The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Evening all soberers!
Hope you're ok, glad your friend is doing well @Hangingover
I'm just home after an amazing day...lunch at Gordon Ramsey's! It was out of this world. And I didn't drink (well I did, but it was AF). And I enjoyed and savoured every mouthful of divine food, and really tasted it, whereas before I'd be more concerned about having my wine glass refilled.

Take care all
Soph

Feeling pleased as have finally been able to tick off a whole week on my app again (did Dry January). OK - 15 mins to go but I'm not going to suddenly give in now. It has been much easier this month - having you all to report to has been a good move.

Had a lovely day out including pub lunch.

Tomorrow I'm not drinking either. Have a lovely week all

oldhabits that's amazing!! Well done on your year. You must be so proud of yourself. And rightly so.
Here's to another year of no hangovers 😊.

Sorry to hear your friend is so unwell hangingover wishing him a speedy recovery.

How lovely to have had a fancy meal out Sophie and have the food as the focus.

Well done VivianK you are doing so well. I also found the daily/weekly accountability on here a great support. So even if I'm not always on here to give you a cheer, its good to keep coming on and writing it down for you. Keep doing what you're doing.

I have had a weekend celebrating my son's birthday and not missed alcohol one bit. My older adult children were visiting yesterday and some of us had pomegranate and elderflower presse in a fizz glass. It was lovely. One of my daughters doesn't drink at all and the other one would normally be my drinking buddy. I ha e noticed more and more that she joins me in AF drinks instead and doesn't drink while she's here. She did have a bit of a hangover but thst wouldn't have normally stopped her or me so it's nice to see hoe not drinking ripples out. Alcohol is not the focus of the celebration any more.

I also had a big day out with a group of 9/10 year olds on the train on Saturday, party bags and lots of fun on the day. But it was amazing how many people said to me "you'll be glad to get home and pour a large G&T/glass of wine"

The birthday is actually today which will be quiet and I am so super happy not to be nursing a hangover from the weekend celebrations.

Typos galore. Sorry.

Evening all. Bad night's sleep and feeling tired all day as a result.

I also felt pretty fed up this evening on behalf of my DC both of whom have had their planned post exams fun cancelled as a result of Covid self isolation (not them but other people involved). They have both done so well this year with all the disruption and its feeld so unfair on them that their end of year treats are now not happening.

DH and I have been hunting around for something nice to do locally to make up for it but realise that a day out with your mum & dad is not really the same as fun with your mates.

Anyway I sat with those feelings and drowned my sorrows with some tea.

Well done @VivianK having the tea, all these little wins add up and strengthen our resolve don't they? Could your DCs have their post exams fun during the summer holidays to make up for the cancelled stuff? Something to look forward to?
Yes @Breathmiller, one of my adult DDs used to be my drinking buddy and she now still has a glass, but not nearly as much as she would when I was drinking. Glad your son's birthday weekend went well, sounds full on, but great to be able to remember it all and not have a hangover to deal with too.
I'm still amazed at how my anxiety has diminished. I used to drink to manage my stress. I wasted so many years.

Have a good day all
Soph

Checking in to chalk up another day. Football is filling my evenings at the moment (good as unlike drama progs it doesn't have people comstantly pouring themselvew giant glasses of wine at the slightest provocation) plus worrying about which of my teens will succumb to Covid first - feels pretty inevitable due to their circumstances.

Sleep tight all

viviank glad you have football as a distraction. Sorry you're feeling worried.

One thing that stood out was that the kids have had there things cancelled which is such a disappointment to them and you. I don't know what age they are so maybe they did do this, but it dawned on me that the kids (generally in life) have to deal with disappointments and don't soothe themselves with booze. It really is just such an ingrained habit socially that for adults, whenever we need to relax there is alcohol touted as the only solution.

But people who don't drink, either because they are children or for many other reasons also must have challenges and disappointments in their lives. And they find other ways to help, they must do because the disappointment doesn't stay for ever for them.

It kind of made me think though that from a far too young age, i did use alcohol as a tool to deal with some shitty things. Was it a learned behavior? (My mum, who i lived with, didn't drink much at all but I rebelled against her as we had a tricky relationship) or genetics? My dad (who I didn't live with and didn't really have an influencing or even much of relationship at all with) who definitely drinks far too much. Or was it a mixture of both, learned and genetic influence from my beloved grandad (my dad's dad) who partly brought me up and was an alcoholic. A functioning one and he lived a long life but nevertheless a vodka for breakfast alcoholic.

I loved my grandad very much but I am glad that I have taken steps not to end up like him in his relationship with alcohol.
All food for thought.

their not there

Checking in. June done. 40th done. Still AF.

Went for dinner with my DH last night to a very naice restaurant (booking moved back to 8pm so we could watch the football first 🙄) and I wasn't even tempted. He had two glasses of wine. The waiter knew it was my birthday and he said they usually give someone with a birthday some champagne - because he noted I wasn't drinking he gave me one of their flower displays 😂 much preferred by me! It is huge and we now can't see each other over the dining table.

I also have a headache - a side effect of my Covid jab I think, even my teeth hurt. I caved and called the GP today as I am struggling with it. It spoiled my night last night if I am honest as I just wanted to go home to bed. GP was unhelpful - suck it up.

Ugh. Let dry July commence!

Yeehaa!! Well done, that's June ticked off. Onwards and upwards to a wonderful July.
Hope your symptoms ease.

Another day done. Had a massive brainstorm last night at bed time with a billion worries large and small whirling around in my head. Very tempted to reach for a glass of something to close them all down. Realised that have stopped sticking to resolution of not looking at screens before bedtime. A bad move - Googling stuff at midnight is a one way road to poor sleep.

@Breathmiller - yes my DCs just had to live with their disapointment - cheered themselves up by watching football and doing some cooking. We are going to a favourite local cafe for lunch on Saturday as a treat.

Maybe one day I'll be like them again - certainly don't want them to be like me

Well done everyone! Keep going. It feels great.

I'll be totally honest as I said here before K wasn't happy with my drinking but more the habit than the volume. I only intended doing 30 days but thanks to journaling, podcasts and this thread I kept going it's 8 months now.. altho I was handed a glass of champagne a couple of weeks ago and did take a couple of sips toasting the event and then dunked it down the sink, I am committed to not drinking and yet took the couple of sips in the sun chatting and it didn't appeal. Very happy with myself actually that it didn't and I'm still on the horse (in my opinion! I'm not too hard-core about the day count) and nothing about it made me want more.

Another day done. Struggled a bit this evening as the end of the working week for me with lots of outstanding work so the temptation was very strong to switch off with a glass of wine but went for a walk instead. Am over those feelings now and feeling better for it.

No more googling now

Well done VivianK
The days you find harder but get through deserve an extra pat on the back, I always think.

We had a conversation a while back of what we did to soothe when we felt shit and wanted to drink - a tool box.

Can I have a reminder of some of these?

I particularly mean something that will help me not binge on sugary AF drinks and junk food tonight.

My downfall was always Friday night when drinking. I have a very busy wed- Fri when I pretty much do a week's work squashes into 3 days. So I am physically and emotional exhausted Friday evening.

I have also had a manic 2 months with starting my business back up, studying and lots of family stuff. I've not had a free weekend for months.

But when i finish today (earlier than usual) I have a very much anticipated weekend off. In the past that would have meant getting pissed, having a wee party in the kitchen/slump in front of the telly then writing off Saturday. I still have that mentality even though i have just changed my drug of choice from alcohol to crap food.

What do you do to let your hair down in these situations? What would be a 'treat' to celebrate getting through a crazy busy time? Or is that the issue? Maybe I need to let go of that reward system.

A lot of what i have been doing has been enjoyable too. Do i need to medicate with booze/stuff my face to reward myself? I don't want anything that takes me away from my family as I feel I've been absent a lot. So what do we do to wind down together?

Same in the holidays. I have holidays coming up after next week. What can I do that replaces the alcohol I used to have to signify I wasn't in working mode? Just to be clear, i don't have any desire to drink. I just want something other than junk food or over eating to replace that Friday/holiday feeling.

(Healthy) food for thought.

Good Morning, newbie here.

I think I’ve posted on here once before and then disappeared. But I’m back, and more ready than ever to tackle my drinking.

I drink about a bottle of wine 3x a week, and want to completely quit drinking. I hate who I am when drinking, and also hate how I feel the morning after.

My dad is an alcoholic, currently terminally ill with liver cancer (which he denies was caused by a life time of drinking). I don’t want to end up like him.

I think I’ll be posting a lot here in the evenings for a while.

Just to clarify actually.

I don't mean soothe as in I feel shit and need soothing, i have quite a few things for that.

I mean what do you do for a 'treat' night fhat is fun. I've realised that we have gotten into such a bad habit of Friday night is treat night. And that usually entails pizza, crisps, sweets, ice cream, fizzy drinks. Whereas, during the week I am happy with healthy meals and water/teas.

Maybe it's just the amount? I have toyed with either a takeaway or a beautiful cooked meal. But takeaways are expensive and lovely cooked meals take effort and I want something easy. That's why a bottle of wine or two seemed to be the answer. It took no energy. In fact it made me energised enough to have a silly dance in the kitchen with the kids. Arghhh!! I can feel myself wondering why, like half the population I can't just let go and have a pissed up party tonight. And that feeling has come from nowhere.

Welcome bookaholic

Welcome bookaholic, read back loads in here of the good stuff and previous threads with people so glad they are AF.

Oh breathmiller it's hard because I too am eating junk I haven't lost any weight in 8 months of no alcohol and I don't have much to lose but it just pissed me off I fill the gap with crap. So I was good at the tool box talk but not so great at the execution but there are things I have pin pointed - a really good film, a low calorie drink and popcorn. Not a series but a start to finish film. I like signing up for online talks and have a glass of diet coke and some dark chocolate. I like reading. I do knitting and enjoy planning projects that would be the biggest distraction and I have made a massive blanket since quitting and currently making a Teddy for my son. I've bought a sewing machine. I like strength training and long walks. I don't actually like long walks but I meet friends and enjoy the chats. I think some day I'd like to try painting. I light candles and I try set out ny PJs and eye mask on the bed for that lovely drifting off into an AF sleep.

I think its like anything just accept yourself when in the stuff your face mode and try create some space in the week when you're not doing that. But don't try to be perfect, enjoy an evening of crap too if you've had a bad day, so what?!

I also set myself the task of writing a poem the other night. I've done this since I was a child and they are not great but I'm glad I have them. I recently came across a poem I wrote 21 years ago after a big tragedy in my life and it made me cry, I'd forgotten about it. There's something about getting your heart out on a page no matter how clumsy it's a deep dive into your mind and it feels good.

Argh. Football.

My DH had organised a little surprise for my 40th tomorrow night - a small gathering in a local pub garden. DH said he started getting messages on Wednesday asking whether the football would be on, he checked and the pub doesn't do football (it is a naice gastro pub) and won't put a tv on for us.
So most of the guests have cancelled/ said they would come afterwards (which is pointless as it closes at 11pm). My DH has cancelled it so I will now be sitting in my living room with my MIL (who had been drafted in the babysit and is currently on the train down) instead of going out with a couple of friends (which was my original plan) - friends who I was going out with don't want to do anything now and the next date we can all do is 14th August.
Feeling a bit shit about it but I am still getting headaches so maybe it is for the best.

I would usually plan to have a bottle of something fizzy to get over my disappointment but tonic will have to do.

Thanks Cartooner. Wise words. I will try to let go of what I should do but also find other things to swap out too.

Morning all, nice to meet you @Bookaholic73, this is a lovely supportive thread.
Writing poetry is great @Cartooner, great distraction, good way to get it all out.
@Breathmiller - I know what you mean about wanting Friday night to be a treat. I get that 'it's not fair' feeling when colleagues talk about having a drink because it's Friday. But that's the difference, some of them do literally have A DRINK. Just one or two... So yeah, I feel sad because I or 2 wouldn't touch the sides. I'm trying to focus on what I'm gaining, not missing, if that makes sense but it is hard. Had a bottle of red sitting on the shelf for weeks - actually opened it and poured it down the sink last night, the temptation was too strong. And I don't really like red, it was there for any guests in case they fancied a glass. That temptation was triggered simply because it was Friday. And for years Friday's meant have a drink or four. Old thought patterns die hard I guess.

Could you get a nice M&S meal deal for a Friday night - not too much cooking, but nice food to look forward to? Their pizzas for the kids? And a bottle of something really nice - AF - to go with it. I treated myself to a foot spa with some of my wine money saved - it's lovely to come home to after a hard day at work. And I got some nice lotions and stuff to go with it. Mini pampering session, and some new PJs to wear for my still early nights that replace sitting on the sofa, glugging wine and half watching TV.
@Adventuresat40
Bloody football ruining plans, how disappointing, but well done on not caving, hope the headaches disappear soon.

Not easy this, is it? We're all navigating our way through and doing amazingly well, let's not forget that.
Have a lovely Saturday all - off to Tesco soon (living the dream )
Soph

Morning all about to read through and catch up on the thread as I'm a few days behind !
Happy hangover free Saturday morn big to you all.
I could feel a knot of anxiety in my stomach this morning - maybe something to do with England today playing later - it's definitely a trigger for me to go out drinking . Hoping to enjoy the game at home alcohol free . Anyway I took myself out for a run at 8am blasted some of my favourite music and I feel 100x better ! If anyone is thinking of doing couch to 5k I would say go for it - you never regret going for a run.
Yesterday evening was lovely here we sat on our new patio and something was missing so myself and dh had a lemon san pelligrino in a wine glass haha was very refreshing . Have a great weekend all off to catch up on the thread .

@Breathmiller don't be to hard on yourself with regards to treats I think we all need something to look forward to . I eat chocolate every evening .
I do dance in the kitchen so much more now - especially since lockdown i just let go of my inhibitions and went for it . We used to have a mid afternoon dance when we were all locked in all day - I have 3 young children. And I realised that it's the dancing that made me feel good not the alcohol . In a way that's kind of spurred me on to give alcohol free nights out a go .... I felt I needed alcohol to dance but have realised that actually I don't .
Anyway I digress - I think having plans for the next day instead of the evening is a good way to have something to look forward to as well .
Sorry to hear about your birthday @Adventuresat40 I'm sure you can make it a good one anyway x