The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Welcome @Shanna8

@Breathmiller Your ideas sound great, good on you, your positivity is spurring me on!
Another tentative suggestion - get one of those money pots you have to smash to open, (or open an online savings account, whatever) and every week put in the money saved from not drinking in it. In a year, get the money out - book a spa weekend/yoga retreat/vegan cookery weekend, something that will nurture you. Just as a reward for being awesome. Then you have something to look forward to in the future. Ignore if you think rubbish idea!
Have a good day all.
Walking with my best mate soon and her two mad mutts! Bit muddy and windy here, but who cares, I'm sober!
Love to all - well done to newbies (and oldbies - sounds rude sorry).
Soph

@Breathmiller thank you x

That's a great idea Sophie thank you.

I'm on a bit of a budget at the moment and yesterday I set up a spreadsheet for my finances (😇). I cannot for the life of me figure out where I found the money to drink!

I actually thought about joining the local (ish) hotel as a member so I can use their pool and gym. It would cost me £42 for myself or £32 per person if me and DH get a joint membership. I am worried it's an expense I can't really afford at the moment until my business picks up again post lockdown. But I bet if I was still drinking I would have found the money this last year to buy wine and the rest of the other drinks. Much more than £32 a month thats for sure.

I have actually been very aware that even with the money worries of the last year, I have definitely had more money to play with in other areas. I don't think twice now of adding clothes or house stuff into my trolly at the supermarket. And we have had a couple of days away places, which we never used to do. I think it's a mind thing more than anything. I 'allow' myself treats much more as I feel I would have spent that much on booze without blinking an eye.

I have bedn a bit flash this year but its definitely time to reign it in. I'm working well with boundaries. I've set myself a daily amount of spends after the bills have been paid and I transfer it over each day. It's for shopping and fun money. It's been great for keeping me on track. If I don't have it that day, then I can't spend it. And if i don't spend it then it just rolls over to the next day.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat

I thought this was an abstinence thread?? But there's been a poster talking about drinking on Friday night 🤷

@ChampooPapi

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat

I thought this was an abstinence thread?? But there's been a poster talking about drinking on Friday night 🤷

Fair point. Please don't discuss moderation here, even if it is part of a movement towards total abstinence. It's just not fair to people who are struggling.

@Drybird2020 thanks for clarifying that because when I read that and introduced myself I wanted to check it was ok because I was only planning on abstaining for 150 days (though may be longer!). It's just my personal goal but I thought that I needed to check as this is a thread not for moderation.

Then when others have discussed moderating and that they don't drink 'much anyway' are more 'social' drinkers and will drink this Friday I was a bit like yikes! This is not the thread for me, I need to be with other people who are abstaining or at least trying too, we obviously all have slip ups ect, but I'm only a week in so really don't want to be on somewhere where I know someone's going on a night out on the sauce tonight!

@Breathmiller thanks again for your kind words and @SophieB100 that’s such a good point about the multivits!!! I do take them usually (extra iron too) but they’ve run out. I’ve replaced them now and hope that will make a difference.

@Breathmiller I like your idea of “adding things in” rather than “taking things away”. 10 a day is a great aim!!! I’m trying to do similar at the moment.

And YES PLEASE to this being an abstinence thread. There are other threads for moderation talk and whilst I’m sure many of us have attempted moderation, what I really value about this thread is other people who do not drink, at all. I don’t think (though others might disagree) that people necessarily need to commit to “forever” (privately I find it comforting to tell myself I can always go back to drinking in future, although I don’t think I ever will and I don’t discuss it on this thread), but a commitment to current sobriety is definitely a part of this thread. If you are not ready for that yet, that’s okay😊, but come back when you are ready and you are most welcome.

Thanks both @ChampooPapi and @BunniesBunniesBunnies.

I don't like having to police the thread but sometimes reminders are needed. I need a totally alcohol free environment somewhere in my life and this is it. I know it's the same for lots of us.

Lots of people (including me) took a few goes before achieving long term abstinence.The long term sober on here know we can't moderate. It can take a while to fully realise it, we get that. But if we try to moderate, we fail.

I get that for some quitting involves cutting down This is safer for very heavy drinkers - and if you feel you have a physical dependency, get professional advice. But don't talk about cutting down or moderating on here, this is a dry thread.

If you need advice and support on moderation , there's a long running thread in Alcohol Support and there's the option of starting your own.

Totally agree @Drybird2020 thank you.
I avoid moderating threads like the plague.
I need to feel safe.

Well back from our muddy dog walk - it was fun. Couple of hours putting the world to rights with bestie - now going to do online shop (what will Sainsbo sub this week?) and then we're having a takeaway for dinner and lots of Kopparberg AF cider for me! Then I have loads to do on Animal Crossing (yeah, I know, but it keeps me occupied).
Have a lovely sober, peaceful evening AF friends.
Soph

breathmiller I've been chocolate / including chocolate biscuit free for nearly 3 weeks now. And am upping the fruit intake- I've found a fruit salad is a good way of getting several pieces at once.
But not doing well on the running front!
Like you, I was keen to do something else worthwhile once reaching that year milestone. Mainly because we can now achieve anything we want

I've been enjoying dipping in and out reading everyone's updates but I am finding it tricky reading some posters' description of drinking so I am going to have a break for a bit and come back in a few weeks. It doesn't make me want to drink but I still twinge when I see these posts for some reason. I think it makes me feels a bit like that what I'm doing (not drinking) isn't the norm / really socially acceptable. Or that there's something wrong with me for not drinking. It makes me feel less celebratory and my decisions a bit more sort of squashed down in their validity. Which I appreciate may be an OTT reaction
But it's good to see everyone's determination to build a new healthy and positive life - keep on going!

@SophieB100 enjoyed reading your post and the others here today. It’s Friday evening and I’ve been to town but not purchased any wine which is unusual to say the least. I feel very calm today - only four days but little steps count. Will try another early night and have arranged to meet a friend for shopping and a beach walk tomorrow. Thanks being here. Enjoy your weekend

@AlloftheTime
Thank you. And don't say "only four days" - four days is immense! The first week is hard, so hard. So well done, you're doing amazingly well. The feeling calm after the storm of anxiety fuelled hangovers is wonderful, hold onto that feeling. I still wake up and feel so grateful that I didn't drink the night before, I relish waking up after a lovely sober sleep.

Enjoy your day tomorrow - sounds perfect.
Soph

@100PercentMe nice to see you doing well. Well done on the fruit front and the running will come, one thing at a time!
And I agree some of the references to drinking make me twitch, I felt bad after writing my last post as I want to be really supportive and definitely I don’t want to police the thread as it’s really not my place, but I gotta protect my own sobriety as well as I’m a weak willed pushover😜 and I’m easily led astray😂

I agree. It’s an abstinence thread. Zero moderation. But Where do we draw the line?
For me, I don’t mind at all the posters who have several ‘day ones’ as they are trying, need the support and reflecting on their triggers and pitfalls. But do others find this an issue? Or is that ok?

What I do find difficult is supporting someone who says they wish to stop but believes celebrating their birthday requires alcohol. I’m happy to unpick that thought process with them, help them find tools etc. Not a problem at all as of course you can enjoy a birthday sober. BUT when they then announce that they’ve decided to drink after all, that’s not acceptable. That’s where I draw the line. I don’t want to know. They can keep that to themselves and re-join when they realise alcohol adds nothing and are wanting to be sober. But I can’t speak for everyone. We probably need to look at exactly what’s acceptable to us on here and what isn’t.
I also don’t want to trigger anyone by talking of the past and am never sure if that causes problems for others. I’m very happy to be called out on it.

As a relative newbie to the thread, I don't feel I can really have a say in what we find ok here. From a personal point of view though, I need to be on a 'dry only' thread. I am, like @StayingVigilant, okay with people who genuinely want to stop and totally get the difficulty in getting a few dry days under the belt. I do feel uncomfortable with reading about people having breaks in their sobriety for events, because I think that there are other threads in this section that can help with this.

I too am happy to try and offer (from my limited experience) alternatives to drinking on special occasions, and ways to cope with cravings.

I don't want @100PercentMe to leave the thread, because their support and advice is invaluable and encouraging.

I agree with @BunniesBunniesBunnies that protecting our sobriety is paramount, because getting where we have, and I'm well aware I'm only 3 months in, has been difficult and hard fought.

I will still engage and post, but will swerve any posts that I feel may trigger me. I didn't post on here until I was over a month dry, because I could have well slipped, posted on here and triggered someone. It's why I used to read the early Brave Babes threads years ago, when it was dry, then as it became a moderating thread, I no longer read it. I'd hate to see this thread going in that direction. But again, as a newbie, just my thoughts, and I would hate to step on any toes here. Sorry if I have.
Soph

Aww @BunniesBunniesBunnies sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate! I think others have said everything I was thinking tbh. My kids are teens but when they’re little it’s bloody hard. Too many balls to juggle. And the ‘making memories’ - crazy batshit! I kid you not I once spent hours upon hours upon hours making wrappers for kitkats to go in my DD1s birthday goody bags. Carefully peeling off the red paper bit; leaving the silverfoil intact and delicately gluing on new wrappers that had a little photo of her on and said ‘thank you for coming to my 4th birthday party’. WTF? I was working full time as well as doing a PhD, so no doubt felt guilty and wanted a perfect bday party. Did she notice/care? Did any one notice? You’re obviously not as deranged as me but have a think about any thankless waste of time task that you can omit. There'll be stuff that’s not important. Be honest and let that stuff go. Or go a step further and Cherry pick for a while! hoping you feel less ‘meh’ soon x

I agree with what you are both saying stayingvigilant and Sophie (and also think it's not my place either to say what should or shouldn't be said).

I have no problem at all with posters saying oh crap it's day 1 again, so we can offer support- especially if the poster is aiming to be/ stay sober in the longer term. But even then, there are other fab threads that might be more helpful in those early days of not being sure what you want.

I do try and quickly scroll through with my eyes screwed shut at the posts where descriptions and detail are given about how a poster has caved / whoopsied, and went to a fun party or whatever and drank xyz specific type of alcohol and the hangover means they will try and be alcohol free during the week/ in a few days. Though this is rare I think- But it makes me wonder if they person is playing a game with themselves to see what they want, - not seriously motivated yet- or is benchmarking their own difficulties against their perception of those on the thread who are staying sober, as in a way to justify their drinking (oh I'm not that bad) sort of thing?

Or where they seem to just want a two week detox / health kick kind of thing- though all of these types of posts are rare.

I do find this thread a huge source of support and inspiration- it builds your self worth and esteem and I find myself thinking about everyone else on it and egging them on.

I do feel guilty posting my earlier thoughts- and these ones - as I'm aware I don't post often, it's not my place and I don't want to offend anyone. I do love seeing new people joining here, being similarly supported and finding their way x

Hi all. Just a quick note to say apologies for any posts that may have offended. I've just caught up from the past few days.
I was struggling & looking for support, which some were kind enough to give.
My posts were not intended to upset or trigger anyone.
I wish you all well.

Oh no, don’t feel guilty 100percent The thread quite clearly states that it’s for posters who are wanting to be sober. Not for dilly dallying. I’m only 7 months in but very happy to @ someone who’s breaking this rule. Kindly of course! Maybe a little policing is needed when we see it? Like you say it is pretty rare. But it needs to be a place that’s safe and non-triggering.

@Breathmiller as you've mentioned running have you thought about challenging yourself to running an event such as a 10k. I have only done it once pre-covid but it was an amazing feeling to finish as I the before I was a non runner and had worked really hard .
Congrats on day9 @Shanna8 .

I'm off to my first parkrun in 2 years today - pregnancy then COVID put a stop to it. Really looking forward to it but not expecting to run it all.

I too have been a bit overwhelmed with the start of the holidays - 3 children at home - tears from me and them . As this week has gone on I feel we have all settled in to it a little bit more to be honest. A couple of times I have just gone alone into the garden sat and breathed for a few mins almost like a mini meditation although I don't really know what I'm doing it seems to help.
I am also making sure to do a couple of things myself this weekend gym tomorrow and parkrun today . Things that make me feel good.

Well done to everyone starting out I definitely agree it's about rewiring the brain . I really liked the book alcohol lied to me one of the first I read helped me to unpick things .
Although I am still learning I definitely see alcohol in a different way to how I used to.

Happy hangover free weekend to all enjoy x

Enjoy your parkrun! allhallowseve Is ‘Alcohol Lied to Me’ appropriate for teenagers? I’m thinking about my older 2 aged 16 & 18. They don’t drink and aren’t particularly interested but I’m wondering about them reading this before they start; to protect them from falling into the traps. Or will they find it boring as non drinkers? I just find there’s so very much pro-drinking bombardment it’d be good to counteract that.

@StayingVigilant I'm listening to that on audio book at the moment and I think it's suitable for teenagers, it's very science based and talks about the facts around alcohol. I'm only on chapter 4 though !

@CH79

Hi all. Just a quick note to say apologies for any posts that may have offended. I've just caught up from the past few days. I was struggling & looking for support, which some were kind enough to give. My posts were not intended to upset or trigger anyone. I wish you all well.

Thank you for coming back on ch79 that might not have been easy. It is a 'it's not you its me' situation, i promise. 🙂 It's just a wee bit of protection to have this as an abstinence thread.

Have a lovely weekend and if you decide that you want to give abstinence a go then do come back. It is a wealth of advice and support.

Anyone on day 1 with an intention to stop long term (with a view to forever) i think is fine for me too. And that includes any number of day 1s.

I also apologise if I have mentioned past behaviours if that has been triggering for anyone. It's always been done in 'imglad I don't do that anymore ' way. I find it quite helpful to reframe the past and look on it through the lens of sobriety and not doing it again. But, we're all different of course.

allhallowseve that's a good thought actually if not a terrifying one.

I do tend to work well to a deadline. I was so fit a few years ago because I did a Himalayan trek so I fitted in walking as much as I could and joined a women's walking group where we would do some hills every Sunday morning. Maybe i could rejoin that. It's just so hard with work, family and I'm of the generation that is now looking after parents. But, i find time to sit on my arse and MN so really that's no excuse.

I have to admit that I did only do my day 1 of C25K this time though. Again. So, I am reminded of how hard these day 1s are and how difficult it is to change patterns.
My excuse, and this time it is a valid one is that I bought barefoot running shoes which I absolutely love but a part of the toungue has folded back and gave me the biggest blister on the top of my foot. It basically ripped my foot open at the top. Twice.

I am in touch with the company as it doesn't look like it's been made properly. The other foot doesn't do it, it is sewn down. So, there is my first excuse for not running. I could list the rest if you like 😅

Today is my 2 weeks sober.
This is where the romanticism of alcohol kicks in for me.
Ah it wasn't too bad the last time.
One glass won't hurt.

So I've come back from my walk and I'm planning day.
Just so I know where I am.