The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Hi everyone. As ever, so good to read the positive stories here. I'm now 3 weeks in and doing fine AF. I know it's early days but I've been reading the Annie Grace book and feel that I've really turned a corner in changing my attitude to alcohol. I'm not craving or missing it, which is great. I am however freaking out about my health. My ALT level was described by my GP as mildly elevated (42). But over the past week I'm feeling some mild pain in my right ribs. I'm hoping it's muscular, but worried it's my liver, although why it should start up after I stop drinking I don't know! Also my heart has been racing this afternoon, which is kinda freaky . I've just about convinced myself I'm seriously ill.

@Blackberryblossom - I added a few further up the thread, will add again. I love many of your suggestions (Anna McNuff, One more croissant (listened to this audio book while camping in France), Wild. Will try the other two! Some of mine are Where the Crawdads Sing, Deep Country, H is for Hawk, My Absolute Darling, Florence and Giles, Rebecca, Brighton Rock, Watching The English, The Once and Future King, and Educated.

It sounds as though you're a cyclist (I am). I loved Where There's a Will too, although I don't think I could ever do such long distances. DH and I just watched the film of the Trans America race that she mentions - pretty good, but not for non-cyclists.

I'm. really hoping that like you, I manage to lose weight. I have felt that my appetite is less, but my first week off the VLCD has not led to a massive loss - it did include a weekend away and my birthday though.

Hi @MagratGarlikInDisguise and @yoshiblue, how are you both finding it so far?

@Sunlitdreams - I'd get a GP appointment or at least a call anyway. I had a very high heart rate when cycling last year, and my teammates advised me to do this just in case. It turned out I was just bonking, so reassured me and let me continue to push myself.

Yesterday I had a birthday lunch out, which was cold but good. DH phoned the restaurant in advance and ordered a bottle of AF fizz, which was lovely. I don't understand why pubs and restaurants don't have better AF options - it's not like they have short expiry dates. Even if most people drink, there are a lot of drivers - I'm permanently surprised when the only options are Becks Blue and soda water (if you find coke and fruit juices too sweet.)

I'm also feeling a bit depressed. My DH sent out a photo of my birthday, along with another photo of my birthday 4 years ago, with my father, brother and SIL. My SIL replied, just to me, saying we look so much older! I was hoping (and convincing myself) that I looked a fair bit better for giving up the booze.

@Blackberryblossom - I presume you've read Dervla Murphy. Her autobiography, Wheels within Wheels, is my most recent read and well worth it. Tim Moore's The Cyclist Who Went Out in the Cold is a good read too, about his trip south along the whole of the former Iron Curtain.

@CardiganOfDoom thanks for asking. I'm doing well thanks, 68 days today. I'm really not getting any cravings, though I think I may be finding it a little easier due to having had a year off in the past.

I've been watching the Friday night live sessions with William Porter (Alcohol Explained) and also Sober Dave on Instagram. Both are lovely and definitely worth a listen to.

Well done everyone. Enjoying reading everyone's thoughts. And book recommendations. I am reading Well by Mary Gunn. I fell off my night time phone embargo wagon I'm afraid so not been reading this week so much.

But still on the freedom wagon - 9 months tomorrow. Just feels like normal life now. I feel that cravings at the beginning dropped quickly into thoughts of drinking. Then they were further and further apart and now haven't even thought about it and it's Friday which used to be my witching hour. I have had an AF cider but I enjoy it as a treat in itself for the end of the week. It doesn't feel less than or a crap substitute. I have no desire to drink alcohol.

Happy 9 months @Breathmiller🤩🤩🤩

Thanks bunnies 🙂

It’s a big achievement @Breathmiller! Did you do anything to mark the occasion or are you saving the celebrations for 1 year (which is very much in sight now)?

I didn't celebrate with anything. Just had a quiet, productive day. I don't feel the need to celebrate so much anymore, kind of feel the opposite in some ways. I just want it to quietly be my way of life now, no biggie.

In fact, I had forgotten about it and and had to look back at my diary to work out how long it had been.

But , having said that ,I liked realising the date and liked being able to post it here.

I think the ways I 'celebrate' or get joy out of are the times when I fancy a top or a pair of trousers at the shop and just get them. Or I have been building up new plates and bowls. Or buying books. I used to feel so guilty buying these things as we don't have a huge budget. But now, i enjoy buying these things.

They're not massively expensive, there was a pair of trousers in Tesco that I liked and were only £14. Before, I wouldn't have felt like I could get them with the weekly shop. Whereas now, I think "that's not much more than a bottle of wine" and put them in my trolly. Every time I wear them or use the bowls I get a wee sense of hurrah at me not drinking.

I do want to celebrate or mark the year though. You're right, it does feel in reach.

I think my big milestone will be when I get past 18 months as that's the longest I did last time.

I hope you are all having a good AF weekend.

That sounds really lovely @Breathmiller, it’s great that you’re just quietly getting on with things. I also feel the urge to celebrate milestones less as it just seems like my life now. I like giving myself the gift of “time” (both time for myself and time with my family), though occasionally I am still prone to treating myself😅

Hello all, this had dropped off my TIO so I realised it was time to come back and see how everyone is doing!

Who was asking about the timeline a while back? I always kept in my head what Clare Pooley says .."by three months you can see it and by 6 months you'll be there" it is possible that I am paraphrasing slightly. I really wanted to know when I could start to feel better about being alcohol free and this time frame was broadly right for me.
Like Bunnies and Breath I don't really notice milestones any more, the first year is full of important ones that are worth marking but now it's just life; easier, more enjoyable, more free.

That was me, thanks. I must admit I'm feeling rather depressed right now. I'm sleeping badly every other night, which means that every other day has a low energy, hangover feel.

A friend is coming tonight for a bbq in the garden. Usually he doesn't drink apart from one month of the year, but this now seems to be slipping to include special occasions and holidays, so he'll drink tonight. I'm feeling quite twitchy about my first social event where other people are drinking, and quite tense, and keen to relax and cheer up, due to my bad sleep. Help!

@CardiganOfDoom have you told your friend you are alcohol free? If he's only an occasional drinker maybe it won't be such a big deal.

If you know you are going to be in a situation where people are drinking you need to be armed with
A) your script, at whatever level you are comfortable with. If you're not ready to have the full chat about your choices then so be it - have the excuses ready. It's fine to fake it till you make it.
B) plenty of AF drinks you will enjoy, and food - I was always less inclined to drink when full so filling my face would take the edge off any desire to drink.
C) Distractions. Being in charge of the barbecue means you will have your hands full, keep busy if you can. Swingball? 🏸? Backgammon?
D) Mindset. You're not drinking today. That's just a fact. Spend a few minutes before your guests arrive, visualising yourself having a good time, laughing chatting, having fun without alcohol. Imagine getting into bed later, tired but clear headed, and waking up tomorrow hangover free and full of pride in yourself. Hold those images in your mind and take several slow deep breaths. Then open your eyes and do it, you know you can. It will be easier than you think.

Thanks @Drybird2020, that's a brilliant reply!

I do have lovely AF drinks in the fridge, and have prepped lots of food too. I'll plan my reasons - probably a throw away about seeing what life is like AF, drinking creeping up in lockdown and having a break. And then think about entertainment - he plays poker, so maybe something sillier like liar dice, as I don't want to lose any money!

@CardiganOfDoom
Hi! Is Gin a tipple you would normally like? My drink when I was HEAVILY consuming was always white wine or gin.
I recently managed 5 months AF when I decided I would attempt moderation (never tried this before) as the sun came out (briefly) and pubs opened again for outside drinking. After MANY years of wine drinking I found I couldn't stand the smell or taste of it any longer so decided I would drink the occasional Gin and Tonic when out with Mr. Horlicks at a pub.
I have drank AF Gordon's Gin at home which I've enjoyed but could drink a bottle at a time!!!! I have found an alternative which is a lot cheaper and very acceptable in my opinion. It's ''Stef's Gin Sin'' which I order from Amazon. It comes in a small bottle with dropper as you really only need a few drops.
I still follow this thread but obviously don't post as I'm moderating. (Early days but so far so good) but I just wanted to let folks know of this stuff as it's my lifesaver at present.

Thanks @Horlicks4me, I do like a gin but think the AF ones are expensive considering there's no duty to pay. I'll look those drops up. BTW I started an AF drinks review thread, in case you'd like to post it there too?

boogies in wearing sparkly evening cape singing "I'm Still Standing" by Elton John

Evening lads.

Thanks for those tips Drybird. They look perfect and well timed for me.

I was handed a glass of wine during a garden visit to a friend recently and was unprepared. I thought 'oh I'll just hold this and take a few sips over the course of the visit.' But actually took one sip and handed it to DH and asked for a Diet Coke instead.

It could have gone badly wrong but was actually a huge boost, the realisation of not wanting that drink at all was such a good feeling.

I posted about three weeks ago saying I felt disheartened and like I was missing out. But it appears that it starting to pass. Phew.

Also, I have started to tell a few people that I've stopped drinking. I've not quite said 'I'm a teetotal now forever' but have said I was unhappy that I was drinking too much and decided to do something about it. And their reactions have all been so good, not just respectful but admiring.

I mentioned a while ago that I have a big family weekend with relatives we've not seen since feb last year and that was going to be the biggest challenge. I think I'm ready to say something to them and I'll know they'll be great.

Hello @Hangingover! Where have you been and what did you do there?

@CardiganOfDoom I will seek that thread out.

@Hangingover😂😂😂 How have you been?
Your comedy input on this thread has been missed😂😂😂

Well it's a riveting tale...let me take my cape off...

I joke. It's not riveting in the slightest. Still in Cornwall, managed to finally get a job working for a lunatic who pays me quite a lot of money to do websites on a rolling daily basis (I'm not making this up). Think I've quit the entertainment industry for good which is handy given its still not there. Think I've outgrown it (currently watching Jack Whitehall on the BRITs wishing there was a volume lower than mute).

How are you Drybird? Bunnies, my pal! I can't believe it's been nearly a whole year since my hungover ass first shuffled onto the thread when I was in Australia, all snotty and delicate and complaining. And you were all so nice to me. So much love for this thread Will I be doing one of those smug Instagram posts holding up one finger with an overpriced miniature corkboard saying "one year sober" in wonky letters? You bet your juniper cordial I will.

Great tale @Hangingover, and great news about the job! If nothing else it must be nice that it pays well🤩 And you should SO be wearing a cape, after all it’s nearly your one year anniversary!

@CardiganOfDoom I hope you’re sleeping a bit better now, bad sleep is the pits.

@Drybird2020 nice to see you on the thread again too with wise words as always, hope you’re keeping well.

So nice to see lots of newbies too 👋 Hope you’re all hanging in there! I do love new people on the thread an am normally a bit more involved but going through a really challenging situation at work right now which is keeping me very busy. Happier than ever to be sober though and feeling strong.

I have such a weird first sobriety milestone coming up on Friday btw. Someone who knows someone who knows someone needs "ordinary looking models" (flattering!) for a photoshoot at a fancy hotel nearby. The scenes ALL focus on drinking. Drinking in the hot tub, in the bar, in the restaurant and on the terrace. I'm only doing it to get the free spa voucher so I can give it to my friend who just had a baby. Going to be holding some kind of drink for approx four hours (free drinks are part of it, they're not just props). There's no food which is my normal crutch. What do I do? It's straight after work and is swimwear so can't really eat much beforehand. I haven't even been to a pub yet but I really want to sodding voucher for my friend. Maybe they'll let me have an orange juice to look like a screwdriver??