Sober 8/3/2021 who's with me?

[mumjustmum]

Tomorrow, I'm going sober. Nothing. Not one. No NA drinks either. Just need to change this horrific habit and addiction I've allowed myself into. Today I will drink 4 bottles of wine. I look and feel
Terrible.
Anyone with me?

@Permanentchange

Day 4 and no wine. Feeling really positive so far.

I even picked up a takeaway for hubby's birthday. I normally don't drive anywhere in the evenings (because I'd normally have already had a couple of glasses) so it made a nice change.

Well done! Keep going. I’m on day 10 now and can’t believe I’ve got this far to be honest

@Stuckhere2021 I didn’t want to read and run, just wanted to send a very unmumsnetty hug. This is my first time trying, so don’t have much experience to offer. Have you tried doing it with professional help? Hope you’re family situation gets resolved. It sounds tough 💐

Well done to everyone who is managing to stick with it. Back to day 1 for me.......fingers crossed I can be more successful this time.

Thanks @TallPoppyS - I've told my GP and I got started on anti-anxiety / depression meds. I didn't think I was depressed - although definitely very anxious - but I now think I may be as I have lost interest in everything - except drinking. I've joined a few online support groups and now doing a CBT course - I thought I would get a lot out of it but I am finding it all a bit naff to be honest (the online CBT) but I will stick with it. The irony is that part of my job is working with people with mental health and addiction problems so I am too embarrassed to 'out' myself to the wider community team.

@Stuckhere2021

Well done to everyone who is managing to stick with it. Back to day 1 for me.......fingers crossed I can be more successful this time.

@Stuckhere2021 don't apologise, it's a journey and as long as you keep trying you haven't failed!

Today I was surprised to realise that I didn't think about wine at all last night, I'm considering that a win. It's getting easier and my husband is VERY surprised I'm still going despite how many times I have said I'm giving up before.

Thanks @Elzbells - much appreciated. I really need to sort myself out or I am going to lose everyone - people can only take so much, DC included.

Good luck @Stuckhere2021. Stick with it and see how you get on. As @Elzbells said, it’s a journey. In terms of your job, if you don’t want to out yourself there, then you’ve always got this thread to vent on

@Stuckhere2021 it's a clean slate and keeping 🤞that the meds help the way you are feeling!

Morning all and thanks for the good wishes everyone. I thought I might need a glass of wine yesterday to straighten me out so to speak but I went a walk instead and managed to resist. So day 2 today. Up and feeling physically quite good but mentally very unsettled - didn't sleep well last night as kept having flashbacks to the terrible things I have done when drinking. Hoping to go back home today and be in my own familiar space.

I really need to think of something more constructive to do - although that is hard when feeling depressed. I used to like jogging but my knees can't really take it and I do get a bit bored of walking. Trying to start reading books again - used to be an avid reader but years of studying for a postgraduate qualification put me off as I had to read so many books/journal papers for that. Any suggestions welcome!

Hope everyone has a good day - I've got four Teams meetings today - groan. Trying desperately to fit some holidays in but work is just so busy at the moment. But even if I can get a few long weekends that should help.

Take care everyone.

Hello everyone. Back to day 3 for me today. Have no desire to drink at all but am awaiting the dreaded cloak of depression arriving that makes me want to drink myself into oblivion. Came back home to the family yesterday and it was a weird night - DP and I are openly talking about it, DD is being supportive and DS is blanking me mainly - although I can tell he wants to talk to me but is still very raw/hurt/angry. I am trying not to force it and actions do speak louder than words. The thought of a dry weekend does not phase me at all - I am just worried about reaching for the booze next week when I get the all consuming desire to be unconscious. I've signed up for some online counselling and I hope to speak to the counsellor when that urge arrives (which I know it will) and really talk through my feelings and emotions to try to get to the bottom of why I feel that way.

Hope everyone else is coping and good luck for a dry or at least damp weekend. KOKO

Just wondering how everybody is doing?

Day 11 here and haven't had any wine. I'm really enjoying feeling fresh in the morning and having far more energy! The scales have shifted (just a little) too.

Have had the odd moment when I've felt a bit stressed and could've poured a glass (ie at tea time when the kids are constantly asking when tea is, or when I've just cleaned up and I turn around for it to be a tip again,) but a glass is never enough and I just try to remember Alan Carr's explanation that that craving is just an addiction craving.

HI @Permanentchange and everyone else. I'm day 7 today after messing up massively last week. Feeling really good although no weight loss as I am eating myself stupid! Had a major wobble on Sunday afternoon but managed to fight it by reading online about cravings/ the effects of alcohol on the brain and body and reading texts I am sending myself to remind me of the bad effects of drinking on me and my family. I've also taken pictures of the lovely things my DD has done for me to remind me of how much I have to lose if I don't sort myself out. KOKO.

@Stuckhere2021 that is great news! And as for eating yourself stupid - don't worry about that at all - do whatever works for you. I do crave more sweet things, definitely, but I am limiting myself to a mini roll after whatever savory I have for dinner, and four Thornton's chocolates after tea, because my clothes are already 'snug' at the moment.

Well done @stuckhere21 for getting back on it.

I'm with you on the eating 🙄 I haven't lost a pound and it's just because I am constantly in the snack cupboard - I never had a sweet tooth before. I've been letting it go so far because I would rather have a chocolate problem than a wine one for now but I need to address it.

I'm on 19 days sober and haven't even thought about wine for a few days now - looking forward to getting 6 weeks down and hopefully breaking the habit for good 🤞

Although, just to add, my face has completely changed shape! Guessing it used to be bloated up when I was drinking so much.

@Permanentchange @Elzbells - yes, I am working on one addiction at a time and food is preferable to booze. Funnily enough I too didn't think I had a sweet tooth but am guzzling chocolate like the 3 minute warning has gone off and all the chocolate needs to be eaten before it melts in the nuclear explosion!

I too see a change in my face - especially around the eyes - they are less puffy underneath and my eyelids are less hooded. After my last binge, I caught my reflection in the mirror and was horrified at what I looked like. Had Teams meetings for work and was so glad I wear reading glasses to hide my eyes. I made sure my light was reflecting on my glasses too to disguise it even more!

I'm giving myself until Friday then its back onto healthy eating. anyone??

Yes, I gave myself till yesterday actually but it didn't happen. Today I'm restrained so far - the weather is helping. I'm sitting in the garden guzzling Coke Zero instead!

Can I ask please if anyone has been in rehab or knows someone who has? It's very possible I need it, but I'm also terrified my 'D'H will use this against me to take our three children in divorce, which will sadly very likely happen.

If you need rehab then please take the opportunity. It’s the best chance you may have to deal with your addiction.

@mumjustmum There's another thread on Alcohol Support called "drinking too much and really need to detox" or something similar.

The poster underwent a chemical detox and is so far doing really well. Maybe worth a read and looking into if that's the best way you feel to deal with it.

It's really hard to do on your own, I'm on my 24th day but in a way it's getting harder, I was really trying to convince myself to buy wine yesterday. I'm going into that danger area where I think I can moderate (but can't 🤦🏼‍♀️) Good luck x

mumjustmum, in your situation I would go for the rehab! I haven't been to rehab myself but I know many others who have. I detoxed through AA some years ago, going to lots of AA meetings and also NA meetings. I had unsuccessfully tried to stop drinking many times before going to AA. AA is not perfect (their literature is old-fashioned) but it gave me a community of people who knew what I was going through and who I could be honest with.

Lots of people don't manage to detox on their own though, even with AA (I now realise I was lucky), and rehab can be the boost they need. It's not easy but it's so worth doing, not just for your kids but for yourself. You feel extremely raw at first with all your emotions exposed and nothing to deaden them with, but it gets loads easier over time, and you won't believe how much better you feel both physically and mentally once you've settled into sobriety. No more hangovers, no more waking up to guilt and self-hatred.

In the short term rehab probably looks scary, but the alternative (carrying on in active alcoholism) will be a lot worse for your DC in the end. I know many women who have been separated from their kids in the short term, but who have got them back with full custody after doing rehab and spending time in recovery (which basically means getting used to living your life in sobriety).

Thinking you may need rehab is a significant first step, so well done and I wish you all the best.

Completely agree with @Cassandre!

What did you decide @mumjustmum?

15 weeks sober Easter weekend. Lockdown induced (or my own fault. Whatever) alcoholism. Severe liver damage, lesion on spine found during MRI, heart murmur, severe gum disease and tooth loss, unable to walk.
But improving every day. Can now walk with a stick
Do I miss booze? Hell yes. Sometimes I think I'd kill for an Old Fashioned. Is it hard? Holy moly yeah.
But it's done. It's banjaxed my body, but I can take that. I'm lucky I've lost no friends and family over it - quite the opposite, they have been magnificent.
But today, the final 'serious' call with the last Dept on the list - neurology. I was nail-chewingly nervous. But! They are happy, bloods very good, and lesion is benign. Won't have another check up now for 2 (liver specialist Dr Handsome) and 6 months respectively. Health is then probably as good as it's going to get.
The rest becomes easier when I think of the frankly awful symptoms in hospital - the humiliation, the isolation, the watching people die (I contracted Covid in hospital and was on a Covid ward)

But I want to live. I want to see the last 2 nieces graduate. I want to see my friends children grow up and give them a rotten time through their teens.
It can be done. Get pro help, get support, get reasons to live, because that's what the choice will finally come down to.

@Sharpasknives

My day 1 today. I have given my partner all my bank cards and credit cards so i cannot buy any.

That's a brilliant and practical way of helping. My lack of mobility currently, means I rely on others to bring the Ocado in. Not one of my friends would let me have alcohol in it. It'll get on my nerves at some future point, but for now it's a life saver.

@mumjustmum how are you doing?