The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

viviank well done on your successful day.

All these days where we are successful just keep reiterating to your brain how you can do this. Every day you manage, your brain gives you a little high five and that internal cheerleading goes a long way.

Bunnies mentioned giving herself treats as a celebration at milestones earlier and that's a great way to give yourself a boost, especially earlier on.

Another way that worked for me was I put a gold star on my phone calender at the end of a dry day. I know there are specific apps but I enjoyed the simplicity of that. Then I realised I would put the star at the beginning of the day because I knew that I would easily get through the day without a drink. Then I got to the stage where I didn't feel the need for it and hadn't done it for a while now. But I really enjoyed that wee boost and seeing the gold stars mounting up.

Funny, because even with 4 children I've never done the sticker chart system but it does show that we need to have, and be our own, cheerleaders in life. And whatever helps you through is good.

Now, I get a wee dopamine hit and an inner high five each month around the time of my milestone. I will be hitting a year in early August and I might do something to celebrate it. Any ideas or suggestions welcome.

@VivianK, I know what you mean re quit lit. I've always found the authors a bit... privileged, if I'm honest. Obviously not in terms of their relationship with alcohol or mental health. And I guess it's helpful to see how even someone with a house in Fulham (sober diaries), a rock star lifestyle (unexpected joy of being sober), someone who is the youngest director in a large, successful company's history (This Naked Mind), or someone who has a holiday home in the tropics (Allen Carr) can be just as vulnerable to alcoholism. But yeah...not always the most relatable to most people, (including me, and I'm not exactly broke)!

Anyway, I like the star system. I might try that in a paper diary or calendar.

Urgh I'm suuuuuuch a poor-weather friend.

Checking in for a handhold, all snively.

Literally only because of waking up way too early and double dosing on caffeine. Feel sleepy and wired and tearful in terrifying reminiscence of hungover/comedown anxiety after being awake all night that usually had eating benzos like sweets. Like all addicts, have total inability to "sit with" uncomfortable feelings without reaching for something soothing, in manner of four year old. Considered wine briefly at 4.30am. Luckily is day off so am sitting in garden staring blankly at the bunnies and probably freaking them out. Hugs and love to all the regulars...I'm going to read back all your updates.

@Hangingover I am here with a handhold.

I tell myself that so long as I haven't drunk alcohol, everything else is Ok and manageable - does that help at all?

I have also been feeling really shit past few days. I think I am going to write it all down. All the things that are "wrong" and then give myself a bloody good talking to.

You seem to feel guilty about wanting to be soothed "in the manner of a four year old" but maybe that is just what you need. I didn't really have a childhood, so, on therapists advice, I sometimes talk to "little me" in the way a normal loving parent might speak to a child, like I spoke/speak to my children. I reassure her that everything will be OK and that she IS good enough, actually she's pretty bloody wonderful! Give yourself a hug. Blankie on sofa, watch some shit tv, have a nap?

Re quit lit - yes I couldn't identify with Catherine Grey at all - she seemed to have a very privileged life and spent all her time shagging around, which just isn't me.

I did empathise more with Annie Grace, probably the best quit lit I have read. Jason Vale seemed obsessed with dancing on tables til dawn.....yawn.

I loved loved loved the Thursday Murder Club book. A new one is released in the autumn and I can't wait. Will give House of Trelawny a try. Am currently reading Dostoevsky The Brothers Karamazov (downstairs) and Voltaires Candide (upstairs) both very funny books, although I appreciate they may not sound like it

Feel awful today. Blue Nytol worked but I didn't wake up until gone 9am and felt sluggish until about midday.

Sorry to hear you’re having a down day @HangingOver seems a few of us have felt quite crappy the last few days. I’m blaming the weather. How’s the play going?
@VivianK I always thought the 21st June was midsummer? Need to go google. But I’m also now wondering if you’re overseas somewhere tropical and at the beginning of summer? I’m cross it’s midsummer as it feels like summer hasn’t even started yet but already half way over. Told you I was grumpy and pessimistic! I’m hoping you’re right vivianK and I’m wrong. 2nd day of summer such a nicer idea than the nights already getting shorter.

I did have a decent childhood but also self soothe by talking kindly to myself in a gentle parent to child manner. I spent yesterday hibernating on the sofa watching crap tv eating crap and feeling sorry for myself. Really needed it. We should never feel guilty about treating ourselves kindly!

Thank lads. It's SO hard to do kind self talk isn't it, even when you're constantly kind to others.

I agree re. Catherine Grey's books, her recovery involved a lot more holidays and horse riding than mine. I identify more with Bryony Gordon even though she's another member of the pony club...I feel like CG even when she's talking about her worst moments still tries to keep up the cool/rock and roll chick thing a bit, but Bryony just GOES THERE, all the ugliness.

I've done NOTHING all day. I did an hour of online hip-hop dance (so badly) and put the bunnies house on a fresh patch of lawn. Other than that, it's just been eating crisps. Play hasn't started yet Staying Rhersals start next week and I haven't learnt ANY words yet!

Waving to Bunnies bunnies bunnies

I sometimes talk to "little me" in the way a normal loving parent might speak to a child, like I spoke/speak to my children

That sounds nice.

Little Hanging, just potter about and drink tea and tomorrow it'll all seem better ❤️

@Hangingover - I've not heard of Bryony Gordon but have googled her and she is definitely pony club. Maybe I should plan a pony trekking holiday later in the summer as an incentive, probably the most exciting holiday that any of us is likely to have this year. Are the bunnies able to assist in your self soothing by being cuddly and friendly or are they scary and inscruitable like my friend's rabbit?

@StayingVigilant - I too always thought 21 June was midsummer but according to Met Office it is first day of summer and as you say is good to think that I am starting summer on a positive note and have not already frittered half of it away with mindless drinking.

Anyway - just launching myself into the evening which often can be tricky. Am feeling ok and looking forward to next chapter of the House of Trelawney. (Also enjoyed Thursday Murder Club)

I’m definitely losing the plot here. I just thought ‘ooh Thursday Murder Club, that sounds good’ go look it up only to realise it’s the Richard Osman book I finished last week. See what I mean about the kindle and not seeing a title/author all the time?
hanging I think doing nothing is absolutely essential. Im guessing your bunnies aren’t wild ones but pets? Im also wondering how cuddly they are as that can be very therapeutic. I watched back to back episodes of ‘Time’ yesterday. Made my middle child walk the dog (and wash the mud from him) before stealing him for cuddles in front of the tv. Also made my youngest get the train home albeit I did scoop her up from the station as it was pouring. My major problem with this type of day off is that I eat so very very much! But feel so much better for it today. Do hope your day off has the same result.
@socalledfriend what time did you take the blue nytol? Maybe it was a bit late? I know with melatonin it carries on working for 10 hours, so should really be taken 8/9pm, so it’s out of your system before wake up time.

Thanks for the tip!

I am planning to take it much earlier tonight - I took it at around 10pm last night as I went to bed.

Sorry you're feeling shite hangingover . Good to hear from you though.

I think 4 year olds have it sussed. They know they feel crap, they don't want to try too hard to think why they feel crap they just want to feel better. So they soothe themselves with what they know will help. Cuddles, lie down, rocking movements to the body. And parents also do what they can to soothe the 4 year old...cuddles and love, distraction , make a den and get in all safe and sound...and a favourite of mine, throw them in the bath.

All great things to help soothe away the troubles of life. And none of this fake soothing that happens with alcohol, it soothes for a moment but then it lies to us and poisons us and does the exact opposite.

So, be that 4 year old! Lets learn from the experts at self soothing.

Do something fun to distract yourself (make a blanket fort 😁), wallow for a bit (bed or duvet and movie) , move the body (run, walk, yoga) or throw yourself in water.

Hope everyone is feeling better soon.

It's been a scorchio day here and I have had a day off. Its been lovely. I hope those who have the blues get a similar day soon.

The good thing is that everything is always changing so these down days won't last forever.

Sadly the bunnehs are antisocial and easily frightened but cute enough to be worth is title for my autobiography right there

I might be biased towards Bryony as like her I also have OCD and I learned SO much from her about the interaction between alcohol and mental health. And as I say, she doesn't sugar-coat anything to make herself sound better, it's a really tough read/listen at time.

Another on the privileged side but oh so moving memoir is You Left Early but I warn you it is TOUGH. Really tough. It'll break your heart but it's absolutely beautiful too.

And Rachel's Holiday (fiction), obviously. For days.

In fact I'm re-listening to This Charming Man, also by Marian Keyes, and there's an alcoholic character in that too...there's a scene where she's picked up drunk and injured in Cricklewood and can't fathom how or why she got there. And I was like...I know 🤪 It's where the bus garage is. So if you fall asleep in a drunken heap on a bus in West London, there's a chance you'll end up in Cricklewood! Ive done it 😂🤦‍♀️

Oh you're a wise one Breathmiller ❤️

Buried under duvet, ordering Thai takeaway.

That really is lovely breathmiller
Duvet & Thai 🥰

@Hangingover I have never ended up in Cricklewood but I did fall asleep on the tube - the circle line- fortunately it goes quite close to the surface near Farringdon and my phone rang at that point which woke me up. Four hours I was on that tube. My poor DH (boyfriend then) was frantic because I messaged to say I was getting on the tube, home soon, then passed out. He still married me though, crazy guy, and I was still pulling shit like that 12 years on.

^this is why I cannot drink. I cannot go out and leave my DH worrying at home about the state I will be in when I get back (and if I will get back, I usually do - it is a joke that I have homing instincts - but I do worry there will come a time when I just won't make it). I NEVER go out with the intention of getting shitfaced but I do, usually only a couple of times a year but that is a couple of times too many and if anything the episodes are getting worse. I can't risk that first drink.

I hope you are having a better day.

Evening all. Checking in to say that I am not drinking today.

A few tiny thoughts have been slipping into my mind this evening - it's like my subconcious is limbering up for a big push tomorrow (I work part time so Thursday is like Friday for me). Those thoughts that say "Just one won't hurt", "you've worked hard - you deserve it" - Hmm. Go away pls - I'm not interested today.

Am off for walk and then half watching footie. Then reading book which is going v well and reminding me how great reading is for sending you off to sleep

Hope the blanket curry experience was all you hoped for @Hangingover

@Adventuresat40 I was the same . Can't go out for a couple of drinks it always had to go too far. Since kids it was only a few times a year but that was just too much. The hangovers were crippling . I had sepsis after my third baby and when I was really poorly in HDU I realised I felt like I had a hangover - that felt like a bit of a wake up call. I tend to blackout on nights out too no idea what I have done .
I have had nearly two years now AF . I had one glass recently drank a whole pint of soda water with it and still felt crap for three days after . This led me to explore more why I drink and I have learned so much . I had been avoiding all nights out purely because I didn't want to drink or plan for a week long hangover .
Iv got my first "proper" night out Saturday . I'm really looking forward to getting dressed up and going out . I still have the tempting thoughts in my brain too and the euros being on is quite a big trigger for me but I'm really pushing to experience some nights without drinking and realise that I can do it .

Morning all. Checking in today again - hope you don't mind me doing this - it is a helpful discipline for me to tell someone every day that I'm not drinking today.

@Allhallowseve - I had a long period AF a few years ago now and one thing I really grew to love was sober nights out. I found that if you drink something like AF beer or tonic in a gin type glass most people don't even notice that you aren't drinking but you certainly will. Its so nice to go to bed and be able to remember every thing that happened (good and bad) and wake up the next day with good memories rather than worrying about whether you might have said something to upset someone.

I once went to a wedding and at the end of the evening was just getting in the car to drive a load of people home when a friend said - wait you can't you've been drinking. She didn't realise that I'd been on water the whole time and didn't believe I could have joined in with all the raucous singing and dancing without being drunk.

I have a lovely memory of that day and many others during that time as opposed to numerous other nghts out that ended at best with me nodding off on a sofa somewhere or at worst with several days of "beer fear".

Have a lovely day ladies - enjoy the sunshine.

Checking in.

Thai was incredible. So spicy head nearly blew off.

I NEVER go out with the intention of getting shitfaced but I do, usually only a couple of times a year but that is a couple of times too many and if anything the episodes are getting worse

I used to do this at least weekly. And back in the day used benzos constantly which meant I remembered absolutely nothing the next day.

I had a really shock moment when listening to one of the quit lit books and they talked about benzos and booze and how rohypnol is a benzo....and I realised I was actually roofying myself every time I went out. Was ridiculous.

Feel a bit blue after driving lesson today. Seems unfair to pay someone 45 quid to criticize you for 90 minutes. Even if he did yell excellent swearwords out the window to people who were being unsafe.

He called an old lady who nearly drove into me a "bloody stupid wench" which I thought was rather good.

I think checking in here just helps to be accountable doesn’t it.
I thought of you all today as I was crying on the way to meet friends. I was very much using my reassuring voice to my 4 year old self. My eldest DD has MH issues and is being bullied again. She’s decided not to go to a leaving party as she’s zero friends. It makes me so very very sad that I’m so impotent to help. The reassuring voice telling me ‘it’s all going to be ok’ and that I’ve a much better relationship with her now I’m AF.
After I’ve picked my youngest one up I will have an AF beer. I still haven’t quite lost that link.

Wench is a most excellent word!!

@StayingVigilant I am so sorry for your DD. I don't really know what to say except that it's so true that once you are a parent, you are only ever as happy as your unhappiest child

I have a nice quiet weekend which is great as I have an important (internal) job interview next week. At least I don't have to worry about stressing out so much I get really drunk the night before, and then have to try to perform whilst horrifically hung over....

@StayingVigilant - so hard to see your teens struggle. One of my DC seemed to be in a friendship wilderness from about 13-18 - was always on the edge of things and didn't fit in but has come through it and found their tribe. Am assuming it is a leaving school party - could you organise an alternative treat for her and you to take her mind off it (assuming she would come)?

Pleased to report another successful day - felt knackered after work but forced myself to go out and meet an old friend for a coffee which did the trick of supressing the not very helpful voice in my head that would have suggested a quick trip to the wine aisle.