The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Thanks all. For those long time no drinkers, when did you put the forever label on it out of interest?

I'm on day 75. Wooo.

Well, I know someone who has been sober for almost 20 years (amazing right?, am in awe) and they still say "one day at a time". They told me the person who has been sober the longest, is whoever got up first that day! In other words, every one is vulnerable and I think with this beast you have to keep your guard up. Labels are great for shirts and food and bottles (of cordial ). Us, nahh, we don't need them.

Day 75 is great, you've done so well. I hope you feel very proud of yourself, you deserve to @boozynamechange

For those long time no drinkers, when did you put the forever label on it out of interest

I'm only a year in but I've given up with the intention of "having a break" due to my drinking becoming unmanageable twice before and both times I was back to the same amounts and patterns within weeks of restarting so I've always known eventually it would have to be a lifestyle change. Me and booze just don't work.

I can't remember if it's Bryony's book or Catherine's but I love that quote : alcohol dependency is a lift going down...you can get off any time you want but if you get back on, you'll go lower. It's so true.

Thanks @SophieB100 and thanks for explaining @HangingOver, it's so helpful to know how other people categorise it.

I say I've done 75 days but I started with dry January and had two massive fails at moderation afterwards, so that definitely rings true.

It's so helpful to have people on here as a sounding board because in real life the answer to 'should I moderate' would almost certainly be a yes from people around me. Because I've never had a 'problem', I just know that the constant sluggishness and cumulative units of a bottle of wine a night are not good long term.

Just popping my head in to say 7 months AF, as of an hour ago. Still in wobble land but milestone reached.

Woohoo @Cartooner! Amazing, well done you.
I find it really inspiring to read posts like this!

Great work @Cartooner!
Better to be in wobble-land than in overconfident-land and slip up😂 It’s good to remain cautious. 7 months is a massive milestone, congrats!

That's amazing Cartooner!

It's so good to hear of other's successes, it really helps things to seem achievable.

5 months AF for me. Still totally amazed that I managed 5 days let alone 5 months.

Had 2 big (to me) tests this week. First restaurant visits since going AF, one with friend where we always share a bottle(s) of wine, and a belated family birthday celebration. I honestly can't remember the last time I didn't drink with a meal out - I must've been a teenager! (In 50's now).

Both occasions, everyone knew I was AF, the trepidation was me overthinking it leading up to it!

The good weather and bank holiday, eating outside, barbecue yesterday, it fleetingly crossed my mind that I would have been drinking by now but it was more of a memory popping up than actually wanting wine.

I feel relieved in getting these 'firsts' over with and probably built them up to take on more significance.

When I started DJ I never envisaged doing 5 months, thanks to everyone on these boards for sharing your journeys - including the lapses. One Day at a Time.

Welcome to the newbies, well done on your decision. I look forward to hearing how you get on.

And fantastic to see all these folk who were once new to this (including me) who are now ticking off the months and now years!

I agree that it is always going to be a day to day thing. It's just that the days get easier. In fact at the beginning its an hour by hour thing or even a minute by minute thing. The forever thing just crept up on me. But I do still have wobbly days, or wobbly moments.

I don't read quit lit but I do read a lot of self help books for yoga and meditation and it is so helpful. I was listening to an audio book yesterday and he was talking about how we can only act on the present moment. The past is gone, we can't change what has gone before. And the future is not here yet. We can only not drink (or whatever you are working on) at this moment. And that then becomes your (sober) past. He was using over eating (which is something I am working on) as an example but he said you can't do anything about the over eating you did last night. And you can't lose 100lbs right at this moment. But you can act in a way now that makes your future self more healthy. The future doesn't exist. Because as soon we reach it it becomes the present. So we need to live in each present moment. You don't have to do this forever if that seems daunting. You just have to do it right at this very moment. Whether its a moment when you find it easy not to drink (or over eat or whatever) or whether it is a moment that challenges you. You only have to get through this exact moment. Breathe and be present.

He also said that instead of thinking of denying yourself of something right now, think of it as denying yourself ill health, shame, regret in the future.

I like that.

Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine.

Hello everyone!
How are we all doing?

Am starting to feel the benefits now - more energy - cravings under control - I am having to tell the wine witch to bog off less regularly when she worms her way in - she's not going to beat me this time - I've gone all Villanelle on the cow .

Hope you're all doing ok and enjoying the lovely weather if you can

Take care
Soph

Hello all, I just wanted to check in and say hi, if anyone remembers me. I fell off the last thread because my mental health was just so terrible that I couldn't communicate at all.

I feel like I've got a decent grasp on my suicidality at the moment, with the help of my lovely therapist (I keep hearing it in my head as thera-pissed, oh no ) so wanted to send my best and cheer you all on.

Guess what - I'm sober! I won't lie, I've had two brief lapses over the last few months, but in each case I've understood after the event what triggered it, and I'm working hard to manage those triggers. It's going well, I'm very much back on track and feeling good that at least drinking isn't on my list of problems.

Hi @ColdWaterTherapy
Glad you are ok, we haven't met before but I've seen you on the previous threads - you have so much on your plate, and it's brilliant that you're back. You take care

I've spent a productive day gardening, bit of housework, boring, but good. My energy levels are so much better, and usually in half term it's all bets are off because I don't have to get up early for work - but this one - amazing! - seems so much longer too!

Hope everyone is ok
Soph x

Checking in, 12 days sober. Feeling great now.

Yesterday I met up with a family member who usually triggers me to hit the bottle full pelt, but they behaved themselves and so did I, which has given me confidence.

I just feel like I don't want to drink, like I am free of it , like isn't it great I don't have to do that any more.

Hoping this feeling lasts.

@socalledfriend
Well done on 12 days and well done for coping with the trigger. I know that feeling well. You did it! So you can do it again!

I feel loads better, it is freeing, you're right - I love not moderating, not thinking about it, not counting units, bargaining with myself - it's not an option - and life is better without the mental stress of it.

Keep going.
Soph

Well, hello, you gorgeous people

I hope one or two of you might forgive my neglect of you and remember me from the 2020 threads- bunnies, breathmiller, hangingover and of course, drybird, I see you all are still checking in and still nailing it! Well done!

I was thinking about this thread when I saw it bobbing up in active, and it was serendipitous, as I wanted to drop in to celebrate a milestone. I stopped drinking on the 2nd of January 2020 because it just wasn’t serving me any more. I would drink 4, sometimes 5 nights a week, and put away 1/2 - 1 bottle, with the occasional real binge, and I was fed up of it- the anxiety, the stressing over when and if I would drink, the poor sleep...

I stopped from Jan- June 2020 and then decided to have some champagne on my birthday. It was shit 🤣 I didn’t enjoy it, and over the three glasses I had, I could almost physically feel my spirits sinking. It was like the sun was going down.

So that was now over a year ago! I’ve now got a full year completely AF under my belt, and knocking on 18 months other than that one (failed) experiment. I don’t even think about alcohol much anymore. It’s a very calm, freeing space to be.

Best of luck to all the newbies, stick with it and you will reap the benefits, I promise!

@ColdWaterTherapy it's so good to see you, I wondered where you had got to. I know it's hard for you. Well done for holding on and seeking support.

Welcome Newbies. It is so good to know you've had enough, make the decision, and go for it. It's great that people are seeing the benefits early on, but don't be disheartened by the down days you will inevitably experience - they are part of the process.

It’s so lovely to read your update @ColdWaterTherapy, you have done amazingly. Well done.

@Sophoclesthefox of course I remember you too, 18 months (or 12 depending on how you count), what an achievement!!!

Hope all the newbies are hanging in there.

I’m just plodding along. I feel quite good but I realise I have become very risk averse. I work, look after the kids, and work out. That’s it. I feel good but do worry about my little bubble/comfort zone bursting with restrictions lifting. Sometimes I wonder - am I fooling myself that I’m in control? Am I even really in control? But I’m not drinking and I’m healthy and for that I’m grateful.

Well done to you @ColdWaterTherapy taking such good care of yourself and feeling better for it.

Hey @Sophoclesthefox thanks for your post I needed to read it. I was similar to you and I'm glad to be rid of it although away for a weekend now and tempted as the kids watch a movie and DH is settling into a glass of red.

Hope everyone else is doing OK this Saturday night. I've fresh PJs, a cold can of coke and a good book to relax with

Hi all, hope you're ok.
Another Saturday done sober!

Did loads in the garden, cooked lovely food, busy all day but in a chilled way.

Just enjoyed an Apple and Strawberry AF cider - it was lovely.

Take care all
Soph

Well done @SophieB100 you’re doing great👍

Thanks bunnies, and no problem cartooner the first year for me was full of “first x with no alcohol” - first weekend away, first pub visit, first party, firstly holiday, first Christmas, first NYE...every time you nail one of them, and enjoy them AF, it empowers you for the next one.

Wishing you all a peaceful and sober Sunday.

Hello there @Sophoclesthefox, you're so right about getting all the firsts done. It gets easier and easier. I have no problem with being AF at social events now, I love not drinking far more than I ever loved drinking, so it's easy.

Well done SophieB you are doing great. It's great to hear how you are getting on.

sophocles 18 months is amazing!! So great to see you back. I talk about doing 18 months a few years ago and I had a blip in the middle, although mine was planned as I hadn't really decided to do this long term at that point. It did feel like a blip in the middle. So well done, in my mind you have done 18 months. But even if you count the year then that is still awesome.

coldwatertherapy so good to see you back and well done, you have had such a lot to deal with and you are coming through. Wishing you strength as you continue on.

I do still have a small wobble on a Friday night and have had little passing thoughts that I could have a drink every now and again but then I give myself a shake and move on. I have my adult daughter's birthday today and a few of us in the garden with nice food. It hasn't even crossed my mind that I'd like a drink. I have my fake fizz and pink lemonade.

I've realised that at the moment my wobbly times are when I'm tired and emotionally wobbly rather than in any way wanting drink to enjoy or celebrate or socialise. I am still comfort eating in these challenging situations so I can see where the need comes from and know drinking then would in no way be a recipe for moderation. Still annoying that I comfort myself with something rather than deal with the difficult emotions in a more useful way. But I am aware that overeating crisps and chocolate, although not healthy is better than 2 (+) bottles of wine.

I am 10 months on Tuesday. The year seems in sight. Although i have no desire to rush time through the summer.