Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

wellysock have you read the Alan Carr book? I read his smoking one decades ago and it really helped change my mindset and stop smoking. I haven’t read his drinking one but listened to a podcast about it and the approach is very similar. All about not feeling deprived but that you were deprived when drinking/smoking. It’s worth a read if you haven’t already.
As well as her book, I’ve also found hundreds of podcasts by Annie Grace - This Naked Mind. I’ve only listened to 2 but they’re good. There’s also a website. She’s doing a live 30 day event for $47 - involving coaches etc. I’m still wondering whether I need to do that or not. She apparently does them every other month so I may wait to see if I need it. It’ll take me months to get through the podcasts!
Day 11

Hello everyone! My 1 year soberversary was yesterday.

Thank you @Drybird2020 for the new thread - will dip in and out.

Just to reiterate what others have said - stopping drinking has given me back so much more than I realised it was taking. I know that seems hard to believe in the early days, but I promise, it's true.

Amazing sleep, improved fitness, I look better and I feel so much more switched on.

Don't get me wrong - I still shout at my child now and again, it's not a miracle worker - but I am better equipped to handle stress. Of which this year has thrown at us in buckets.

You can absolutely do this.

Thank you for the new thread, @Drybird2020. Loving the title!

Thank you for the new thread @Drybird2020 and I echo much of your summary of what benefits it's given you this past year. When I look back at 2020 I'll always think of giving up alcohol as much as living under lock down and how profound this experience has been.

Today I am going to go for a run on my own, play games and do crafts with the girls and go for a walk along the coast with DH and living in the moment.

Good luck to you who are starting out or still having wobbles, this is the place for you. It's been such a vital part of my journey documenting my struggles and I've found inspiration, wisdom and support along the way.

Day 362 for me.

Thank you @Drybird2020 for starting another thread, congrats on all your achievements!

I’m on day 42 - 6 weeks! My first sober Christmas since I was 14 (apart from one when I was pregnant).

I was wondering if anyone else was having similar feeling as me with regard to anxiety.
The near constant low level background anxiety I used to have is definitely easing by so so much. However, on the rare occasion I do get anxious it is much more intense now and can be overwhelming.

Has anyone experienced this? I think it may be because I always turned to drink to ease those feelings and now I have to really feel them. I wonder do people get used to it and can manage sitting with the anxiety or if the feelings get less intense.

Wow...almost your soberversary, @Ulysses. Will you be marking the occasion?

I felt the same way @DileenODoubts. It's like sobriety turns up the dial so all your feelings are amplified, including the ones you might not want amplified. The good thing is I have got better at feeling those feelings and I don't get so overwhelmed as often anymore. It's hard to begin with because I hadn't had to do it without alcohol before. And the flip side is that I sometimes feel so much happiness over simple things that people (including myself!) think I've lost the plot .

I agree dileenodoubts . I think we have used alcohol to supress these feelings when they have felt overwhelming. But it doesn't get rid of them i think, it just pushes them deeper and they surface again.
I have shared this before but if you Google Tara Brach R.A.I.N meditation it can really help with accepting difficult emotions. I use it myself and with clients all the time.
R - recognise
A - allow
I - investigate
N - nurture or nourish.

I use it all the time in life. Any emotion comes up that i would normally want to ignore, push away or fight I do a quick RAIN check in and I feel better almost instantly.

Thanks for the thread @Drybird2020, I share the same anniversary, 31st at 10pm will be a year without drinking!

Recently I've been asked why I didn't drink anymore and I was like...i don't know really, I just enjoy not drinking I guess!
I actually forgot that initially, I quit drinking so I could quit smoking. Smoking has always been my addiction and every single time I got back to it after quitting was because of booze.
Anyway, was funny that I forgot why I quit drinking in the first place. I guess because the benefits have been way beyond my expectations, now I just love not drinking, that has become the reason why I'm not drinking!

@Cartooner saw your message on the other thread, congrats on your journey so far, it's amazing to see that through a growth and developement lense, rather than FOMO and deprivation, I'm convinced that's the key to success!

For those contemplating Annie Grace. The Live Alcohol experiment is a 30 day course you have to pay for, but she also still has the original Alcohol Experiment (learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration )
which is completely free and worth doing. It has daily video clips and tasks to complete.

Yes @Teetotallyimperfect that makes sense, I think Brene Brown says if you can’t numb the negative emotions without numbing the joyful emotions too. I’ll try to remember that, try to be ok with the intensity in the anxiety and hopefully get corresponding intensity in love, beauty etc. I’m def feeling much more enjoyment doing ‘ordinary’ things whereas before I wouldn’t.

Thank you @Breathmiller, yep the pushing away and avoidance of the ugly feelings come out in other ways anyway doesn’t it - or catches up to you in a worse form. My mum always says ‘deal with it now or it’ll deal with you later’.
I listened to some Tara Brach and enjoyed it, I haven’t heard RAIN, I’ll listen to it now before bed, thanks for the recommendation.

And thank you for the reminder of Brene Brown. I've been meaning to listen to her for a while. Just been listening to her podcasts.

I'm so.close to seven months I can smell it!!

All's well here. Surprisingly nice Xmas just me and DP. I've been subconsciously setting myself a 5000kcal target each day til new years, it's going brilliantly. Just tried to hoof myself around the pole for an hour today and my arse has definitely grown considerably.

Going to do another SMART meeting tonight to keep on top of things.

How many diet cokes is too many in a day btw?

Thank you for the new thread (and all the old ones) drybird! I love the new title.

So impressed with everyone dropping in with their big numbers - congratulations to you all. It must feel like such a great achievement.

Day 50 here, can’t quite believe it. Realised that I’ll reach 100 days at some point in February, which is very exciting. DH looked at the stats on my app and I think actually gets the whole af thing more than he did. I think the penny dropped when he saw that I was saving a day’s worth of calories every week.

I’ve taken advantage of my new-found positivity and applied for some refresher cycling training. I haven’t cycled in ages.

Do you have to pay for that blackberry ? I love cycling but I'm dogshit at it and the cars frighten me!

@Hangingover my local council (Wiltshire) are offering it for free, someone linked me to it on Facebook. I learned as an adult and get nervous in traffic, but could happily do 10-15 miles on quiet country lanes. I stopped because of illness and lost my nerve.

I shall investigate. I cycled for hours and hours when I was in West Aus. Never saw a soul and their pavements are over twice the width of ours so no-one minds if you cycle on them. Was lovely! The roads in the UK are terrifying!

@Blackberryblossom Congratulations on 50 days!!

Good day here, enjoying Twixtmas more so than an other year. There’s normally much more self-loathing and thinking about all the changes I need to make come January. This year I feel truly proud of myself, and like I actually believe I can do whatever self improvements I want if I put my mind to it!

Fantastic blackberry congratulations on day 50!

Sometimes i keep thinking I could kick myself that if I hadn't folded in mid February then I would also be on a year today because I started Dry January a few days earlier. Then realised that this year I start Dry January (to be followed by Dry February, Dry March,Dry.....etc) at 140 days . What a head start this year! And it was a valuable lesson actually. It really was the confirmation that I needed to know that I'm crap at moderation and the AF life is for me.

I love that I go into 2021 with that mindset. Bring it on.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies they are wicked little sticks of stress relief. Watching the crown doesn't help either! I don't use nicotine gum, I used to have a vape but found that just as addictive. Ho hum. Addicts gonna addict.

Feeling way better now after getting out the house for a bit today sans children and husband. Bought a load of becks blue and some ginger ale. Saw some nice looking AF red wines (is that an oxymoron?) in Asda so might give one of those a go for NYE.

I love that I go into 2021 with that mindset. Bring it on. Oh I love this breathmiller!
I’ve also been thinking about NYE and have bought in some nosecco & fentimans rose lemonade as I recall a pp saying they were drinking this on Xmas day as I was trying to brew my own non-alcoholic creation. It sounded lovely!

Oh, I actually popped on to ask if any of you have teens and how you’re discussing alcohol with them? Mine are 17, 15 & 11. The eldest really isn’t interested although has taken an alcopop to a party. And had one on Xmas day. Never had more than one though. The 15 year old is definitely more interested but has only had a glass of Prosecco at a party (the mother asked permission prior). And also had an alcopop on Xmas day. This was before I’d read any quit lit & I’ve never thought about it before as drinking is ‘normal’ but now, of course, I’m wanting them to avoid. So I’m very interested in your thoughts and how you’ve discussed your quitting with your teens. Seems like an opportunity, but is it?

Just checking in to say hi!
It’s a nice time of year to be sober🙂
I normally feel knackered and sluggish and hungover this time of year. I’m still pretty knackered but at least I am not hungover😂😂😂

@StayingVigilant I don’t make a big deal out of my sobriety with my children and I don’t demonise alcohol. I just told my eldest I was taking a break from it as it wasn’t making me feel good! I told him some people don’t tolerate alcohol very well and it was making me feel tired and sometimes gave me an upset stomach. My husband is a very moderate drinker and I hope my children grow up thinking alcohol is not a big deal, so they can either choose to drink in moderation or not at all🙂

I have a teen now and also two adult daughters who I have gone through this with. I have always had the thought that its better to be introduced to alcohol at home. I'm fairly relaxed and liberal in my parenting in general I'd say. I wouldn't encourage it but think it not a big deal to have a beer or a small glass of wine.

I have one adult daughter who is teetotal (apart from when she was at uni - shes now 30) and one who enjoys a drink but she is fairly sensible round it these days. She definitely moderates more round me when I am. She liked gin and even asked for a non alcoholic gin for during the week so she can enjoy the glass but without the alcohol. I think she could have the potential to have an issue with it if life took a turn that way. I treated them both exactly the same in regards to drinking as they grew up. But obviously they saw me drinking a lot more than I do now so I'm not sure if that influenced them - I presume it did. But funny that they took two opposing attitudes to it.

My teen (17) has had a drink and for a while was with a group of friends who party hard but he didn't join in as much. He has been diagnosed this year with epilepsy and awaiting another potential diagnosis and apart from half a beer with his dad on Christmas day and a small glass of red wine with his meal he hasn't really been bothered. He sees me now not drinking and I think he likes the thought that that is okay and he is being careful around his meds. He seems fairly balanced about it. He's also like that around food, especially 'treat' food. He can take it or leave it.

My youngest who is 9 though I think will be someone to watch out for. He has that same pleasure seeking personality that I have and if unregulated would eat crap constantly.

So I suppose out of 4 children they have their own personality so will have their own attitude to alcohol but definitely are influenced by what's going on at home too amd maybe need slightly different approaches depending on their character?

I'm just musing really, I'm not sure of the answer. I believe the idea of introducing alcohol in the house to encourage moderation has been debunked a bit. But I think that not 'allowing ' it altogether has the potential to lead to certain personalities to over do it when let free. It's striking a balance I think between encouraging it and prohibiting it. And that balance has to be weighed up depending on the person