The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Just popping on to welcome to the newcomers. Don't post very often but always read. I'm 6 months now (app says 200 days tomorrow!)

The decision to stop drinking was the hardest part, God how I wrestled with that, the sheer bloody relief of not having drinking in my head anymore.

Sleep took a good 3 months to get to 'normal' for me.

Tackling the AF was first, replacing the habit with good choices but still having a glass in my hand initially worked for me. A few weeks in I noticed the weight dropping off me so that spurred me on to healthier eating.

I'll be honest not cracked the exercise but yet but have increased my walking.

The times I think 'ooh a glass of wine would be nice now' quickly passes as I fast forward to what that would mean, how would I feel and how much of the good work I have done could very quickly become undone. And why would I start to poison my body again?

Clinging on to these boards in early days was a lifeline.

‘A post-it note over her face’ 🤣🤣 Absolutely love that!! Maybe visualise that idea breathmiller in real life.
I totally agree that being AF definitely helps with perspective, calmness etc. I think most of you know that I stopped drinking to help cope with my eldest daughter’s MH. I still unwittingly manage to annoy her though.
Huge well done sophie how time flies. Welcome kittens and keep up the great work!

Thank you @StayingVigilant and everyone. I don't know exactly how many days - stopped late April, so approaching the 3 month mark. I start each morning as a day one to be honest - just tell myself that "today I won't drink" and that's it, final, decision made, job done. I'm very aware that I'm just one drink away from hell. That sounds dramatic, but it's true - my life was unravelling quickly earlier this year...I was holding it together, then just plummeted, not drinking more...just the years of drinking catching up, and they caught up quickly. I got scared, so I quit. I still look back and feel scared about where I was. And grateful that I crawled my way out of the pit in time, very grateful. And this thread and the support helped me, and continues to do so.
Thank you all
Soph

Thanks @Drybird2020 I agree I struggle with moderation . 2years in I still sometimes get a niggle.
On a more positive note , I went out last night was the only non drinker - had a great time - there was some pressure "leave your car"etc from some ... which perhaps is my fault as I'm not sure if I'm in a place yet where I can say "I don't drink" . Although for me it's been a while AF I haven't really been putting myself out there in these situations . I have to say I feel so much more confident in myself . Before I would have been telling myself I needed a drink to socialise . Now realising that I don't I'm more confident than ever . I've woken up hangover free after a great nights sleep and done a gym class. Looking forward to spending the day in the garden with dc and getting everything ready for the week ahead .
Welcome to the newbies for me the phrase "play it forward 12 hours" helps massively - yes a drink sounds like a great idea in your head when your craving but just play it forward how do you want to feel tomorrow.
Happy Sunday all

Thanks everyone. A better day today. I have actually reached my limit of patience with it and I have a fire in my belly a bit more. I WILL not allow her to encroach in my head. I have had a great day focused on all the lovely people that are there. The tutor actually asked about it and it's being managed a bit.

I love the Post-it note. Really made me laugh. We got moved around this afternoon and we actually had a big pole in between us that obscured her from view. It was fab. When we were on Zoom the last time I just went to speaker view so was able to block her out. So, lots of good coping skills today from everyone. Grey rock, poles and post it notes.
And me finally getting royally pissed off about it. It's helped.

And the good thing is, I haven't done my previous coping mechanism of alcohol. So all good.

You're a good bunch so you are.

Ahh I’m so pleased breathmiller!! Enjoy your evening.

Day 2 and apart from feeling sick all day sobriety won.

Good job Soberanne get some B Vitamins down you, they'll help.

You smashed it @Breathmiller! Well done you, and you didn't resort to booze, so double well done you.
@Soberanne, well done. Drink loads of water, spoil yourself, nice bath, early night, chocolate if you fancy it or sweets (you'll be missing all the sugar). Whatever you fancy actually, except alcohol. The first few days are hard - ride it out, it's so worth it.

Thanks everyone

Well done SoberAnne these first few days can really be the hardest. But that's the 2 first days that you never have to do again. 🥳

Actually that's a very good point....the shittier the first few days are, the more grateful you are that you don't have to do them again!

Hi can I join.
I came to the realisation that I'm an alcoholic.
I binge.
I can do without it for a while.
Longest was a few weeks,but once I start I can't stop.

Climb aboard BorderlineHappy and tell us all about it. You're in good company.

Well done @Breathmiller, some achievement to get through without letting it get to you, head held high and then not having a drink at the end of it all. That is awesome. It is my first and only resort in that kind of situation. Sorry, that should be it was my first and only resort.
I'm heading into day 4 feeling a bit perplexed that I've got through to the end of the first weekend. I just hope I'm still here with you all come Friday. If I'm honest I'm really worried I won't be. I know I just have to focus on a day at a time but it's really hard not to think I'm going to fall at the first hurdle again.

Sorry missed your post @BorderlineHappy. I'm exactly the same. I've not been here long but I'd say we've come to the right place.

Kittensgalore maybe answer your post here? Like that pre-defeat tone there, switch it up and reply to yourself as if it's next Sunday and you stayed the course and you want to tell yourself how good it feels. Even just write it privately if you prefer. You need to visualise how you want this to go. I started on a 30 day effort, it's 260 days today simply because I just kept seeing the gains as one week stacked onto the next.

Also make plans! Early morning plans. My son is just back from a midnight beach wall with the neighbours. We're 30 minutes from a beach! Plan stuff you need to drive to or be alcohol free for. Same for you @BorderlineHappy and hi! Read back, so much wisdom buried in these threads.

*walk!

Can I join too?! Am so tired of myself!

Morning all
For newbies who are already worrying about staying the course (or the week) have a read of this - it's brilliant:
mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-obstacle-course.html

Have a good day everyone
Soph

I’m exactly the same @BorderlineHappy and I’d love to join too. Day one today, I know I’ll get to day seven without an issue but past that point it always, always ends in a binge. I was inspired by an inlaw who’s fully abstaining for the same reasons to try harder as it’s what I’ve been wanting for a really long time.

Wow so many newbies, that’s great!!!
Welcome to the thread!🤩

I got drunk on Friday, was sick and wasn't well Saturday.
I have health conditions that I just have to stay sober for.
One day at a time.

Thanks bunnies.
Another sleepless night ! Today is day1.
I’ll feel happier and more energetic very soon.
We can do it borderlinehappy!

Welcome winenota borderlinehappy rockdown

You definitely have come to the right place. So much support and wisdom and I also always feel like there's laughter and friendship too.

It's also great to have a sober buddy, or a few that you are in track timewise with. So, as well as all of us a little or a lot down the track you have each other to support you through these early days. Strength in numbers.

Don't remotely think of years or forever (although that is an intention for this thread). You only have to think about today.

Actually you only have to think about this hour, this minute, this exact moment. So, if it helps then just know that you will not drink for today, or for the next hour or you won't drink right now.

Another little mantra that helped me was I can have any drink I like apart from the first one. That one was like a lightbulb moment for me.

Or a good tip is to play the video forward. How will you feel later? Tomorrow? Why are you doing this? What do you want to let go of? Hangovers, guilt, shame? And what do you want to gain? Read back to all the gains we have felt. Freedom. Healthier. Anxiety lessening. No beer fear. Freedom from the continual thoughts of should i shouldn't I? Better skin. Better sleep. More present with family and friends etc etc etc. So many potential gains, the list feels endless.

Throw anything you can at these first few days. Distractions, alternativesl drinks, food, baths, treats, anything! Start filling up your tool box now.

What do you do that makes you feel good? Run, swim? Yoga? Walk? Read? Films? Being with friends? Chatting on here? Do more of what makes you feel good.

There will be times when you just need to wade through though. Accept them. I always think of the bear hunt. Sometimes you cant go under it, you can't go over it, you have to go through it. It will pass. It really will. And the little high five you give yourself with each day, each hour, each squelchy muddy craving moment that you wade through gives you a little dopamine high five, a little natural high.

You can do this. We're all here to support you and each other. Good luck. You can do this!