The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Thanks stayingVigilant. Really need to hear that right now. Your the best 💐.

[quote StayingVigilant]**@CH79* that was meant to say that there’ll always* be an excuse. Strike while the iron’s hot and all that. It’s crazy that at our tender ages we still succumb to peer pressure. Madness isn’t it?[/quote]
Yes, a good old friend. It's my anxiety not her as it were.
It's my worries, probably baseless. But that's anxiety for you isn't it!
And yes, it is daft that even in my 40's I'm worrying what others will think!?
I'm aiming for moderation Friday, with a nice meal. Not a crazy night out. And then see how I feel.
I don't know if it's my hormones or what but I can't tolerate alcohol like I used too.
It's the morning after anxiety that I can't cope with.
Thank you for your comments x

You can do it CH79!
Thanks for mentioning the morning anxiety, I think that’s a very good motivator!

@CH79
Say this to your friend, "I'm going to swerve the booze, think it might be an age/hormonal thing, but I just can't cope with the hangovers, just one drink, and my anxiety the next day cripples me."

Go on, dare you!

@Winenota
Pick yourself up and climb back on the horse lovely! Start again today. Drink whatever you want tonight - but don't have the first one - deal?
@Stayingvigilant enjoy your holiday, your AF options sound lush.

I have done loads around the house this week, stuff that has been building up. First week on the holidays, and I'm pleased with all the practical stuff I've achieved. This time last year - would be flopping around nursing a hangover and feeling sorry for myself - perking up in the evening when I opened the poison. The difference is astonishing.
And I've been busy on my Switch as well!
Have a good day all
Soph

First post after lurking - two days in and realise I will need support to sustain the changes I need to make in my life. Feeling positive this morning and no anxiety but I know I falter fairly easily. Off to work soon but wanted to post while I felt brave.

@Winenota I always found that I didn't want a drink if I was already full. I know your trigger is cooking tea -but could you eat something substantial before you start? Or munch on toast while you cook? You don't actually have to eat the tea if you don't want it. I appreciate that you have to feed the family so you can't abandon cooking all together, but maybe think about a week where you have a picnic tea in the park one day, order pizza the next, your partner cooks a few times, or you just reheat some soup you made earlier... so you've planned a week when you skip the witching hour and make it easier on yourself.

[quote SophieB100]@CH79
Say this to your friend, "I'm going to swerve the booze, think it might be an age/hormonal thing, but I just can't cope with the hangovers, just one drink, and my anxiety the next day cripples me."

Go on, dare you!

@Winenota
Pick yourself up and climb back on the horse lovely! Start again today. Drink whatever you want tonight - but don't have the first one - deal?
@Stayingvigilant enjoy your holiday, your AF options sound lush.

I have done loads around the house this week, stuff that has been building up. First week on the holidays, and I'm pleased with all the practical stuff I've achieved. This time last year - would be flopping around nursing a hangover and feeling sorry for myself - perking up in the evening when I opened the poison. The difference is astonishing.
And I've been busy on my Switch as well!
Have a good day all
Soph [/quote]
Thanks Sophie!
I've made the decision that I'm going to drink with her on Friday, but that I am absolutely determined that I will not go mad, & I am going to try be alcohol free after that.
Reading a lot of AF posts, downloaded a few apps, reading posts on the Naked Mind group.
I do enjoy a drink now & then, but with certain people I don't seem to be able to moderate.
My friend on Friday is not one of those people. I'm determined to avoid drinking with the one who is!
I can easily just have 1 drink at home now & then.
It's when I socialise with 1 certain person that we just don't know when to stop.
I'm still anxious now after drinking on Monday night, I've not drank since (I'm not a daily drinker, I'm a social occasions drinker). She rang last night asking if I fancied a drink. NO! I DID NOT! 😂
I've downloaded the Alcohol Experiment app thing & intend to start that on Sunday.
I'm trying!

@Winenota

You can do it CH79! Thanks for mentioning the morning anxiety, I think that’s a very good motivator!

@wineota the anxiety is horrific. That is my main problem. It takes me days to get over. I can't continue feeling like I do with the anxiety.

All we can do is try! It doesn't make us bad people, it's bloody hard.

Good luck x

Welcome @AlloftheTime and we’ll done being brave!
@winenota I used to always have a drink whilst making tea too so would start pretty early at 4pm ish; a bottle would be gone before DH walked through the door. I started by replacing this with Fentimans pink lemonade in a wine glass (or nosecco) or some tonic in my big G&T glasses or (as it was winter) an mulled wine made with apple juice. Since the warmer weather, I now make dinner in the mornings (as too hot in afternoons) and cool in the fridge as salads or reheat if necessary. I have time in the mornings though so it’s easier. I also now batch cook a lot. I also do ‘picky bits’ quite a lot. It’s made a big difference as if I can get past 7pm (dinner time) I then go off the idea. When I cook in the evenings now it doesn’t enter my head as that association has been broken.

You sound like you have a plan @CH79
It's funny how certain friends are triggers, isn't it? I have a friend like that, I've told her I've quit, she went a bit quiet, had a strop (think I held up a mirror to her consumption?) and I've met her for coffee, dog walking, day time stuff, but have swerved evenings, because I can't do a sober evening with her yet. I'm not strong enough. Not easy, but I have to preserve my sobriety - if I do, everything else is manageable.
Enjoy your birthday weekend!

Welcome @AlloftheTime, you're in the right place. It is brave. There's something about writing about our drinking that makes it real, isn't there? We all understand on here, that's what I love about this place. Safe and supportive.
Soph

@SophieB100

You sound like you have a plan *@CH79* It's funny how certain friends are triggers, isn't it? I have a friend like that, I've told her I've quit, she went a bit quiet, had a strop (think I held up a mirror to her consumption?) and I've met her for coffee, dog walking, day time stuff, but have swerved evenings, because I can't do a sober evening with her yet. I'm not strong enough. Not easy, but I have to preserve my sobriety - if I do, everything else is manageable. Enjoy your birthday weekend!

Welcome @AlloftheTime, you're in the right place. It is brave. There's something about writing about our drinking that makes it real, isn't there? We all understand on here, that's what I love about this place. Safe and supportive.
Soph

I do have a plan! Let's hope I can pull it off eh! I'm looking forward to seeing my other friend Friday, for food & a catch up. I'm not thinking about the alcohol, I'm really determined not to overdo it. Like you I'm going to swerve evenings with the other one for a bit! She's definitely more of a drinker than me, most nights I'd say. I enjoy spending time with her but I can't cope with the anxiety aftermath! X

With regards to telling friends, I dreaded this too but was very casual about it to begin with. I just said “oh, I’m not drinking for now”. Sometimes I would add to that “I’ve been having bad hangovers” or “it really affects my sleep” or “it interferes with my running”, but mostly people didn’t question me at all. Now (15 months in) when they ask, I often say that I stopped for a short while last year but realised it made me feel so much better that I decided to stick with it. Mostly I’ve received nothing but admiration and jealousy in return😂 I think “telling people” is a bigger deal in our heads than in real life!

I also could do with some advice, not really drinking related but as you all have such amazing toolboxes I thought someone might have something helpful to suggest.

I’ve not really been feeling myself lately. A while ago I was so full of energy, feeling calm and great, getting lots of work done and feeling confident and energetic.

I don’t know what’s changed but lately I’m just feeling a bit down about stuff. Maybe it’s the summer holidays, so I feel stressed about managing childcare and work (a down about work in general - imposter syndrome maybe?). I don’t have the same energy for running, and I feel like (although we get along okay) I rarely see my husband because we’re always in a frazzle of work/housework/childcare.

I know I probably just feel this way because everything has been so overwhelming in the last year with school closures/work pressures, and that on top of an already busy life with small children. But it’s like I can’t see a way out. Life certainly isn’t going to get easier for a while so I know it’s my attitude that needs to change rather than anything in my life. I do do a bit of self care (early nights, good food, running) but it doesn’t seem to be working to get me out of this slump. Is there other stuff I should try or maybe do I just need to accept that it’s okay to feel a bit sad and down for a while? I feel like I’m not normal for struggling so much at the moment, like everyone else is making “precious memories” 🤮 over the holidays and I’m just desperately treading water to keep the house in a reasonable state (I don’t have high standards) and to do the bare minimum at work.

Mostly I really miss my husband and spending time with him, but life is just so busy I can’t see how that will change anytime soon😢

bunnies I hear you. I have been feeling similar.

Without minimising anything you feel, I do think that it's just life sometimes. Sometimes I am on it like a rocket. I am feeling like I can take life by the horns and fly with it all! Kind of feel invincible. Things go well with my relationships and work and fitness and it all feels so good.

But then times when it all feels a bit of a slog and I'm wading through treacle just to keep on top of it all.

I figure in these times that it is just a case of getting through them as calmly as I can. Some moments of checking in with dh that there's nothing wrong per se, we're both just busy.

Making sure I do small things to keep myself well, your little moments of self care that you're doing.

And recognising that life isn't always rainbows and unicorns. I don't need to be making memories all the time. Just plodding on with what needs done at this time and knowing that if I rest as much as I can and get through this period of busyness then there will be times soon again when I have more headspace and energy for more fun things. (I have also pretty much come off SM apart from work so I don't get that constant barrage of how wonderful and exciting everyone else's lives are- remember you see everyone's highlights. They will also have quieter times when life is just plodding along)

On the subject of imposter syndrome, I get that every holidays. "What am I doing thinking I am good at this shit?" " who do I think I am?" "I'm really crap" . Then i get back in the zone once I'm back at work and remember that I know my shit and am actually good at it. And that I've worked hard to get where I am and people tell me I'm good. So, I let myself off the hook.

Just like the thought of drinking, it is just a thought, remember. You don't have to believe every thought you have.

Hope things ease for you a little, it's been a hard year all round and we need to be gentle with ourselves and not expect too much from ourselves.

Thank you @Breathmiller, I like your advice of getting through it calmly. It is a struggle at the moment but I am so much calmer and less tearful since quitting drinking and I’m proud of that.

Today I am trying to drink more water. Sounds silly but some days I drink no water at all (just coffee and some AF beers). Awful I know. I do find watching carefully what I eat and drink helps a lot with my mood.

Yes, i feel much better the more water I drink.
I do hope it eases for you bunnies and you regain your vavavoom.

That feeling of being overloaded isn't a nice one. I sometimes crave a really quiet simple life but I seem to have crammed as much into my day to day as I can manage. And sometimes beyond what I can manage.

You're right though. So glad that I don't have to add in all the shit that comes with drinking to that busyness as well.

Take it as easy as you can.

Thank you for the welcome and encouraging words. Actually posting here does make it real, yes. I drank a whole bottle of cava on Monday evening so am celebrating my day three with an evening decaf.

This sounds like a non judgemental and safe space so I’m sure I will ask for help when it’s needed. Am going to have an early night but want to say I did a small Tesco shop this afternoon and missed out one aisle completely!!
Take care everyone

@BunniesBunniesBunnies, good advice from @Breathmiller as always.
Life is tiring sometimes, really tiring. You have small kids, work, juggle everything. I have adult kids, a stressful at times job, but looking back to when my kids were little - I couldn't have worked as I do now when they were that small. Then on top of all this, we had the pandemic - even if we coped ok (or thought we did) with home schooling, lock down, all that stuff I know that it has affected us all - the uncertainty, worry about the future - even if we didn't realise it, it has taken a lot out of us.
Do you take a good multivitamin? How are your iron levels. When I felt constantly exhausted a year or so ago my iron levels were low (not helped by the drinking, no doubt), and after a couple of weeks on a good multivitamin with iron, I felt loads better - I was borderline anaemic before. Floradix liquid is really good for a boost. Just a thought.
When I quit drinking I expected to feel really full of beans and raring to go after a couple of weeks. I still feel a bit sluggish three months in. But then I'm getting on a bit - older than you for sure - and accept that it is normal for me. So like Breathmiller says, don't push yourself, pace yourself, and accept it. And be a bit ruthless - can you look long and hard at what you could ditch, do without, cut corners on. Cut yourself some slack, is what I mean.
And I don't like drinking plain water - sparkling is ok - but plain - nah. I drink a lot of herbal tea and my favourite tea is Yorkshire Biscuit tea - like having a tea with a biscuit! I love it. And I guzzle sugar free caffeine free Coke. AF cider for a treat - lovely strawberry and lime one.
Take care
Soph

Welcome allofthetime
Day 3 is fab! Well done you.
I definitely found avoiding certain aisles when shopping was the only way. I actually hate how the AF drinks are at the top of the aisle that shall not be named. In fact it took me a lot of months before I went down that aisle. I still avoid it foe the most part. Why make life harder than it needs to be.

Going to bed in the early days was a great way to break the habits too.

@Breathmiller thank you - I am recognising the small steps and building blocks along the way this time. An early night might not be original but it’s a good option right now.

I’m so glad I actually posted this morning instead of just thinking about. I feel supported already and I’ve only just rocked up!

Oh my gosh this is such a good thread. I thought I’d stay away till I had made a bit of traction, but it’s so reassuring to read everyone’s stories, and how such amazing advice is shared.
Thank you for the advice, everyone ( whoever it’s aimed at its useful) but stayingVigilant, that’s exactly where I’m at - bottle downed by 5, ever more complicated dinner served at 8! Your tips are great, and it’s very reassuring to know you’ve managed to escape. Hats off!
drybird that’s a good plan too - being tired and hungry and then am too drunk to nag kids to clear away!
Thanks to you all I realised, properly, realised, that I am definitely screwing up. I had day 1 again last night! ( too hungover to drink!) but i think my mind is finally getting there.
bunnies if it’s any help, you are not alone. Am surprised to discover my mates are all depressed, can’t get round to socialising, exhausted. I found what finally started to unlock the stuck and depressed was saying to myself, ‘ well done me, I got the dishwasher loaded after 3 days. Well done, The fridge might be mouldy, but I’ve found some cheese that isn’t’
Extreme examples I might add! ( or maybe not, actually) being conscious of really encouraging yourself somehow quiets that awful voice that tells you how crap you are at everything.
Thanks and ..generous encouragement all round.

Well done on doing a day winenota even if it was forced due to feeling shit.

Imagine if you do another day today how tomorrow you won't feel that shit again? Hold on to that thought I say. So, tonight when you want to drink take your mind back to yesterday and how utterly crap you felt. Your mind starts to associate the wine, not with a good feeling but a crappy hangover feeling. I said earlier in the thread how I was at a restaurant and saw someone with a glass of wine and after a fleeting moment of envy, I looked again and so it as clawing and hangover inducing. "A hangover in a glass" . It's just about rewiring the brain. It can take a while though.

I'm after some ideas actually. So, in a week or two I will reach my year milestone. I had thought I would like to celebrate and I kind of still will as it's my daughter's birthday so we will be celebrating anyway.

But, more than celebrating the day, i want to think about the next year. How can I use this year of finally cracking alcohol to inspire me in another area of my life? If I can do this I can do anything is how I'm feeling.

I tried for years to move from strict lifelong vegetarian to vegan but also found it hard to give up dairy etc.
But after a few years of dry Januarys and veganurys here I am 1 year sober and a year and a half vegan. These are just part of who I am now. I have also pretty much reduced social media which has been helpful for my mental health.

So, i have a few ideas. Some are 'letting go' of something unhelpful and some are 'adding in' things that would benefit me and my health.

Possible choices to work on.

Letting go...
Processed sugar.
Crisps
Screen time.

Adding in..
Running
Swimming
Drinking more water
Eating my 10 a day every day.
Walking a certain amount each week.
Reading more books.

Any thoughts oh wise ones? I'm drawn to the drinking water one. Or the eating my 10 a day every day as they seem fairly easy, energy and timewise so more likely to stick in busy times. Or maybe even both.

And they also seem positive. I feel like not drinking and not eating certain foods were a big part of what I've done this last year (although i can reframe it as embracing sobriety and a more ethical way of eating) so it would be nice to think about what can I add rather than try to limit something again.

My thoughts are that by adding more water or adding more fruit and veg that I am more likely to eat less sugar and crap anyway. And I will generally feel more healthy.

I will still try to do all of these things within a limit but I kind of want to embrace something with more focus. This last year has been life changing, and if I can do it with alcohol then I can use that same thought process to help other areas of my life.

Any thoughts or other ideas?

Hi ladies, newbie here 🙋‍♀️ I have reached day 9 today. I discovered this thread last night when I was really struggling. I was feeling massively sorry for myself. I was on such a downer because I couldn't have a glass of wine with dinner. Reading through your individual stories, tips and advice helped me enormously ... just what I needed to hear. So much of what you all say resonates with me. I knew if I gave in to one glass ... it would be the bottle and worse still, I would want it again tonight, so I just cannot go there. I cannot moderate so it has to be total abstinence. @Drybird2020 your comment about not wanting alcohol when full is so true for me. Having a G&T (or two) while making dinner was a daily habit. The wine would then come out with dinner. The idea was that the bottle of wine would be shared between DH and I. DH would bearly get a glass 😟 I would then stumble to bed at 8:30pm and fall asleep in a drunken stupor until 3:00am, then struggle to get back to sleep. I would be up at 7:00am for work each day. I never had hangovers for some strange reason and I would look forward to finishing work after a busy day in order to do it all again each evening. Reality would hit with the amount of empty bottles I'd tip into the bottle bank. But I would convince myself "sure everyone is doing it". I'm tired of living this way. I hate what I have become. I've put on two stone (due to wine) and most of my clothes don't fit anymore. I'm tired of living like this. The past 9 days have been the hardest of my life so I am delighted to have found this thread for ongoing support 🤗

So I have decided to go with the 10-a-day focus. Eating the rainbow. It fired me up and it feels like a really lovely positive thing to do. This is such a supportive thread that I decided to start one in chat to help me on my way.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4309979-Eating-our-10-a-day-thread?msgid=109518052#109518052

Link if anyone would like to join. (Feel free to name change of course if you don't want it linked to this thread)

I'm also going to work on my warer intake too.

Welcome shanna8 it really is a great place of support.

Well done on your 9 days. It can be a rollercoaster of stronger days and days when it feels a slog, especially at the beginning but these easier days get easier and the harder days become fewer and further between. As one of the regulars has in her name- staying vigilant is key. But it does get easier. Keep on in there.

Keep reading and posting.