The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

That is so interesting about the grey rock technique. I have a family member I could use this with although I have a feeling if I go full grey rock I'll be labelled 'jealous' as I was in the past when I had enough and distanced myself. Amazing the spin some people put on things to avoid looking i the mirror and wondering if they did anything to contribute to things!

Ok @Winenota dust yourself down and start again. BUT what are you going to do differently tomorrow? Saying ‘no ta’ as your username suggests isn’t quite enough. We’ve talked about toolboxes but what do you need in it? And take the alcohol out of it. Having it around isn’t helpful for you. Have you looked at any quit lit, podcasts, youtube etc? Would something like AA be your thing? There’s virtual ones I believe. Not just AA but similar organisations too. I’ve forgotten the name but someone here will know. Dig deep and really think about what’s getting in your way. You CAN do this but will power alone is rarely enough so really work on arming yourself with a robust toolbox. Do not beat yourself up. Shit happens. Get back on it. One day at a time. xx

I think some here use Smart Recovery.

@Winenota you might really benefit from talking to your GP. I have a kick ass (woman obvs🤩) GP who has given me so much excellent mental health support. It can be such an exhausting cycle to have so many Day 1s, the GP might just be able to give you an extra boost.

And yeeesss to whoever suggested a half frozen AF beer with lime! I’m totally having some of that!

Have you guys tried Big Drop? It’s amazing!

And just to lighten it up @winenota - cos the best attitude to have about this if you can is to just keep powering on with the goal and don't be depressed tomorrow - but I thought you were 'Winona' as in the Ryder I scan read here so much! @Stayingvigilant post has just made me realise how slow I am!

Smart Recovery online meetings are great.

Don't let them freeze solid @Stayingvigilant - the bottles will crack and burst! Just half frozen!

I can confirm they definitely burst.

winenota would it help to talk about how last night went? Can you unpick it a bit? Was it habit? A deep craving? Did you mention being bored? How did you feel at each point of the evening ? How do you feel this morning?

Can we help you to build up your toolbox for tonight?

Have a look at what time is the hardest. If it's 6 o'clock then say to yourself that if you get through 6 o'clock you can do what you want after. Then deal with 7 o'clock in the same way. It may be that by 8 o'clock the feeling has passed or eased anyway.

I know at the beginning I used to say that I won't drink today. 1 day! That's all. I can do whatever I like tomorrow. But I just need to get through today.

That can work hourly too. Are you fine during the day today? Does that break it down to only 4 hours this evening to get through?

Come on here more in these hours. Find a distraction. Fill yourself up on AF alternatives. Food treats. Anything to power through these 4 hours. And break it down to hourly. What can you do to distract yourself for an hour. Go for a walk? Go shopping? Even boring things like go clean out a drawer you've been meaning to do for ages. Read a mumsnet classic thread. Have a catch up phone call with a friend. Find a project.

And go to bed early. I found that helped. Go to bed an hour early and that makes it only 3 hours to get through. Lots of these little kind of mind tricks.

When your thoughts start shouting at you that you want a drink, answer back. "I hear that thought but it's just a thought. I don't have to act on it. It will pass" it will, I promise you.

Day 1. we're all here for you.

Oh gosh, thank you all. Your support means a lot.
If you don’t mind I will jot down thoughts here.
It’s definitely sparked when I when I cook. Dh comes in to moan and I get stressed. I know I’ll have to nag kids to tidy after. ( usuall too dunk to so I leave pots till morning) hungry and a bit resentful that I’m always the cook/ washer upper/everything housework. And yes, am so over being a housewife/ mum.
Reading this and thinking o your thoughts of toolbox..
I’m thinking I could get something ready at lunchtime so I just warm it.

Eat earlier. Have snack.
Plan bath or treat after dinner.
Maybe getting them to tidy won’t be so tiring if I’m sober.
Maybe I could actually have a box, with bubble bath, book and notes to remind me. ( maybe I should keep it in the fridge! )

I’ll write myself a note to rea this thread just before I cook.

Bunnies, I’ll call the gp. That is scary though! It’s 2 week wait. I’ll be fine by then. ( sounds like denial even to me!)

Thanks for the friendly support, you are very funny cartooned. And thanks for taking time to write so many good tips breathmiller and all.
Maybe I can get through one night. One night! That’s ridiculous that it’s become so big. 👍bring it on!

Great tips from everyone. @Winenota at the height of my drinking (just before I quit) I was so utterly fed up and overwhelmed with life (kids, work, house, cooking, tidying etc…). I feel SO much better about it all now I have quit drinking. Of course the kids are still a pain in the ass sometimes😝 but I have so much more patience to deal with it. It doesn’t affect me as much, I don’t get upset in the same way. And I have much more energy to do things around the house (like a quick tidy up in the kitchen after dinner instead of sitting on the sofa with wine like a zombie).

Honestly I used to think wine helped me cope with my life but for me it was the opposite, it made everything so much harder. Do get that GP appointment booked in. You might not need it in two weeks but then again you might find it helpful.

Hi everyone day 4 here. I have woke up, the headache is gone but my brain is still fuzzy. My anxiety is coming in waves but thats ok as inbetween the panic i can remind myself it will pass and Nothing that bad is actually happening. My mantra today is Staying sober is my priority. Oh and the anxiety will pass

Well done SoberAnne 4 days is amazing!

I'm heading off shortly for three weeks holidays pretty rural no wifi anyway so I'll be logging off SM entirely for the duration. Wishing you all the best with your early days, I hope you can keep going as the view on the other side is worth it! xx

@Winenota - sounds similar to me. I used to love the pre-drinking while cooking, but then once we'd sat down to eat, I didn't fancy any more to drink. If that's you, then eating earlier and doing the prep, as you say, could really help. Also, in the early days, how about adding a daily treat for after the meal and once the children are in bed. Chocolate maybe?

@soberanne - well done! You've got through the hardest point, very soon you'll be starting to feel some real benefits.

@Cartooner - where are you off to? Have a great time.

The very furthest tip on the south coast of Ireland, where I am from, can't wait! An old house on a cliff side that doesn't even have a phone, you can get a signal if you stand in a certain spot, it's very good for the head to go back to where your ancestors were from to an unmodernised house not to say there wasn't rampant drink problems in the days long gone but I do think sometimes that there was so much more ceremony to it when there wasn't an off licence on every corner, hard times but simpler times around food and drink, it is good to be reminded that humans were not really supposed to have such cheap and easy access to alcohol. And junk food. And screens. I love a good dose of solitude there, although bringing kids and ipads with downloads kind of defeats that aim! And we're not far from wifi cafe, but still.... I treat it as my escape

That sounds bliss cartooner I like how you are thinking about it.
I do also think how easy it is to access things that are not good for us. Dh forages elderflowers and makes beautiful elderflower cordial. It seems much more special when he has made such an effort to pick the flowers. Separate them all out from the stems. Cooked it with the other ingredients and then bottled it. It feels like bottles of nectar in the fridge and everyone really savours it rather than whacking it back because we can just go buy more when it's finished. When it's finished there will be no more til next year when the flowers are out.

I'm adding a new tool to my box. Wild swimming in the local river again today. 3 minute drive in my swimsuit. Dunk in and swim. It is soooo peaceful. Half hour or more in there today with ds after a mammoth 4 hour hike up a hill. Wrap a towel round us to jump in the car home and into the shower.
I honestly feel so good after it. The view is out of this world. Ds said he would happily go there every day. I get why.

And normally I would be saying no to him because it was wine o'clock. So much better

@Winenota

Oh gosh, thank you all. Your support means a lot. If you don’t mind I will jot down thoughts here. It’s definitely sparked when I when I cook. Dh comes in to moan and I get stressed. I know I’ll have to nag kids to tidy after. ( usuall too dunk to so I leave pots till morning) hungry and a bit resentful that I’m always the cook/ washer upper/everything housework. And yes, am so over being a housewife/ mum. Reading this and thinking o your thoughts of toolbox.. I’m thinking I could get something ready at lunchtime so I just warm it.

Eat earlier. Have snack.
Plan bath or treat after dinner.
Maybe getting them to tidy won’t be so tiring if I’m sober.
Maybe I could actually have a box, with bubble bath, book and notes to remind me. ( maybe I should keep it in the fridge! )

I’ll write myself a note to rea this thread just before I cook.

Bunnies, I’ll call the gp. That is scary though! It’s 2 week wait. I’ll be fine by then. ( sounds like denial even to me!)

Thanks for the friendly support, you are very funny cartooned. And thanks for taking time to write so many good tips breathmiller and all.
Maybe I can get through one night. One night! That’s ridiculous that it’s become so big. 👍bring it on!

These all sound great tools.

I found that having a drink of something nice in my wine glass helped when I was cooking. I had sparkling water with lime. But you could have elderflower cordial. Or anything. The habit was in the reaching for a wone shaped glass while cooking. I turned out that what was in that glass wasn't as important as I thought.

I did it! I did it! I thought of you guys and it got me through!! I stuffed myself with snacks then cooked a super easy tea ( that none liked😂😂😂insanely early and guzzled OJ.
I did have a wee sip of warm white from the back of the cupboard and the thought of you all was enough to make me ealise it was awful and not what I wanted to do. Bunnies you reminded me that actually, clearing up when sloshed is no fun.And yes, cardigan of doom, once I’ve eaten it’s fine. It’s just the bottle while I’m cooking!
Cartooned and breathmiller, the swimming and the house and the cordial sound so nice. Very special and mindful.
Now sitting in sun, stuffed! No room for any drinks even tea!

Thank you thank you!

Yay!!! Well done winenota

Hold on to this feeling. It's great. And just keeps getting better.

Shaking my pompoms at you right now.

Day 4 is over. Day 4 is usually when i begin to really crave but i think Having the mind set that drinking isnt an option rather than i can drink then is really helping. However i have never felt so emotionally washed out or physically wiped out. Sobriety means facing life and thats scarey.

breathmiller thanks, they sure are colourful!
Holding on to good feeling!
soberanne you’ve got this. If you can bear taking an advice from a newbie who is flushed with one days success, I’ve had to learn that the biggest hurdle to facing life is asking for help. And to keep on looking till you find the right help. I know you will find incredible support on mn. I also know that some therapist S help people who need it with lower rates. Worth asking. Sorry if that sounds crap, meant with hugs.

And bloody hell, 4 days! Go girl!

@Winenota thank you and your right. I know going forward to stay sober i need to deal with the reasons i wanted to drink. And well done to you too. I have absolutely no alcohol in my house so to actually not drink when its right there is amazing. huge step. We got this.

Got through another day.
Thank you @SophieB100 for the blog you linked to upthread, I've been reading a lot of it today and it's really helpful.

Blooming well done @Winenota you’ll never have to do day one again! Working out your triggers, pinch points is vital in developing your appropriate toolbox. Well done! Do the GP appointment regardless of how you feel in 2 weeks. Their support will be useful.
And flipping well done to you @soberanne again it’s worth contacting your GP to recommend support for your reasons for drinking. There’s quite a bit of free counselling / MH support around at the mo if that would be useful. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/
You can refer yourself.
Did you say 3 weeks cartooner? Id be making sure the kids had a LOT downloaded - they can crack on whilst you enjoy your remoteness! Heavenly!!