The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Hello everyone.
I dipped into these threads a year or so ago but didn't act on all the advice.
I'm sat today with crippling anxiety after drinking with a friend last night. It wasn't an excessive night but my tolerance has really decreased recently.
I think I really need to face up to the fact that this feeling is not worth the alcohol.
I think my main fear is telling family & friends, I don't have a big social life but the little I do often includes alcohol. I'm worried about their reactions.
I'm going to my best friends on Friday & we would usually drink.
I'm worrying about telling her I don't want to drink.
I'm also thinking go Friday, drink & then start after that. As I know I have no social occasions coming up & may find it easier.
Your thoughts are appreciated all. Thank you.

Hi CH79
I hear you. It can be daunting to start and how to show this other person to our family and friends. Sometimes its easier just to do it quietly to begin with, make excuses "im driving" "I'm on a health kick for a week" " I'm doing dry August" "I'm on antibiotics" don't feel you have to announce to everyone that you will never drink again. Ease yourself in to the thought process first, then when you fele stronger and with more resolve and self belief about the decision then it's much easier to be open about it.
And with all the gentleness I can say this with, there will always be a Friday night to get over, a celebration to start after, a bad day to get through. Why not just start now? Why let yourself feel this bad again? You can do this one step at a time. But, honestly? There is no time like the present.

I met my very good friend and we went and explored and walked by the river, putting the world to rights. Then went for lunch in a lovely deli, not something we'd ever do when it's just us two. So, my grumpiness has faded. A lovely day out.
Now, trying to talk someone to come swimming with me. I might just go myself though. It's me that wants to go.

@Breathmiller

Hi CH79 I hear you. It can be daunting to start and how to show this other person to our family and friends. Sometimes its easier just to do it quietly to begin with, make excuses "im driving" "I'm on a health kick for a week" " I'm doing dry August" "I'm on antibiotics" don't feel you have to announce to everyone that you will never drink again. Ease yourself in to the thought process first, then when you fele stronger and with more resolve and self belief about the decision then it's much easier to be open about it. And with all the gentleness I can say this with, there will always be a Friday night to get over, a celebration to start after, a bad day to get through. Why not just start now? Why let yourself feel this bad again? You can do this one step at a time. But, honestly? There is no time like the present.

I know what you mean about another Friday, night out etc. I think I'm feeling like I need to be a bit deeper into it before I announce it as it were. Not that I'm planning to announce it, more just ease it in if that makes sense. Not sure I feel strong enough at the moment to take the inevitable questions etc.

On the way to meet my friend I was listening to Tara Brach's Radical Compassion book o audible.

Really interesting, she was talking about the stories we believe of ourselves and how we often don't want to shed a certain skin as it's how people recognise us. But, that we need to keep growing by letting go of limiting beliefs that we hold about ourselves and our perception of other people's expectations of us. It felt very relevant to this process of stripping away the persona of us being drinkers to ourselves and others.

Tara brach is fab!
I’m back because FINALLY done a day 1 again!

WELL DONE @Winenota!!!!

What did you do differently today?

Fantastic winenota that's great to hear.
You did it!! How do you feel?

Well done @Winenota! Keep going.

I watched “Reclaiming Amy” on iPlayer tonight, I thought it was very powerful. It was not easy to watch at all. I find it hard to describe how it made me feel but what an incredible woman she was, and how sad it is that she is gone.

Thanks!
Ah yes, good thinking. My behaviour was different..I was on the computer and Dh made tea. So I guess the triggers weren’t triggered..Gosh!this is just like therapy, you guys! He did offer me a glass but by that time I was about to eat- and I’ve been trying to remind myself of all the reasons why not..and well, it worked! Easy does it though..no Pom poms yet..
Well done everyone else. You are all 🤩

And thanks for not judging. I think a lot of the problem is shame which then you tell yourself off and then spiral downhill. Then you are too ashamed to go back. It’s so lovely to be able to be crap and come back on again. Thanks everyone.

Waking up after a rubbish nights sleep due to anxiety.
How did you all combat that?

Morning lovelies!
@Soberanne, well done you - you sound strong and positive.
@Breathmiller, your posts are really inspiring and insightful - love the sound of your lunch at the deli - doing things differently, or doing different things really helps me. Which of course is what you did @Winenota, your dodged the triggers - DH made tea - something simple like that can make all the difference. I pinched an idea from Catherine Gray (The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober), and walked a different way home from work, thereby bypassing the CO OP and the shelf of doom, thereby avoiding buying the inevitable bottle. Then, as soon as I got home I'd shower, wash hair, put PJs on, so I wouldn't be able to change my mind and backtrack to the shop. Did this for the first two weeks. It worked. I replaced a bad habit with a good one. So well done, you've got the first hurdle cleared, now just take each day as it comes.
No judgement on this thread - we all get it. We know it's hard. Starting over again is what I did for about six months before it stuck. Frustrating, but normal. So always come back - I will, if I slip.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies I cried when Amy W died, I cried again watching Reclaiming Amy - still not sure about how I feel about her dad, but not for me to judge. I loved her music, I loved her sassiness. I just loved the girl. Not easy to watch, I agree. Left me feeling sad.
@CH79 Ah, the early dry anxiety! Like some wise poster said a few pages ago - it's like The Bear Hunt - you just have to go through it. I took Kalms - just to feel I was helping myself - don't know if they did much tbh, but they didn't do any harm. Herbal teas (which I drink a lot of anyway) stuff with camomile, valerian etc., hot chocolate, nice bath, just pampered myself...but honestly, I just rode out the anxiety, tried to see it as positive - brain repairing, body repairing. Lasted about 5 days before it faded. It's a pain, but it won't hurt you - just try to put up with it. I agree with @Breathmiller about there will always be a night out, or whatever ahead. I used that reason many times. Don't overthink what to say to people, for now, just make up a reason, like need a clear head for an early start, antibiotics. I think we sometimes see what we're doing as massive (it is to us) but other people aren't as bothered as we think we'll be. And it won't always be like this - as we get further away from our last drink, our perspective changes (well, mine did) and big deals before become much smaller and manageable.
Thanks for this great thread and you wise help @Drybird2020 (I think I might call you Wisebird!).
Love to all - have a great day.

Sorry I've written loads again.
Soph

@SophieB100

Morning lovelies! *@Soberanne*, well done you - you sound strong and positive. *@Breathmiller*, your posts are really inspiring and insightful - love the sound of your lunch at the deli - doing things differently, or doing different things really helps me. Which of course is what you did *@Winenota*, your dodged the triggers - DH made tea - something simple like that can make all the difference. I pinched an idea from Catherine Gray (The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober), and walked a different way home from work, thereby bypassing the CO OP and the shelf of doom, thereby avoiding buying the inevitable bottle. Then, as soon as I got home I'd shower, wash hair, put PJs on, so I wouldn't be able to change my mind and backtrack to the shop. Did this for the first two weeks. It worked. I replaced a bad habit with a good one. So well done, you've got the first hurdle cleared, now just take each day as it comes. No judgement on this thread - we all get it. We know it's hard. Starting over again is what I did for about six months before it stuck. Frustrating, but normal. So always come back - I will, if I slip. *@BunniesBunniesBunnies* I cried when Amy W died, I cried again watching Reclaiming Amy - still not sure about how I feel about her dad, but not for me to judge. I loved her music, I loved her sassiness. I just loved the girl. Not easy to watch, I agree. Left me feeling sad. *@CH79 Ah, the early dry anxiety! Like some wise poster said a few pages ago - it's like The Bear Hunt - you just have to go through it. I took Kalms - just to feel I was helping myself - don't know if they did much tbh, but they didn't do any harm. Herbal teas (which I drink a lot of anyway) stuff with camomile, valerian etc., hot chocolate, nice bath, just pampered myself...but honestly, I just rode out the anxiety, tried to see it as positive - brain repairing, body repairing. Lasted about 5 days before it faded. It's a pain, but it won't hurt you - just try to put up with it. I agree with *@Breathmiller** about there will always be a night out, or whatever ahead. I used that reason many times. Don't overthink what to say to people, for now, just make up a reason, like need a clear head for an early start, antibiotics. I think we sometimes see what we're doing as massive (it is to us) but other people aren't as bothered as we think we'll be. And it won't always be like this - as we get further away from our last drink, our perspective changes (well, mine did) and big deals before become much smaller and manageable. Thanks for this great thread and you wise help *@Drybird2020* (I think I might call you Wisebird!). Love to all - have a great day. Sorry I've written loads again. Soph

Thank you. I know there's not much I can do about the anxiety. Hide myself away a bit for a few days & I'll be ok. Completely get what you mean about there always being another night etc. This weekend is tough though, as its my birthday weekend & I'm staying at my friend's - so no excuse re early morning etc. I'm still unsure what to do really. But thanks for the encouragement. X

Ch79 I had my 50th last year dry. I was only a month in and thought it would be really hard. But it wasn't. In fact, it was one of the best birthdays I have ever had.

When I think back to it, it makes me smile so much and in no way do I feel I lost out or felt it was lacking in anything.

I remember how good I felt the next day too.

Like you, I thought I wanted to stop but surely I could wait til after my birthday especially since it was a biggie. How could I possibly not drink on my 50th!!? Why would I do that to myself?

But, I loved it. Absolutely loved it. And when I look back I just remember what a great time I had, it doesn't even enter my head that I didn't drink.

I figured that I had done most of my birthdays from around age 14 pissed and some had been great fun and some not so much. The next day was never fun though. I thought it was time to explore a birthday without being hammered.

Turns out birthdays are amazing in themselves. I didn't need alcohol to make it a birthday. It was all the other stuff that made it special.

Why not give it a go? What's the worst that can happen? You've had lots of birthdays with alcohol and for one reason or another you have decided it's not great for you, or you wouldn't be on this thread. The good thing is that you have many birthdays ahead of you. If you decide a dry birthday isn't for you then you get another chance to make it different next year.

Couldn’t agree more with @Breathmiller.
All special occasions I’ve had so far (birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries) have been amazing without alcohol!

@Breathmiller I couldn't agree more

@Breathmiller

Ch79 I had my 50th last year dry. I was only a month in and thought it would be really hard. But it wasn't. In fact, it was one of the best birthdays I have ever had.

When I think back to it, it makes me smile so much and in no way do I feel I lost out or felt it was lacking in anything.

I remember how good I felt the next day too.

Like you, I thought I wanted to stop but surely I could wait til after my birthday especially since it was a biggie. How could I possibly not drink on my 50th!!? Why would I do that to myself?

But, I loved it. Absolutely loved it. And when I look back I just remember what a great time I had, it doesn't even enter my head that I didn't drink.

I figured that I had done most of my birthdays from around age 14 pissed and some had been great fun and some not so much. The next day was never fun though. I thought it was time to explore a birthday without being hammered.

Turns out birthdays are amazing in themselves. I didn't need alcohol to make it a birthday. It was all the other stuff that made it special.

Why not give it a go? What's the worst that can happen? You've had lots of birthdays with alcohol and for one reason or another you have decided it's not great for you, or you wouldn't be on this thread. The good thing is that you have many birthdays ahead of you. If you decide a dry birthday isn't for you then you get another chance to make it different next year.

You make absolute sense. I'm scared to tell my friend I won't be drinking. I don't know why. I'm going to go & I will probably drink, though I am determined to not go OTT. Then try address my problems. I'm worrying about telling her more than the hangover anxiety - probably irrationally but that's anxiety for you isn't it. And I'm struggling a bit generally at the moment. A few recent isolations haven't helped. So I'm aiming for moderation on Friday & go from there.

Managed until 6. Got to cook now. I WILL have a cup of tea. Go directly to the kettle. Cook something super easy.
We can do it!

@Winenota

Managed until 6. Got to cook now. I WILL have a cup of tea. Go directly to the kettle. Cook something super easy. We can do it!

You can do it! Get that cuppa!

Winenota you made it. The powers of a cuppa will see you through.

You can do this guys!
Oh and @Winenota tell your DH not to offer you anything ever. My DH drinks but never offers. That would be intensely annoying for me. And probs not helpful for you. Find other drinks to enjoy when you’re cooking.
@CH79 there’ll be an excuse. Is your friend a good old friend? If so, it’s likely they’ll be fine. Any friend that gives me a hard time (none have and some are BIG boozers) I’d be reevaluating that friendship.
We are on holidays overseas and whilst DH seems to have developed a penchant for sangria, all restaurants seem to have AF beers for me! Interestingly I’m not particularly fancying those either. I am loving iced coffees - tons of ice, decaf coffee and probs way too much milk. Deeelish. Another one here that eats way too much sugar/sweet stuff. That’s something to be tackled another day.

@CH79 that was meant to say that there’ll always be an excuse. Strike while the iron’s hot and all that. It’s crazy that at our tender ages we still succumb to peer pressure. Madness isn’t it?

Thanks all. Massive row about holidays ( there aren’t any) . Day 1 tomorrow. Sorry.

Agh @Winenota you’ll get stronger each time you try. Again, really unpick what went wrong. Sounds like an argument? And then maybe an ‘ahh fuck it’ moment? Think about how you feel right now. Then next time you feel the urge play it forward to this feeling.