take my dog out for the day. @Soberoct , I tried hypnotherapy last September. I really enjoyed it and I still listen to the recordings. Admittedly, not as often as I used to, but lots has stayed with me and together with other help, I feel it worked. Made me even more reflective. And less guilty in a way. If I fall, I fall. I'm only human. It was £90.

Regarding moderating being more difficult than abstaining completely, I agree, probably because the mental gymnastics can be so draining.
One thing I got from AA was a mantra, Just for today, I won't drink. I often say it !!!
The simplest things are the best. 🤣

Morning all, how are we all doing ? I'm on day 8 of my mini 10 day challenge. Feeling great. I'm not sleeping brilliantly but that's the menopause. My skin is clearer though, I'm feeling happier/ more positive, and I've got tons of energy.
Unfortunately, I won't be doing sober Oct as I've treated myself to a month away in sunnier climes ( I hate winter). It won't be a drinking holiday, it's a walking holiday but I know I will drink when I'm not walking.
I'll probably moderate though. I'm going to be on my own in a foreign country so I'll not be going wild !

That sounds a lovely break you have planned. Pleased you're feeling so good for your dry spell too. I drank Fri, sat and sun, 2 glasses of wine each night, nothing more, but sober last night, was out for dinner and drove. Had an AF beer which hit the spot.

@Hohofortherobbers , that's great 2 glasses. Sounds like you're in control. I love af perroni, it's quite expensive but hits the spot !

Great minds! It was indeed Peroni AF. Having a becks blue at home tonight. No twinges from the wine witch tonight, feeling quite tired and headachy and looking forward to an early night and another sober sleep

I did have the wine witch on my shoulder, but managed to bat her away. I recognised it was the usual scenario ; I've been off it so I'm feeling great, etc, so then I think, I know I'll have wine tonight.
I don't really want beer in this weather tbh ( getting cold ❄) so it was a hot chocolate for me. And a packet of maltesers. 😋

Delicious! It is chilly now, I am in my Onesie and planning a herbal tea tonight. I may well drink on Friday but not planning to till then. Love sober sleep.... and sober sex!!

🤣🤣...glad you're enjoying the benefits!
I wanted a drink....again....but managed not to. Day 10 tomorrow so I have achieved my mini target. It's not been too difficult. I think sometimes you just have to ignore any tempting thoughts. Or.....as I've done this week, play it forward. I didn't want a hangover or any disrupted sleep ( not that I'm sleeping anyway !). But, I'd rather be awake without a hangover than with one.

Still here and completed my mini 4 day stretch, have found this refreshingly easy. When you off on your hols @amdone123 ?

Hi @Hohofortherobbers , well done on your 4 day stretch. In many ways it is easy, I guess. Many ways, it's not. I did a biggish food shop today ( only 2 adults, so nothing massive), shoved wine in and here I am ! ( had 1.5 bottles) Not quite conquered 10 days, (9.5), but looking for positives.
I'm off 2 weeks today. I'm a planner, so I've sorted my daily routine. Here's hoping I stick to it. But, if I don't, it's ok.
I can't see myself drinking daily ( I wouldn't do that at home), but I will have to be mindful !

Have a fabulous holiday, check in if you'd like to otherwise I'll catch up with you once you're back x

Hi all @Amdone123 I'm feeling rubbish as I didn't start my sober October now I'm so angry with myself plus I have hormone problems so everything blew up last night. My H was being really horrible about my family and then called me an alcoholic in front of the kids. I don't know what to do I need to get away from him today he locked me out of the flat last night too when I went to sit in my car because I needed to walk away before it escalated in front of the kids. (I know he shouldn't have done that his excuse was he thought I was going out for the night knowing I wouldn't be driving anywhere after drinking) I hadn't eaten all day and was rushing around so then drinking wine didn't help ANY of what happened yesterday now I'm full of regret and remorse. A friend I've confided in keep telling me I don't have a problem so just life's too short and carry on but the clear thing is it's not doing me any favours but I don't know how to stop/mod!!!!

Morning @Soberoct , awh, don't be so hard on yourself. It is awful when things blow up and everyone gets upset and overheated, but it's done now. The only thing you can do is try to make sure it doesn't happen again anytime soon. Is your dh sorry for what he said ? Are the kids OK?
There's no reason why you can't start sober October today. You don't even have to call it sober October. Just take it one day at a time and see how you go. Maybe aim for the next 3 days af and we can evaluate how you feel after 3 days. I'll help you. So will others here.
Be good to yourself today. I know it's hard and I do know what you're feeling. The only thing is it will pass. It could be your rock bottom?
Keep posting if you're feeling anymore upset or lonely xxxx

Oh @soberoct that sounds a hellish evening. Was he drinking too? Can you speak to him this morning and clear the air? You know better than your friends if this is a problem. If it's damaging your relationship then it must be. It doesn't matter what the date is, you can just take today off drinking, reevaluate what you want to do tomorrow. Good luck.