The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Morning sober lovelies

Going to pick up a good Vit B complex today @Drybird2020 thanks for the reminder. Was taking some I found lurking in the back of the cupboard, but they're out of date. Am wondering about Milk Thistle? Any advice anyone?

Have a good day all. Raining here, but should dry up later.

Glad some of you are going out and socialising without the worry of drinking, you're right, it is liberating.

Enjoy your Sober Saturday!
Soph

I looked into milk thistle a while back and decided not to bother as the research was inconclusive.
www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/milk-thistle-benefits-and-side-effects

Thanks @StayingVigilant

I used to take milk thistle before and after going on a bender - no idea if it worked but it made me feel better about drinking

Thank you for the reminder re B vitamins @Drybird2020 I am going to get some for my dad too.

My dad and his drinking is a strange one. He is not addicted and in the past 18 months has had at least two periods of 10 weeks of not touching a drop.
I am mainly a social drinker. Never drink alone. However, I think I used socialising as an excuse and often ended up going for drinks after work with a random bunch who I wasn't great friends with - looking back, probably just so I could have a drink.
My dad is the same. He used to drink every day - stopping in at the pub for a couple of hours on the way home from work. Once retired he continued going to the pub at 5pm - his friendship group that he built up during his working years petered out, they retired and started spending time with their families, my dad didn't. My parents are still married but live separate lives, my mum lives by the sea (with another man! My family is dysfunctional 😂) but my dad doesn't care, as long as he has his pub. He drinks with whoever is in the pub, he doesn't have any friends.
He is getting on a bit now and is looking old. His memory is going too and he is becoming difficult.

I see him and want to change. I could definitely lose my DH over my drinking but at the same time he does not understand that to control it I have to completely stop, he cannot understand why I can't moderate.

I slept a bit better last night. Will use the nytol again tonight.

My dad was alcoholic and 4/5 of his DC have issues with alcohol. The only one who doesn't has severe epilepsy and absolutely cannot drink. He was a publican so it was very easy for him to drink from when he got up until he went to bed. He died of liver disease aged 73. He spent the last year of his life in and out of hospital, as soon as he felt well enough he would discharge himself and go straight back to the pub. When I cleared out his flat I remember finding loads of Imodium and thinking "Oh that will be handy, I suffer badly that way." and although I made the connection, I just buried it.

Lovely to hear everyone is doing so well.

I have told myself I will by myself something (part of a collection, could go on for years) really lovely that I want but do not need, every month I stay dry. I can't post what as it's a bit outing potentially. I just thought I would share as it might help other posters.

So as I reach Month 1, my order is in and every time I see or use the things I will remember I got them because I am sober.

Lots of people drink in a social setting like you/your dad @Adventuresat40. I was the opposite - soft drinks when out, then opening a bottle alone when I got home after. Catherine Gray talks a lot about this in her book, how she would beg people at work, just anyone to go to the pub with her, and they'd all get plastered and suddenly she had all these new drinking buddies - but when she got sober, she realised all they had in common was the drink. She talks about how true friendships take time to form and are more authentic, and one or two of those are worth loads of fellow drinkers who just happen to have the same addiction as her.

Sounds like your dad is lonely, so the pub represents his social life, and drinking is just part of that. It would be great if he could get to the point where he can still have the pub, the fun, with a Blue Becks or something AF, because that is so doable, but he's probably hardwired into thinking the drink is the thing that's fun, when actually it is the company.

Hope you get your DH on board. Moderating is far harder, virtually impossible for those of us who are so far down the road. "Normies" don't get it, they don't have to. We need to be a bit selfish - we need to do this for us. I have a birthday coming up, and friends coming over, and I won't drink - those that matter respect this without question. The few friends that also like a lot to drink are a bit sniffy, but like I said before, I think it's holding up a mirror to their drinking and they don't like the image!
I didn't get milk thistle - I'll see how I go on a really good B complex I just bought. I'm feeling loads better physically, and the dull occasional ache in my liver area has gone (took about 2 weeks from quitting).
Keep going everyone, we've got this.
Soph

Glad you got a better night's sleep @socalledfriend, it makes such a difference.
Soph

Hopping on the thread please! I lost my mum to alcoholism a few years ago and although my drinking isn't abnormal, I know I have the predisposition where I could easily go too far with it.

Also, I'm on a health kick and alcohol does nothing for my health (obviously). So it's a good time to do it.

I have a big event next week, where friends will be drinking, so that will be a challenge. I read somewhere that it's good to start socialising without alcohol as soon as is safely possible, so maybe it's a good thing.

Will get some vitamins etc today.

Hi @SpinbikeNotebook welcome you will get so much help here .
Have you tried reading any books I have found that's really helped me to do a bit of soul searching around why I drink in the first place .

Joining the thread please. I have had a bad relationship with alcohol for many years. In the last few years I cut down dramatically, and the past few months quit completely. I have no desire to drink at the moment ,and I hope it continues like this. I think what has helped is I have really change the way I view alcohol, it is so glamourised in our society.

Thanks @Allhallowseve.

Yes, I've read the Catherine Grey book, mentioned a few posts ago. Also This Naked Mind, the Allen Carr one and The Sober Diaries. I've got another one on my Kindle to read. It's called Sober Positive and honestly, I just downloaded it, as it is free on Kindle Unlimited at the moment . I also might reread This Naked Mind, as I found that one really good before.

Hello @HotWeather! Well done on not drinking the past few months. Hope I can say the same soon

I’m 6 months AF!! So pleased with myself!
Welcome newbies. It’s a great thread with lots of support.

Yay!!! Well done stayingvigilant

6 months is amazing. 🥳🎊🎊
I always think your name being on here is such a great reminder to us all.

Welcome newbies. I can recommend reading back. I did when I first joined. So much wisdom, kindess and laughter.

Amazing @StayingVigilant
Such an inspiration to us a few months behind you.
You should be very proud

Hi newbies! This is such a supportive thread, I hope you find it as helpful as I do.

Soph

Hello all!!! @StayingVigilant WELL DONE GREAT ACHIEVEMENT!

welcome newbies!

@socalledfriend it’s a great idea to treat yourself! As the old hands on this thread know, I am prone to treating myself at milestones😅 Having said that, now that I am further along I no longer feel the need to treat myself so much, but in the early days it really kept me going!

Just marking my place here to remind myself that today I am not going to drink. The first day of summer seems like a good place to start (again).

Hoping for a summer of loving myself a little bit more and I know that you lovely ladies will be good company

Amazing working @StayingVigilant - 6 months is a huge achievement.

I am really enjoying all of the quitlit too @SpinbikeNotebook - I also read all of these threads which was very useful for real life experience (I feel like a stalker though!).

Another weekend in the bag but a challenge coming up this Thursday - it is my sister's birthday. She is 30, single and a party animal (carbon copy of me at that age) but I think she is coming round to cutting down/ out alcohol - she is having drinks at a fancy London bar. I thought I would be able to swerve it due to the restrictions not being eased this week which means numbers are limited to 6. But no. She wants me to come. She knows I am not drinking and one of her friends is pregnant so I shan't be alone but isn't it awful that my first thought was that she would prefer a drinker to take my place? I probably would have done at that age.

We met up with my dad at his pub last night for Father's Day. Christ, it was depressing. My dad is just a shadow of his former self. I was talking to my sister about giving up drinking saying that I feared I would end up like dad and she said the same. She drinks most days. I have sent her the Catherine Grey book. I wish I had given up at 30!

Having a down day today.

Taking green Nytol isn't helping so am going to chemist today in search of something stronger. I have been using meditation but just as I was nodding off last night, one of the DC called at 11ish with a problem, and then I was awake, mentally problem solving, until about 2.

I haven't done any work today (boss doesn't appear to have noticed thankfully) and am feeling blue and just meh.

At least I am not drinking though eh?

Just dropping in to remind myself that I'm not drinking this evening.

@socalledfriend - I have struggled with sleep in the past when I stopped drinking for a while. I haven't found any solution to it and totally empathise with how frustrating it is - especially being woken up just when nodding off.

I'm planning to start reading an actual book today - something that has slipped since I have been working at home (I used to read on the train). Definately trying to steer clear of looking at any kind of computer or device after 10.30pm.

That's a good tip re screens. Tricky if you need to be contactable, but I've been putting my phone on flight safe mode over night, as nobody really needs to contact me then anyway, as I don't have grown up children or anything. I've got a Kindle which I've been really enjoying. Might try and turn my flight safe mode on a bit earlier tonight and read my Kindle instead.

What are you reading @VivianK? Anything good? I'm flitting between nonfiction (quit lit and some nutrition ones and also some books about personal style and fashion) and some trashy page turners!

I get the opposite problem when I stop drinking, as for some reason I have zero energy and want to sleep a lot! I think not being able to sleep must be worse though. So frustrating

@socalled friend sorry to hear you aren't sleeping . I can't remember if you said previously but do you exercise much ? I find that exercising really helps to regulate my sleep . As does going to bed and getting up at roughly the same time everyday if that's possible .?

@socalledfriend

I’ve also had a meh day today. Feeling grumpy and tearful and tired. The blooming incessant drizzle hasn’t helped. I’m thinking it’s hormonal and need to call the GP and look at HRT. I’m hoping the GP asks me how many units I drink - for once I won’t be lying and pretending it’s within ok limits. Be amazing to say none for 6 months!
I’m also going to turn my phone to silent earlier and read my kindle. I’m a little way into Huggie Bain - I think it’s called that. May be triggering for some though as the mother is an alcoholic. The problem with a kindle is you forget the author & title as you don’t see it all the time like a normal book. I finished Richard Osman’s book recently, which was very readable and easy going. I also recently enjoyed Universe versus Alex Woods.

I'm a bit meh today also, so empathise with you.
It's the weather for me, really cold here and drizzly and dull.
But we're not drinking. So even if we're meh tomorrow, we won't be meh with all the hangover, fear, etc.

I love my Kindle, have always been a bookworm. Am an English teacher, it's in my blood! I devour books, high lit, rubbish, horror (love Stephen King with a passion). I'm constantly amazed at the kids I teach, when we have a reading lesson and they moan and sigh, and 'fake' read their books. They see reading as a chore, not pleasure (not all of them but certainly about 70% of them). Saddens me.

Keep going lovelies, we've got this.

Soph

Morning all - a successful day yesterday. I'm reading a book called The House of Trelawney which is described as "a love story and social satire". Fancied something light and funny. It certainly helped me sleep last night.

I have read quite a lot of quit lit in the past and found them helpful, although I have never found one really close to my reality.

Feeling upbeat and perky this morning so am here to remind myself that I'm not drinking today.

Have a lovely 2nd day of summer all.