The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Bear with me..my knickers are relevant

That should be the title of your autobiography.

The book is The Upward Spiral by Alex Korbe. Catherine Grey mentions it a fair bit in UJOBS.

Bought, thanks!

*Bear with me..my knickers are relevant

That should be the title of your autobiography.*

" Bear with me...my knickers are relevant- the sober years"
A memoir of finding space and freedom.

AKA The Comfy Big Pants Diary

Woops - bold fail

The sequel to "Bare with me - my knickers are irrelevant. The Drunken Years"

My knickers were certainly irrelevant for a lot of my drunk years facepalm

@HangingOver

My knickers were certainly irrelevant for a lot of my drunk years facepalm

Funny that. I can relate.

Hi everyone! Just checking in! Hope everyone is doing good!

Weather is set to be really lovely over the coming days where I am so I've got plans to pack the kids up with either a picnic or disposable bbq & head to a local park over the weekend. I've bought 2 fancy looking sparkling juice bottles from IKEA (one is some type of Berry and the other is pear) but they look like champagne bottles they will probably be rank but I'm excited regardless. I'm looking forward to sitting in the sun with my family and being fully present as apposed to going through the motions while clocking watching for home time and wine o'clock. I plan to enjoy good food, play with my kids and enjoy my (probably rank) fake champagne & hopefully get some sun burn and just enjoy life like I used to.

We've now have family movie nights which were unheard off before - kids would be shipped off to their rooms or devices as soon as 7 o'clock came but now we have fallen into the habit of all watching a movie together & I love it. Tonight we watched Beetlejuice and I was dancing to the dinner party scene where the Banana boat song plays and my kids were all laughing hysterically at my shit dancing and i don't know it was just such authentic fun and I am so grateful for it and also sad that it took me getting sober to realise how much fun we have missed out on!

Anyway I'm rambling! But hope everyone is doing well :-)

I've bought 2 fancy looking sparkling juice bottles from IKEA (one is some type of Berry and the other is pear) but they look like champagne bottles

I wanted to enjoy this sort of thing but I find the shape/sound really triggering - I have to stick to squash

Bit sad this evening. 6 day late period struck this afternoon in a tidal wave of agony. I couldn't even think straight. Had a lot of Tramadol left over from shoulder injury so had one after the paracetamol and ibuprofen didn't touch it but I saw DP side eying me I know it's all my own fault but it's so annoying that at the start of our relationship I glibly told DP that all addicts lie then have literally never lied to him about drugs in 5 years I explained for the 800th time that benzos and opiates v.different and I don't even like how opiates make me feel but he doesn't really get it.

I feel like I deserve some sort of addiction no claims bonus??

I can SEE my one year sober lads, it's on Saturday. Me and DP will be setting off to visit his and my family for a week and finally collect my beloved pets who went on holiday way back when I first went to Aus in November 2019. So excited

In bed with the cat. Night legends.

kindleandacuppa
What a fab post. All sounds so positive. Such an inspiration.

Enjoy your picnic.

A year hangingover that's amazing!!

@Hangingover hope you are feeling better today 😔 1 year sober wow just wowww! Amazing! Can't wait to reach that milestone! Fancy juice type things don't trigger me at all because I know they taste like juice but I don't think I will ever be interested in non alcoholic drinks that actually taste like alcohol - that would definitely trigger me!

@breathmiller thank you! I hope I don't bore anyone with my updates but I like reading other people's positive stories/updates as they give me hope so I will share mines incase it helps anyone.

I know its early days for me but I'm feeling very positive so far and I think having the 2 or 3 slip ups this year were meant to happen as they reminded me just how shit even the smallest amount of alcohol makes me feel. I drank 3 beers on mu birthday and woke the next day flooded with anxiety and regret and whether it was truly from the alcohol or a placebo effect from knowing I drank I'm not sure but it's taught me it's just not worth it for me.

I believe you sometimes have to fail at things a few times before they stick so if anyone slips up and finds themselves back at day 1 I would say dont beat yourself up! Its all trial and error and in fact failing can be a good teacher and just reminds you how little alcohol gives and that you truly aren't missing anything! Dust yourself off and try again!

@Kindleandacuppa

Hi everyone! Just checking in! Hope everyone is doing good!

Weather is set to be really lovely over the coming days where I am so I've got plans to pack the kids up with either a picnic or disposable bbq & head to a local park over the weekend. I've bought 2 fancy looking sparkling juice bottles from IKEA (one is some type of Berry and the other is pear) but they look like champagne bottles they will probably be rank but I'm excited regardless. I'm looking forward to sitting in the sun with my family and being fully present as apposed to going through the motions while clocking watching for home time and wine o'clock. I plan to enjoy good food, play with my kids and enjoy my (probably rank) fake champagne & hopefully get some sun burn and just enjoy life like I used to.

We've now have family movie nights which were unheard off before - kids would be shipped off to their rooms or devices as soon as 7 o'clock came but now we have fallen into the habit of all watching a movie together & I love it. Tonight we watched Beetlejuice and I was dancing to the dinner party scene where the Banana boat song plays and my kids were all laughing hysterically at my shit dancing and i don't know it was just such authentic fun and I am so grateful for it and also sad that it took me getting sober to realise how much fun we have missed out on!

Anyway I'm rambling! But hope everyone is doing well :-)

This is a lovely post ! Well done to you . Enjoy your weekend x

Congrats @HangingOver you made it you absolute legend!!! A year is an incredible achievement, I hope you’re celebrating today!!!🤩🤩🤩

Happy 1 year soberversary hangingover .

It's been incredible to see you get here. Well done buddy. 🥳🎊🧡

Well done @HangingOver, I bet that feels so good!

Awwww you guys Thank you so much for everything. I'm so thankful for this thread and to be a part of you guys journey. One year

Knickers and neuroscience- I love this thread.

Massive congrats @HangingOver! And @CardiganOfDoom are you feeling any better? Some fab advice upthread and in my experience it took around 3 months until I stopped feeling tired and crap and resentful and found some energy and inspiration. Don't expect too much of yourself early on.

@Drybird2020 - I think I’m on the up again, thanks. I had my second COVID jab last Thursday and felt quite achy and depressed for a couple of days, but am much better today.

I think one thing that gives me difficulties is that I give a lot of headspace to whether I continue do this or not. It’s not as if I was at a real low with booze where I could clearly see that I had issues - no one around me would prefer I gave up, I had no health issues - it’s just that I drank around 3 x the recommended units (but still managed to work out hard and do all I needed to do). I know DH would rather moderate, but I don’t think it’s easy, and, if I could flick a switch, I would choose to be free from thinking about drinking. So I’m having to motivate myself by minor health signs (HR down, BP possibly down), better sleep (getting there) and generally feeling livelier (getting there too), and the desire to be free of what I thought was becoming an addiction. All the quit lit is about people at rock bottom, and doesn’t really speak to me.

Morning "lads" Tentative first time poster here.

I have really enjoyed reading all your thoughts and experiences and could relate to so many. I have drunk pretty much every day for 35 years (am now 55) and it has to stop. I know why I drink - abusive childhood if anyone's interested - and have had years of counselling and therapy but on a day to day basis, I felt like I needed a drink to blot out the uncomfortable feelings and memories.

I am now very happily single and have two young adult DC. I have a brilliant friendship group, who all drink excessively.

I just cannot handle it any more though. I have a great job but I know I don't always perform as well as I could if I have drunk too much the night before. My boss drinks excessively, despite having had serious health repercussions, so "alcohol/hangover banter" features in our 1:1 and team meetings. I think I have been drinking about 70 units a week. I have been working from home so it's just been so easy to shut the laptop and open the wine.

I have done Dry January and Stoptober a couple of times, and then thought I could moderate Well I can't, so I decided to quit on May 22, as I knew I was on annual leave for a week and could quietly deal with any fallout. I hardly slept for five days but have slept soundly since Thursday night.

Yesterday was a big test as it was a friends birthday party, with my four closest, hardest drinking friends, in their garden. I prepared the way by lying and saying I had cystitis and was on antibiotics. Oddly enough, at that news, the friend I suspect also is on the verge of quitting said she would have to drive because x, y,z. So there were two non drinkers and 3 drinkers. I drove so I knew I would not drink.

I had such a good time. I laughed til I cried (wrecked my make up!) and stayed til the end. I honestly couldn't have had a better time. The thing that has upset me slightly about it though is that I thought I would be sitting there watching the drinkers fall into disarray, but they didn't.

The three drinkers polished off five bottles of wine between them, and two cocktails each. I was so shocked that they just didn't appear to be drunk. We were playing party games like Film Quizzes, and they all gave coherent answers, could follow what they were doing, weren't being silly. I was really shocked by this. Can anyone explain it?

Anyway, it was great that I had such a good time sober, but I can't keep having excuses, so I think I am going to say that I just realised I have as good a time sober as drunk and cannot handle the hangovers any more. I suspect they will "jokingly" tell me I need new friends or that "surely you can have a couple?" I can't though.

Apologies for the essay

Hi all
This seems a lovely and supportive thread.
I hope I can join in with you.
I have been sober since May 1st, and think that being part of your lovely gang will help me keep on the straight and sober narrow
Hi @socalledfriend - my first post on here too! Nice to 'meet' you! I'm in my fifties too - and I have done various Dry Januarys, and always tried to moderate then slowly (quickly!) but surely the maximum 2 glasses a night crept up to the usual bottle. I just can't live like that anymore. Feel so much better sober, although the first week was pretty rough - not cravings really, just disrupted sleep, lethargy and feeling quite low. But am starting to feel the benefits now.

Take care all
Soph

@socalledfriend
Meant to add, about your friends not seeming drunk at all - perhaps they are quite heavy drinkers and have really high tolerance to the stuff?

If so, that isn't great, the damage is still the same to their bodies, even if they seem ok on the surface.
Soph

Welcome @socalledfriend and @SophieB100!

Love that you addressed us as “lads” socalledfriends😂😂😂 (@HangingOver)

You have both done so well and it’s great your starting to feel the benefits already! The trick now is to keep going because honestly, the benefits will keep coming😊 I am a year in now and feeling sooo much better.

Socalledfriends the only reason your friends probably didn’t fall apart is because I imagine their tolerance is sky high, but they are still doing damage to their bodies by drinking so much (not judging just stating the facts) and I bet they felt quite awful the next day.

Keep going guys and keep posting!

Hey all, good to hear all your updates and very useful to read all the comments about the temptation to moderate - I was definitely in the midst of those thoughts a couple of weeks ago.

I mentioned a while ago that the big test would be when I finally saw my extended family again as we drink lots during family dinners that often last for hours. Well, we've been staying there for a week now and it's been so much better than I feared. I've not labelled my abstinence and no one has pressed it. In fact everyone has drank a fair bit less. I think partly to be supportive but also it's come up that many of them are also trying to cut back and taking it as a helping hand.

I usually stay away from alcohol free alternatives as it feels like a temporary measure rather than a long term change. But I have had nosecco this week which I think has helped still feel a sense of occasion.

So I'm over my biggest hurdle, I totally agree on the moderation comments...so why can't I bring myself to say 'I don't drink anymore' and make that long term statement out loud?

Thanks for the welcome @BunniesBunniesBunnies

@boozynamechange
Don't worry about what words you use - but these ones might do for now: "I won't drink today".

That's enough, more than enough to be going on with, isn't it?

@boozynamechange well done on overcoming your hurdle and with regards to wording, I just say “I’m not drinking at the moment” (similar to what @SophieB100 is suggesting). It takes the pressure off it being forever (even though I would like it to be forever😀)