The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

It is so inspiring to read that some of you have done so long, please don't underestimate how far you've come.

I have read a lot of blogs, quit lit (just finished Dry by Augusten Burroughs which I really liked) and old Dry threads on here, these have helped me.

I love waking up feeling clear headed and calm (and a little proud of myself). Most of all, I like going to bed, with a mug of Horlicks (yeah, I know how to live) or hot chocolate or just water, and feel calm, peaceful and clean. Does that make sense? When I first quit, I went to bed straight after washing up the dinner dishes - so often tucked up by 8.00 p.m. Just to avoid the sofa/glass of wine/TV evening.

I always thought that I was a stressy, highly strung person, so thought a drink (or a bottle) would calm me. Well, hell who knew? I wasn't (well a bit, but not amazingly, very much). The wine was making me anxious and strung out. Bit of a revelation for me, that one.

Have made bread, done some boring housework, will cook a roast beef dinner later. I even did some yoga earlier (stopped that years ago) and it was very soothing.

So quietly, one day at a time, I'm plodding on.
Thank you all

@SophieB100 you are rocking this! Very inspirational to read.

@Breathmiller we all have our crutches and coping mechanisms I think. Eating too many crisps might not be “perfect” but it’s so so so much better (healthier) than mainlining wine. I still have a few unhealthy coping mechanisms as well, mainly to do with control (either too much or lack thereof). It isn’t healthy but I’m trying to be kind to myself and take it one step at a time. First I quit booze, then cigarettes and now I move onto the small stuff (and I would consider crisps small stuff). We can’t be perfect all the time and you’re doing great👍

Yes, you're right bunnies thanks. In the big scheme of things crisps and chocolate are small things. I have to keep reminding myself that I never believed I would be able to stop drinking. And here I am.
10 months this time.
18 months a few years ago.
Plenty dry January's in between that lasted longer.

I must have had more dry days than drinking days in the last 4 years. That's something i never thought i could say

I had a dream last night where I had drunk so much that I couldn't remember what had happened.

I imagine such dreams are common at my stage? I am on my 17th dry day today.

Any time I feel panicky about a future event without an alcoholic drink (holidays, nights out) I just tell myself how ridiculous I am being that the contents of my glass should have such a huge impact on my feelings. Still don't want to drink and no real cravings, although sometimes I get a weird sort of tingling in the soles of my feet. I remember getting this when I quit smoking, which was about 25 years ago!!

Lots of similarities between the two.

I love waking up feeling clear headed and calm (and a little proud of myself). Most of all, I like going to bed, with a mug of Horlicks (yeah, I know how to live) or hot chocolate or just water, and feel calm, peaceful and clean. Does that make sense? When I first quit, I went to bed straight after washing up the dinner dishes - so often tucked up by 8.00 p.m. Just to avoid the sofa/glass of wine/TV evening.

I can really identify with this. For me it's water, but Hot Choc sounds good!! It's so lovely to go to bed early and get up early this time of year.

Hi all I have been reading this thread for a while and posted a few times . Was AF for 2 years this June until I had one glass of wine a few weeks ago . I had toyed with being alcohol free for a long time don't drink at home but always majorly binge on nights out . I was a big social drinker in my younger years . This calmed down as I got older and had children , however I cannot moderate on nights out . It always ends up 4am home time black outs ,horrendous hangover , shame etc etc I'm sure you all know the feeling .
Anyway I have just finished reading "alcohol lied to me " and it's been kind of a revelation . Having grown up surrounded my alcohol it's really made me question my motives to drink .
Anyway I have done one night out AF which was great and I am planning a couple more although I'm not sure how to tell my friends I am not drinking - I almost wish I could pretend to be drinking so not to let them down - ridiculous i know ! I don't really want to make a big deal out of it .
The one drink I had gave me a hangover and I really regret it but it has affirmed that I don't want to drink anymore.
Lovely to hear all of your stories and would love to hear all of your stories about nights out / concerts etc - this really is my trigger .

socalledfriend yes I remember having quite a few dreams of drinking. Even in my dream though I thought I couldn't as I would have to come on here amd admit it. So you all saved me from my dream drinking. Over and above that is.

allhallowseve i remember you from last year. Well done on your 2 years. I think everyone has different triggers. I did worry about social events but in truth I find them easier. I don't have to explain why I don't fancy drinking that night or make excuses. They all know I don't drink now so it's just a given. Some will ask if I'm still not drinking and when I smile and say yes that seems to be the end of that. I much prefer social sober me than social pissed me. Sometimes some of the others will join me too. My trigger is at home tired and grumpy after a busy week. I do think it's just a case of getting through your trigger time. Do it once and you get a bit of a buzz from achieving it. And that just keeps going. When I feel like I might fail on my trigger Friday night I remind myself that I have been faced with 10 months of Friday nights and had 100% success rate. That makes me feel good.

So it's like a phobia or aversion to something. Just put yourself in that situation a little at a time. And then it becomes habit. Maybe you can imagine going out and sitting with your friends and drinking something non alcoholic. And no one batting an eyelid. Or imagine them having an interested conversation with you for a bit then it not being a big deal. Imagine having a great time catching up with friends then also imagine how good it will feel the next day when you did it! And have no hangover or shame.

Evening
For me, evenings out weren't too much of a problem because (and this sounds weird I know) I could quite happily take it very slowly, and even not drink on a night out - because I looked forward to getting home and relaxing with a drink (or 3) on my own. I would get a bit agitated if I was out drinking, and the rounds were slow...so I'd not drink, get home, drink then. How mad is that?
@Allhallowseve Don't overthink the drinking out with friends - you could: tell them you did a dry spell, felt so much better, so are continuing it for a while or tell them that you have an early start the next day, so need to be fresh for that. Or say it just doesn't agree with you anymore so it isn't worth it. And you won't be letting them down at all - you're still you. You can still have fun! But you would be letting yourself down, and at the end of the day that's what counts. And people don't really mind about us as much as we think they do.

Hope everyone is ok. In bed catching up on MN.

Another day done and dusted!
Take care
Soph

Thanks@Breathmiller @SophieB100
The weird thing is that Iv realised Iv done in the last two years is avoiding nights out /social situations this has really been a lot easier because of the pandemic . But I normally have to plan my nights out so I can completely write off the next day and feel crap all week. It's actually quite liberating planning nights out and not worrying about how I'm going to feel the next day . I'm looking forward to dressing up and going out and not having the horrendous feeling the next day (s) so contend with . I hope I can do it .

Hi Everyone. I am a newcomer and am only (although it feels like a mountain I am climbing) on day 15 sober. This is the longest I have gone without alcohol since 2015, when I was pregnant. Prior to this and after I have been having such an amount of alcohol that I have no doubt that I have been constantly under the influence.
Why have I managed now, this far?
Many years ago, my friend and I were going to go to AA. But my friend said to me that I didn't need to worry as I never got hungover which meant that my liver was fine. Of course I bought that and it stayed with me and I think it has been part of my self-delusion for so long.
A couple of weeks ago I woke up feeling lousy, really lousy. A proper hangover. Despite drinking litres of strong alcohol a day for years, my chickens were only now coming to roost.
And I heard my friend and her excuses in my head and I decided that now is the time. I am hopig desperately I can stick to it. Lots of things have made me drink, I have been self-medicating. But if I allow those things to give me an excuse to drink, then they win. I don't want that. I want to win. I deserve that. I don't want to feel like a bad person anymore.
Thank you for letting me be here.

Welcome @Alonelonelyloner
15 days is amazing! Don't compare it to others, just congratulate yourself because honestly, that's huge.
You're over the worse now, you've done the really hard bit. There are loads of resources on here and if you haven't searched the DRY threads on here (there were in Relationships) they are well worth a read. I read loads, just soaked it up (instead of the wine! ) Keep posting, take it a day at a time. Everyone is so supportive on here, it's lovely. Treat yourself, nice rewards, avoid doing too much for the first month would be my advice - your body and brain is recovering, so don't be surprised if you feel shattered (I did) but 5 or 6 weeks in, I do feel a bit more level now.

You can do this!

Well done @Alonelonelyloner, 15 days and counting. Read back on the threads so much good stuff in here.

@Allhallowseve congrats on 2 years. I'm not sure I'd see the one glass of wine as a negative/regrettable if it's served to reinforce your commitment, sounds like a good news story to me! Well done.

Evening everyone. I haven’t posted for a while but have been reading. I agree that ‘firsts’ are very significant. Returned from a sunny holiday in Portugal a few days ago. The first one for over a year. It was a French resort with absolutely everyone knocking back the vino. Bottles on every table at lunch & dinner. My DH tucked in as I stuck to water. It was hard. Especially the first few days. But after a couple of days it wasn’t too bad. This first AF holiday was a really big deal!

Oh well done @StayingVigilant that’s amazing! I’m due to visit my home country in August if all goes well (first time since I was widowed in 2019) and the pressure to drink will be fairly significant (drinking being rather central to my home country’s culture) so I am watching others’ experiences keenly.

I can’t thank you all enough for your lovely welcome and you’re all doing so brilliantly.
Have been reading Augusten Burroughs’ Dry - definitely some food for thought in there in relation to my own coping mechanisms!

I was worried the sunny weather might be very triggering all over again but I’ve remembered my old faithful elderflower cordial and soda and it’s serving me well. With Lego shaped ice cubes courtesy of an excellent wee mould sent by my lovely mother in law

I meant to say that it’s going to take more than the 1st time to break these associations. For me there was (and if I’m honest still is) a huge association with holidays and drinking. Not necessary binging or going mad but alfresco lunches with no wine? it was very hard to imagine. Harder than an AF Xmas. It’s going to take practice for that to feel ok.
Yes, more holidays needed so I can practice please!

@ColdWaterTherapy the August trip sounds like it may be a tough one all round. So sorry for your loss. Do you have plans for how you’ll navigate it?

Lovely to hear from you stayingvigilant well done on the dry holiday.
I like what you just said about you need more holidays to embed it in more. To begin with, holidays, summer days, celebrations, Christmas etc can seem so daunting to do without the usual drinking that goes with. Maybe even a thought that they will all be dull as dishwater so may as well not bother, because what fun could be had without drinking?

But, it's the opposite. We need to do more holidays, more celebrations, more fun days out or socialising so we set a new pattern without alcohol. Making new habits.

Woohoo!!! More high days and holidays ahead as we test this theory.

Woohoo!!! More high days and holidays ahead as we test this theory. exactly this!!! Party time!

@StayingVigilant I have the same issue.

There's my lovely visual of myself in a sun drenched Italian piazza, all white linen and gorgeous staff. I am tucking into lovely food, and of course, there's the gigantic glass of icy cold pinot grigio in my hand. There is something in the Annie Grace book that says something like "There are all these people in Italian piazzas having a wonderful time, looking cool and happy, and they are not drinking alcohol"

It really is possible. It's just a memory/habit/trope. The contents of our glass really isn't what makes that situation so utterly wonderful.

I have had some problems getting off to sleep again which is bloody annoying, but I am persevering.

That’s it isn’t it? The thought that we could be missing out or that we are depriving ourselves of a treat. It’s nonsense. It’s the opposite. I stopped smoking decades ago and felt similar BUT smoking is anti social whereas drinking is the exact opposite. So sometimes it feels as though you’re a fish swimming against the tide.
I’m almost 6 months AF and I do not even think about it day to day. It’s now dealing with events and hopefully holidays. I’m still ‘staying vigilant’ though!
One great thing is that 2 of my daughters are approaching drinking ages (16 & 18) and they’re really not that interested. They’ve seen me at my worst and simply don’t see the point. Plus it tastes vile!

Yes, why do we focus on the glass in that scenario you described. Were we missing out on all the other lovely things in that place. Or were we so focused on the alcohol that we missed all the other beautiful parts? Your description of the piazzas was so rich. Doesn't need the wine.

So had a really rough day today (teacher) then parents evening. On way home, thought, "get a bottle of wine" because I used to always have a glass or three after a rough day.
Then I get home, get some good news, so think, "get a bottle of wine" you've had good news!
So basically that was me, good or bad day - or a bit of both, have a drink.

I didn't get any, I am drinking fizzy water with fresh lemon.

I'm not going back there, no way. The first few days were rough and I'm now enjoying the benefits, so why the hell would I sabotage that!???
But still, got a bit of a shock today - need to kick the wine witch into touch (again!)

Hope you're all ok!

We've got this!!!
Soph

Well done Soph. You have got this. Must be a blooming nightmare teaching at the mo. So many pressures. You’re right about it being seen as the thing to have to celebrate good news yet commiserate bad. The PR machine is incredible!!

@StayingVigilant
Thank you - yes it isn't easy, but I love my job, I love the kids (not really kids, teach mainly KS4) it's the pressure from SLT, the constant changing picture regarding education, the extra hour 3 nights a week for catch up (thanks Boris/Gavin) then the incessant marking at home ...grrr! Anyway it is easier, much easier, with a clear head and better sleep.

Hope you and all the posters on here are well and thanks for the thread OP, and for having me, it helps me to check in here, makes me feel accountable.
Happy sober Friday all, I will raise a glass of Becks Blue to you later!

@SophieB100 happy sober Friday ! I bet you're not thinking this morning " I regret NOT having a drink last night" . I don't think the joy of waking up with a clear head will ever fade. I have 2 nights out coming up . Have told my friend I'm not drinking - which made it all feel a bit real and sent my head spinning a bit with it all yesterday.
I have done 2 years(except that one glass) but I feel like Iv had pregnancy and lockdown to stop me . Iv just completely avoided nights out since having my baby- he's now 15months!! But I don't want to hide any more I want to go out I want to have a good time I just don't want alcohol. Been reading a lot of quit lit and listening to pod casts - the sober experiment has really resonated with me .