The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Checking in. I did it! I went to my sister's birthday drinks and remained AF.
On the train home surrounded by drunk people which is weird as I would usually be one of them.

Huge well done Adventures that’s such a biggie! Your sister and others ok with your decision? Most importantly did you enjoy it?
Well done avoiding the wine aisle VivianK with such a great distraction technique. sorry to hear your DC had a tough time but pleased to hear they’re through it now. Don’t want to derail too much but family life does affect drinking and vice versa doesn’t it?
We’ve got friends coming to stay tonight who are pretty big drinkers and I think will be shocked that I’m AF. I’m actually not at all worried about it. I’m more concerned about DD as they’re bringing their eldest boy who’s never been nice to DD. So if she doesn’t go to the party (she may yet change her mind) she’ll want to hide in her room all night to avoid him. They’ve not seen each other for a couple of years so it may be ok but she’ll be anxious at the thought. Again, I’m so pleased I’m AF as I can prioritise her whereas I’d usually prioritise the drinking with friends. And it’d be the drinking element.

Morning lovelies!
Well done to all of us on here. Whether we're finding it easy, struggling, having a blip, whatever. It's hard, what we're doing and every day we manage is a huge achievement. We need to just keep going one day (or hour sometimes) at a time.
I had a challenge a couple of days ago - was my birthday and had adult DCs and their partners round. We had a lovely evening, I supplied wine and beer for the others and treated myself to a bottle of Nosecco. And it was fine, a couple of pangs of regret when I poured out the wine, but I played the tape to the end, and imagined getting up for work the next day with all the dread and hangover anxiety...and resisted. Best bit was giving DCs the left over beer and wine to take home, and going to bed sober. Later than usual, knew I would be tired the next day (I was) but pleased because the usual post birthday hangover wasn't on the cards. Fantastic. So, first big hurdle overcome. There are hurdles every day, big and small, but I'm trying hard not to project, just taking it as it comes.

I hope you all have lovely weekends. @StayingVigilant one of my DCs has MH issues, I just want to say I get it. There's nothing else to say. The school years, when the issues really started to become apparent, were horrendous, it broke my heart to have to support but not solve his awful pain. So, yeah, I get it. Now he's an adult he's on medication which has been a huge difference. We're not there yet, but things are better. Whoever said you're only as happy as your unhappiest child has it in a nutshell. When I'm strong enough I'll unpick why I drank like I did - I'm sure already I was self-medicating due to feeling like a worthless mum and a crap wife (hence the kids dad leaving us many years ago). It's all there, ready to examine - but I can't do that yet, too early for me.

Anyway, I'm rambling as usual, so I'll sign off and get ready for another day.

Friday! Yes, enjoy fellow soberers!
Look after yourselves. The support and checking in on here is vital to me.

Soph

Morning all - pleased to be clear headed to start my day off and maybe make some actual progress with the dreaded house jobs. I've been working from home since last March so no escape from the piles of stuff everywhere that I can't ever seem to get round to dealing with.

@Adventuresat40 - hope the party was lovely.
@StayingVigilant - fingers crossed you manage to navigate this evening - having friends round is quite hard as not easy to avoid having drink in the house plus good luck supporting your DD.

Have a lovely sober Friday all.

VivianK we always have lots of booze in the house as we’ve a wine fridge, beer fridge and rather large red wine rack plus a booze cabinet full of every flavour gin on the planet. Yet there’s only DH drinking plus any guests. Despite already being well stocked he bought more wine yesterday. I know they’re big drinkers but seriously. I’ve just counted over 100 bottles of wine. This is annoying me today yet it’s actually very very normal for us!

Crikey @StayingVigilant - I'm amazed at your ability to resist it. Maybe once I get a bit further down the road I will be able to but every time I have decided to go AF I have had to empty the house of all wine as it is far too much of a temptation for me. I can cope with having other drinks such as beer or spirits or even special bottles of champagne being saved for a special occasion but bog standard wine is my downfall. Maybe I need to think about that a bit more.

Plus DH and I combined have even less resolve than just one of us.

Anyway - planning a fish and chip dinner and telly this evening. Have a party tomorrow night too - am holding on to those memories of sober parties past to get me through.

Happy Freedom Friday folks.

Great to hear of all these moments that people are having of clarity.

I kind of feel like I'm just riding along with it at the moment with no bumps Not tempted at all. Don't feel I'm missing out. Don't want to necessarily fill that space with masses of unhealthy pleasure seeking alternatives (sugar and crisps can be my downfall especially on a Friday).

Don't get me wrong...I have had some treats because it's the end of a crazy week and I can kick back a little. But I'm not stuffing my face in a pissed off manner to compensate for the fact I can't stuff myself with alcohol. That's quite a revelation for me.

Birthday weekend for my youngest this weekend and I realised even though it will be busy, I don't have any anxiety about possibly (probably) over drinking. Jeez, it used to take up so much of my headspace.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Happy weekend all . Lovely reading all your posts .
I have my first night out tomorrow where Iv acknowledged that I'm going to be AF going forward .
It sounds silly but before when I wasn't drinking on a night out I wouldn't get ready how I would for a drinking night .... so I'm going to get glammed up for tomorrow as I would if I was drinking as I realise it's some of the appeal for me . I hope it goes ok . It seems the more you do the better it gets ... I hope so!
The karaoke night is picking up momentum with lots of talk of booze I really just want to pretend I'm drinking I don't want to stand out like a sore thumb! But I'm not giving into it .
Have a lovely Friday all and a fab Saturday morning waking up hangover free.

Checking in.

We had some bad new this week but surprisingly reaching for the bottle didn't cross my mind.

Possibly helped that when recieving said news I was holding a takeaway pizza which I immediately began to eat after the initial wailing.

Perhaps they should mention in recovery circles that everyone in your life is obligated to only break bad news when you're holding a pizza.

In fact, why am I being cryptic on an anonymous forum?! My friend had a small stroke and emergency surgery today. He is so lovely and has a lovely wife and 8 month old and they're some of the best and loveliest people we know. He's recovering so we're keeping out hearts crossed.

Sorry to hear about your dear friend @HangingOver I hope they make a full recovery. Very well done not reaching for a drink, that took strength and you did it.
Soph

@Hangingover - sending positive thoughts to you and your friend.

Miss Marple and a bowl of olives got me through this evening. Off to bed with my book.

Sending lots of love and strength to your friend, his family and you too hangingover - it sounds very scary.
AllHallowsEve definitely get glammed but whilst doing so make sure you’ve a nice glass of an AF drink & music on to get into the mood. I used to always have a glass of something whilst getting ready now it’s a nice tonic in a posh glass with ice & lemon with music blaring.
What a lovely post breathmiller! Hope your DC has a lovely birthday.
So my DD went to the party and had a good night despite ‘friends’ being awkward. I do think she’s wising up. They served Prosecco but she drove and abstained. She’s really not a drinker. She’s almost 18 but just not interested and long may that continue. At 15 I was in pubs ordering Malibu and pineapple. Crikey Malibu and pineapple!
Our friends arrived early afternoon and I drank alcohol free G&T all afternoon/evening but served them proper ones. No one noticed. The female guest has just said prior to bed that she feels a bit squiffy & the gin must have been strong (she probably doesn’t remember the four large glasses of wine that followed the G&Ts). I admitted Id been on no alcohol ones and not drunk for 6 months. I felt quite pleased that it’s gone totally unnoticed. We had a fun night and I didn’t think about drinking once. Was very happy with my fakes.
Happy weekend all x

Sorry for being away for so long! So good to see everyone here and hello all the new posters too. Well new to me anyway. Hope you’re all well. @Hangingover how awful for your friend and his family. How’s his recovery going?

I’m going to make a jug of coffee then read the whole thread. I’ve only gone a couple of pages back and I’m already in awe at the grace with which you’re all navigating life without alcohol and the insights you’re serving up whilst doing so.

My app tells me that I am on day 229. It’s my first dry summer, and there have been wobbly moments. I struggled on a lunch with friends that we hadn’t seen in ages, on a hot day in a beautiful restaurant courtyard. I promised myself that if I still felt like it tomorrow I’d think about a drink. Fortunately, by 5pm everyone except my dd and me were asleep on the sofas 😀 and I remembered what I’d be giving up if I went back. The tools that I’ve learned in this group continue to be so very useful. Thank you all, especially @Drybird2020 for creating and maintaining this great space.

Right. Off to make coffee and catch up on the thread. Back later

Every drink you don't have is a gift to her @StayingVigilant , it's what you can control and you are doing a good job.

Aw thank you cartooner

@Blackberryblossom great to hear from you with some tales of wisdom too! So true what you have said. So easy for a moment of madness to take hold of you tho isn't it I completely appreciate that.

Thanks everyone. He came through the surgery and is waiting for answers as to what they think caused it. Crossing everything.

Me and DP went to brunch this morning at 10.30 in the morning and Weatherspoons terrace was HEAVING with people with pints on the go. I do live in a seaside town where people holiday but my Christ even I thought that was too early and I'm a bloody alcoholic

@StayingVigilant - so glad your DD had a good party and the visiting friends did not shake your resolve. I was a Malibu and pineapple girl too - there were a lot of sweet and creamy cocktails - I'd feel a bit sick if I drank those now.

Thanks to not drinking last night I have had a really lovely day in my garden and am feeling good but apprehensive about my party tonight. A friend has suggested pre drinks at hers beforehand and no driving is involved so may struggle to resist the temptation.

But I can and will - we have a day out with family tomorrow to look forward to so don't want to ruin that with a headache and miserable outlook.

I'm not drinking this evening - will clutch my AF beer and hopefully enjoy myself.

Have a good evening all xxx

hangingover so pleased to hear your friend’s surgery was ok and hope that it’s now resolved the issue! Your comment on the 1030am drinking made me laugh!
vivianK hope you’ve taken more than 1 AF beer to enjoy. I’ve fingers and toes crossed that you’ve not only stayed AF but had a bloody good night!

@StayingVigilant - party survived without a slip. It was lovely but I did struggle a bit with the socialising as the music was very loud and I was trying not to get too close to people despite everyone being double vaxxed so I couldn't really get into the swing of speaking to new people. Luckily a few close friends were there so contented myself with talking to them and left quite early. Probably a good thing as DH was rather the worse for wear.

@HangingOver - 10.30 is quite bad but I too was completely shocked on one of the few occasions in recent years when we got a flight at 5 in the morning and people were knocking back the booze even then.

Have a lovely day all - getting a bit excited about the thought of filling out last day this week on drink free app

@Blackberryblossom - that is such a good tip about how to swerve a fleeting temptation. I will add that to my armoury.

@HangingOver - fingers crossed for your friend.

Morning all!

I hope your friend is ok @Hangingover and well done for staying AF. It would have been too easy to reach for the bottle.

I am on day 28 already, it has flown by! I have been doing that too @Blackberryblossom - if I want a drink I tell myself I can have it tomorrow and invariably I don't.

I had a nice time at my sister's drinks - there were 6 of us and I know the girls pretty well as they are my sister's old school friends, I lived at home until I was 25 and so I knew them as gawky teenagers. It was good to see them all again and was probably easier being AF than if I had been out with my usual drinking buddies.

Speaking of which, one of my closest friends (and one of said drinking buddies) managed to break her arm whilst drunk last week and has had to have surgery to fix it. She is self employed and so now worrying about money. If there was ever a wake up call... I hadn't yet told her about going AF but I have now and she wants to join me. We shall see whether she sticks to it once her arm has healed.

This weekend has been a quiet one for me. I had my second AZ vaccine on Friday and it has knocked me for six. I have a headache and feel dizzy, like I have drunk a bottle of wine actually 🙄 I felt fine after the first one.

It is my 40th birthday next week and I have a few things planned, mainly at my house. I have ordered plenty of AF gin and some nosecco, I kind of think it might be easier to be AF in my own home where I/ my DH will be making the drinks. DH and I are going out for a nice meal next Saturday and I think that will be the challenge - we would usually share a bottle of wine - I don't mind if he wants to drink but I know I will feel deprived. At this moment though I am telling myself I can have that wine if I want it on the night as I don't think there is any point wasting headspace debating it at the moment but on the day I will tell myself no, I am AF and wine will not add anything to the occasion.

A year ago today I woke up with my last hangover.
I just wanted that in black & white

I did dip in and out of these threads but I just couldn’t keep up with all the posts and who everyone was, so many people making the amazing change to go AF. So glad I found @Drybird2020 thread, the positive posts on here made me determined to quit too. To anyone in the early days, it does get easier!

Congratulations @Oldhabitsarehardtobreak
Amazing! Well done.

Friend now has bovine artery. God bless doctors (and cows).

I forgot to caveat...due to said alcoholism and be intensely phobic of flying I was ALWAYS shitfaced at the airport no matter what the time of day. but that was medicinal