The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

I have such a weird first sobriety milestone coming up on Friday btw. Someone who knows someone who knows someone needs "ordinary looking models" (flattering!) for a photoshoot at a fancy hotel nearby. The scenes ALL focus on drinking. Drinking in the hot tub, in the bar, in the restaurant and on the terrace. I'm only doing it to get the free spa voucher so I can give it to my friend who just had a baby. Going to be holding some kind of drink for approx four hours (free drinks are part of it, they're not just props). There's no food which is my normal crutch. What do I do? It's straight after work and is swimwear so can't really eat much beforehand. I haven't even been to a pub yet but I really want to sodding voucher for my friend. Maybe they'll let me have an orange juice to look like a screwdriver??

Jeez @Hangingover, is this something weird kind of self punishment?! It's unbelievably adorable of you to want to get the voucher for your friend. In your shoes I would befriend one of the staff, do a confessional spiel and ask them to keep you supplied with cheery AF drinks with cocktail umbrellas in.

When I signed up for it it sounded more like taking pictures of people walking across the grounds etc. but the schedule seems like it's showing off their hospitality side more...my friend who knows the organiser bless her has taken over and explained to them I'm in recovery so they won't offer me anything and say I can sit any of the shoots out if I want

Great to see you hangingover you gorgeous bugger you.

If the crew saw me in a bikini they would be asking me to sit out of every shot

Glad you could get someone to explain and it feels easier.

Oh that’s good @Hangingover!
Hope you’re all doing okay and are able to enjoy another sober weekend

How did it go, @Hangingover? I love it as a Fuck You to booze for your first soberversary!

Just popping my head in here to laugh 😅very funny posts hanging over. I'm sure there's a liquid out there that no one can tell what it is like grape juice ...

Hello, I have not been on the thread for awhile but great to see so many people still doing great! I will reach 10 months sober in a couple of days time and have no desire to drink. However my husband has continued to drink and to be honest I am struggling to be around it. I just get irritated by him when he has had a few! I know this is unfair as he didn't have a problem I did, so I can't ask or really even expect him to stop, but.... how does everyone else cope with this?

Lads, it was an absolute hoot. We must have looked like a really crap Cornish version of Love Island. We were in these fab bathing costumes by the pool doing loads of fake laughing while they took photos. And then fake laughing in the restaurant and bar and spa etc. etc. Froze my bollocks off but it was a laugh. Friend went really quite Draconian with staff in the end about keeping booze away from me which wasn't really necessary but I applauded her dedication to my recovery. Anyway that's another (weird) milestone done and a whopping £100 to spend in the spa for my friend - hurrah!

On another note, has anyone else noticed how pathetically obsessed with pubs the UK is during this lockdown? Feel like the BBC has had a rolling ticker on its website counting down to when they're allowed to open again. Surely not everyone in the UK is as big a drunk as I was??

retiringthewineglass
Well done on 10 months. That's amazing.

I do understand actually. Maybe it's a time thing as I'm heading up to 10 months next milestone but I also find myself irritated when my husband has overdone it. And he seems to be doing that more and more at the moment. I just cant be arsed with him when he's had a few too many.

He also does daft things like he was given whiskey the other day and came blustering over and stuck it under my nose and said "smell this..its so delicious " ermm..are you having a laugh? He doesn't mean it to be mean and you could see him catch himself and think "oh yeah - that maybe wasn't the best thing to do" he just doesn't think.

He is generally very supportive and I have to remind myself that him drinking (whether a little or over doing it) is his thing. My decision is different and I'm happy with it.

I am lucky though that he has never had many of the same tastes as me. So I'm in no way bothered if he's having an ale because I didn't drink them anyway. I don't even like whiskey which makes my annoyance at the smelling situation even more silly. I always think it must be much harder if you both drank the same thing and he is merrily sitting in front of you quaffing your favourite tipple.

But, yes definitely not got the patience for drunk behaviour these days. He also smokes weed, always has and I have even less patience when he is stoned. I might speak to him actually as I feel both habits have been a bit more prevalent lately.

I do find it hard to speak to him about it as I don't want to come across as a born again fanatic about drinking.

hangingover well done at enjoying that. Sounds like fun.

I also find myself a bit annoyed at the obsession with the pubs opening. The pubs opened before my studio. So, going to the pub and getting pissed is obviously much more of a priority for the masses than all the lovely well being practices that are offered at gyms, leisure centres and yoga studios. They keep saying that the world is going to have a major mental health crisis after this. Surely they can see that prioritising pubs is perhaps not the best way to handle that. The caveat os I know that pubs are a social thing and that's important. But so are other places. But again, I have to watch that perception of me being a bit of a zealot. Im generally not. I don't drink but I don't expect the world to stop drinking. Just getting on with it in my own way.

I am definitely noticing how common our drinking culture is though on telly. Watching the programme The Pact last night and I think 2 out of every 3 scenes had booze in them.

Hi all, I'm new.

I read Alcohol lied to me on Sunday, finished last night. Just started reading Sober Girl Society this morning.

I'm SO excited to bin the booze! It's deeply engrained in my family get togethers even on non-celebratory weekends. It's ridiculous.

What should I say when offered a drink?

Hi Iv been on this thread before . I have done nearly two years alcohol free( would have been June) . I went this weekend and decided in the spur of the moment to have one glass of red wine. This was Saturday and I still don't feel right today . Iv had headaches fatigue , sweats , jitteriness . I can't believe it after only one drink maybe because I have had nothing for so long . Now I feel so so guilty about having it and wish I hadn't .
I have a few nights out coming up and need some good AF alternatives as I really don't want to feel like that again!

@Allhallowseve, use the experience as confirmation that you don't need it in your life - you gave it a try and it didn't agree with you!

@SGS1805 welcome! If you're not ready for The Big Chat, or managing other people's reactions seems too much, you can say any of; I'm driving, I'm detoxing, I'm taking a break, I'm on antibiotics, I'm running a marathon in the morning... its not actually anyone's business but your own, and you can tell them in your own time, if and when you feel ready. I'm now comfortable enough to say "I'm alcohol free these days " and give a bit more information if I'm asked. With some people I've been quite open, with others I've said something along the lines of wanting to improve my health now I'm into my middle age...

@Breathmiller and @Hangingover, I completely agree about our relationship to alcohol as a society.

Thanks @Drybird2020 I agree just that one drink has totally affirmed why I stopped in the first place .

Send theatrical vibes lads. Auditioning for a play tonight. This is the kind of nonsense I thought I only signed up for when I was a drunk.

Good luck!! I'd love to be in a play

Lads it was an epic tussle. There were only two women's parts that people were fighting over and the one I was reading for was between me, Blue Hair and Drama School. Drama School and her Ma were both trying out and they both talked a lot about how many other plays they'd been in etc and seemed really confident so I started to think it was a waste of time. They were really, really lovely actually and showed me pictures of their dog. Anyway when they read the parts out would you believe they gave the part to your pal HangingOver, and Blue Hair got a minor part and Drama School and her Ma didn't get anything. It was a bit awkward actually. But anyway YAY!

What's with the 'lads' thing?

That's all you took from my story of theatrical triumph??

I'll be in my trailer.

Remember us when you're rich and famous hangingover

I'll dedicate my memoirs to you.

Starting to feel reflective about where I was this time last year (my 1y is on the 29th) ...

Did anyone else experience this escalation in their drinking in the last few months before stopping? Catherine talks about it in her book. She says she knew for years she needed to quit entirely and as that knowledge became harder to ignore, she tried to "drink the world" before giving up. I definitely did that.

Congratulations @HangingOver!

I'm still here and still carrying on, but finding it tough sometimes and don't want to bring the happy vibe down. Maybe I should try to find a local support group - has anyone had any success with those? I'd love to make some sober friends as most of mine are massive drinkers.

hangingover that kind of makes sense actually. I had done dry Jan and into Feb then went on a spiral through lockdown. I definitely upped the ante a bit. Wonder if that's because deep down I knew it wouldn't go in for much longer. It's the chicken and egg thing though isnt it? Did I drink more because i knew i was going to stop soon? Or did I stop drinking because I was overdoing it? It certainly was a big factor in my realisation that I am crap at moderating.

cardiganofdoom Do share how you're feeling here. Its what its for, support in the tough times. Ive certainly used it when I have found it hard. And also to talk in general when I was having a challenging time. No one expects the thread to be sunshine and roses all the time?
Is there something we can help with? Even if it's just to listen.