The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

@socalledfriend that's really tough, I hate laying there tossing and turning. If I have a bad night I sometimes listen to a quiet podcast - R4 "In our time" are good for me, I don't think I have made it through a whole one but maybe I am learning random facts by osmosis?
I hope you get a good sleep tonight.

That’s like me @socalledfriend I’m 6 months AF and my getting off to sleep is shocking if I don’t do a few of ‘The Things’ as drybird suggests. The no screens is a biggie! It’s a killer if you need 9 hours as you just feel exhausted all day. Mine is definitely getting better though!
It’s my birthday tomorrow and I’m having a couple of friends over for lunch who have already said they’re bringing nosecco! How lovely is that?

@socalledfriend I was listening to a podcast yesterday and they talked a lot about sleep. The sober experiment episode 6 it was really interesting.
I'm more of a binge drinker it explained why I have spent a lot of my life "tired" .
It also explained how your body reacts to the chemicals released when you drink alcohol and leaves you unable to sleep - they go into much more detail - but very interesting especially around why people think they need a drink to get to sleep.
I have been watching the euros football this is very triggering for me. Iv spent my whole life in pubs watching football (with parents when young) . I almost don't know any different.

[quote Drybird2020]@socalledfriend are you doing The Things? Exercise during the day, turn off screens an hour before bed, no caffeine after noon, have a warm bath, milky hot drink or camomile tea, meditation, bedtime yoga, lavender oil on pillow...I'm sure there are more.[/quote]
Thanks to everyone who has tried to help. I didn't get off until about 2am

I am clearly not doing enough of The Things.

Exercise during the day - tick
Turn of screens an hour before bed? No. never. last thing I do before settling down, and if I am awake in the early hours I might check it too. I have two adult DC living in London and The Fear prevents me from turning phone/messaging off.
No caffeine afternoon. I had reduced it to no caffeine after 5pm but I will push that further back. It's only tea and pepsi max as i never drink coffee.
Warm bath. Hate baths. Long story. Do have a hot shower sometimes though, will do that more often.
Milky hot drink. I bought some hot choc but have only done that once (despite it working, doh!)
Meditation. How does this work? If I play it on my phone, will it just stop when the session ends? Or do I have to then pick up my phone and stop it, which would defeat the object possibly? I can't use headphones or earbuds.
Bedtime yoga. Not with my disability sadly - yoga is on the banned list.
Lavender oil on pillow - yes I do this - just got a new Ragdale Hall spray which is very nice.

I will integrate more of the things and I am sure it will come together eventually. I am just so bloody tired.

Thanks again. At least I am not drinking

I’ve had a lovely birthday today. Spent the morning cooking & prepping lunch. Before my friends arrived, so around midday, I really really fancied a drink. What the heck? No idea why as I’ve not fancied a drink at home since Xmas. I had a becks blue and all good. But it was weird.

@socalledfriend
I slept terribly for the first couple of weeks, then it settled.
Would you consider an over the counter sleep aid - like Nytol (or even Piriton which I took, as it makes you drowsy) for a week or so, just to get you over this hurdle and into a sleep pattern?

I'm doing ok, plodding along, getting the occasional craving, but nothing too bad. I'm at the regrets stage now ... feeling bad for past behaviour, things I've said...times I've wasted. All normal I suppose.

Definitely feel better though anxiety wise - much more chilled.

Hope every one is ok, take care.
One day at a time and all that
Soph

Happy birthday @StayingVigilant well done on staying AF.

I have that hurdle to cross in a couple of weeks. To me, birthdays = plenty of fizz and an almighty hangover.
Ugh, last year it was just before the great unlocking at the beginning of July - I went crazy that first weekend and felt so awful I didn't drink for 6 weeks afterwards. Still went back to it though. WHY?

Happy birthday stayingvigilant 🎊🥳

And a happy birthday from me @StayingVigilant
Soph

Thank you all. 🥳🥳

Happy belated @StayingVigilant!!!

@SophieB100 I too went through the regrets phase early on. It was pretty excruciating, one of the hardest parts of giving up booze in fact. However one of the greatest gifts (and it was for me a gift that came later, after the improved sleep/better skin/more energy etc) was letting go of the guilt. Accepting that I was a person in a dark place who made some mistakes. I did and still do take full responsibility for all the twatty things I did and said whilst drunk, but I no longer hate myself for them. Rather I’m just glad that I’m so much a nicer person these days😂 It’s very liberating and very enjoyable to like myself again, warts and all😊

Thanks for that @BunniesBunniesBunnies, made me feel better, I need to do what you say and let go of the guilt. I can't change what happened (and nothing too bad really happened, but I wasn't my best self for so many years and I regret that), so I need to focus on what I can do now, rather than beat myself up. So, thanks again.

Had a lovely evening with DD last night who came round for dinner - she drank wine - I made her take the rest of the bottle home with her, and I had a Gordons AF gin and Fevertree tonic with loads of ice, was lovely and refreshing on a very muggy and hot summer's night. Didn't miss the wine at all. And she only had a glass of it, because she's working today. See, I never did that, regardless of the next day, if there was a bottle open, it was like a magnet, I was like Alice and the wine had a huge "DRINK ME" message on it! I couldn't leave it at one, or two...I thought I was doing well if I left a glass in the bottle!

So, the positives so far. After 7 weeks:
Anxiety virtually gone - calmer, chilled, balanced. In fact, I've now got what I drank to get. How weird is that?
Sleeping well - takes a while to drop off, but then a good solid 5 or 6 hours of deep sleep.
Eyes - brighter, whiter.
Skin - much less dry, nice even tone.
Food - I enjoy my food, I plan my dinner, I no longer either skip it, or eat too much of the wrong stuff.
Money - am spending less. Yes, I spend about half of the previous wine budget on nice AF alternatives and little treats, but that's fine.
Weight - lost a lot of weight a couple of years ago, and managed to keep it off, but feel and look less bloated, stomach flat (ish) again.
Time - more time in the evenings to read, knit, clean the house (boring but I nice feeling).
Work - more productive, engaging more with co-workers.

So, that's after just a few weeks, after years of drinking a bottle a night.

I hope I haven't bored you too much. I wanted to focus on the positive stuff, so if I have a dip (due to currently feeling guilty about the wasted years) I can come back and read this to motivate me.

One day at a time. Today, I won't drink.

Love and hugs to all
Soph

Congratulations @SophieB100 that's amazing all so positive well done.

Iv just finished reading "this naked mind" loved it. I'm finding reading these books so life changing and eye opening completely changing my perspective on everything . Iv done 2 years AF (except my one glass slip up) . But this has been relatively easy due to pregnancy and lockdown . Iv realised that Iv avoided going out so that I don't have to drink it's pretty insane really. I now have a karaoke night out in a couple of weeks ...... I would normally need plenty of "Dutch courage" for this. However I am looking forward to it AF with my new found mentality . I am not going to hide away anymore from alcohol I want to go out and enjoy things and not feel I "need " to drink -and then need days to recover after !
Il let you all know how it goes .

Sophie I am loving your updates. You sound like it is really working for you.

It's all a process of letting go. Letting go of the habit, the idea of who you think you are then letting go of the guilt and shame that can come with drinking in an unhealthy way.

Then at the same time as letting go, then starts to flood in all the benefits. Clear skin/eyes, better sleep, less anxiety, healthier in general, confidence, self belief and freedom from all the crap that we've been putting up from ourselves.

I also had pangs of guilt at how I had been in the past and felt shame about them but now I look back and am proud that I have made the change so that doesn't happen anymore.

As well as asking (even just within) from others for forgiveness for my actions due to drinking, I have forgiven myself. I wasn't treating myself well. But, now I am. And I am grateful for ME that I am doing that for myself. So, forgive yourself and be proud that you have started treating yourself better. The more we treat ourselves well and with respect, the more that ripples out to everyone around us.

Self-compassion and self-acceptance are key. We can accept we are human and make mistakes and we can be kind to ourselves as we continue to do the work to live better.

I love that AllHallows no more hiding away!! Not sure I’d stretch to sober karaoke- wow!! I can’t sing. Even primary school told me to just pretend and mouth the words in our choir/assemblies.
I went through that guilt phase in the first month or so of being AF but I’ve come to terms with it now. I wasn’t that bad but most definitely had my moments and worse of all giving my kids a hard time. Luckily they’re very forgiving. I’m loving what you’re saying breathmiller about treating ourselves well. So true!

@SophieB100 what a positive update!

I agree @Allhallowseve I have only read one quit lit book so far - the William Porter Alcohol explained one and it has hugely helped me to change my view on alcohol. How long that will last, we shall see.

I am not hiding from alcohol either. I have it in the house but I am not really tempted at home. I am quite a sociable person and I have a few things planned over the next few weeks where I would usually drink. I am going to drive to most but a couple are not really driveable (central London during rush hour!) so that will be the real test.

Not sure I would stretch to sober karaoke though 😱

Have you told anyone that you have given up? I haven't and I don't think I intend to. I don't see why it should be an issue - I know it is though - have you seen all he threads today about the new advice for women of child bearing age not to drink at all? The outrage! It is so ingrained.

@Breathmiller yes to treating ourselves with respect. This is very true. I have not respected myself for long enough, it is no wonder other people don't either.

Thank you for your lovely comments. It is such a help having this thread because you all get it! You just do, and that's amazing.

Thanks for your really helpful post @Breathmiller, you're absolutely right and I am feeling proud of myself (buried under the guilt stuff - which I will let go of, promise ) because what we have done and are doing is so worthwhile for everyone as well as ourselves. Your point about the ripples going out to all around us really struck a chord.

Karaoke! Ha! If any one wants a room clearing pronto, just ask me - I can't hold a note in a bucket!

Take care everyone, off to have an AF G&T, nice dinner then early night - hopefully it will be cooler tonight. Honestly the last few nights have been really uncomfortable, imagine those on top of a hangover and the 3 a.m. fear!
Soph

Happy Friday everyone! What plans do you have for the weekend?

Ugh what a day. I really fancy a glass of wine tonight. I won't have one but does that feeling ever go away? DH will probably have a couple of beers watching the football which won't bother me because beer is not my thing but I do envy that he can drink to achieve that relaxation point and then stop.

A lot cooler today @SophieB100, I have been drenched both ways on the school run ☔️

Father's Day on Sunday - I am going to see my dad in the evening at his local pub. He is a big drinker. He would deny he is an alcoholic (and so would I until I started thinking more about this) as he only drinks in the company of others. During the lockdowns he has not touched a drop. However, thinking about it, he must drink 50+ units easily a week. I think a lot of my habits come from him. His father was a big drinker too. I hope by stopping drinking I am breaking this chain for my own DC. I really do not want to end up like my dad, his life revolves around the pub, he has aged massively and he doesn't eat much so he looks gaunt. He isn't a bad person though. I haven't told him I am giving up, I will drive on Sunday anyway but there will be pressure to have "just one". He definitely would not understand being AF.

Hello All, checking in.

Sleep still rubbish so have bought some Nytol - just the green packet.

Will report back.

Lunch out with an old friend tomorrow - I am driving to an out of the way pub so no temptation to drink. It's so nice to be able to plan without having to worry about one lunch having an impact of taking over my whole weekend.

Normally I would drink shedloads at lunch - at least a bottle each - then have a nap when I got home. Then start drinking again in the evening and drag myself up to bed tired and very drunk. Sunday would be a write off.

So glad I don't have those problems any more.

Lots of positive reporting there Soph well done you!
I’m the same adventures lots of booze in the house albeit DH is making a significant dent in it. He thinks he’s cut down, Im not so sure! We went for lunch today and he had two large wines and is on his ‘second at home’ rather large glass now. So that’ll be a bottle. Not that I’m counting Very interesting what you say about your dad. That he wouldn’t understand AF but at the same time didn’t drink during lockdown - all purely social. I wonder if going to the pub is purely social or for the booze. Wonder if he’d still go if it was dry? I’m curious not judging btw.
SoCalled I had nytol in the early days - only a couple of nights but it helped massively! Fingers crossed for you. Sleep deprivation is hideous!
No plans here this weekend and just as well given the weather forecast. It’s been torrential today.
Hope everyone’s weekend isn’t too soggy!

Hi you lovely lot!
Well I've really pushed the boat out tonight - Friday after all! Large glass of Seedlip and Tonic with ice, now moved onto a huge pot of Yorkshire decaff! And it's ok, actually it's good. I enjoyed my usual Friday night takeaway, and am watching Happy Valley which I love. And the best bit is that I haven't written tomorrow off!
Well done all - hope the Nytol works @socalledfriend - is the green box the herbal? If it is and it doesn't do the trick, get the one from the pharmacy (not herbal) I can guarantee that will do the trick.
@StayingVigilant funny about you clocking how many glasses your DH is having, I'd be just the same. I even count how many the characters in soaps have!

Soph

Oh soph you’ve made me laugh at counting tv characters drinks!

@socalledfriend that sounds lovely . I too am liberated by the fact that a lunch or dinner with friends now doesn't involve a complete write off of the next day . I have actually planned more nights out in the next 2 weeks than I have for the past few years - honestly ! I am looking forward to experiencing them alcohol free .

Sorry posted too early . My dad is also a big drinker - and both my grandparents before him. Unfortunately his drinking has increased over lockdown and appears to be starting earlier and earlier in the day. My childhood revolved around social clubs - which did also have its advantages .
I'm hopeful that I will break the chain with my three children though.
Hope you all have a lovely Saturday. We watched the football last night and I have to admit I did get a slight pang of wanting to be in the pub - but the more I'm learning and thinking it's more of a social thing. We stayed in last night and the game was boring really considering the hype surrounding it - I would imagine there are a few sore heads this morning who can't even remember the game (Iv been there) . I was up with my youngest feeling refreshed and grateful .

@StayingVigilant I'm glad you had a good birthday. It's weird how those pangs come out of nowhere. I couldn't care less about not having booze any more, and all my feelings about AF are positive, but out of nowhere last week I had a sudden thought of a glass of wine. Seasons changing and associations will always be there, I guess. It keeps me vigilant, which is a good thing.

Well done @SophieB100 and @Adventuresat40. Are you all remembering to take your vitamin Bs?How's the sleep @socalledfriend? I bet you will feel a lot better after a couple.of solid nights.