The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

I am rather struggling today. I blame football as we are going to friends to watch the game and my friends love serving up unusual wines and specially made cocktails & look on us as drinking buddies.

So of course the old "just one" / ""you've done so well" etc has started in my head early today. I need to remember that I am not drinking today - anyone who can remind me again or give me some good ideas - please do.

Hi @VivianK how did you get on yesterday? I felt similar to you all day with the football being on . I stayed in didn't drink and was pleased to get into bed sober hearing the rain pouring down . Up fresh this morning and heading to a class at the gym. I weirdly enjoy driving through the town centre first thing and seeing all of the remnants from the night before .

Hi VivianK sorry, i didn't get on yesterday to answer you. How did you get on?

For me, in these tricky times, especially earlier on it was a case of one day at a time. "I can drink at any other football match I like, just not this one "

I am also taking to myself here too.

I am heading towards the year milestone and for the first time in a while am having real wobbles.

I just keep thinking that if I can do this past year so easily (for the most part) then surely that means I can actually moderate? Maybe I didn't have such a bad relationship with alcohol as I thought? (this is an out an out lie and I know it as I write it, in fact I think it was worse than I even admit). Maybe, i can be the kind of person who has just one small glass of something nice now and again? Is there anything wrong with getting pissed? Maybe I've made a mountain out of a molehill and would have started moderating more anyway as I get older? Why do I have to take things to extreme? Etc etc etc...

So many thoughts come into my head that I thought I had released.

Has anyone else had these wobbles when they are a bit further in? I have actually spent the last 4 years mostly off booze and in no way want to have to start again. I know fine I can't moderate. Maybe it's good to think that I don't want to moderate. It's a choice, not something forced on me because I'm too weak! Does that make sense? If it's my choice not to drink then it's much more empowering. It's not forced on me, I choose to be this better version of me.

I don't think I would actually act on any of these thoughts, they aren't cravings right now for booze, I think the habit is there to enjoy other drinks. Its almost like I have no desire to drink right now, but what about the future or long term? What if I want a drink at Christmas? Or when we go away for the weekend next weekend? Or, what if, what if, what if?

So, taking my own advice, I am back to releasing all these thoughts and worries for the future and just glad that I am not drinking for today. And as I teach again and again, the present moment is the only one available to us.

And I am so glad that it is Sunday and I don't have either a hangover from Saturday or even a second day hangover from my Friday night. This is what I need to hold on to. Not the drinking "fun" part but the crippling hangovers and anxiety that that brought. It's all too easy to forget the reason I am doing this.

Hope Sunday treats you all well.

That ended up longer than I thought and a bit like a self therapy monologue. I've managed to talk myself out of the thought of going back to drinking.

Yesterday didn't go well but didn't go disastrously.

Thank you for the advice on how to avoid these bumps in the road - you are right. Today - I'm not drinking.

Morning everyone.
I need to catch up properly and read the last few posts. Ive seen @Breathmiller ‘s posts regarding greets and I’ve also been wondering this. My treats are unhealthy foods. The thing with treats is that if we have them too often they become less of a treat and perhaps a habit. Like a Friday night drink. Treats become normalised and habitual. So we really need to choose something that feels special

Morning VivianK sorry to hear it wasn't so good but glad you can see it wasn't a disaster. It's good to not catastrophuse things. Something I'm learning a bit better as I get older. Do you want to say why it wasn't great?
No pressure if you don't.

stayingvigilant yes, you're right about things that should be kept as a treat become all too consuming and habitual. Like wine every night or crisps every day. You've reminded me that I used to eat crisps every day, it was a terrible habit and I aways wanted to stop that almost as much as booze. And I have moderated that. Apart from the odd time (as a treat) crisps are a Friday night treat. And that's okay. Maybe letting my hair down with crisps or sweets or puddings or pizza on a Friday night isn't as bad after all.

I think it’s about being kind to ourselves. Changing that critical voice in our heads to a kinder but caring voice. Maybe ‘treating’ ourselves to kinder words and telling ourselves how blooming amazing we are!

Yes!! Again, something I teach with private clients and with my kids, in fact I had this very conversation with my young son today when he said he was ugly. I asked him if he would speak to anyone else like that and he said "no of course not!" Well don't speak to yourself like that, you are listening. It starts witb ourselves. But I need reminded of it again and again.

I have a couple of days off this weekend and am enjoying not having anything to do or plan for.
And I found myself saying a few times out loud to dh "I am so lazy" then I reframed that "actually, I'm not lazy. I have had a mad busy 2 months, I am in the sandwich generation of having children and parents to look after, I am going through the menopause and a few health issues. I AM NOT LAZY! I am enjoying some well deserved rest and recuperation"

@Breathmiller enjoy your rest . I could have written your long previous post I have been questioning my choice to give up completely . I like the way you have put it that it's actually my "choice" not something that's forced on me . If I tell myself I CANT drink alcohol it starts a whole thing off in my head . Whereas if I say today I'm choosing not to it feels very different. I myself have been questioning also why do I take things to extreme - can't just moderate have to declare myself completely alcohol free. This was the same with drinking tho too ....binges and always going too far . Drinking more than anyone else never wanting the night to end . Now complete sobriety not just moderating now and then.
I too am thankful it's Sunday no hangover - I suffer terribly and they last days - .
Thanks for your post .
@VivianK I think take each day as it comes and as @Breathmiller put it see it as a choice not something your forcing onto yourself.

Hi everyone, I've not really posted on this thread but did on the previous one. Good to see so many more people joining such a supportive thread! I'm going to go back and have a read of this one.

Today I have reached one year alcohol free- I nearly didn't notice!

Just wanted to say a massive thank you to the many of you who have inspired me along the way breathmiller bunnies cartooner hangingover drybird and others Even though I don't post often I think of you all and wonder how you are doing. Am so grateful to you and your strength of spirit for this thread.

I haven't even had a thought that I could drink moderately now as I can see the benefits of not drinking at all, and, well, as I've been alcohol free I've not been practicing moderating so have no evidence I could do it 😬

When I was around 3 months AF my dc started a new hobby that involves me trudging after them several nights a week and early hours at the weekend, no way would I have managed that when drinking, which was 'moderately'.

And my DH has been unwell since the start of the year and still recovering- I just feel so much more present for both of them and for life in general.

I'm so glad that I've had this past year of better health.

Keep going everyone!

@Breathmiller - had a couple of glasses of wine. I have reached the stage where the anticipation is far more exciting than the actual thing itself and then there is the temptation to drink more in case the next one turns out to be better - which of course it isn't.

So dumb how our minds can play tricks on us.

sorry - posted too soon. I resisted the temptation to keep going in search of the elusive "perfect" drink. I remember a similar feeling when I gave up smoking many years ago.

It doesn't exist does it.

Hello @100PercentMe, how absolutely lovely to see you again! Many congrats on your soberversary.

I'm just back from my second sober summer holiday and very nice it was too. @Breathmiller I hope the therapeutic posting helped. And I hear you. I think for anyone who has ever had an alcohol problem it's never going to go away and we will find bumps in the road at unexpected points. I don't have any answers but I think it's why in AA and similar one is always 'recovering' or 'in recovery', never 'recovered'. However strong we get, however committed to an alcohol free life, however happy with it...it will always be there and we have to be careful.

I think the Euros have been a bit triggering for me, and I see I am not alone. I've been drinking alcohol-free beer which I haven't done for ages, and have eaten more crisps than I thought possible.

100percentme that's fabulous to hear you are at a year!! Well done you! And great to hear that you have so many benefits to it. Huge Congratulations!

viviank well done for understanding where you were with it at the time. These times that we do drink really serve us well as a reminder why we don't drink. After I did my 18 months dry a few years ago, I decided to go back and moderate. But spectacularly failed at that when lockdown came especially. I have times when i get annoyed at myself for breaking that streak and think I could have been dry for over 4 years now if I hadn't lost it. But it's not about a number really (although its a good incentive to celebrate soberversaries - whether one day or one year) it's about what I learned from the experience. And I learned that I am better without alcohol in my life. So, lesson learned and onwards and upwards.

Drybird yes, that makes sense. It's like a yoga or meditation daily practice. We call it a practice because we are constantly practising. We don't achieve it and it's done. And if I don't practice for a few days and feel crap then I see it as a learning curve and look at what the experience in the body and mind is. Then I can take these experiences and learn from them.

So, yes, there will be bumps in the road, that's life, but I will keep recovering and practising, and exploring what they both bring to my life.

These threads are so great. I really don't think I would manage this so easily without them.

Hello all, I hope it's ok to join you :-). This is completely new to me .. not trying to stop drinking but talking about it with others. I have just turned 50 and have decided enough is enough .. I need to take control of my life. I have joined the gym this morning and booked some evening classes, hoping that will replace the habit that is reaching for a glass or 6 of wine. I use (used to use) alcohol to 'help' if I'm down (yes I realise it actually doesnt) and to reward myself with .. this can be anything from celebrating the fact I got through a day ending in a Y! Have been reading through your posts and they are making me think I can do it too, so thank you :-).

Ah THIS is thread I've been looking for!

I've found my people

I wanted to cut down on alcohol and have done for about 3-4 weeks now. I went from drinking way too much most nights to drinking just twice in the last 3-4 weeks and now I've come to the realisation that I don't want to cut down, I want to quit completely.
The two days I did drink, I hated it. It tasted disgusting, I felt numb, remembered little and felt like shit the next day.
So why would am I doing it at all?!

So this is it. I quit.

I'm reading (or listening to on audio) loads of quit lit which is helping so much.

Congrats on the PP above, a year! That's amazing!

Any emergency tips for this evening?

I’ve been doing really well for the past week, but all of a sudden I have this huge craving for wine this evening.

For me two things really help.

Eating - when I'm hungry the urge for wine starts to approach.

And hypnotherapy. I just find one on YouTube, type in "alcohol hypnosis" and a bunch will come up.
It's a great way to chill out and you will feel better after.
I personally only like the UK voices so you might have to search through the first 2-3 to find one that is, if that's your preference too.

But key is eating.

bookaholic one of the tips on here I found really helpful, and still do, is to 'play the video forward to the end' -picture yourself having and finishing the glass of wine.
You'd probably notice you took a big relaxing sigh and felt relaxed already right before lifting the glass to your mouth, for a start! (A fallacy that alcohol genuinely relieves stress).
Then, fast forward to the end, you've finished the wine, how do you feel- wonderful? A bit crappy?
And the next morning how would you feel- pleased that you'd had the wine? A bit groggy? Etc.

Also, what could you do re self- care or relaxation instead- read a book as your user name suggests?Or read the previous threads, they are full of tips and inspiration. X

Hey guys haven’t been on this thread for ages but just wanted to say well done @100PercentMe on your one year milestone🤩🤩🤩 That’s amazing.

Everything is a bit overwhelming for me at the moment (work mostly) but I’m so glad not to be drinking, it would only make things worse.

Thanks so much everyone.
I’ve taken a bath, tried to read (can’t focus) and failed at meditation for the same reason.

I’m trying to watch tv too. Journaling is my next port of call

bookaholic I've been there, probably drank also 3x bottles of wine, if not a bit more a week, too. I remember those first days of poor concentration, fatigue, stress, headache, crappiness. BUT it passes, honestly. Your body is floundering slightly before going yippee and re-calibrating itself
I found the Sober Up app brilliant as it told me on a day by day and week by week etc basis how my body was benefitting without alcohol- it really kept me going. As did the Allen Carr and Jason vale books.
Take care x

Well done bookaholic
I get you about the concentration levels when that craving strikes. It does get easier though.

I has meant to answer you earlier and say that I find it useful to go somewhere else in the house. So, if you usually sit in front of the tv with a glass of wine, then go to bed to read. Or in the garden. Or, my favourite, in the bath.

It's funny, i have done some big renovations in the last year, knocked a wall down between my living room and kitchen. And the kitchen table set up now is very different and I've realised I've never drank alcohol in this setting. So it broke the association of my Friday night place at the table. Side on leaning against the wall quaffing far too much wine. I don't have that space (or wall) anymore. Might be extreme but can we put knocking a wall down into the collective tool box?

Change something up.

Congrats @100PercentMe delighted for you!! Well done!!